


Doppelganger

by SaiVega



Series: Heaven-Sent or Star-Crossed [2]
Category: Shaman King (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BL, M/M, Mutual Pining, RenHoro, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Yaoi, hororen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:53:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 100,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22048930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaiVega/pseuds/SaiVega
Summary: He made a mistake. He sees that now. But it's too late. Too much time passed. And now, only a miracle can let him start over. (WARNING: HoroRen Yaoi/BL, Sequel to "Hit or Miss")
Relationships: Tao Ren/Usui Horokeu | "Trey Racer" Horohoro
Series: Heaven-Sent or Star-Crossed [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587046
Comments: 19
Kudos: 26





	1. Happy New Year

**Author's Note:**

> Hi and thank you for taking an interest in my writing! It's been a long time since I've uploaded a fanfic that's not a one-shot and not gonna lie, I'm pretty nervous. But before starting, I want to lay out the warnings.
> 
> WARNING(S):
> 
> 1) For anyone who doesn't know, this is a sequel to a one shot called "Hit or Miss". I would recommend reading that first if you haven't just to get a better idea of the background of this story.
> 
> 2) In case if you didn't read the description before clicking on the title, this is revolved around yaoi, BL (boys love), or whatever you want to call it. Basically, it's going to be romance between two guys, mostly Ren and Horohoro. If that's something you don't like, then don't read. Don't waste your time to write a shitty hateful comment just so I can waste my time reading it.
> 
> 3) With that being said, I have to also warn you that there will be some sexual scenes.
> 
> 4) This is sort of AU (alternate universe). I'm very much aware of Shaman King continuing as a manga when everyone's older but the one shot I mention above is revolved around the anime and therefore, so is this. That's not the only thing that makes this AU but I'm not going to say because spoilers. All I can say is I hope it makes an interesting twist ;)
> 
> Well, I think that's it. Thanks for taking the time to read all that and sorry it had to be so long but I think it was necessary. Anway, on with the story! (And let me know your thoughts when you finish)

The sky had darkened and snow began to flutter through the cold air to the grounds of empty streets. Lights shone out of most homes, everyone waiting either in quiet anticipation or in lively celebration to the occasion. It was December 31st, with only a few hours until the year ended to make way for the new. Television media reported the bustling streets of Tokyo overflowing with people celebrating with friends and strangers but out here in the outskirts of quieter towns, the celebrations were kept within the privacy of homes. The same was for a particular hot spring inn by the name of Funbari Onsen as guests gathered, all of who were long-time friends of Yoh Asakura who now took over business after his grandparents with his wife Anna. The two held a New Year get-together every year since the Shaman Fight ended. The years have gone by since the Shaman Fight when they were young teens, and now they were all adults well in their twenties, still managing to get together each year—well, almost all of them.

Ren Tao sighed and took a quick glance over at where Jun sat with Anna and Tamao. They chatted cheerfully, seeming excited about Anna’s large stomach. Anna and Yoh were expecting their first child very soon and it was apparent that they were more than ready to meet the new addition to their family. Even Anna, who was known for her terse personality, occasionally smiled fondly when she gazed at the life she carried. A sure sign that while almost nothing seemed to change among this great company of friends, time was in fact passing by and life was certainly taking its course.

Ren took a small sip from his glass. Ryu and his gang would be considered the older group among them all but the way they behaved made that almost hard to believe. Seeing them made Ren not want to drink too much and end up doing anything he would regret later. So he focused more on eating the feast that was prepared, which was actually quite delicious. He was even more shocked when he heard it was Anna who had prepared the meal. Considering her current condition, Yoh expressed how he wanted to do all the cooking and let her rest but apparently, she had insisted—another shocker.

“Are you enjoying yourself, Ren?”

Jun peered into her brother’s eyes with a smile, seeming to have come to his side of the table to fill her empty glass with more wine. Ren just gave her a shrug, not sounding angry but still a little annoyed.

“Aren’t you happy I at least came, Nee-san?”

“Oh, don’t be like that.” Jun scolded playfully. “You’ve only come to one of these once and that was such a long time ago.” This was true. Unlike everyone else who showed up each New Year get-together since they separated after the Shaman Fight, this was only Ren’s second time. The last time he attended one of these was the very first one, which means it was back when they were still kids, and he hadn’t returned since. He didn’t even mean to show up this year either, but his sister handed him a plane ticket to Japan out of the blue, the night before the scheduled flight, and simply told him to pack his things. She even added a comment that she had already contacted the Asakura’s that they should expect them both, all with that smile she always wore when she was sure she would have her way and wasn’t going to accept anything otherwise. Remembering that smile of hers made Ren role his eyes.

“After that you always stayed home for New Years. You don’t want to get estranged from your friends. And… the last two New Year you seemed a little down.” Jun’s last comment caught Ren off guard. And then he realized his sister brought him here out of the same concern that was now showing in her smile. He wondered how he had missed that.

“I’m ok, Nee-san, I really am. There hadn’t been anything wrong. Thanks for bringing me anyway.” Ren spoke with honest gratitude in his tone this time and that brightened Jun’s smile.

“I’m glad to hear that. Let me know if you need anything.” With that, Jun headed back to the group of girls. Ren wished he didn’t have to lie to her. Or he wished he could believe his own lie as well as she did.

Ren looked around at all the familiar faces. Everyone’s spirits have gathered at the nearby graveyard to have their own party of the non-living. With the exception of Faust who was much older in the first place, he can see that the years have changed everyone from teenagers to young adults. But even if they were no longer children, everyone was still the same as he remembered them and he was glad for that. It almost made him wish he hadn’t missed all those reunions in the past—almost. Despite the nostalgia he sensed among his friends, the circle wasn’t complete. He had mixed feelings about that and he couldn’t tell anyone about it.

“Hey! Is Horohoro not gonna make it this year too?” Ryu’s loud voice asked a question that had been scratching the corners of Ren’s mind the whole night. The mere mentioning of the name reminded him that even if they were adults now, Ren was still haunted by the past, from when they were still children.

Right after the Shaman Fight ended, on the last night Ren was with his friends, Horokeu Usui (also known as Horohoro) confessed to Ren that he was in love with him. It wasn’t anything Ren had expected so at first he didn’t even know how to respond. But once that initial shock passed, Ren’s immediate decision was to be rational. And to make it clear to Horokeu what that meant.

_“Look, Horo… eventually, I’m going to have to take a wife. That’s inevitable. I have a responsibility as the Tao clan’s heir. Once I leave for China tomorrow morning, everything goes back to normal. I don’t know if it’s because of all the shit we went through or if you’re confused or what… Whatever it is you’re feeling, I suggest you get over it fast before life goes back to normal for you too. So it **can** go back to normal._

Ren knew how he made himself sound, how he wasn’t just telling Horokeu that his feelings weren’t being reciprocated. But it was further emphasized by the look on Horokeu’s face. Ren didn’t have the ability to respond to that and could only pretend those tears were unnoticed as he turned away from him. By then it was morning and he had to get ready to return to China. Everything after that was more of a blur. That morning up until arriving at the airport, Horokeu was laughing and joking around with his friends. So no one noticed that he and Ren barely looked at each other. But as much as he hated that, Ren kept telling himself that it was for the best and that everything he said was true so he couldn’t have done anything wrong.

However, returning home gave Ren a chance to think back at the event, which was also a chance for the guilt to catch up to him. It only took a week for it to catch up far enough to have a tight hold on him. So tight that Ren couldn’t allow himself to deny that the decision he made to handle the situation that night wasn’t at all rational. Even if he couldn’t say he felt the same to Horokeu, he didn’t have to be so deliberately hurtful. What he did wasn’t just rejection—it was far worse.

As much as he felt inclined to, Ren couldn’t get himself to apologize to Horokeu. He couldn’t call, write or email, or use any means of communication to contact his friend. All he could do was endure his regret. Months passed until he was inevitably confronted with the truth to why he was feeling so regretful. He realized he wasn’t regretful for his thoughtless choice of words. He was regretful for choosing to reject Horokeu.

Being with Horokeu had become such a routine for so long that it goes without saying it had become normal to Ren. He wasn’t sure if it was because he suddenly had that taken away or if it was because of everything they went through, but Ren couldn’t see the truth because it had been right under his nose. The truth that only struck him when he had to return to the life that didn’t include the blunette. While that was what Ren called going back to normal, it never sat right with him and it took him months to know why. Ren finally understood why he didn’t mind taking Horokeu into his team during the Shaman Fight despite their differences, or why it was so easy to risk his life to save him when Hao’s followers attacked them. The acknowledgment of that made it all the easier for the guilt and regret to cling to him even tighter. Especially after what happened, this feeling that Horokeu is now out of reach was more than a geographical matter. Being confronted with the knowledge of that only made it worse for Ren and more impossible to reach out to the blunette. So when he heard about Yoh inviting everyone for New Year, Ren couldn’t pass up what he thought could possibly be his last chance, even though there was no guarantee that Horokeu would actually show up.

But Horokeu did show up. However, what Ren didn’t anticipate on was the damage done by their last encounter. The Ainu was avoiding to even look at him and didn’t even allow the chance to exchange a single word. Yet the awkward air between them was kept low key, subtle enough for it to go unnoticed by everyone else while it was undeniably real for Ren and the blunette. It was like nothing had changed since the morning after Horokeu confessed to him right before he left for China. When Ren realized this, he also realized his inability to deal with it. He began to wonder what was all that time he spent with the blunette when it seemed like he didn’t even know how to talk to him anymore. It wasn’t until the clock struck midnight, somewhere amidst the festivity, their eyes finally met just once. Ren opened his mouth in an attempt to say something. But before he could, Horokeu looked away as if to deny him the chance—as if to reject him. And it was at that very moment Ren realized he not only didn’t know how to speak to the blunette but he didn’t even know what he wanted to tell him. He didn’t know how to make everything better again. He didn’t know how to go back to when everything was ok.

It was a quiet but painful disaster that Ren didn’t want to face again so he never showed up at another one of these reunions. Yet he was able to confirm if Horokeu showed up or not from the group picture on the New Year post cards Yoh and Anna sent him every year. Even though he couldn’t find it in himself to see the Ainu in person, there was still a sense of comfort that somehow came from seeing him smiling in a mere photo. However, Horokeu was not in the last two pictures and Ren probably failed to hide his disappointment since it got his sister to think they needed to join this year. He still didn’t know if Horokeu was coming or not, if he wanted him to show up, or how he should feel either way. Ren was actually feeling quite restless and it took a lot of will power not to show it. And Ryu screaming his question wasn’t helping, although Ren managed to keep any reaction from passing over his features.

Before anyone had a chance to answer Ryu, the doorbell rang. Yoh stood up and disappeared from the room to answer it, and after a few moments, he returned with additional guests. Ren couldn’t take his eyes off of one of them.

“Damn, Horohoro! You actually made it this year!” Ryu’s loud voice was followed by everyone else expressing how glad they were to see their circle was finally complete. Ren was too choked to join in as Horokeu took his coat off.

“Ryu, you trying to pass out before the New Year gets here?” Horokeu laughed at Ryu’s drunken state and then stops, noticing a face he hasn’t seen in years himself.

“Ren? You made it this year too?”

“…Nee-san insisted.” Was all Ren could muster out of himself as Horokeu threw him that big grin he feels like he hasn’t seen in ages. The familiarity of the blunette’s voice conflicted with how foreign it felt for it to be directed at him.

“Wish I knew you were coming. I would’ve gotten you something.”

“…Get me something? Why?”

“It’s your birthday, right?” To this, heat rushed to Ren’s cheeks, and he could feel everyone begin to focus on him.

“Oh yeah! It _is_ your birthday, isn’t it, Ren? Sorry, I just—“

“B-baka! I’m not a child! I don’t even care!” Ren didn’t let Yoh finish, rushing his words as if to hide how much more red his face was getting. Never mind having the New Year outshine his birthday. He was used to that and it never bothered him anyway. But he never expected Horokeu, of all people after everything that’s happened, to take it into consideration like that. He began to think he was the only one haunted by the past and maybe it meant there was still a chance.

“I see someone hasn’t changed.” Horokeu laughed with everyone who were quite used to this part of Ren’s personality. Then Pilika nudged Horokeu in the side.

“Onii-chan!” Pilika nodded her head back as if to remind her brother of something. And it seemed Horokeu remembered what it was as he looked behind himself.

“How am I supposed to introduce you to everyone if you’re standing back there?” Horokeu chuckled, as it seemed someone stood behind him. He took a step to the side to reveal a girl probably in her early twenties. She had dark wavy hair down her back and large hazel eyes that looked timid in everyone’s presence, her pale features emphasizing the pink tints shading her smooth porcelain cheeks. She took tiny steps forward, her smile shy and slightly nervous as everyone’s curiosity concentrated on her.

“Guys, this is Nozomi.”

“N-nice to meet you all.” Nozomi stammered, and right away, everyone caught on to who she was. So did Ren and he could feel color drain from his face. But with no one noticing his distress, Yoh sent Nozomi a welcoming smile.

“Nice to meet you, Nozomi! Great to see Horohoro finally found himself a cute girlfriend.” Yoh chuckled jokingly and everyone laughed in agreement. Everyone but Ren who inwardly hoped Horokeu would say Yoh was wrong and introduce this girl as some relative of some sort. The blush in Nozomi’s cheeks deepened when Horokeu put a hand to her shoulder and pulled her close.

“Actually… she’s not just my girlfriend. Nozomi and I are getting married.”


	2. Happy Birthday

Ren didn’t know how he kept himself together. He was unable to keep up with the festive spirit that filled the room, drained of any will to even engage in any of the conversations around him since Horokeu’s arrival. Right after the blunette made his announcement the whole room erupted into an uproar of congratulating cheers. It was probably louder than it had to be because everyone had already been drinking. But Ren couldn’t tell because none of the noise could reach him. Not with all the ringing in his ears.

Even after everyone had settled down and Horokeu took a seat, the heavy stones creeping inside failed to be lifted from Ren’s guts. They only grew heavier as the oblivious blunette explained why he didn’t show up the last two years. The first time, he and Nozomi were dating and they simply wanted to spend the New Year holiday with just the two of them. The year after that, they were at the point they were spending the holidays with each other’s families. At this, Ren had to bite together the back of his teeth just to keep a straight face. And it didn’t help at all that Horokeu decided to tell all this while sitting across from him with his fiance right by his side.

After that, Ren’s lack of enthusiasm continued to go unnoticed because everyone was busy getting acquainted with Nozomi. Although not as badly as when he was first struck with the news, Ren’s stomach still churned and his quiet demeanor was due to his effort to hide what was really going through his head. A part of him knew he should at least make an effort to get to know the girl too but he simply couldn’t find it in him. In fact, as disgusted as he was to admit it, he was already trying to find her flaws. Anything at all that could be a reason to hate her. He knew it was unfair and it made him feel small for being so petty. And it made him feel even worse that he was failing. So far, he couldn’t find a single dent in her character and it seemed everyone else agreed. Being the center of everyone’s focus initially had her in a nervous shell but once she overcame that, which didn’t take long at all, everyone found her very easy to like. Ren took a sip from his glass, finding the odds were not in his favor.

Time seemed to move sluggishly for Ren while everything else seemed to be on full throttle. It was like being left behind by the rest of the world while watching it through a television screen. That didn’t change even when everyone else was counting down or when the clock struck midnight, and they all chanted ‘Happy New Year’. The most he could do was keep himself from throwing his glass at the nearest wall as Horokeu and Nozomi openly shared a New Year kiss. Despite himself, he watched them even when they pulled away to gaze at each other. At that moment, it was as though the rest of the world around the two fell into non-existence.

Ren couldn’t help but notice how Horokeu watched his fiance with such an adoration he didn’t even recognize. He wished he didn’t witness such a moment, quite possibly regretting it more than seeing the kiss. Because he realizes, maybe at some point, the Ainu may have looked at him like that too. Maybe if he had given it a chance, then maybe he would’ve been able to recognize it. But now, it was for someone else and it was never going to be his again. He will never get to claim it his own. Now, Ren was just a part of the background that fell unnoticed around them.

The night eventually reached the point it got quiet because the ones who were making the loudest noise were passed out. The very few who were still conscious and capable of walking in a straight line helped to clean up so Anna could rest. Ren was one of those few and as he carried plates to the kitchen, the multiple rounds he made to collect everything was enough for him to truly realize how much was served to feed everyone. After placing the last of the plates in the sink, he heaved a sigh upon recognizing once more the towering work to be done, and rolled up his sleeves. It simply wouldn’t be right to leave it to Anna, especially if she had already gone through the trouble to prepare the meal for them. Moreover, he himself couldn’t stand the thought of going to sleep while leaving such a mess behind.

“Hello,” The voice and soft taps to his shoulder made Ren turn around just when he was about to get started on the rather large chore in front of him. He almost flinched at Nozomi’s most unexpected appearance, feeling somewhat uncomfortable the way she wore such an ecstatic smile as if she could hardly hold in whatever was making her smile like that.

“Are you Tao, Ren?” Ren didn’t say anything and just nodded. This time he did flinch as Nozomi threw her arms around him, making his spine stiffen to yet another surprise.

“I’m sorry,” Nozomi apologized as she pulled away with the excitement still glowing from her face. “It’s just, I’m so happy to finally meet you… to finally thank you.” Ren raised an awkward brow as her statement confused him even more.

“For…what?”

“For saving Horokeu’s life.” That easily swept away the confusion and Nozomi continued, “Horokeu told me about how you risked your life to save his. Thank you so much, Ren!” The woman gave him another hug and when she pulled away again, her eyes seemed brimmed with tears. It was apparent that her gratitude was genuine as her smile, but Ren didn’t know how to respond to it. Not seeming phased by that, Nozomi took a deep breath to calm herself down. She then peered behind Ren at the sink full of dishes to clean and moved towards it.

“Here, let me help you with this.” She rolled up her own sleeves and began to help herself to the first dirty dish. Ren followed after her, unable to think of an excuse to refuse her offer. From there, Nozomi did most if not all the talking. Ren just listened, limiting himself to simple one-or-two-word responses. The whole time, he wished she would shut up because the more he listened, the more he got to see that she really was a decent person.

“Ren, I need you to make a run to the convenience store.” A familiar voice said when only about half the dishes were done. The addressed man didn’t think he’d ever feel so relieved to hear one of Anna’s orders. He took his hands out of the sink and dried them as quickly as he can, barely looking at the list he took from Anna as he pulled on his coat and left the door.

The convenience store was in walking distance from the inn and it wouldn’t make a very long trip, but the same couldn’t be said if the trip was in the middle of winter. Usually, Ren would have more than a thing or two to say even if it was an order from Anna. Then again, he knew the Itako chose him because every other guy was either passed out or had too much to drink to be trusted even if they were conscious. And it wasn’t desirable to have any of the women out at this hour. Despite how he would usually be beyond upset to be forced to make such a grueling trip on his own, Ren knew he was the most reasonable choice. But even if he wasn’t, this time he was willing to take any ticket out of where he came from, no matter the form. And now, Ren dragged his feet that were heavy with unwillingness on his way back to the inn, even though the cold lapped at his cheeks like hungry wolves.

He could feel irony laughing so hard at him right now and he wondered what he had even expected. It’s been _years_ , after all. Why did he think nothing would have changed? Horokeu simply did what he told him to do that night, a night that was now only fateful to Ren. There’s no doubt the blunette must have feared rejection but he brought himself to confess to Ren anyway. And yet, Ren not only rejected him but even denied him that courage as if it were nothing. Even though what Horokeu did was more than what could be said about Ren himself who spent all these years avoiding him because he was crippled by guilt and regret. And now, it was too late.

“God…damnit…” Ren stopped at the corner he should be making his turn to head for the Asakura inn. He bowed his head, unable to make that turn or say anymore, as hot tears dropped on the snow at his feet.

Who did he think he was kidding? He didn’t avoid Horokeu all these years because of some guilt or regret. He avoided him because he was scared. He was scared to admit the irony was real and he was scared to know he made a mistake he can’t undo. He spent all those years being scared and doing nothing until he had drained all chances to even tell him anything. And now he was left with this secret that had nowhere to go and he didn’t know what to do with it but to cry alone in the cold.

What Ren hated the most was he didn’t even have the decency to properly congratulate Horokeu. If he announced his own engagement, the blunette would congratulate him wholeheartedly, despite having been hurt by Ren. Even if Ren did confess after Horokeu no longer felt the same, he would never hurt Ren like the young Tao had that night. He knows without a doubt that Horokeu would be that kind of guy. It made Ren sick with self loathe that he not only failed to do the same, but also had the audacity to try to judge his friend’s fiance as if he had any right. He didn’t think he could give in so easily to such a small, weak part of himself.

Ren rubbed his eyes with his coat sleeve in attempts to stop the tears. He knew if he stayed out too long everyone would start wondering what he’s doing. Not to mention he couldn’t think of any excuses if anyone noticed his eyes were red. But no matter how much he tried to get his eyes to dry, it seemed it just made them well up again. He began to shake, more from being frustrated with himself than the cold, which was not helping. He bit his quivering lip to keep his voice down to quiet hiccups each time he hitched a breath, as if that was the only thing he could do to maintain what dignity he felt he had left. The only thing in his favor was how isolated he was as there wasn’t even a sign of anyone coming as far as he could see. Then again, he couldn’t really see far at all past the blur of his tears.

Then there was a shriek that shot through the air, a sound that would not let itself go unnoticed. Ren easily recognized the sharpness of the pitch; rubber grinding against asphalt…and it was loud. Loud enough for him to know he had to open his eyes and force them to see. But a light sharper than the sound stabbed through the blurry obstruction and he squeezed his eyes shut again. But he immediately reopened them, only to be glared at by a pair of blinding eyes of metal coming straight for him in the uncontrolled speed of its growling engine. It was too close. It was too fast. It only gave time for one thought to process through Ren:

This is, by far, the worst birthday he’s ever had.

**To be continued...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!


	3. Wake Up

Ren didn’t know what to think when he woke up to a plain white ceiling. He can vaguely remember an impact and then his body being sent flying across the asphalt. He thought about the last time he encountered a similar experience a few years back. The situation was nowhere near similar but he recognizes the sense of being closed in on by an unavoidable threat. But last time, he was lucky enough to have Faust and the rest of his Shaman friends revive him. And even then, he barely made it. But unlike that last time, none of his friends were there to work some miracle like that. Which brings him to ask himself,

“…Where am I?”

“Ren!” The addressed man turned his head towards the gasping voice that sounded like his sister. Sure enough, Jun sat in a chair next to the bed he was lying in, clutching his hand with trembling fingers. The fact that she could touch him, to feel the warmth of her flesh, was the single most concrete proof to Ren that he was alive. And he finally realized he was in a hospital bed when he saw the I.V. stuck in his arm. He barely got to fully register the situation when the sliding door opened and his friends came rushing in, most likely because they heard Jun. They all surrounded Ren’s bed, and he noticed the tears streaking a few of their worried faces. He didn’t know what to say to them and for a few moments, he just stared at them until he began to sit up.

“Try not to move so suddenly. You’ve hit your head pretty hard.” Jun warned and helped him up slowly. Ren put a hand on his head and touched gauze but couldn’t find any other sign of injury. He felt over his neck, shoulders, chest, and torso…nothing. Even his hands looked fine, just a few scrapes.

“I’m…ok?” Ren whispered like he was asking himself, unable to believe it.

“Yes, thank goodness. The drunk driver didn’t make it but you’re ok.” Ren wanted to ask his sister how that was even possible. Never mind surviving. He couldn’t believe he made it with barely a scratch on him. The younger Tao could faintly hear someone say they were going to bring the doctor but the shock was taking up so much space in his head that it filled his ears like plugs. He could hear voices around him from his worried friends but he couldn’t offer any of them a decent response. But he forced himself back to focus when the doctor walked in with a nurse.

The doctor did quick physical checks and asked simple basic questions that Ren had no problem answering. He recommended that Ren spend just one night in the hospital just in case, although he says that from the looks of it, he believes he should be good to go tomorrow morning. The young Tao inwardly groaned, wanting to retort that he felt fine and didn’t need to spend even a night in a hospital bed. However, knowing his sister and judging from the look on her face he swallowed his objection and reluctantly agreed to his medical advise. This obviously pleased Jun and she sent him a grateful smile. Seeing he was done for now, the doctor had the nurse remove Ren’s I.V. and they started to leave. But then he stopped at the door and turned to Ren again, this time with a grim face.

“I’m sorry about your friend.”

“Wait,” Ren called out and stopped them from leaving. “What’d you mean ‘friend’? I didn’t know the driver.”

“I wasn’t talking about the driver. I’m talking about the friend you were with.” He said, not seeming to notice the confused frown Ren was sending him as he and the nurse went out the door. Ren looked around, instantly feeling the air in the room get heavy. His friends had their eyes either lowered to the floor or shifted toward a wall, obviously avoiding his expectant gaze. Their silence added on to the tightness in his lungs and he couldn’t understand why no one was answering the obvious question.

“What was he talking about!?” Ren was practically screaming, his voice shaken like his golden gaze full of plea. This was a demand he was not going to drop because his fuming eyes can see it on all of their faces that this was not something he could dismiss. He felt stranded from how obvious it was that everyone knew something he didn’t. He observed all of the faces in the room again…and he blinks.

“…When he said friend,” Ren slowly began as his heart sent hard tremors throughout his body. “Who was he referring to?” The outburst he just made seconds ago made it odd to hear him sound so calm. He could feel the tension in the room spike and that just meant he was asking the right question. It also made the silence all the more unbearable. What made it worse was he could tell that his friends didn’t actually want to keep him in the dark. Whatever they were keeping from him was hurting them. Something dreadful was hiding down below the surface, so dreadful that they didn’t want it to show its ugly face even though it wasn’t something that could be avoided. But it also seemed that was precisely the reason why they were so choked by his question. And before Ren could be answered, or possibly giving up on that altogether, he suddenly got on his feet, startling everyone. He didn’t say anything as he took steps that were as weary as his eyes, reaching for the door because it felt like the air within these walls was toxic enough to kill him. He was greeted by the echoing sound of the door sliding open, implying the vacancy of the hallway he stepped out into. The eerie fluorescent lights seemed to emphasize the absence of sound as well as people. It was clearly empty. Yet, he stared down the corridor, left to right, as if he was supposed to see something. Or someone.

“…Where is he?” Ren turned to the room he was in, his question directed at every person in it who were finally looking him in the eyes. Every face stared at him with tight unwilling lips and he stared back, wondering why he didn’t see it at first. There are faces missing from this room and just the knowledge of that made his throat go dry. But really, he was only looking for one face. His heart kept slamming against his chest, each crash louder than the last.

“Where is—“

“Onii-chan…” A small voice stopped Ren from repeating himself. It was barely audible but he heard it and he almost forgot to breathe. He turned towards the door of the room across from his, feeling all the nerves in his body scratching the inner walls of his skin. He knew right away whom that female voice belonged to. He reached out a trembling hand, feeling he finally found an end to this hellish night.

“Ren, wait!” He could hear his sister plead behind him but it wasn’t enough to keep him from opening the door, not a moment of hesitation in his feet. And yet he did stop, almost immediately, when he stepped into the room. Pilika, who had her back facing the door, turned her head around upon hearing Ren’s intrusion. Nozomi was also there sitting next to her. Both women’s faces were streaked with dried tears, their eyes that shed them red and puffy. Pilika didn’t react for about two seconds like she had forgotten who Ren was or why he was even standing there. And before anyone could speak, her face twisted as new tears rushed out of her eyes, and she turned away from him again, leaving him as if he was forgotten or unnoticed. She pressed her face into Nozomi’s shoulder and sobbed, and the other woman stroked her head while her own tears slid down her sad face. But it wasn’t their tears that stopped Ren in his tracks.

“H-Horo…Horo…?” Ren stared at the man lying in the bed they sat next to, unable to recognize him, despite uttering the name. Seeing Pilika meant he was right that it was her voice he heard use a reference reserved for only one person in this world. He recognized the azure locks spread messily on the pillow but he didn’t know the man they belonged to. He didn’t know who that was laying in the bed, with all those gashes and scars covering his pale face. The abnormal paleness brought out the red and blue blotches painting his skin. And Ren couldn’t oversee the red stains on the collar of his shirt… and most likely the rest of his clothes under the covers. Ren didn’t know who this man was and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him, even though he felt like he could vomit any second. He wanted to run out of this room and go as far away from it as he can but he couldn’t even turn away. He could hear his heart again, wrangling in its cage, begging him to stop as he took steps toward the bed. Despite his immense urge to listen, he didn’t stop until he was standing right by the edge.

Why did he have all those scars?  
Why was he so pale?  
Where did he get those bruises?

…Why won’t he open his eyes?

Ren didn’t realize how badly he was shaking until he saw his hand that was reaching out. Even though he didn’t want to believe all this, some part of him needed to feel this man’s face. Like he wanted to see if this was all an illusion that will vanish into smokes if he just touched it. Maybe the bruises will disappear. Maybe all the broken skin will close. Maybe the blood will return and he won’t be so pale anymore. Anything. He’ll accept _anything_ that will make this all go away. Anything that will prove it’s not real—because that couldn’t be who Pilika meant. This couldn’t be him. This can’t be real.

But when his fingertips touched the skin, Ren stumbled back, and he would have fallen over if someone didn’t catch him by the shoulders. The Tao turned his head, too choked to speak, his amber eyes meeting Yoh’s chocolate gaze. The Asakura helped him get back on his feet then took his hand that was damp with sweat.

“Come on, Ren.” The brunette whispered and led him out the room, closing the door behind him as they left. Pilika’s sobbing was muffled behind the door as they walked away. They returned to the room Ren woke up in earlier, the young Tao still trying to breathe as he clutched his shirt with his hand that was shaking even worse now. Yoh reached out to take him to his bed to sit but Ren shoved his hand away.

“Why…” His voice came out like he had been holding his breath but he could not finish himself. There were so many questions he couldn’t choose from. He looked at Yoh with wide frantic eyes and the brunette didn’t dare break that gaze, knowing he had to answer them now.

“After you left, Horohoro said he wanted a few things that weren’t on Anna’s list. He would’ve called you but you left your phone behind so he went after you.” Ren stared at Yoh like he didn’t know what he was saying. He could see it in Yoh’s eyes that he wished he could apologize for the rest.

“We got a call and came as soon as we could. But…by the time we got here…” Yoh’s hands balled up into fists and they shook as he fought his tears.

“When we got here…he was gone...”

“What’d you mean…’gone’?”

“He’s gone, Ren. He’s dead!” Yoh’s voice cracked as he said his words and tears rolled freely from his eyes. The next second, Ren’s fist collided with his jaw and the Tao was on top of him before he could get up from the floor.

“Don’t you lie! Don’t you fucking lie to me, Yoh!” Ren grabbed Yoh by the collar of his shirt and screamed through his teeth as he tried to bite back his own tears.

“He fought alongside us. All of us! Did you forget that!? You know he wouldn’t just—“

“Of course I wouldn’t forget! I don’t want to believe it either, but you saw him for yourself, Ren! You think I’m making this up!?”

Their friends pulled the two apart, both men’s shoulders heaving with hurtful rage. Ren shook off Faust and Ryu who held him back by the arms, scowling at them with a hard glare. But when he looked at Faust, he grabbed the necromancer by the shoulders.

“Faust! You can help him! Help him like you helped me! Bring him back!” Faust’s eyes widened when he realized what Ren was suggesting. The desperation was evident in his golden gaze and Faust looked away from them as if it pained him to be stared at with such hopefulness.

“Ren, I’m sorry but…I can’t.” Ren flinched like Faust’s words directly inflicted him, even though it also hurt Faust to say them. The pain crossed Ren’s features for a brief moment but the younger man was quick to pressing his teeth down on that pain with rage that had him grab fistfuls of Faust’s shirt.

“What’d you mean you can’t!?” Ren snarled lowly with aggression he was barely holding back. “You’re a doctor, aren’t you? Just do what you did for me and save his damn life!”

“It’s not the same as it was with you!” Faust’s uncharacteristic shout silenced the whole room, including Ren who froze while still holding on to the widower.

“What’d you mean, it’s not the same?” Ren asked and Faust stared down at the floor, unable to face what kind of gaze was being sent to him now.

“Ren, I know you think it’s the same because you were thought to be dead too. But you weren’t. Although you weren’t exactly alive either, you’ve lost so much blood and your heart was…” Faust stopped and sighed. He was a doctor but he was also a necromancer, a specialist in death and he realized how difficult it was to explain in a way Ren and everyone else would understand. And then he paused for a bit, closing his eyes while massaging his temples, thinking it through. As much as Ren was itching with impatience, he waited like everyone else until Faust finally opened his eyes again.

“Ren, think of it like you were standing on a line. The line right between life and death. You weren’t alive and you were leaning more towards death but haven’t completely crossed to death’s side yet, so you haven’t quite died either. Hospitals would probably announce you dead in a case like yours but that’s where it’s different for us Shamans. What I did was…it’s like grabbing your arm right on time before you fell over that line to the other side and then yanking you back to our side before you crossed. It’s not as simple as I’m making it sound, though. Actually, it’s nearly impossible and really more a miracle.” Faust’s expression darkened as he continues.

“I know you want to tell me to do the same for Horohoro, to at least try, but…I tell you it’s not the same because it really isn’t. You didn’t cross so I was able to bring you back before it was too late. But for Horohoro…it’s like Yoh said, he was already gone when we got here. It’s too late.” Faust’s words struck Ren in a way that made his body go numb and his head spin. His hands let go of the blonde’s shirt and they dropped to his sides like lifeless limbs of a doll. His eyes were directed at Faust but he wasn’t seeing the older man anymore.

“But…You…He can’t just…” It’s not that Ren didn’t know what Faust was saying. He actually understood all too well. The necromancer may be an expert on death, but Ren was raised with death surrounding him. He can tell when a corpse was a mile away. That’s why he didn’t want to believe what he sensed the moment he walked into that room. For once, he didn’t want to be right. He wanted so badly to be wrong.

“Ren,” Anna was the one who spoke up and Ren recognized her voice even if it almost sounded too gentle to belong to her. Usually he’d respond or at least face her to let her know she had his attention because even Ren knew better than to risk getting slapped by the Itako. But the Tao didn’t even turn around and somewhere in the corner of his mind, he expected her hand’s swift wrath across the back of his head to sweep away that buzzing numbness. But none came and instead, the woman continued to speak in that same gentle voice he hardly recognized.

“None of us want to accept this. But this is reality, whether we like it or not… let that sink in while you’re staying here.” That was Anna’s cue for everyone to leave including herself and Ren still didn’t turn to her as she left the room. He could hear everyone’s footsteps follow Anna’s out the door but his feet were still rooted to the same spot on the floor. Faust, who still stood in front of him against the wall, opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but seemed to drop the idea midway. His eyes shifted downcast, looking even murkier than usual with the color of guilt mixed with the dull blue, and he walked away to the door.

“Ren, I can stay with you if you want me to.” Jun’s soft voice brushed against her brother’s ear as she wrapped her arms around him.

“No, Nee-san.” The younger Tao placed his hands on his sister’s arms and slowly moved them away from his body. “…Please go.” His quiet words fell from his lips like dead leaves as he pulled away from his sister’s embrace, not realizing how much it hurt her as he kept his back faced to her. Jun bit her lip and left without another word.

“Why…” Ren started to ask a question he knew he wouldn’t be able to finish. He had so many questions. But there was one question he wanted to ask and at the same time didn’t want to hear the answer to. He didn’t want to finish this question because for once, he didn’t want to be right. He wanted so badly to be wrong.

Why was he so cold like his father’s kyonshis?

**To be continued...**


	4. Make A Wish

The rest of the night was so long and still that Ren felt as though he was frozen in time. He'd stare at the door, thinking about the room across from his, and sleep would drift further away from him. He made several attempts to rest but whenever he closed his eyes, he'd be bombarded by the image of what he saw behind that door. Each time he was forced to hold back his vomit, which in turn, kept him even wider awake. None of this was making any sense to him, because he swore he was the one who should be in that other room. And he would think again and again about that moment, that last moment he had before waking up in this hospital. He tried to dig up anything from what little memory he had.

" _REEEN!"_

_He'll never forget how loud he screamed his name when he almost died._

Ren woke up to birds chirping. He's already forgotten the dream itself, but it's obvious what it was because it's something he hasn't dreamt in years. He wondered if the irony was the reason he dreamt it again. He also wondered if the irony was meant to wake him so early, noticing how the dawn creeping in through the crack between the curtains wasn't that bright. Despite his lack of sleep, he blinked his eyes as consciousness slowly settled in. Oddly enough, the supposed insomnia did seem to have worn off and sleep engulfed Ren before he even knew it.

"I hope I didn't wake you." Ren almost let out a yelp and his body snapped up sitting as he whipped his head in the direction the voice came from. For a few short moments he just stared, puzzled as to why Nozomi was sitting on the edge of his bed. And as if she could hear his puzzlement, the woman smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry for startling you." She said calmly but tilted her head as she examined Ren's face. "Are you ok, Ren?"

"…Yes." Ren replied with a nod, averting his eyes from Nozomi's concerned gaze. She didn't seem convinced and there was an awkward pause between the two.

"Do you want to go outside?" Nozomi was the one to break the silence. Ren looked at her again and she shrugged. "Some fresh air might be better than being stuck inside here." Ren nodded, probably not making it obvious enough how much he agreed. He hated hospitals, hated even more to be a patient. There was something about being confined in a building full of the sick and dying. It almost made him feel like he was one of those waiting for his turn with Death. Although currently, it felt like Death made a mistake, and Ren thought maybe he wouldn't mind if it was his turn. He kept that morbid idea to himself as he followed Nozomi up some stairs.

The two were headed for the roof of the hospital. Although Ren was most likely going to be released today, he was still technically an admitted patient so he couldn't just walk out the front door on a whim. And the last thing he needed was for someone to report him missing. So they settled for the roof where he was glad to see was empty. Ren approached the fences that surrounded the edges of the spacious concrete. He looked up at how high the fence was, predicting they were there to prevent accidents and suicides. He didn't see the logic to that when they could just keep the door to the roof locked but he didn't really care enough to put much more thought to it. Contrary to what he was thinking just a few minutes ago, he wasn't thinking about taking his own life. All he could think about was why he was still here.

" _REEEN!"_

Horokeu's scream made Ren more conscious of the woman standing next to him and he scowled. Did he have that dream because she brought up the memory at Yoh's house? Was he being punished because he cheated Death when it was actually his turn?

"Where's everyone else?" Ren hooked his fingers around the wires of the fence as he asked, forcing an end to his train of thoughts because he knew it wouldn't go anywhere. It was probably the first full sentence he spoke to Nozomi since he met her at the inn.

"…They're on their way." Nozomi responded softly, not seeming phased by the fact that although she was standing right next to him, Ren didn't even look at her when he asked his question. The two just stared out at the view of the town from between the grey and rusted wires of the fence.

"And…how's Pilika?" Ren's voice faltered, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer to this question. When nothing came from Nozomi he glanced at her, and the look on her face said everything. The Tao bit his lip, something beyond guilt trying to pull him down from the inside.

" _REEEN!"_

"You and everyone else think I was lucky, right? Like I dodged some kind of bullet?" Ren squeezed the fence wires, ignoring the cold sting it sent his fingers as his head bowed low. He slightly turned his head towards Nozomi and looked at her with eyes that held a sort of guilt coming from knowing he committed a crime he himself wouldn't forgive himself for. He didn't mind that she didn't give him a response to his questions. But he wished she didn't look back with such an unjudging, almost sympathetic gaze because he felt like he didn't deserve them. He wondered if she could still look at him with that much compassion if she really knew why Horokeu ended up in that bed. What would she think, then?

"I kept thinking about it…about the accident." Because he couldn't believe it that he was still alive.

" _REEEN!"_

The last thing he could remember seeing were those blaring headlights. That car was heading straight for him and although Ren took pride in knowing his reflexes were anything but slow, even he had no doubt that it was going to claim his life. Somehow, he knew he couldn't escape it, much less dodge it on time. So how did he escape? How was someone else claimed instead? How did it claim someone who wasn't supposed to be there? He kept asking himself all through the night, for what felt like the longest time, because it didn't make sense that Horokeu ended up where he is. Even if it was just mere seconds, he searched for the answer in those last moments he barely remembers, clawing at its walls hoping there was a hidden door somewhere.

" _REEEN!"_

"What if I told you, I didn't dodge anything?"

" _REEEN!"_

That car and its blinding headlights took up so much space in his head that they almost didn't leave enough room for anything else, let alone the actual impact itself. But he thought that didn't matter if he could remember the car that hit him.

" _REN!"_

He remembers the car and that it was right in front of him. And up until now, he could barely recall the impact.

" _REEEN!"_

And now he wondered why it took him so long to remember. He didn't know exactly when he did remember, but now that he does, suddenly it made sense.

" _REEEN!"_

The impact didn't come from the car that was in front of him. It came from the side.

"He pushed me out of the way to save me." Ren managed a low whisper and almost choked on what he had to say next. "…And that's what killed him." His quiet words came out in white puffs.

" _REEEN!"_

Ren finally understood why he couldn't stop hearing Horokeu's scream. He screamed his name last night too, just like those years ago. Just as loud, just as scared. And now, Ren wasn't just shaking because he was out there in the winter morning. The lonely tear that rolled down his cold cheek proved it. He brushed his coat sleeve over his eyes, unable to keep his head up because there was so much shame he didn't know how he could still be standing.

"…He did say he owed you his life." Nozomi's words made Ren look at her, his amber eyes wide and having picked up a fiery fire.

"What, so he repays me with the life I saved!? The fuck kind of sick debt is that!? I never asked for that!"

"Ren, no one said you did. No one is blaming you."

"Why not!? Or what, do you still want to _thank_ me!?"

"…Is that why you're telling me this? So you can be punished somehow?"

"I outa be! If I had…"

If he had just hurried back to the inn.

If he had just kept walking.

If he wasn't just standing there.

If he wasn't crying his eyes out for his stupid choices.

If he wasn't so busy feeling sorry for himself.

If he had at least noticed him coming.

"I'm sorry." Ren uttered the only words he could offer for all the what-if's he didn't have the answers to. He turned around and fell back on the fence, letting out a tired sigh as he closed his eyes. If anything, Pilika deserved to hear his confession before anyone. But he can imagine how that would go. The last thing she would do is blame him, let alone punish him. Ren knew that's what he should expect from Horokeu's sister. But he didn't want that. He didn't mean to lash out at Nozomi but she was right, he was expecting—hoping for a different kind of reaction from her when he chose to tell her even before Pilika.

"Ren, you don't have to apologize." The addressed man let out another exasperated sigh. He turned his head and looked at the woman standing next to him. His eyes were exhausted of any more patience to put up with her attitude that was too good to be true even for a saint.

"How is it that you can take this so fucking well?" It's not that he wanted to use such a harsh tone. The results of his confession was disappointing, to say the least. But then again, what should he have expected from the woman Horokeu chose? Then again, that's also exactly why he had to ask. Because he couldn't understand how this woman was even standing there with such composure. Sure, she was crying with Pilika yesterday but now, it's as if yesterday never even happened. Did it really take only one night to accept it all and get over it?

Nozomi sighed and moved so she was standing right in front of Ren, looking him in the eyes with an unwavering stare that the man couldn't read. He raised a brow as she placed a hand in the middle of his chest.

"Make a wish, Ren." She said quietly and gave a push. It barely felt like anything and if Ren wasn't caught so off guard, it probably wouldn't even get him to budge. But the fact that he did fall back wasn't what had him so dumbfounded. He swore he was just standing in front of a fence. There's no way he would be falling at all. But he's falling so far back that Nozomi was moving further out of his peripheral. Gravity continued to pull him further down and he felt like he was moving in slow motion. He could see Nozomi watching him and he wanted to say something but he was too confused. All he could do was reach out towards her, even though she was just moving further away. And instead he ended up reaching for an empty sky. He could hear the cold air whistling as the edge he was just standing at rose higher above him and he couldn't see the woman anymore.

And then all goes black.

"R…en…Re…Ren…Ren!" There was a faint voice calling his name.

"Ren, come on!" The same voice called him again, and this time it wasn't faint at all as it echoed in Ren's skull. The unapologetic voice was immediately followed by a hand shaking him awake just as rudely. Ren blindly shoved the hand away as he sat up with a groan, putting his own hand to his throbbing head. He lifted his heavy eyelids, glaring in the direction the voice came from, ready to tell whoever it was to shut up. But instead he fell back from where he sat, because he wasn't ready for who he saw.

"H-Hao!?"

"Uh, yeah, it's me. You awake now?" The addressed brunette stood over Ren with crossed arms and an amused smirk plastered on his face. Ren sprang to his feet and backed away, only to be forced to stop as his back hit a wall. His golden eyes shot daggers at Hao who replaced his smirk with a tiresome frown that let out a sigh.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't wake you up sooner but I just got back. Can you at least—"

"What're you doing here!?" Ren snarled and it seemed Hao couldn't hide the shock, which didn't come from being interrupted.

"Well…" The brunette began very slowly as if to check if Ren was actually serious with his question. When he confirmed that the defensive aggression was still very present in his eyes, he let out another sigh.

"I'm your roommate so I have just as much right to be here as you do."

"Roommate?" Ren repeated and he couldn't hide the confusion. He then looked around at the room they were in, finally realizing that he didn't know where he was. At his side there was a bed, apparently what he just fell out of. But it wasn't the usual cheap mattress and sheets you'd find in a hospital but a rather comfortable looking mattress covered in refined sheets and blankets designed with intricate embroidery, even accompanied by a bed head and pillars made from high quality wood. The rest of the room was furnished with interior that looked just as expensive, all the way from the antique wooden chairs and desks to the kind of curtains and carpet Ren would expect to see at the Tao manor. He also noticed that there was a pair of almost everything; the bed, desk, chair, closet. They were all on opposite sides of the room, mirroring each other, as if to back up Hao's claim. This didn't look like a hospital at all, or it definitely wasn't the hospital room he was in earlier. Hao watched him curiously, seeming to question Ren's whole body language. It made him laugh a little.

"Seriously, Ren, what were you using last night while I was gone? You got any left for me?" Ren shot him another hard glare and Hao raised his hands in mock defense, his smile still there.

"Hey, just saying. It's not even like you to sleep in so much. You're usually gone by now. Did you even have breakfast? Anyway, can you at least start getting ready so we won't actually be late?"

"Late for what?" Hao glanced at the smaller male who was still immobilized by the situation, raising a brow as if he didn't want to answer something so obvious. Then without answering the question, he proceeds to the closet on Ren's side and pulled out some clothes. But Ren stared down at the pieces of clothes the Asakura held out in front of him. He hoped he was mistaken…but they looked like a school uniform.

**To be continued...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the twist!  
> Let me know what you think!


	5. Blast to the Past?

With an expectant stare, Hao waited for Ren to take what he held out in front of him—plaid pants, a collared button up shirt, a necktie, and a blazer that had a crest on the left chest. But disbelief paralyzed Ren from uttering a single word, let alone from even attempting to accept what was being presented to him. He thought Hao couldn't be serious as he eyed…what looked like a school uniform. But the brunette looked at him oddly, seeming to not understand why there was so much discontent being expressed by the smaller male. He tried to push it towards Ren to force him to take it but the young Tao backed away nervously as if the mere thought of touching it was an absurd idea. For one, he graduated high school years ago. It's one thing to try to get him to change into his old uniform, but he didn't even recognize this one or even the school crest on the blazer. He then looked up at Hao again and the Asakura would have laughed at how Ren looked if he wasn't so irritated by his behavior already.

"I'm not kidding, Ren, we're really going to be late for school if you don't hurry up." Ren felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up to the word 'school'. He wanted to believe Hao was joking but the frustrated edge in his impatient tone gave him a hint that that's not the case. As if to back up that thought, the Asakura heaved a sigh and once again shoved the uniform in question at Ren, still unaware of the Tao's confusion. This time, Ren was distracted enough by his bewilderment that he couldn't avoid it, so the uniform was forced into his arms.

And then it was like being struck in the back of the head with a brick.

Ren didn't know what had happened, except that the sensation attacked him so suddenly it made his head spin. He had to grab the wall to steady himself or he thought he would drop to the floor. With his other hand he grabbed his head because it felt like a hammer was trying to shatter his skull, the pain pulsing at the back of his eyes. He grit his teeth to a migraine he's never experienced before. The uniform he was previously holding fell from his hands to the floor at his feet. And then his eyes slightly widened to what he realized next.

He was remembering the school crest on the blazer.

Not just the crest. He didn't know why but he began to recognize the whole uniform. He didn't understand because he swore he's never seen it before, let alone worn it, but he felt a familiarity to it settle in. But it didn't stop there. It was like watching bits and pieces of a movie being played in his head; His enrollment to this school, classes he took, school mates he met and spent time with. People and places he's never known and yet, he was being given evidence of their existence through memories he claims he never had. He felt as though he was getting to know a piece of someone else's life and being forced to recognize it as his own. It was like knowing and not knowing at the same time and it was the most bizarre, most painful sense of deja vu.

"Ren?" The addressed male let out a small gasp and turned to Hao.

"Ok, you've been weird all morning and now you _really_ don't look good." Hao said this while observing the small beads of sweat surfaced on Ren's paled face. "Maybe you should just take the day off and head over to the infirmary."

"No…No, I'm ok." Ren insisted and tried to blink away the throbbing that still lingered. At least now he had a better grasp of the situation at hand. He was a second-year student at Goldva High School for Boys, an all-boys boarding school, and Hao was telling the truth that he was his roommate sharing this dorm.

"Go ahead without me. I'll catch up." Although he felt somewhat drained and Hao's suggestion was very tempting, he somehow knew he wasn't sick. He was just overwhelmed from basically being force-fed all this unfamiliar information. Besides, being cooped up in a room wasn't going to help him understand what was going on. He still didn't know how or why he ended up here and most importantly, how he was going to get out and back to where he came from.

"…Alright, I'll see you later then." Hao didn't look convinced but he chose not to argue as he gathered his things and left. Ren watched him go out the door, still unsure if he should trust the brunette at all. So far, he doesn't seem to pose any threat. Actually, aside from when he just woke up, he seemed like he was actually worried about Ren. It was already hard enough to believe Hao wasn't trying to kill anyone but to see him look at you with genuine concern…that almost sent him chills. While Ren still tried to wrap his head around that, he headed for the bathroom. He looked in the sink's mirror and had to splash his face with cold water before looking again. He carefully brushed his fingertips over his cheek to make sure he was really looking into a mirror. That's how hard it was to believe he was actually staring into the face of his teenage self. And then Ren paused as something else dawned on him; Come to think of it, Hao didn't look very different from when he last saw him, which was the Shaman Fight. Maybe he was a few inches taller and aged a year or two, but that's still way too young. It would make more sense if he was well past his teenage years and entered adulthood like himself.

"As if I need any more surprises." Ren mumbled to himself and turned away from the mirror. He still didn't know how to accept all this, but for now he decided to start…getting ready for school, as Hao put it earlier. If he did nothing, more questions will just pile with no answers for any of them. So he changed into the school uniform that was waiting for him on the floor and grabbed his school bag.

When Ren stepped outside, he looked around at all the kids who were also leaving their dormitory, all wearing the same uniform he wore, all walking in the same direction towards the main school building. Even after what he saw in the mirror, this was still beyond uncomfortable. But no one looked at him like he was a grown man trespassing on school grounds in a high school uniform to indulge in some fetish. So that lets him believe that what he saw in the mirror earlier was real. However, that also means all these teenage boys were supposed to be his peers and that was still a disturbing idea. Despite his sense of displacement, for the time being, Ren had no choice but to depend on what he only had, which were these memories that were embedded into him. He didn't like feeling like someone he couldn't even identify was manipulating him. But he also had to admit it saved him a lot of trouble from being totally confused. At least he knew where to head.

Ren took in his surroundings as he walked. From what he knew—or supposedly knew—Goldva High School was one of the most prestigious boarding schools to be known. And looking around at all the faces around him, he could already sense a smell he knew all too well. He almost knew without a doubt that wealth and power prevailed in a school like this. The high school he remembers—the one he remembers graduating from—was just like this, reeking with the same stench. Only difference was, the one he graduated from was in China and this was located in Japan. Impressive was an understatement to describe its reputation, considering Ren's father had his only son enrolled.

Goldva High School's academic and high profile prestige wasn't its only defining features. The campus is located at the very edge of Tokyo Prefecture but surrounded by mountains and forests. Tall buildings and crowded streets couldn't be spotted for what looked like miles, making it harder to believe it was anywhere near Tokyo as it contradicted everything that was expected of one of the world's major concrete jungles. One could only guess what could be said in terms of entertainment. Ren wondered how many of these kids actually wanted to be here. The families who enrolled them must have been convinced that it was an ideal academic environment without all of the distractions that could come from the infamous city.

While Ren made his mental review, he wondered how he even knew all this, how it was simply there for him to think about so naturally. He even somehow knew that it was too late to get any breakfast from the dormitory's cafeteria before he headed out. But more than that, he wondered why he couldn't remember anything from when he fell off the hospital's rooftop to when he woke up in his dorm. Both moments were very real, or at least that's how they felt, and yet there was nothing in between. When he temporarily couldn't remember the accident before the hospital, he at least vaguely felt the elusive memory trying to escape him. But now, the missing piece was a blank. However, what baffled him the most was what Nozomi said right before he fell. _Make a wish_ , she said.

"What was she—" Ren didn't realize how deeply engrossed he was in his thoughts until he bumped into someone.

"Watch it!"

"…Sor—" Ren began to apologize as he stumbled back a few steps. But the second he looked up, he completely forgot what he had meant to say the very instant he got a better look at who was in front of him.

"Horo…Horo…" His amber eyes widened as he stared at the blunette standing in front of him, barely able to find his voice.

"Hey, Tao!" But Ren was woken out of his awestruck stupor and met with the hard glare the Ainu sent him. "Did you forget what grade you're in?" The acidic nature in Horokeu's sharp tone kept Ren silent for a different reason. He didn't recognize this kind of hostility from the blue-haired boy. Not to mention how he referred to Ren. It wasn't just the way he spoke to him. Ren can't remember a time Horokeu has ever looked at him with such coldness in his eyes.

"You better watch where you're going, Tao! And while you're at it, watch how you talk to your sempai!" Horokeu growled and despite being approached at with such obvious aggression, Ren still remained silent. He was simply trying to figure out what was going on, but his unresponsive stance seemed to irritate Horokeu even more as he closed in further. But Ren still didn't move. Just as the tension in the air seemed to begin to reach a dangerous level that could lead to more than just words, the school's preliminary bell sounded, warning all students that homeroom was about to begin in ten minutes.

"Tch!" Horokeu clicked his tongue, clearly unappeased by the interruption and then threw one last scowl at Ren before turning away from him. They seemed to have made a scene that attracted a small crowd but it quickly dispersed when they realized it wasn't going to escalate to fists.

"What was that all about?" Ren could hear one of the onlookers ask as he started walking as well. He wanted to ask the same question himself. But he reached into his pants pocket as the phone it held received a message.

_Where r u?_

"Shit!" Ren cursed as he read the text from Hao and began to run.

When Ren reached his homeroom class he barely made it on time. Thanks to all the 'donations' it received, the size of this school is exceptional, making it quite a trip to get to some of the classrooms and even more so if coming from the dorms. It was like one of those small forgettable details that you don't pay attention to because you've known it for so long. A part of Ren wanted to say he finally remembers why Hao wanted to leave their dorm so early but it seemed somewhat inaccurate to say he forgot. He could assume that this detail was included in the memories that were introduced to him this morning, but it didn't occur to him until he read Hao's text. Everything he knew about this school felt both old and fresh at the same time, and he still had trouble dealing with that. However, he couldn't deny that whatever he had been thinking about—even all the confusion—seemed to have left his mind for the brief moment he was distracted by his encounter with Horokeu. Ren felt heat rush to his face and he tried to will his cheeks not to flush.

After everything at the hospital, Ren honestly didn't expect to see Horokeu again. And despite having already seen himself and Hao, he also didn't expect to run into the teenage version of him either…and Ren would be lying badly if he said he didn't like what he saw. Like Hao, the blunette hadn't fully reached adulthood yet, but his body matured relatively compared to those earlier years when he knew the Ainu. He had definitely grown much taller and the uniform could not hide how firmly built his body had become. It wasn't like seeing him again back in those years during the Shaman Fight, or that one final time at Yoh's home for this New Year. This encounter made him wonder if he had been missing out on more than he thought. Even his voice was deeper, remembering its husky edge when the blunette spoke to him.

"Hey, Ren?" Ren looked up at Hao who stood in front of his desk expectantly.

"What?"

"Uh…homeroom's over?"

"Oh, yeah, right." Ren stood up and grabbed his bag. Hao sent him that quizzical look from earlier in their dorm.

"You sure you don't wanna get yourself check—"

"I'm fine." Ren cut him off tersely and began to walk out the classroom.

"I'm just saying, you haven't been yourself since you woke up." Hao said as he followed Ren down the hall. Ren didn't bother to respond, not because he was annoyed, but mostly because he couldn't believe he and the Asakura were even managing a civil conversation. Yet according to his newfound memories, Hao was that guy he usually spent most of his time with at school, even outside the dorms. The one everyone else would recognize as the friend he usually hung out with. This only further stressed the serious need to figure out what was going on.

"So I heard from some guys you almost went head on with Usui-san this morning." Ren abruptly stopped his feet and looked at Hao.

"…What?" Was all the smaller teen could manage out of himself.

"Come on, Ren, it doesn't take that long for word to get out." Hao chuckled, not aware that it wasn't the fact that the rumor reached him that had Ren dumbfounded. It was how he referred to Horokeu. He can't imagine Hao referring to anyone like that. But when he saw the brunette continue to walk as if he said nothing out of the ordinary, Ren followed, and decided against expressing his puzzlement.

"I didn't go head on… Nothing happened." He said, trying to sound irritated and wondered if it was convincing enough. He couldn't risk raising any more questions about his behavior, as it seemed he was currently the only one out of the ordinary. The last thing he wanted to do was stand out so much that he wouldn't be able to blend in.

"Yeah, I heard that part too, that's why I said almost." Ren rolled his eyes, this time in earnest boredom. He agreed with Hao about how quickly rumors were passed on. He hasn't forgotten it's one of high school's highlighting features and he certainly didn't miss it.

"So what was it about?" Hao asked curiously and Ren shrugged.

"I don't know." The smaller teen sighed, truly confused as to why the blunette was set so on edge.

_Watch how you talk to your sempai!_

Ren recalled what Horokeu said, the only thing he could think of that could have set him off. Obviously, Ren's reference to the nickname was a force of habit but he wondered if that could really push someone's button so hard that they would snap like that. Some people do take seniority seriously but even so, Horokeu's reaction seemed a little overly sensitive. He may even say it was childish.

"Hao…is he really our sempai?" Ren asked and the blunette responded with a snicker.

"Yeah, he can be pretty immature sometimes but believe it or not, he is a grade above us. Why do you guys hate each other so much again?" Hao made a turn and looked back over his shoulder at Ren who stopped his feet again.

"Tell me later, maybe during lunch or after school." Hao shrugged and continued down the hall since he and Ren took different classes from here. He didn't realize that Ren was immobilized by the gravity of his question.

Did he hear him right?

Did he actually say he and Horokeu… _hated_ each other?

Something dark and cold began to grow heavy in Ren's guts as he thought about his earlier encounter with the Ainu. He was sure that whom he saw was Horokeu and yet he was almost unrecognizable. He and Horokeu have had their disagreements, and he'll admit they've thrown their fair share of verbal stones. But even so, there was an understanding between them that all was set aside and forgotten at the end of the day. It wasn't something they had to go out of their way to confirm either. They just simply…knew. And anything that wasn't so simple was something worth taking care of because nothing was worth jeopardizing their friendship. But the Horokeu he ran into today…there was none of that. Now that he thought about it, it's as if there was no friendship to jeopardize in the first place.

Ren shook his head and started walking again. His hands squeezed into tight fists as he withstood the dark clouds of uncertainty he could feel trying to consume him from the inside. With each firm step he took he reminded himself not to jump to any conclusions, how it was pointless to worry about a situation he barely had a grasp of. But despite his efforts, he reached his first class, AP Calculus, with the unsettling feeling still lingering. He knew part of the reason was because Horokeu also took this class. He wasn't going to bother to worry about why or how he even knew that. The same goes for how he knew his class schedule or where each class is located. Like everything else about this school, the information was somehow placed in his head as if they were his memories. It was more than likely that it was an issue he wasn't going to be able to solve right away. Right now, he was more concerned about what Hao said about him and Horokeu and after thinking about it on his way to class, Ren decided he would have to confront Horokeu. He wasn't quite sure how well that would go when he thinks about their earlier encounter but if there was anything to resolve like Hao says, he can't do it without talking with Horokeu.

Just as Ren reconfirmed his plans, the teacher walked in and instructed everyone to take their seats. Ren obviously couldn't confront Horokeu during class so in the meantime he decided to concentrate on the lesson to keep his mind busy. After all, he is supposed to be a student here, so he decided he might as well act like one. Ren boredly placed his chin in his palm as the teacher began to take attendance.

"Iida Yasuhiko."

"Here."

"Ichihara Kazuma."

"Here."

"Inoue Youta."

"Here."

"Usui Horokeu."

There was a pause awaiting the expected response and when none came, Ren's amber eyes shifted around to scan the room. The silence also made the teacher look up from the list of names on his desk. He adjusted his glasses and eyed his class through an unkind stare. Ren noticed his dark dull eyes stop on one spot and when he turned his head to follow them, he was looking at an empty seat. The teacher grunted once, then returned his attention to his list and quickly scribbled his pen.

"Emerson, Kyle." He continued down the names in the same flat tone. Ren blinked in disbelief at how easily he dismissed his student's absence. But everyone else, including the teacher himself, didn't seem particularly shocked. Ren on the other hand, was turning his head in all directions. The students were free to sit at any desk they pleased because they were not given assigned seats, so Horokeu could be sitting anywhere. But that was the problem. There were no other empty seats.

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorta glad I can upload this on a day that only comes once every four years lol
> 
> Let me know what you think! Reviews are always greatly appreciated :)


	6. Picking Battles

Ren sat at the edge of his chair, tapping the pencil he held over the paper in front of him. The teacher, Miura, didn't seem to care about who was actually listening as he carried his lesson, which could be why he didn't notice that Ren's pencil wasn't writing down a single word he was saying. The supposed notes in front of him were blank. Ren couldn't be concerned with what was being discussed if this so-called teacher couldn't have the decency to at least ask the class if anyone knew about Horokeu's whereabouts. And now he had to deal with how far on edge his absence had him. He just saw the Ainu this morning; what could have happened to him between then and now? He didn't want to be rash but he had no idea what was going on literally from the moment he woke up. To make it worse, anything seemed possible if he could be friends with Hao, so for all he knew, anything could have happened to the blunette. And Ren's mind continued to race even after first period ended, being the first to leave in brisk strides.

"So what's stuck up your ass?" Hao asked as he took a bite out of the sandwich he bought from the school deli. The smaller teen didn't bother to get himself anything to eat, claiming he wasn't hungry even though he missed breakfast. He only bought his usual small carton of milk, only to take one sip from it and then leaving it forgotten at his side. That was enough for Hao to ask his question and not back down even if Ren sent him a sharp disapproving look for his vulgar choice of words.

"…Nothing." The young Tao muttered with a sigh and his half-hearted effort made Hao roll his eyes.

"Really? Come one, Ren. It's not like anyone else is up here." The two sat at the roof of the school, favoring it over the crowded cafeteria. Some students ate outside but the two boys had the luxury of having the roof to themselves because it was supposed to be off limits. It was usually locked but Hao somehow managed to get a hold of a spare key, which Ren felt was probably best not to ask how.

"Shut up, Hao. I told you, it's nothing." Ren's tone vividly expressed how much he appreciated his roommate's persistence. Only half the day passed and he felt like he could go mad. After first period, Ren hoped he would run into Horokeu between classes but he already knew how slim those chances were, especially since they were in different grades. So it was no surprise that he didn't even spot the blunette. The size of the school didn't help either and add that to the size of the whole school property, chances of finding him was still as good as hopeless even if he abandoned all classes to look for him. And as much as he would like to look for him now since it was lunchtime, he realized he didn't even know where to begin to look.

"Yeah, _it's_ nothing, which means there _is_ something." Hao argued back with a clever snicker. He expected Ren to at least yell at him to stop twisting his words. But the smaller teen didn't even have the energy to throw at him a defending comeback. Hao's smile was gone and he raised a thoughtful brow.

"…Is this about Usui-san bothering you?" Hao asked curiously and earned himself a low irritable growl from his friend. The brunette mistook it as confirmation that he was right, and his sly grin returned. It would never occur to him that Ren's reaction was more because he was still annoyed by how the brunette referred to the Ainu.

"What, did he shoot spit balls at you in class or something?" Hao continued with a laugh and Ren let out another stressful sigh.

"No, he didn't even show up."

"Ok then what is it?" Hao's question made Ren hold even tighter to his tongue. It was clear now that the Asakura, and most likely everyone else, truly believed he and Horokeu were anything but friends and being concerned for his well-being was nowhere near anyone's expectations. It wasn't just about not knowing his whereabouts that concerned him. He wished he at least had a hunch for where to look but he didn't even have any means to contact him, further emphasizing how devoid their relationship was. He felt like he knew nothing about Horokeu and everything, including Hao's question, seemed to assess that as a fact. He began to wonder why he even wanted to find him so badly or what he even wanted to do if he did find him.

"I don't know." Ren said quietly, unsure about whose question he was answering. His unusual tone made Hao's intuition click and it told him not to pursue the subject any further. So he simply shrugged and proceeded to finish his sandwich. The two remained silent even when the bell rang to signal the end of lunch and it stretched on even as they made their way down the connection corridor on their way to class. Ren let his eyes wander out the window to the forestry surrounding the school, which continued on for as far as his eyes could reach. There wasn't anything to pay particular attention to and now he wondered why he bothered to look because it actually made him feel worse. The vastness of the trees was like a representation of how lost he was and he could almost hear the leaves whispering taunts.

_How are you going to find him in all this?_

_Where are you even going?_

Hao turned around to see what was slowing down his friend. He seemed to be spacing out but the brunette could see the amber irises being sheeted over by dark shadows of discouragement as they scanned what was outside. But when those cat-like eyes went wide, he also had to look out to see what made them light up again. He was staring at the athletic grounds on the west wing where there was the gym, tracks, tennis courts, grass fields…

"What is it?" Hao squint his eyes, unable to make out anything significant. He turned to Ren again when he got no response and while the Tao did seem to be focused on something, the Asakura couldn't figure out what. And then, without so much as a warning, the smaller teen suddenly went sprinting down the corridor, leaving Hao even more confused because he was headed in the direction opposite of where their class was. The brunette was so dumbstruck by him that he didn't even think to follow after him. Ren, on the other hand, couldn't even be bothered by all the odd stares he received as he weaved past people through the halls and down the stairs.

When Ren pushed past the door that lead to the athletic grounds, he pumped his legs even harder for the equipment shed next to the main gym…where he saw Horokeu go in. Or more accurately, he was dragged in by three other boys, which is why he knew the door would be blocked. He went around to the side where there was a window. He had to climb a tree just to reach it but it was just big enough to climb through and it was even open. As he shifted on a branch to close the distance, he got a clear view inside. There, he could see four figures, three boys surrounding one—that one being Horokeu. The blunette was like a ball being passed around by fists among the other three, wobbling on his feet with each hit he took. One of them kicked him and he stumbled back into a wall. They closed in on him with wide grins, and Horokeu sent them a hard glare that only made them jeer.

The laughing stopped when one of the three was sent flying across the room. The rest of them stared wide-eyed at the intruder as if they couldn't believe who it was. Including Horokeu.

"Ren Tao!? The fuck are _you_ doing here!?" The one who took the hit screamed while baring his teeth angrily. He then coughed and gasped for air, wincing in pain as he got back on his feet.

"The fuck are _you_ doing, Grey?" Grey's voice was loud but somehow it couldn't even compare to the gravity of Ren's low voice. Ren observed the other faces and scoffed in utter ridicule.

"You also have Sean and Chris here. So I see it takes all _three_ of guys to beat up _one_ guy." The look on Sean and Chris' faces made it apparent that they didn't appreciate his mockery. Just as they were about to lunge at Ren, Grey held up a hand to keep them back.

"Look, Tao, I'll give you credit for looking all heroic with your dramatic entrance." Grey chuckled. "But it's like you said, there's three of us. And looks like only one of you."

"So?" Ren raised a brow, failing to see the older boy's point.

"So, we'll let you get out of here in one piece and you can forget any of this." Ren couldn't help but roll his eyes at Grey's offer. It seemed to amuse his cronies who laughed at the advantage they thought they had. Ren couldn't tell which was worse; the fact that they even bothered to make such a ridiculous offer or that they were really dumb enough to believe he would take it.

"Who cares about scholarship boy over here, anyway? Right, BoroBoro?" Grey added and sent another fist at Horokeu. He laughed even louder as he watched the blunette stumble down on one knee while small drops of blood fell on the concrete floor. It only took a moment for his laughter to turn into a confused yelp as Ren lifted him by the collar of his shirt and slammed his back against the hard wall. Grey cringed at the pressure against his spine.

"The hell ar—" He didn't get to finish as he was thrown at Chris and Sean who started towards Ren to help Grey.

"Didn't think you could be so stupid, Tao!" Grey yelled as they got back up.

"Funny," Ren's tone was flat as he took slow strides to get in front of Horokeu. "I was just going to say the same about you morons."

Horokeu stared, unable to believe that the smaller teen stood there in front of him as if to be his shield. He stood as though his size wasn't a factor worth taking into consideration, tall and unwavering. With is back facing him, Horokeu couldn't see how the Tao had his eyes narrowed or how they were glowing cold and merciless in the dim shed. He didn't know that that's why the three who had seemed so ready to pounce were now hesitating to even move their feet because they were stared down by such silent but fierce rage. Their faces that were fuming began to pale and their spines stiffened to such imminent danger. The gravity radiating from the smaller boy was pressuring them to turn with their tails between their legs. And the realization of that made one of them make a foolish choice.

"Come on, we outnumber him!" Grey barked and led the other two who followed behind him.

Horokeu was rendered speechless the whole time, so awestruck by what had happened in front of him. He finally remembered to get up on his feet again when Ren took one of his arms and pulled him up from the floor. The smaller teen then went to the door, seeing that he was right about it being blocked. Without saying anything he proceeded to move the gym equipment that were in the way and while he did so, Horokeu looked over his shoulder at the remains of what he witnessed. Like Grey had said, it was the three of them against Ren. They outnumbered him and even outsized him, and yet the Tao gained full control over the situation with such ease that he made it seem unfair for them instead. They especially didn't expect him to be able to hit so hard and he even seemed to know how to make it hurt the most. Their frustration made them scramble around for some sort of advantage but all of their attempts failed with miserable results on their end as Ren countered all of them with such grace. No matter how anyone looked at it, there's no denying the three didn't stand a chance. It was obvious that Ren had experience that overwhelmed them. Grey, Chris, and Sean now know it for themselves too as they lie sprawled on the concrete, uttering weak moans. The blunette had no doubt they were going to develop some interesting bruises that would most likely also leave marks on their ego.

"Are you coming or not?" Horokeu turned back to Ren again who had already opened the door and stepped outside. He held the door open expectantly, waiting for the blue-haired boy with a bored look on his face. The older teen quickly followed after him and Ren let the door shut once they were out. They walked away until they reached the school's courtyard. Horokeu sat down on one of the benches, wincing as some parts of his body still ached. Ren stood by the wall across from him, examining himself and his uniform.

"You sure we should leave them in there?" Horokeu asked as he glanced back at the shed again.

"What're you worried about them for? Besides, it's not like I locked them in there." Ren replied and frowned at the appearance of his disheveled uniform. "You're welcome, by the way." He added as he readjusted his tie.

"…I didn't ask for your help." Horokeu muttered and Ren rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah, because you had everything under control with all the help you already had." Ren's snide sarcasm was force of habit. He really wasn't in the mood for addressing something so petty, not when there was a more pressing issue to discuss.

"Why didn't you fight back?"

"…What'd you mean?"

"Don't give me that." Ren snapped more irritably now and leaned back on the wall behind him with crossed arms. "From the looks of it, you don't seem to be drugged and it doesn't look like you've been hurt bad enough to keep you from fighting back. So why didn't you?" His question was more an order and he emphasized it with a kind of hard stare that gets one to believe such eyes can pierce through a soul if you didn't give him what he was demanding. Horokeu couldn't find words to retaliate against such eyes and only managed to refuse his demand by averting his own obsidian pair away. That didn't stop Ren's pursuit.

"I know there were three of them but you could've at least thrown one punch. But you didn't. I saw you back there, you just took everything they were giving you like a pathetic punching bag." That last bit may have been unnecessary but sometimes Ren spoke so honestly that he would forget to tone it down. And he did it in his usual manner that was many times taken as arrogant and it made Horokeu look at him again with vivid hostility. It was the same look he gave Ren this morning before school but this time, Ren was ready for it and wasn't about to back down. When Horokeu realized that he was very reluctant to speak again.

"How'd you find me anyway?" The Ainu asked stubbornly through his teeth, as if he was chewing on the last bit of his patience.

"Here's a better question: Why weren't you at first period?" Ren didn't bother to point out how obvious it was that Horokeu's question was really meant to evade his own. If the blunette wanted to change the subject then that's what they will do. That just means they're going to discuss another matter that was bothering him. It was apparent how much the blunette wanted to talk about it as he rolled his eyes.

"Because I didn't feel like it."

"You didn't _feel_ like it?"

"That's what I said." Horokeu heaved a sigh as a very deliberate hint to Ren that he wanted him to shut up now. Ren's hands squeezed the arms they were crossed over and he went silent for a moment, but not because he was actually acknowledging the other's signal. It took more will power than the Ainu could imagine for the young Tao to keep himself from yelling at him.

_Skipping? JUST skipping!? You mean you didn't come to class just because you didn't want to!? You mean to tell me you had me worried sick because you just wanted to goof off!?_

"So you just didn't go to all of your classes and sat out there all day?" In spite of his urge to shout, Ren maintained his voice to a flat, calm tone. He wished Horokeu would appreciate his efforts.

"For your information," But judging from that tone, appreciation was the last thing on his mind. "I didn't skip all of my classes. Just the first one."

"Then what were you doing before Grey found you? It didn't look like you were headed for a class like the rest of us."

"None of your fucking business!" Horokeu got on his feet, the last of his patience broken by all of Ren's questions. He began to walk past the smaller teen but was grabbed by the arm and swung around to the wall. The blue-haired boy hissed in pain but Ren paid no mind as he squeezed his arm to make a point that he expected to be answered.

"Alright, alright! I was just hanging out with some friends!"

"Friends? You call those friends?"

"Yeah, I recommend you get some too."

"And where were those friends when Grey and his friends took you to the shed?"

"They… They were just…just somewhere else…at the moment."

"Oh, so it was just a coincidence?"

"Yes."

"Bullshit!" Ren grabbed Horokeu by his shirt, seething with so much anger he didn't know what to do with it. "You wanna know how I found you!? From up there!" He nodded his head towards the connection corridor while still pressing the blunette against the wall.

"You know who else I saw? Those so-called friends of yours! Right before Grey arrived, I saw you goofing off with them and I watched them leave _you_ behind and let you get dragged in there! Don't try to defend them because those aren't friends. What kind of friend does that!? Why would they just abandon you like that!? You could've stood a chance if they helped you, so why didn't they!?"

"They didn't help me for the same reason I didn't fight back!" Horokeu's voice made Ren stop his rambling but not because of how loud the Ainu shouted. It was taking him a few moments to process what he had said.

"…What?" And even after processing it, the younger teen still didn't understand its meaning. He was so blind-sighted by Horokeu's outburst that it had swept away his previous rage and now he was just curious. He stared at Horokeu with that curiosity very evident. But Horokeu didn't seem to want to explain, his eyes sent down to his feet with lips closed tight to a fine line. Something about his whole body language had changed. He wasn't silent because he was being stubborn or a haughty teenager. He couldn't dig into this thoughtlessly because it was a matter to handle with more precaution. But without knowing what it was, Ren wasn't sure what to do or say next. The two stood silent for some time until Horokeu finally brushed off the other's hands, which barely held a grip on him now. When the older one turned away and headed towards the school building, Ren quickly followed by his side.

"You need to go to the nurse." Ren stated but the blunette picked up his pace as the two turned a corner.

"I'll go wherever the fuck I want." Horokeu was back to his stubborn tone and Ren stopped to let him go a few steps ahead of him before responding.

"With a bloody face?" Horokeu stopped his feet abruptly, and his hands clenched into fists. He didn't turn around but he could feel it on his back the kind of stare Ren was sending him. Ren initially said it in an attempt to not lose him again but the fact was, he slapped a very obvious point in the blunette's face and the fact that he was overlooking something so obvious made the embarrassment sting. And what frustrated him more was, he'd have to turn around in the direction the smaller boy stood in order to get to the said infirmary. Horokeu took a deep breath to deal with his urge to sock the other teen in the face as he turned on his heel and took reluctant steps towards Ren who sent him a very smug smirk. Ren almost laughed at the way Horokeu glared at him…he could almost recognize it as the same look he always got from his friend he once knew.

**To be continued…**


	7. What’s In a Name?

"Seriously, are you stalking me!?" Horokeu accused wretchedly as he and Ren stood in front of the infirmary's door, not having opened it yet. Ren had followed the Ainu and until now, the older boy never said anything because he assumed he was headed for a class in that direction. But now that he knows he was actually tagging along he couldn't help but express his discontent.

"Don't flatter yourself." Ren answered bluntly. "I need pain killers."

"What'd you need pain killers for? Grey and his guys barely touched you."

"Not because of them." Ren began as he racked around his brain. "…I've been having a headache since this morning." He was almost impressed with how quickly he came up with that one. It was of course a lie, or more like a half-lie. Although he did in fact have an intense migraine this morning back at his dorm, he was feeling fine now. And like Horokeu said, Grey and his gang couldn't land any real damage on him—they're the ones who will probably need pain killers. But when he thought about what he's seen in Horokeu's behavior he decided he needed to make sure he did actually seek proper medical attention.

"Is someone out there?" A voice called from the other side of the door. While Ren had an odd sense like he recognized it, Horokeu went ahead and opened the door, deciding there's no point trying to shake off the other teen now. And when they walked in, Ren froze for a brief moment. There was a tall, lean man waiting at his desk in the corner of the white room. He examined his two visitors through calm blue eyes and although he immediately focused his attention on Horokeu, he didn't seem particularly alarmed by the blunette's state.

"Have a seat." He said quietly as a slender arm gestured towards the chair by his desk. His narrow, stalky figure truly showed when he stood, emphasized by his long white coat and slightly rounded posture. Horokeu sat down without responding but eyed Ren who followed and stood next to him. He seemed to want to complain about being treated like he needed to be supervised, but didn't say anything on account of not wanting to make a scene. But while Horokeu silently scorned him, Ren was unable to take his eyes off the doctor. Said doctor barely took notice of him as he turned away from the two teens to get some bandages from a shelf. He scratched his messy blonde hair, seeming to be looking for something else.

"Eliza!" He called into the other room while still staring at the shelf. "Where's the—"

"Here it is." A woman in a nurse uniform popped her head in from a doorway to the next room with a bottle in hand. She handed it to the doctor with a sweet smile. Her entrance had the kind of effect on him that made the corners of his lips lift instantly.

"Thank you, Eliza." He said with eyes that suddenly picked up a brighter hue and the woman beamed affectionately.

"Uh…Dr. Faust?" Horokeu's voice made Eliza blush and rush back to the other room to return to whatever she was doing. Faust cleared his throat and although he attempted to return his face to its dull expression, he couldn't hide the pink tinting his cheeks. But never mind all the hearts floating in the air—Ren had to make sure he maintained a straight face and not let his jaws drop when he heard the doctor's name. As he watched him care for Horokeu's wounds, he wondered if this was the same Doctor Faust he knew. For one, it was strange enough not to see those dark circles around his eyes. And his skin wasn't pale and pasty—in fact, it actually looked like blood was running through him. While he had the same lanky physique, he overall looked healthier. When he thought about the Faust he knew, healthy would be the last word he'd use to describe him. The Faust he knew always held a ghastly air hanging around him, so much that one could mistake him for being the spirit instead of the Shaman. All the time and energy he spent trying to resurrect his dead wife cost him a great deal. He didn't know exactly how to put it but the Faust in front of him looked more…alive.

"And how about you?"

"Huh?" Ren blinked and turned to where he heard the voice and Eliza was standing next to him with a clipboard in hand. She smiled at him patiently for his response, not noticing that the young Tao took a quick glance at her legs. They weren't faded, which means she was alive as everyone else in this room. Now that he really thought about it, Eliza also looked somewhat different. The Eliza he knew was beautiful, but there was always a sort of sadness that came with her beauty. Even when she was with her widower husband, her sadness clung on and even sometimes seemed to intensify when she was with him.

"I'm ok, just here with him." Ren replied and Eliza nodded. He wondered if this is how it would have been. With Eliza being alive and well, without her tragedy to send Faust into so much grief that eventually sent his sanity into turmoil, he wondered if this is how the two would have been. Just a doctor and his wife for a nurse, a happily wed couple living the life they dreamed. The Faust and Eliza he never would have met.

"I thought you needed pain killers." Horokeu's comment stopped Ren's train of thoughts.

"My head's not hurting anymore."

"Then why're you still here?" Horokeu's snide attitude, which apparently hadn't improved, was starting to test Ren to the point he could feel himself wearing very thin.

"There's nothing wrong with having a friend by your side to make sure you're ok." Eliza attempted to diffuse the air.

"…He's not a friend." Horokeu muttered, carelessly sending a slight twinge in Ren with his words. Simple words can be harsh if they were said with enough spite. But Ren wasn't careless enough to show it and he blatantly dismissed the blunette with a simple scoff. Faust sighed, not feeling up to bringing the two to reconciliation like his wife. That wasn't part of his job description anyway.

"Well, friends or not, the two of you need to get back to—"

The bell signaling the end of class cut Faust short and students could be heard being released from their classrooms.

"I guess this means you guys can at least make it to your last class." The doctor sighed, wanting to have nothing more to do with the peevish air between the two—and what could become of it—as he pushed open the door. The two walked out wearing exasperated frowns and while Ren shifted his eyes to the other boy, the blunette already began to walk away without saying anything.

"Hey!" Ren grabbed the older teen's wrist. "Where're you going? We have the same class next and it's not that way." Horokeu grimaced at his authority-assuming tone as he turned to face him again.

" _I know!_ " He snapped and jerked out of the Tao's grip. "What difference does it make to miss one more class anyway? I don't even care, I can finally get away from you!" The last of Ren's willingness to endure the other boy snapped broken and his face twisted with everything he had been holding back for reasons he didn't even know anymore. He grabbed the blunette again, this time making sure he won't be able to break free, and dragged him down the hall. He ignored the protests screamed at him by the Ainu and the stares they received from onlookers, gritting his teeth all the while. He finally stopped when he found a bathroom and kicked open its door. Without checking if anyone else was there, he shoved Horokeu in first and followed after. He didn't give the Ainu any time to say anything as he grabbed him by his shirt and slammed him up against the tile wall.

"I've had it!" Ren barked into his face. All the aggression he was still holding back fumed in his amber eyes. "If you have something to say then why don't you say it to my face!? Why do you hate me so much!? The fuck did I ever do to you!?" Horokeu cringed for a short second, but then sent the Tao a defiant glare himself. Ren narrowed his eyes and was about to speak again but then the door opened. A boy walked in and abruptly stopped, his eyes gone wide when they saw what he was interrupting. Ren recognized him—he was Eguchi Kei, a senior like Horokeu. Kei looked at the two back and forth for a moment. And then, to Horokeu and Ren's confusion, he sputtered laughter.

"Hey, BoroBoro." Kei said between giggles, seeming quite amused by the situation. Ren raised a brow and turned to Horokeu since he had to be referring to the blunette. But Horokeu avoided eye contact with both Kei and Ren, biting his lip in his unwillingness to speak. Ren looked at Kei again who was still laughing, apparently not intending to help or do anything about the situation for that matter. Ren looked back at Horokeu, who still remained silent. He looked like he had a lot to say and definitely wanted to say it, but for some reason chose not to. Ren growled lowly at the way Kei just stood there laughing like this was a show to amuse him.

Two seconds later, Kei was kissing the hallway floor.

"Are you going to answer me now?" Ren said coolly as the door closed behind him again. Horokeu sent him an odd stare, seeming unsure about how he should feel. The smaller teen approached him with crossed arms, almost feeling thankful for Kei's intrusion that helped him regain his composure. He stood in front of Horokeu, waiting for him to respond to his earlier questions. The blunette just stood there between him and the wall, also with crossed arms. The two stared each other down for a while until Ren broke the heavy silence with a tiresome sigh.

"Look," Ren uncrossed his arms and rubbed the back of his neck. "This is ridiculous. I just want to know what it is you have against me. I think I deserve to know." He looked at Horokeu with eyes that plead he genuinely wanted answers. Horokeu's face held its hard features for a few moments more but eventually he let out a breath. His lips twisted in hesitation but as he looked into the honest golden gaze, he felt himself give in to them.

"Boroboro…" He mumbled and Ren cocked his head in confusion. When the blunette saw that he didn't know what he meant, he let out a sad empty laugh like the joke was on him.

"You really don't remember?" He said quietly and the sullen look in his eyes made Ren scramble through his brain for anything he could think of. But Horokeu didn't wait for him.

"That's all you're getting out of me." He said as he shook his head and pushed Ren out of the way to walk past him. "If you don't remember then fine, whatever. I'll go to class if you'd just leave me alone already." Ren went after him but realized he didn't know what to say to him.

"I'm sorry…" Ren murmured anyway and for a second, Horokeu stopped his feet in the now empty hallway. Ren also stopped and Horokeu turned to him.

"What?" The blunette asked, apparently not hearing him, and waited. Ren opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but closed them again.

"…Nothing." Ren lied and shifted his gaze away from the older boy. He wanted to ask him to tell him more, to tell him exactly what he had done. But the way Horokeu said it, the way he looked at Ren caused an immense wave of guilt to attack him for not even knowing. He had done something to hurt the blunette so deeply, and somehow didn't even have the decency to remember. So what makes him deserve to be given a chance to apologize? Horokeu turned away from him again and the two resumed their steps, neither of them having anything left to say to each other as they headed for the last class of the day.

When the most unexpected pair came to their classroom together not only tardy but with one of them wearing fresh bandages, it goes without saying their teacher was not pleased. For a second, Ren couldn't believe he had run into another familiar face. Their displeased teacher was Silva, the same Silva from Patch Village during the Shaman Fight. He was almost unrecognizable in his suit instead of the traditional attire of his village and his dark hair cut short. Although it's not that Ren didn't know he would see him here since that was part of the memories that were introduced to him this morning. It was just somewhat odd to actually see him in person and confirm the reality. Ren and Horokeu apologized for being late but there was more concern for how Horokeu got his injuries.

"…I fell." The blunette said with a smile and a laugh that made Ren want to slap his palm on his forehead. If he knew the Ainu was so incapable of making up anything more decent, he would have made the effort to think of it himself. He could see Hao sitting in the back with a hand over his mouth to stifle his laugh.

"You fell?" Silva couldn't believe the simplicity of Horokeu's fib and raised a brow. His eyes looked like he really wanted to ask him, am I supposed to believe that? But instead, he looked at Ren.

"And…how about you, Ren?" The addressed teen could tell through the expectant stare that he was really being asked to explain the truth instead.

"He helped me to the infirmary." Ren opened his mouth but it wasn't his voice that answered the question and Silva turned to Horokeu again, slightly frowning. Ren wondered if the older boy realized he only made himself sound less credible with the way he rushed his words. Since that part was actually true maybe it was more convincing but then again, they weren't known for being such great friends. But considering that it was true, and all the other trouble he went through for him, Ren was extremely annoyed at being treated with such blatant distrust. It was as if Horokeu expected him to rat him out. But Ren didn't let the disappointment pass over his face as he nodded at Silva to confirm the blunette's claim.

"I see." Silva sighed, understanding that he won't get anything more out of them. "Take your seats." He instructed and the two walked to the back of the class where the only remaining vacant spots were. Ren sat down next to Hao, where the brunette had left the Tao's bag to save him a seat just in case he would make it. Horokeu took the other seat next to Ren.

"You only missed about five minutes of class." Hao said and then a broad, teasing grin spread across his face. "But you're gonna fill me in on what I missed." He snickered but Ren didn't respond, his golden eyes shifting to take quick glances at the other boy sitting next to him. The blunette didn't seem to notice, staring at the front of the class where Silva proceeded with his lesson. Ren wasn't sure if he was actually focusing on the class or if he was deliberately avoiding making eye contact with him. After all, Horokeu made it clear that he wanted to be left alone. Ren was still bothered by what they discussed earlier and as much as he had questions, he doubts bringing it up again will help ease the situation if he didn't at least think it through first. Thinking back to today's events and what Horokeu said, it seemed it had something to do with a nickname he heard being used by Kei and Grey. He can vaguely remember his friends using it as well and although it was to make fun of Horokeu, he doesn't recall the blunette making a big deal about it back then. Maybe it was because he knew his friends didn't mean it to be ill willed like Grey and Kei. Then again, he can't say for sure that he should treat the two situations like they happened on the same time line. After all, what he woke up to this morning obviously wasn't the same place as where he fell from at the hospital. Even so, why did the blunette seem to have two dynamically different reactions? What was the difference? What was the story behind a nickname? And more importantly, Ren wanted to know why Horokeu seemed to believe he played a major role in this one.

"Boro…Boro…" Ren mumbled to himself, low enough for no one else to hear.

But the next second, he was grabbing his head because it felt like a stone was thrown at it.

Ren managed not to scream but his voice still let out an agonized sound that caught the startled attention of the two boys he sat between. His eyes clamped shut and his fingers clutched tighter onto his head that throbbed so badly it was impossible to ignore. Hao and Horokeu looked at him and then at each other, clueless to what was happening.

"What's going on?" Silva approached the three when he noticed they were too preoccupied by something other than the lesson he carried. Then he noticed the alarm on Hao and Horokeu's faces. Ren wanted to say something to keep the class going, not wanting all of this attention he had gathered. Instead he ended up hissing angrily at the violent pounding in his head.

"I think Ren needs to go back to the infirmary." Hao spoke up before Ren could answer Silva's question.

"I'm fine!" Ren growled through his teeth and immediately regret it as it sent unnecessary repercussions through his already inflicted head. "It's just a headache." Still he insisted, making Hao sigh.

"Mr. Silva," The brunette began again. "The fact is, Ren hasn't been himself since this morning with his headache and…among other things." Ren glared daggers at Hao, feeling like the Asakura testified against him in open court. But Hao returned the gesture with an unapologetic gaze.

"…Ren, he's right. Go back to the infirmary." Ren's jaws dropped at Silva's verdict.

"You can't be serious!"

"I _am_ serious. And that's not a request. Go get yourself checked." Ren opened his mouth in an attempt to protest but the look on Silva's face made him let out an aggravated breath instead as he stood up.

"You ok on your own?" Hao called out before Ren opened the door.

"I told you, it's just a headache. I don't need your escort." He replied lowly over his shoulder, making sure he hinted enough for the brunette to know how betrayed he felt. Hao shrugged and took a quick glance at Horokeu, wondering why then the Tao escorted the Ainu. He even waited for him to be done even if it meant being late for class.

"What about your stuff?" Hao pointed at the school bag in the seat next to him, deciding to leave his other questions in the back of his head for now. Ren rolled his eyes before turning around again.

"How many times do I have to tell you: It's. Just. A. _Headache_. I'll most likely be back before class is over." Ren's hostility had Hao holding up his hands. The smaller teen left without giving him time to ask anything else.

**To be continued…**


	8. Another Place, Another Time

Ren was thankful that classes wouldn't be ending for some time. This meant he could make his trip in peace through quiet, empty halls, which could help him deal with the migraine. However, he could already feel the pain begin to loosen and he thought that made his return to the infirmary all the more meaningless and ridiculous.

In Ren's opinion, this school had a tendency to put too much effort into maintaining its reputation. Of course, he understands that considering the kind of families they come from, these kids were pretty high maintenance. Being a boarding school meant they were responsible for managing these high maintenance kids 24/7 so that also pressured them to meet certain standards. The school ensured a close eye, even if it meant to be excessive with it—if anything were to go wrong, there's a high probability that the blame would be placed on the school and some of the families had the power to make detrimental damage. Ren knows because his family is one of them. Plus, he's already graduated from a high school much like this one, with the same supposed concern for their students. He didn't know if the Silva he just met works under the same moral compass, but Ren could guess that there was probably a policy among the faculty to deal with even the slightest symptoms. Ren still didn't believe that gave them an excuse to pull him out of class against his will to send him to the doctor for a mere headache, especially because of how much he recognized this particular headache. It was very similar to the one he had at his dorm this morning although it wasn't as intense as that one. Nonetheless, it only took a few minutes to reach the infirmary he was just at. He opened the door…but froze the moment he walked inside.

"Hello, Ren." Nozomi waved at him with a cheerful smile. Ren's golden eyes went wide and a trembling finger pointed towards her.

"What are you—"

"I know you probably have a lot of questions." Nozomi cut him off as she walked up and closed the door behind him. "But why don't you take a seat first?" She suggested, still wearing her smile even though she was stared at with enraged eyes filled with distrust. Ren backed two steps away from her.

"I outa kill you." He hissed and Nozomi frowned, as if the acidic nature of his words were uncalled for.

"And why would you want to do that?"

"How about for trying to kill me first!?" Ren's risen voice didn't even make the woman flinch. While her calmness just further agitated him, Ren looked around the room. "Where're Faust and Eliza!? What have you done to them!?"

"There's no need to raise your voice, Ren." Nozomi sighed coolly and sat back down at Faust's desk. "They're fine. I just wanted us to have some privacy for what we're about to discuss."

"There's nothing for us to discuss!"

"Oh really?" Nozomi raised a brow, her eyes giving off a strange gleam. "What about your headache? Isn't that why you're here?" Ren shut his mouth and felt his nerves go tight. A sly smile made its way across Nozomi's face, immediately making Ren understand that she had answers he desperately needed. And as if she knew how much he wanted it, she didn't say anything and simply gestured her hand towards the seat next to the desk. Ren stood at his spot, glaring at the woman with absolute defiance, at the last face he saw before that fall—he silently took note of the fact that she wasn't changed into something younger like himself. But it was just the face that hadn't changed. The sweet woman he met first was clearly an act and as much as he wanted to resist going along with whatever game she was playing…he had to know what she knew. She continued to wait as he stood there, hands balling into fists as the tension kept building up and filling the room. Then, Ren finally stepped forward. But when he grabbed the chair he pulled it away from Nozomi and brought it to the spot he was standing at. He sat down so that he was a distance from her, and Nozomi chuckled, seeming amused by his precautious stance.

"Fine. Explain these headaches and these…things I see in my head." Ren asked tersely, ignoring Nozomi's laughter. She didn't seem to mind.

"Well, those things are your memories and those headaches are basically what happen when they are _unlocked_." She emphasized the word to make a point that that's what it was to be called. "The very first unlocking is usually the worst. But after that first one it's a gradual process. So you won't remember everything at once but you'll gain more as time passes. Think of it like a crack in a stonewall and water trickling in from the crack. And it won't just be the memories; you'll also receive all the emotions that go with them. However, there may be a few memories that won't just come to you so naturally like that. If there are such memories, they're usually pretty important and those will have to be unlocked separately."

"But these aren't _my_ memories. I don't know what you're—"

"Oh, but they are. They're your memories of this world."

"…What?" After a confused pause, that was the only response Ren could manage. The dumbfounded look on his face expressed that she had lost him. Nozomi put a finger to her chin, wondering where to begin.

"Remember when I told you to make a wish before I pushed you?"

"You mean when you tried to kill me?" Ren glowered at Nozomi and the woman laughed.

"Ok, just for the record, I did _not_ try to kill you."

"Well, for the record, you pushed me off a fucking building so yeah, it's fair to say you tried to fucking kill me." Nozomi didn't seem to mind Ren's cynical sarcasm, nodding patiently as if she agreed with him that it was fair for him to make that claim.

"I pushed you, I won't deny that. But it wasn't to kill you. It's part of the process, what I had to do to bring you here."

"What is that even supposed to mean!? And what'd you mean by 'brought' me here!? What the hell is going on, what the fuck did you do!?"

"I'm trying to get to that, hear me out. But first, do you remember me asking you?"

"…Yeah. So what?"

"Well, haven't you every wished, 'maybe another place, another time'?"

"No." Ren looked at the woman strangely, not understanding where her question was supposed to go.

"Really? You never wished things were different so you could undo a mistake or maybe even stop the mistake from happening in the first place? How about when you were at the hospital? When you found out about what happened to Horokeu?" Ren was on his feet again, almost instantly, and he turned away from Nozomi with clenched teeth. He's never felt such a strong urge to hit a woman, and he used everything in his power to keep himself from acting on it. A hand pulled him back by the wrist but he didn't turn back to her. Nozomi didn't make him, but kept a firm grip on his wrist and Ren could feel her gaze pressing against his back.

"How about when you found out about me and Horohoro?" Ren jerked his hand out of Nozomi's hold and stumbled back as he turned around again. He stared at her with eyes wide and shaken by a whole new level of panic; _She knows._

There's no way she would say that, no way that she could ask him that unless she knew. But how? His sister didn't even suspect it. He's hidden it away for years, from everyone because he was going to take it to his grave. Yet somehow she had dug it up like he didn't bury it deep enough, like it was a shallow grave.

But Ren didn't let himself dwell in his shock for long. His golden eyes soon narrowed in disgust, as he couldn't believe the decency this woman lacked to make such a low blow. This current situation was only bearable because it was, on so many levels, better than the situation he was originally from—he didn't need to be reminded of that. It wasn't fair to remind him that he was turning a blind eye at the truth… that he didn't want to go back. His balled fists remained at his sides but his eyes show he couldn't promise they will stay there. Yet the woman still didn't move.

"Hear me out…please." She sent Ren the same unwavering gaze he saw right before she pushed him off that hospital. He didn't know if it's because of her quiet voice or the stillness surrounding them, but he could feel the tension in his shoulders eventually loosen and his heartbeat stop its screaming. When she realized he had calmed down, Nozomi let go of Ren's wrist.

"Another place, another time… It's what a lot of humans wish. Especially when things seem to go out of their control. So this is basically it: Another place and another time." Ren sat back down though still distancing himself from her. She smiled at him, seeming to appreciate his attention.

"So…what, you created a new world and put me in it?"

"Oh no, I can't do all that. This world already existed and I just brought you here. Ever heard of parallel universe?"

"So you're telling me this is a parallel universe?"

"Something like that. I'm sure you've already run into a few familiar faces and you've probably figured out they're not the same people you know. In this world, no one is a Shaman, not even you. You're all just regular people, nobody partnered up with a spirit to fight with them. There is no Shaman Fight to compete for the Great Spirit. And definitely no need to worry about Hao trying to kill off most of the human race."

"Ok…Those memories you mentioned, the ones that have to be unlocked separately?" Ren spoke slowly, trying to take it all in as he massaged his temples. "How do I do that? The unlocking or whatever." He honestly didn't like going along with something that sounded so outrageous. But as much as he hated to admit it, it made sense when he thought about the pain he experienced at his dorm and all the memories that suddenly came pouring in after it. And to his question, Nozomi shrugged.

"There's really no way to tell for sure. Usually there's a key that's in some relation to the memory. Sometimes it can be as simple as seeing or touching a certain item. Or it can be very specific like hearing a particular phrase or hearing it from a specific person or voice." Ren nodded slowly, understanding now that touching his school uniform was the key for the first unlocking.

"You seem to be taking this pretty well. I usually expect humans to be more panicked or confused." Ren waved a hand as if to dismiss Nozomi's observation.

"Believe me, I am way past that point." He huffed, trying not to think about all the stress he endured when he first woke up to this situation.

"Why…Of all the…Do you have _any_ idea how stupid high schoolers are?" He groaned, feeling weary when he realized what he's going to be dealing with.

"If you ask me, you humans are all stupid no matter how old you get." But Nozomi only shrugged, again speaking in that very matter-of-fact tone.

"Ok, why do you keep mentioning humans like you're not one?" Nozomi looked at Ren oddly.

"…Because I'm not."

"What? What are you if you're not a human?"

"I can't tell you exactly what I am. I guess you could say it's kind of a rule. All I can tell you is I'm definitely not a human." Nozomi's response was barely satisfying. At this point Ren didn't know how much of anything he was supposed to take seriously and it was so far out of his comfort zone to be this uncertain of everything.

"That's it? So let me get this straight; you shove me off a building nearly getting me killed, then as you put it, bring me to some parallel universe where you screw with my head, literally making me feel like I'm going mad. You put me through all that shit and then have the goddamn nerve to say you won't even tell me who you are? You fuck me over big time and just say 'oh well, go ahead and be on your way'!? Are you fucking serious!?"

"Well, you make it sound so terrible when you put it like that. It's really a matter of perception."

"Tell me, just _how_ is this supposed to be perceived positively in _any_ way!? Explain to me. _Enlighten_ me." Nozomi closed her eyes sadly in the presence of his outrage, bowing her head as if to apologize for not being able to console him. Ren stared at her with an infuriated glare, waiting for an answer he knew he deserved. But his patience only lasted for a brief moment and he scoffed at her with a dark smile.

"Tell me you at least have the decency to tell me…why me. Why me!?"

"I'm sorry…I can't tell you why or how you're chosen."

"Oh no, let me guess; it's another one of those pesky rules, am I right?" Ren let out a shuddered breath.

"I know it's frustrating and I'm sorry, I really am." He instinctively wanted to yell at her to stop apologizing like it was helping. But instead he turned away from her again, biting back that impulse. He didn't know what it was about these so-called rules, wondering how many more there were and what made them so binding. Whatever it was, he was sick of them and this woman's inability to defy them like it was gravity. The woman can sense the bitterness from the back facing her. She slowly moved towards Ren with a voice laced with genuine remorse.

"I know it's confusing and maybe even unfair." She put a hand on Ren's shoulder and carefully turned him around so he was facing her again. She could tell he didn't believe her. Or even if he did, it didn't matter. The loathsome hue of his eyes spoke for him, how the sincerity in her voice wasn't helping to ease how he felt because it wasn't going to change anything.

"But at least over here, he's alive." He didn't say anything but she didn't mind. She finally spotted in those golden pools something that let her manage a weak smile.

"You don't just get to see him. Over here, you guys go to the same school. Sure there isn't the same bond from when you guys were Shaman in the other world. Maybe it's not exactly how you'd want it all to be but I told you, it's how you choose to see everything." Ren bit the inside of his cheeks, uncertainty roiling the gold in his eyes. He began to shift his gaze downward again, being weighed down by all this confusion he didn't know how to handle. But Nozomi grabbed his shoulders, trying to force him to look at her again.

"Ren!" She called out and peered into his eyes, refusing to let them cloud over. "Why not think of this like a second chance? Like…like some sort of New-Year-Birthday miracle or something."

"…Is that what all this is supposed to be?"

"I'm saying that's what it _can_ be. That's up to you, though." Ren wanted to argue that nothing had been up to him. If anything had been up to him, that car would've hit him instead. If it had been up to him, he would've found the nerve to attend all those New Year reunions. If it had been up to him, he would not have gone back to China until he set things right with the blunette. If it had been up to him, he never would've made that mistake. If it had been up to him, Horokeu never would have…

Ren stopped himself there and let out a breath.

"I need to go." It almost sounded like he was saying it to himself. He gently pushed Nozomi's hands off his shoulders and turned to the door. Nozomi simply watched him leave.

**To be continued…**


	9. Second Chances

Ren wasn't sure if he had spent too much time at the infirmary or if he was just moving too slowly on his way back to Silva's class. He didn't even realize it until the bell's loud chime resonated through the empty halls and the classrooms purged out all the kids who had been anxious to hear it. Ren himself would have headed back to his dorm but he remembered he left his things in class. So he was forced to let himself be swallowed by the crowd, going against the current of kids who moved along either to head back to their dorm or to whatever after school activity they were involved in. Voices were buzzing everywhere and he was glad he didn't have to deal with it when he had his headache. Then again, it was hard to believe he had felt so much pain because now his head was practically numbed from still trying to process everything he heard in the infirmary.

_Why not think of this like a second chance?_

Ren thought about what Nozomi said and his frown deepened. He still didn't know what that was supposed to mean. Everything she's told him sounded too farfetched to be true. And yet there was also a part of him that was so lost, he was desperate enough to grab on to anything that could keep him afloat in this mess. At the same time there was still a part of him that didn't want to trust her. After all, the supposed answers she gave him seemed to just unlock and open doors to more questions. Speaking of unlocking—

Ren sighed when he thought about the headache that led him to his re-encounter with the woman. While he wasn't fully ready to accept everything Nozomi told him, he could understand now that the headache was, as she put it, an unlocking. And according to her, these memories need to be unlocked because they're supposed to be important. Although he couldn't figure out the importance of what he remembered, the only thing he could be certain of was that he himself was the key. Or put more accurately, he had to be the one to mention a certain nickname because anyone else who said it didn't have any effect on him.

The door to Silva's class came into view and Ren picked up his pace. He mentally told himself that he was going to grab his things and be out as quickly as he went in. He pushed his confusion to the back of his head with plans to pick them up again when he returned to his dorm, and approached the door with an anxious hand reaching for the knob.

"Frankly, I'm very concerned. I just don't understand your recent behavior." Silva's voice sounded from behind the door and Ren instinctively drew his hand away. The grave tone made him not want to walk in and interrupt what sounded like a very private conversation, probably with another student. Yet he couldn't just walk away with his things still in there. The young Tao wasn't one to eavesdrop so he began to take a step back to distance himself enough to be out of earshot.

"What's going on, Horokeu?" Ren immediately stopped his feet upon hearing the blunette's name. Suddenly, that part about not being one to eavesdrop was no longer valid and he moved closer to the door. He carefully leaned in, narrowing his eyes as he waited for someone to give him details. He was also painfully aware of how he looked and couldn't be more grateful that the halls were clear of any witnesses. But there's no telling how long that luck will last which was why Ren's impatience itched at him as he waited for Horokeu or someone to say something.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." Silva spoke up again, almost sounding like he was festered by the same frustration. But even with the door in the way, Ren could see the man's concerned face just from the tone in his voice. It also told him that it was just that serious and Horokeu's silence didn't help to ease the tension, which even made Ren feel knots in his stomach. Silva sighed as if he knew he shouldn't expect to get anything out of the Ainu.

"You hardly ever do the school work assigned and even if you do, they're mediocre at best. That's not like you. I know you can do better because you were doing so well in the beginning. And your score on the last test…you can't get a score like that on the next one. If you do, then I have no choice but to fail you. You know what that means for a student on scholarship like yourself. You'll be expelled." The knots in Ren's stomach tightened. Ren himself has been concerned with the blunette he's met here—the supposed friends he associates with, his willingness to skip classes, and his unwillingness to fight back despite his hostile tendencies. And now, this? He didn't know it was this bad. Sure, Ren has on many occasions called Horokeu stupid and even considered him reckless sometimes but the blunette he knew would never be so self-destructive. Then again, according to what Nozomi told him earlier, that was back where he came from. Was this boy with the same name and face the same boy he knew?

"Yeah, I know." Came Horokeu's voice but Ren wondered if the blunette really understood the gravity of it all with the way he sounded like he just wanted to dismiss the whole subject altogether. He hoped the Ainu had more to say, which is why he truly didn't expect him to end the conversation there until the older teen opened the door on him. Obsidian clashed with gold, and for a brief moment both boys seemed to be put on pause from seeing the other so unexpectedly. But one of them broke that moment with words spoken lowly from a scornful frown.

"What're you doing here? Class ended."

"I…left my stuff here." Ren replied awkwardly, unsure if Horokeu knew he was standing there for a while.

"Hao left with them." The blunette said curtly, not hesitating to roll his eyes as he did. He then closed the door behind him and moved around Ren to head on his way.

"Wait!" Ren called out and quickly stepped in front of the blunette.

"What?" Horokeu glowered, making it apparent that he didn't care to be pestered by the young Tao.

"I…" Ren felt his throat go dry when he realized he didn't know what he actually wanted to say to him. There was just something he couldn't explain telling him he couldn't let Horokeu leave like this. Not after what he heard. There was some desperate urge making him want to do something. He didn't know why but he felt like if he let the blunette go now, that was the end of it. He didn't even know what he would be ending but he knew he didn't want to find out.

"…I can help you."

"…What?" Horokeu raised a brow, sounding like he didn't know what Ren wanted to say. There was another pause tightening the knots in Ren's guts as he swallowed hard to prepare himself for what he will say next. He knew Horokeu wouldn't like it.

"I…I heard you and Silva in there." Horokeu's eyes widened slightly but he immediately narrowed them to a sharp glare.

"I wasn't eavesdropping." Ren said quickly before the blunette could act on whatever emotions were being driven through him. "I told you I came back to get my stuff because I didn't know Hao already left with them. I didn't mean to overhear you guys."

"…Whatever." But Horokeu turned around to walk away, leaving it unclear if he believed Ren or not.

"Horohoro, I'm sorry!" Overwhelmed with panic, Ren's voice came out sounding like a loud plea and Horokeu couldn't keep walking. He turned around, clearly taken aback even if it was just two simple words. Simple but enough to make him overlook the same nickname that set him off earlier that morning. Ren himself didn't expect them to come out so easily either. Perhaps it's because he's always wanted to say them to the Ainu since a certain night for a decision he made and ended up regretting for years. But this very moment couldn't be about that night. Horokeu's confused but awaiting gaze helped him to remember that.

"I'm sorry…" The smaller boy began quietly, trying not to let his voice quiver. He closed his eyes, so nervous that the blunette will just walk away without giving him a chance. As annoyed as he was for being stalled by someone he thought he couldn't stand, Horokeu couldn't find it in himself to blow off someone whose attempt seemed so sincere.

"I…I remember now."

_It was some time in spring when Ren had just become a second year. At this time, Ren hardly knew Horokeu, except that they took a few of the same classes where the blunette barely left an impression on him. But when he saw the Ainu outside the classrooms with his friends, he knew he didn't want to be more than just acquaintances. Because of this, Ren had a tendency to have a pointed attitude towards Horokeu if they were to ever exchange any words, and that marked him with a certain impression to recognize him by for the older boy as well. Hence, the two simply disliked the other and while they weren't afraid to show it, for the most part they avoided any kind of contact with each other. That was, until one day, they somehow ended up exchanging fists._

_To be honest, although he could remember the fight itself, Ren couldn't recall what had ignited it. He felt like there may have been a conversation between him and the blunette, and maybe there had been a poor choice of words. But he didn't know who made those poor choices or even what words had been exchanged to lead to resorting to more than just talking. He didn't even know who was first to decide to provoke the other to that point. The only detail he was certain of was that the first punch was thrown by Horokeu. But regardless of his reasons or whatever the events that led up to that, it goes without saying he didn't stand a chance against the Tao. Horokeu ended up on the ground with Ren standing above him to get a good look at his miserable defeat. His golden stare was chillingly calm, but he wore a smirk that made Horokeu wish he could spit on it if his body didn't ache so much. But Ren didn't quite end it there._

" _They should call you Boroboro instead of Horohoro." He chuckled, more amused by the bitterness expressed by the defeated teen than his own tacky pun. The blunette didn't say anything but he didn't have to—Ren could see the resentment simply in the onyx glare that was locked on the young Tao. As he turned away from him, Ren could see Horokeu from the corner of his eye, watching him through his vexed vision as he walked away. It only made Ren laugh._

"I'm sorry." Ren said again but this time his voice had recovered, now calm as it spoke his earnest words. "I'm sorry for being so immature and calling you that. And I'm sorry if it offended you and I'm sorry for being such a jerk." To be honest, Ren didn't want to apologize. What he wanted to do was scream, protest how unfair this was. It wasn't fair that he should have to take the blame and apologize in someone's place. The memory was there, it was his face and his voice but it wasn't _him._ He wasn't the immature jerk who threw those punches or sneered that name with such spite. He wasn't the one who hurt Horokeu and he didn't want to be forgiven for something he didn't do.

But Ren kept telling himself it didn't matter what he thought. He suppressed his pleas, protests, and strained pride as he waited. And Horokeu currently stared at Ren in slight awe, clearly not expecting such a formal and sincere apology, and especially not expecting the Tao to admit to being immature. And Ren waited for him through a hopeful stare and for a while, Horokeu was silenced by his hesitation. Something seemed to pass over the blunette's face for a brief moment but Ren was only able to catch the slight shift in his eyes. And before he could try to figure out what it was, Horokeu closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

"What's going on, Tao? Hao said you've been acting weird and I believe him. And I mean _all day_ since this morning… Where's all this coming from?" Ren's lips pressed into a fine line and his eyes moved down to avoid the confused gaze Horokeu sent him as he waited. He didn't blame Horokeu for asking what was probably the most obvious question to surface, the one question he had been dreading because he still couldn't come up with anything on the top of his head. Luckily for Ren, the blunette wasn't patient enough to wait long and he let out another stressed sigh.

"Don't wanna tell me? Fine, whatever. Then what's this about helping me, what's _that_ about?"

"I'll help you raise your grades or at least get a passing grade on your next test." Grateful for Horokeu retracting his first question, Ren quickly answered the new one with enthusiasm that made the Ainu look at him oddly.

"How?"

"I'll tutor you."

"Wait, _that's_ your idea!?"

"Yeah… What's wrong with it?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that we can't stand each other! I mean, I know you just apologized and I guess _something's_ happened to make you act the way you've been today. But do you really think we can stand to be in the same room together!?"

"Why not? We take the same classes."

"That's different and you know what I meant. Shit, I thought you were going to sell me cheat sheets or something."

"Cheat sheets!? Cheating won't solve anything."

"Easy for you to say. Everyone knows you're the guy always scoring the highest on all of our tests."

"That's right, and _you_ also know I'd be the best guy to turn to if you want to get even a decent score on our next test."

"Forget it, that's just asking for a disaster."

"A bigger disaster than failing and being expelled?" Ren crossed his arms with that same tone Horokeu hated so much.

"Look," The blunette growled through clenched teeth and pointed a finger inches away from Ren's face. "I'd take the offer from anyone but not _you_." This time Ren was the one pressing his teeth together and his aggressive steps closing in made the older teen step back.

"Oh yeah? Who else is making the offer? Who else is actually _willing_ to do it? One of your friends? Which one of those friends of yours is taking an AP class anyway?" His voice rivaled Horokeu's fire and while the blunette didn't falter to it, he leaned back as Ren inched even closer. And his last question, laced ever so tightly with sarcasm, had the Ainu choking back any response.

"That's what I thought!" Ren spat viciously and was now the one pointing a finger. "Face it! I'm not just your best bet at this. I'm all you've got."

"… What makes you think I give a shit about my grades?" Horokeu was glaring but despite his angry eyes there was defeat tapping his low voice. He knew there's no way Ren could actually know what classes all of his friends took but that just goes to show his guess was nothing difficult. Ren let out a loud sigh, which elevated to a moan, like Horokeu's question made it too difficult to keep it in. At least more difficult than his guess about his friends.

"Because unlike your stupid friends, you actually chose to take an AP class. That's…that's gotta mean something. Like, maybe up to some point, you actually cared about your future. I don't know what happened to change that and I don't know what the hell you're trying to prove, but why don't you stop being so fucking stubborn and let me help you?" Ren spoke like he couldn't stress it enough that he meant every word and perhaps that's why Horokeu couldn't answer him right away. He seemed uneasy with Ren's question, to it's sincerity, and it had him debating with himself for a decision. Ren waited in awkward silence for a few moments until Horokeu finally looked him in the eyes.

"Fine." The blunette muttered with a sigh but quickly added, "But only until our next test. Once that's over, we're done."

"Deal. We'll start tomorrow. I'll meet you at the library after school." Horokeu simply shrugged in response, not seeming enthusiastic but also not making any objections. The two finally left the building to head back to their dorms, not exchanging another word, not even a simple good-bye when they split to head to their respective dormitory. When Horokeu reached his room he fell face forward on his bed, the exhaustion taking him down full on the moment he closed the door behind him. And he would've fallen asleep just like that, despite that he was still in his uniform. But then he remembered the conversation he had just moments ago and groaned.

"Fuck… I can't believe I'm doing this."


	10. Here to Stay

When that bell finally signaled the end of his last class for the day, Ren didn't waste his time to collect his things and leave the classroom. His long awaited release from the prison had him carrying himself through the halls in brisk anxious steps that could make one wonder why he didn't just go ahead and run instead. The fact is, Ren didn't usually look forward to tutoring anyone—in fact he usually loathed the mere idea of it. He always thought anyone who couldn't keep up might as well be left behind, and he would never waste his time for anyone so undeserving. But this wasn't for just anyone. The knowledge of that made him restrain himself from running because he felt a pressing need to keep from flustering.

Ren didn't expect himself to be stopped before reaching the destined library. But then again, he hadn't expected all of his encounters yesterday either. That was the only reason he would stop his feet and when he did, he turned his head slightly towards the closed door of the infirmary, regarding it like it held a sort of presence separate from the rest of the school it was supposed to be a part of. It was one thing to run into Faust and Eliza. But the one particular encounter on his second visit…that was why he was reaching for this door again.

"… Is something the matter?" Ren stood at the mouth of the doorway and stared blankly at Faust who also watched him from the desk he sat at. For a short moment his face clearly expressed he did not expect to be visited by the boy two days in a row but he didn't seem especially bothered either and he immediately went back to his collected composure. But the lack of response from Ren had him raise a skeptical brow and he peered at the unresponsive boy more carefully for any less obvious signs of distress or ailments.

"Mr. Tao, are you escorting someone again?" The German man asked as he tried to see if anyone might be hiding behind the addressed boy.

"Huh?" Ren blinked as if he was just noticing Faust and then shook his head. "Um…no." He finally managed enough focus for a response.

"Then may I ask why you're here?" But his vague response only earned him an annoyed sigh from the doctor who still didn't know why Ren didn't even fully walk in to close the door yet. Ren hesitated, unsure about how he should go about answering him.

"… Actually, I was wondering…does anyone else work here?" Ren said uneasily and Faust sent him the expected odd frown.

"You mean Eliza?"

"No, I mean someone other than you guys." He wanted to add he also meant a young woman but considering how that might sound, he decided to hold that part back and see what Faust has to say.

"No, not in this infirmary." Faust shook his head. "Why do you—"

"Never mind, it's nothing. Sorry to bother you." Ren rushed his words as he quickly stepped out into the hall again. He closed the door and heaved a quiet sigh, thinking he probably should've figured this would be the outcome. And while slightly weighed by disappointment, his steps resumed for the library.

The library was a short walk from the east exit, no more than five minutes, as it was actually located outside the main school building. As Ren walked in, he skimmed the occupants of the long tables lined up at the center of the room but found no sign of Horokeu. Immediately, he regrets that he had forgotten to exchange contact information with the blunette yesterday. If he at least knew if the older boy had arrived before him or not, that could help him decide on what to do. There were two more floors above but those were computer rooms and Ren doubts he would find Horokeu there since they were strictly limited for academic purposes. That left the one floor below, which was similar to the one he was on. But if the other boy simply did not arrive yet, Ren preferred to take one of the seats here on the first floor close to the entrance so Horokeu could easily find him. Unfortunately, all those seats were taken. It wasn't even like Ren to arrange a meeting without specifying the time but yesterday's circumstances didn't exactly allow him to think straight. After a few short seconds of debating, Ren decided to take a tour around to see if he could find Horokeu among the bookshelves. He doubted that too but maybe a seat will open if he gave it some time.

The size of the facility alone was impressive enough, but Ren found himself more appreciating the sophisticated collection of literature lined up on the walls and maze of shelves. He had spotted a few small one-person chairs here and there in places one could isolate themselves. But none were occupied by anyone, let alone Horokeu. He almost found it a shame that no one would take advantage of such opportunities to immerse themselves in this labyrinth.

Ren walked up to one of the chairs and peered out the window it was next to. He watched a few students walk by and frowned; still no sign of the Ainu. Deciding maybe he should look on the floor below, he turned around…and stopped.

"What are you—" Ren opened his mouth, his voice already beginning to rise.

"Ssh," But Nozomi shushed him with a finger over her lips. "Remember, this is a library." She whispered with a playful smile and Ren quickly shut his mouth, not at all as amused as she was. She giggled, seeming to find that funny.

"What are you doing here!?" Ren hissed lowly, but Nozomi kept smiling.

"Just thought I'll see how you're doing. You haven't been looking for me, have you?"

"As a matter of fact, I was." Ren answered with a glare, not bothering to ask why the woman sounded like she already knew. "But I couldn't find you, at least not at the infirmary. I was told you don't even work there."

"That's because I don't. What makes you think I work at this school at all?"

"How else can you be hanging around here? Unlike me, you're not younger than when I met you. Not that it would matter in your case." Ren's question was a reasonable one. For one, he was right about her age; she wasn't a teenager like Ren. But even if she were, it wouldn't help because this was a boys' school so she couldn't pretend to be a student. And unless she was part of the staff like Eliza, a young woman like Nozomi would easily stand out. But she was able to walk into the library and even sneak up on Ren without a single person bothering her. It was only natural for Ren to be confused but as if that confusion amused her, Nozomi's smile widened. Without answering him, she pointed a finger for him to look out the window behind him. Although that annoyed him a little, Ren turned around. But there was nothing out there for him to see.

"What?" He asked and turned to Nozomi again. She rolled her eyes but still said nothing as she moved next to him. She put a hand on his shoulder to make him lean forward with her. But even with getting a closer look Ren still didn't know what they were supposed to see.

"I can see you but can you…" Nozomi chimed and trailed off while taking her gaze from Ren's reflection to his actual face. The boy's eyes had gone wide, and she seemed satisfied with how quickly he caught on and took a step back. Ren looked at her and then back at the window, and then back at the woman again. His lips were slightly agape without a word coming from them. He looked at the window again, and his reflection stared back with the same speechless bewilderment…but Nozomi's reflection was nowhere to be found. Ren turned back to the woman, this time his eyes glaring with distrust and caution. But Nozomi shrugged her shoulders and sat herself down on the desk by the chair.

"Why don't you take a seat too? You're the only one who can see me, so grab a book and pretend to read while we talk. That way you won't look like some crazy guy talking to himself." She chuckled, which made Ren let out a disgruntled growl as he randomly chose a book from the nearest shelf and sat himself down on the chair.

"What the hell are you?" The boy whispered as he stared at the page he opened in front of him.

"I told you I'm not a human." Nozomi said but Ren didn't seem phased even though he knew she didn't plan to tell him more.

"How do I know you're not a Shaman?" The woman raised a brow at something she apparently wasn't prepared for. Ren's amber eyes shifted from the book's pages to her face, the intensity of his stare letting her know that his question was a serious one. That gave her reason to be curious.

"And…where'd that interesting theory come from?"

"Hao was a Shaman capable of pulling off some crazy shit. And you don't have to be Hao to be a Shaman who specializes in dreams and illusions." Ren returned his absentminded gaze to the book he wasn't reading.

"Good point." Nozomi nodded slowly, seeming somewhat impressed. "But no, I'm not a Shaman either."

"Well, it's either that or…I'm in a coma."

"A coma?" This clearly caught Nozomi off guard.

"When you pushed me," Ren began with his quiet voice pushing through his teeth as he looked back on the event. "I'm guessing it didn't quite kill me and now I'm in a coma…and this is all a dream." The fact is, although Ren kept his voice calm and steady, he was actually frustrated with himself. He came up with these theories just last night when he finally got to look back on everything and thinking through what's happened yesterday. Only then did he realize he should've come up with these questions much sooner but all the confusion had him too distracted.

"So basically you're saying you can't accept that this is all reality." Nozomi sighed and crossed her arms.

"How can I? How can anyone?" Nozomi eyed Ren carefully before speaking again.

"You don't even believe me when I say I'm not a human, do you?" Ren just shrugged, not even meeting her eyes with his as he continued to stare at the book.

"Then how was I able to 'visit' you at the hospital so early? Hours before visiting hours without any of the nurses catching me? Or how do you explain the fence on the roof disappearing when you fell?"

"So there _was_ a fence." Ren intoned as he turned a page for some authenticity. "And I didn't fall, I was pushed." Nozomi pursed her lips and drummed her fingers on her arm.

"Fine." She huffed after a few short moments and looked at Ren again. "Lets say, hypothetically, you're right. That this is all some dream or fantasy cooked up for you and none of it is real." Nozomi's expression faltered and Ren noticed it like a thick cloud had moved over her.

"… Do you really want to wake up?" She asked after a short pause and Ren looked at her like she had to be joking.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I think you know why." Nozomi said quietly, her previous cheerful chipper now absent. "Do you really want to wake up…when you know what will be waiting for you?" The dark cloud that had cast over the woman was now filling every corner of the room, towering over the two in its dreadful scrutiny. It slowly reached out its claws towards Ren until it had its cold grip on his heart and he could feel it trying to snuff it out. Each beat in his chest was a cry out that sent tremors through his bones and a deafening clamor in his ears. He put a hand over his chest, willing the bird in the cage to settle down.

"Ren, if you really believe you're in a coma then you know what's waiting for you. You know it's real." Ren didn't respond and Nozomi waited for him as he struggled to breathe, his shoulders rising and falling in his effort to defy what was trying to overcome him. What this woman said, what she implied… Why he would be in a coma, why he fell, why he was even in that hospital. It tore away the tight lid Ren had on what he needed to keep away for the sake of not losing his mind. But now it came at him, trying to choke him from the inside—reminding him everything he so desperately wanted to forget but knew all too well that he never could.

"But…" But he should know better, Ren tried to say but could not manage to hold back the tremble in his voice. The decision should be easy. He wanted to say it is easy. He wanted to tell her he wasn't foolish as to choose dream over reality…was he?

"Ren, there's something else I have to tell you." Nozomi went on, because they both knew Ren wouldn't be able to finish.

"…What." His hand let go of his chest as his breathing recovered, but that was the only thing that recovered. Nothing could take away what's been reminded, that much he knew. That much he couldn't deny, no matter how painful it was. Because the woman was right; he can't forget or deny what is real, and this pain is the only evidence of its reality.

"Well, I can't have you make a habit out of looking for me like you can see me anytime. The fact is I'm supposed to be as uninvolved as possible and can't be turning up so much."

"How the hell are you supposed to be uninvolved? From what you've already told me, you're the cause of all this."

"Yeah, I know how it sounds. And I know I said you're the only one who could see me so I know you probably think it shouldn't be a problem... But it is." Ren rolled his eyes, not needing her to tell him that it was another one of those rules again.

"What, so you came here to tell me you're leaving me on my own now?"

"For the most part. I mean, I can still show up but _only_ when it's _really_ necessary."

"When is it really necessary?"

"I don't know, I guess like an emergency."

"And how do I find you?"

"Well, you probably shouldn't expect to keep finding me at the infirmary. Like I said, I'm not going to appear just because you want to see me so I can't really say where you'll find me. I might come to you like today or you might be able to run into me like yesterday. Who knows, maybe it'll be the guidance counselor's office next time." Ren sent the woman a strange look and she simply shrugged.

"It'd make sense. You'd come to me for guidance, right?"

"Sure, I guess, whatever." Ren scoffed, unsure of how seriously he wanted to take her words. Nozomi didn't seem to mind his dismissive attitude.

"So are you here to study or looking for a book?" She asked curiously, perhaps in an attempt to lighten the heavy air.

"Neither." Ren replied curtly, the hard edge hinting his current mood. "I barely need to study anything. So far, everything they think they're teaching me are things I already learned."

"Then what're you doing here?"

"... Waiting, I guess." Ren sighed and got up to return the unneeded book back to its rightful location. While he did so, he glanced at the seats he remembered he had been waiting on and noticed that a few had finally become vacant. As he turned to grab his things before the seats were all taken again, his feet stopped short. Nozomi was gone. The silence and stillness of the library made him more conscious of the abruptness of her disappearance, making Ren look around. He looked away for just a few seconds and it's as if she was never there to begin with. As shocking and confusing as that was, Ren shook his head to rid the bafflement. At this point he'd learn that he'd only be wasting his time if he tried to figure anything out about this woman. However, as he grabbed his belongings, he made a mental note to ask her how her presence managed to keep surprising him. Even if he may be in an alternate universe, he was still his same self. He refused to believe his senses have been so dulled that someone can go unnoticed by his radar every single time—it was more annoying than impressive. As he sat down, he made a point to himself that he won't let it be the same with Horokeu when the blunette shows up.

After three hours passed, enough was enough. While he never saw Horokeu come through the front door, he also checked the other floors, including the computer rooms, and still found no sign of the Ainu. Ren is well aware of his own fault in this; he should have specified the time or at least exchanged contact information. But he didn't care about any of that or anything else that he should have done. All that mattered to him was that he's done waiting.

However, Ren was also willing to give Horokeu the benefit of a doubt. It seemed unusually generous of him, but maybe it's because the whole situation still has him a bit overwhelmed. As much as he wanted to say he didn't want to hear any of the excuses the blunette could come up with, he was going to give him the chance to explain, considering current circumstances and his recent observations of the older boy.

But circumstances changed when he stepped out of the library and spotted Horokeu. The Ainu wasn't even headed for the library as he was walking with his friends, laughing and joking around as they seemed to be headed for their dormitory. Scratch that about being generous and giving him the benefit of a doubt.

Horokeu's laughter stopped the moment his eyes caught site of Ren. And so did his feet as the younger teen approached him and his friends, his fiery amber glare locked on the blunette and not allowing him to even look away. Horokeu stared back with as much defiance as he can muster, even though the urge to turn and walk away was undeniably there. He wanted to say pride held him back but after being a witness to what Ren was capable of, he wasn't sure if that was really enough. Whatever it was that held him in place, he was stuck, nervously preparing for what was to come. And from the way Ren closed in on him, it felt like a raging storm was nearing with every firm step taken by the younger boy, and Horokeu wasn't expecting it to pass by quietly much less painlessly. Ren grabbed the taller boy by his shirt and pulled him down so their faces were inches apart.

"Have fun getting expelled, baka Horo!" Horokeu flinched but despite his expectations, no fists came flying and he blinked when he realized Ren didn't even scream at him. In fact, the young Tao didn't say anything else and just let go of the blunette with a shove. He then simply walked passed Horokeu as he stumbled back, managing not to fall but still left to stand in his dumbfounded stupor.

"What the hell was that about?" The question forced Horokeu out of his dazed state. He looked around at all of his friends, realizing that they had witnessed the brief ordeal.

"Yeah, _expelled_? What'd you do to piss him off so bad, Horo?" Another one asked uneasily and Horokeu felt himself tense to their confused frowns.

"Hehe...I don't know what he's talking about." He tried to mask his panic with an awkward smile and a nervous laugh to go with it. But the silence made it harder for him to think of something to convince them to believe him. Horokeu knew what it looked like to them. To them, they just saw Ren threaten to have him kicked out of school. To them, Horokeu pissed off someone who can actually make it happen. And as far as they knew, the last thing they want is to get caught up in the crossfires. They didn't want anything to do with that. They didn't want to have anything to do with Horokeu. Not if he can't fix this.

"Look..." After a few moments, another one of his friends spoke up. "Why don't you go talk to him? Maybe try to sort out whatever it is... We'll go ahead back to our rooms." The rest of them nodded, and Horokeu couldn't find any room to argue. He was practically not given a chance to as they all turned away and started for their dormitory. It was apparent that they were trying to get away from the uncomfortable air hanging around the blunette, even if it meant leaving him behind in it. The only option left for the Ainu was to head the way Ren went. The younger teen didn't get far and as soon as Horokeu spotted him, he was quick to close the distance between them.

"Tao!" The older boy called out and he grabbed Ren's slender shoulder to force him to turn around. Before Ren could react, the blunette had him by his blazer and pushed him up against a tree. The surprise and pain made Ren grimace for a very brief moment but it didn't last for more than a second.

"What?" Ren said with a scowl, seeming irritated by the ambush but not in the least intimidated. "Is this even necessary?" He added with a sigh, which seemed to add on to Horokeu's agitation.

"Shut up!"" Horokeu's loud voice made a few heads turn. At this point, they couldn't ignore the fact that they were attracting the attention of their peers.

"Oh, I get it." Ren laughed, and the corners of his lips lifted into a smug smirk. "You _want_ to get expelled, and this is just your way of speeding up the process." His snide tone clearly hit another one of Horokeu's nerves and he knew the Ainu wanted to hit him too, with the way he could feel his hands shake. He watched the taller boy with eyes narrowed to send a message stronger than his words.

"Unless I'm right, you better let go of me and calm the fuck down." His voice was low but that didn't make it any less convincing. Horokeu managed not to shiver to the coldness sent down his spine but he did loosen his grip on the smaller boy. The hostile blaze in his eyes persisted as if to speak for him how reluctant he was about obeying the young Tao. Nonetheless, he slowly let go of him, and Ren waited until his hands returned to his sides. He crossed his arms, his previous smirk long gone and replaced by tightly frowned lips.

"Well, we obviously can't talk here." Ren stated flatly and they moved off the sidewalk over into a small grove.

"What makes you think you can go ahead and spill it in front of my friends about my..." Horokeu began once they went in far enough. But he didn't finish himself, his teeth clenched together like he was biting back his next words.

"...About your situation?" Ren finished for him and turned around to face him with a raised brow. "You mean to tell me you never told them? I thought you said they were your friends, and you can't even confide in them?" He didn't seem to care about his choice of words or how much more they were aggravating the older boy. It even seemed deliberate. But then he heaved a tired sigh.

"Actually, never mind. What'd I care? Clearly, I was wasting my time trying to help you." Ren shook his head with sheer disappointment laced in his voice, and began to walk past Horokeu.

"...Why?" Ren stopped, almost missing the barely audible voice coming from the older boy. He turned to Horokeu who was staring at the grass with eyes that looked like he was ready to fade. That was enough to keep him there.

"Why what?"

"Just why? Why would you help me?" It was clear that the question didn't make sense to Ren and Horokeu went on, the uncertainty he couldn't shake off very present in his voice. "I'm talking about everything since yesterday. Like what happened with Grey. It doesn't make any sense. I don't even remember us ever getting along. Most of the time we don't even speak to each other and when we do, it's like we remind ourselves why we can't stand each other."

"So you didn't show up because you can't stand me?"

"I didn't show up because I was confused. I'm _still_ confused. It's not like we were ever best friends and now all of a sudden you're acting like you give a shit about me."

"... Is that why you didn't show up? Because you don't trust me?" Ren realized what Horokeu meant and although he tried not to sound hostile, he couldn't hide the shock in his question. There was so much he wanted to say to defend himself, to argue how unfair it was for him. But the most frustrating part was how he knew he couldn't just explain his situation and expect Horokeu to understand. Horokeu could hear that frustration in the smaller boy's voice. He almost sounded like he was really hurt. The blue-haired boy didn't know if anything he said could really hurt Ren, but it still made him feel guilty for making him sound like that.

"More like, because I didn't know if I _can_ trust you. And can you blame me?" The blunette sighed with a shrug. "I guess it made more sense to believe you weren't serious, that maybe you were working some angle or something. I thought maybe you'd be waiting at the library to make a big joke out of me, something for everyone to laugh at. Or worse, I thought, what if you wanted to blackmail me."

"...I wasn't going to do any of that."

"So you really were just waiting for me? All that time? Why?" Ren couldn't answer him right away, even though this time, it made perfect sense why the blunette would still ask. He wished it didn't hurt so much to see him so confused. To see those eyes stare at him through such a thick clueless lens. Those eyes, absent of trust and certainty, reminding him the truth he wanted to hide away from. The truth—just how one-sided his only drive in all of this was.

"Because..." But he couldn't hide away from it. Even though he couldn't give him the whole truth, he didn't want to lie. He didn't want to hide away from him after learning how painful that can be. But what can he tell him, then? What can he say?

"Because..."

Calm down.

Take a breath.

"You remind me... of someone." Not even Ren thought this was anywhere near enough and he didn't expect it to change anything. But it was the truth, the best he can make out of it. It made his heart pound too loud like it didn't want to give his lungs any room to breathe. There was a pause between the two and everything suddenly seemed to go still. The world would've seemed frozen if it weren't for the breeze howling and shaking the dry crisp leaves. He could barely stand it.

"You're right about what you said yesterday." Horokeu finally spoke up, and Ren sent him a confused stare. "About... how you're the only one willing to help me."

"Look, I get it that you don't want my help."

"That's not what I mean. I never even asked for your help. I never asked for _anyone's_ help. But you're the only one who offered."

"...What about Silva? I'm sure he'll make some time for you as long as you just ask."

"I know I should... but I guess I kept avoiding having to admit I needed help. Besides, his class isn't the only one I'm failing."

"What else, then?"

"...Miura's class."

"Oh..." Was all Ren could utter, and he couldn't hold back the cringe.

"Yeah, exactly." Horokeu nodded with a miserable smirk.

"Well... I guess I can understand why you'd avoid him." Ren said uneasily, cursing himself for not being able to find better words of comfort. He only knew how troubling it was because that was the teacher that taught the other AP class they shared, which was Calculus. He really couldn't blame the blunette.

"Yeah, well, he wasn't the only reason I was able to avoid all this. Because you were right about my friends too, you know. How I couldn't even tell them anything. The fact is they made it easier to forget that I even have a problem. I guess that's why I'd hang out with them so much." Horokeu sighed and ran a hand through his azure locks. He secretly wondered why he was confessing this much to the last person he would expect himself to confess anything to. But even more, he wondered why it was so easy.

"That just means they're part of the problem." Ren's sharp honesty made Horokeu laugh.

"I don't know, maybe, I guess..." The Ainu shrugged, seeming uncomfortable about speaking ill of his friends. But when he looked at Ren, he could see those amber eyes burning with a disapproving fire. But it wasn't meant for him. They burned for him to understand that. They begged him to understand.

"No... You're probably right." Horokeu said, finally realizing why he could be out in the open and still feel so safe. Ren didn't know how to read the expression on his face but he couldn't find a hint of threat in that onyx gaze staring at him. And the previous aggression was no longer present in his voice, replaced by a sort of clarity as he continued to speak.

"You only tell me what's right. You tell it to my face, even if you don't really have to. You can just let me screw up, even laugh at me, but you don't. You just... tell me what's right. I don't even expect that from my friends. And you're like the last person I'd expect to help me. But you did... or you tried." Horokeu paused and he looked like this was his last chance to find the right words.

"I'm sorry about today. And…thanks for trying." He looked like he might've wanted to say more, but instead he shoved his hands into his pockets like he held those words in his tight fists. His only choice was to leave and he tried not to look Ren in the eyes as he walked past him. The Chinese couldn't tell if the blunette actually believed he didn't deserve to vocalize whatever words he carried or if he simply didn't know what they were. All Ren knew was, that apology was as honest as the regret in his weary eyes.

"We can still keep trying." His voice stopped the Ainu when he was a few feet away, and he turned his head around. Ren just shrugged at him, sighing at himself for how helpless he was to those eyes when they looked so sad.

"You... you don't have to." The blunette stammered, feeling his jaws almost drop. "I totally understand if you don't want to anymore, especially after today."

"Yeah, I know. I'm saying we can if _you_ still want to. It's up to you." Ren rolled his eyes, unable to believe how much weaker he was when those eyes lit up too.

"But go to Silva and Miura first and see if they can help you. If you still need me, come to my dorm room."

"Your dorm? Not the library?" Ren shook his head to Horokeu's confusion.

"Truth is I don't usually study in a library. I can read or collect sources but if I want to study, I prefer my own room where I can concentrate better."

"So you're saying next time it will be at your room?"

"Yes. That way, even if you don't show up, it doesn't really affect me."

"...Yeah, I guess." Horokeu muttered and although he nodded, his eyes looked like he wanted to protest against him. But considering today's events, he knew he easily gave the other boy more than enough reason to still doubt him. Unable to find any room to actually express his discontent, the blunette could only pretend to agree as he held his tongue. But upon realizing he had offended the Ainu with his comment, Ren quickly pulled out his phone from his pocket.

"If you still want to see me after talking with them, text or call me." Again, Horokeu's midnight eyes lit up and Ren prayed that his face didn't give away how that made him feel. Seeing that Horokeu didn't look at him strangely, he assumed that he successfully maintained a straight face as they exchanged information. And once that was done, they finally headed out of the grove.

"Sooo, tomorrow, then?" Horokeu asked as he turned towards the path to his dormitory.

"Tomorrow." Ren replied with a nod, also turning and they went their separate ways home. When Ren reached his dorm, Hao wasn't back yet and he was glad. Even though Hao over here wasn't the mind-reading Shaman he knew, he still didn't know how to explain himself if the Asakura did notice anything. Maybe he should take a cold shower just in case.

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of updates. I’m hoping to have another chapter up tomorrow or within the next few days.


	11. Too Many Questions

Ren leaned back in his chair for a good stretch, opening his mouth to a wide yawn. His eyes fought heavy lids as they skimmed over the last of his homework for final checks. It was like re-taking classes he went through years ago and although some of his memories were a little fuzzy, none of the work was anything difficult—he just liked being thorough. And to think he thought he was finished with this tedious part of his life.

Before Ren could indulge further into his thoughts, his phone received a text message. He wasn't surprised that it was from Horokeu asking which dorm the Chinese was in. He suspected the blunette would end up reaching out to him after visiting Silva and Miura. And as Ren texted his response, he could imagine which visit had Horokeu turning to him. So when he opened the door, he didn't really ask anything and just let the blunette in. Once he sat down, Horokeu lowered his head until it was pressing against the table. Ren took the seat across from him.

"Did you bring your last tests?" Despite Horokeu's obvious distress, no sympathy passed over Ren's features. His question made Horokeu heave a loud sigh and he sluggishly raised his head again. He frowned poutishly at Ren who raised a brow for an answer. Seeing there was no point to stalling, the blunette rolled his eyes and grabbed his school bag. After a few seconds of rummaging through it, he pulled out balls of paper. Ren opened them and observed the deep wrinkles and creases with a scowl. As he tried to flatten them on the table as well as he can, he can easily understand that they were probably balled up and tossed right after receiving their scores. And looking at those scores, he can see why. He glanced at Horokeu who did not appreciate the way the smaller boy eyed him.

"I'm surprised you managed to dig these out of the trash." Ren said bluntly as he finally flattened them far enough. "Wouldn't they be long gone by now?"

"I didn't throw 'em out." Horokeu started defensively but then his voice lowered to a mumble. "... I missed the trash can and I just... left them on the floor." As much as Ren wanted to comment on that, he swallowed it and took a breath.

"How was it with Silva?" He asked and Horokeu finally lifted his head from the table.

"Not bad, I guess." The blunette answered with a shrug and sat up in his chair.

"Do you think you'd be ok if you continued to see him?" After a short pause, Horokeu nodded. He didn't seem enthusiastic about meeting his teacher regularly outside of school hours. It would be a drastic change to say the least. But Ren was glad that he was recognizing his situation and taking it seriously.

"Good," But he'll compliment him when he starts showing results. "I guess you won't need me for that. Then I'll focus on helping you whenever you have trouble with Miura."

"Actually…I don't think seeing him will help me."

"That bad?" Ren asked and Horokeu nodded with weary eyes. The Chinese wasn't surprised since this is actually what he expected. The older boy obviously needed to work on both subjects, but for one of them, Ren suspected that the actual problem lie in the figure teaching it, which is also the reason he understood why the Ainu would be willing to continue to see one and not the other. At least Silva could be trusted when he gave any guidance to a student because his concern was genuine. Ren didn't have any doubt in that after hearing the way he tried to persuade Horokeu to open up to him as they were discussing his academic decline. Miura on the other hand was another issue. Ren guessed that he probably qualified for the job here at this school on paper, landing his teaching position with his resume. But he lacked everything else and to Ren, the difference between him and Silva was already evident in the way he handled Horokeu's absence. And he could imagine how discouraging it must have been for Horokeu to visit him for that extra help, there being a chance Miura made the blunette feel like he was at fault that he couldn't keep up. That might seem so with Horokeu not even showing up to class. But when Ren sat through his class, he wondered why the man bothered to take up teaching. He was uninterested in being bothered by how well his lessons were being carried or followed. Probably even more so when it came to who was left behind.

"Ok, forget Miura. Just come to me." Ren could hear the small sigh of relief from the teen next to him. Although Ren predicted this outcome, he had to have Horokeu visit the teachers first to be sure if they could be of any help or not. That, and he preferred that he only assisted with one subject instead of trying to juggle two. And now that he knows what they will be focusing on, they can get started. The Tao decided today will just be about seeing how far back they had to go before the blunette could catch up to the class.

After two hours Horokeu was pulling his head back on his chair to let out a loud exhausted groan.

"That's it, I'm done. I can't do this anymore or my brain will implode or something."

"I guess we can call it a day." Ren agreed with a nod and closed his textbook.

"Finally!" Horokeu rejoiced and threw his fists in the air for a stretch, not noticing the way Ren watched him with a hint of a smile on his lips. So far, he doesn't doubt the blunette's determination. He had been focused throughout the session, which was satisfying on Ren's end to know his efforts weren't being wasted. If Horokeu can keep that up, then Ren would say he had a fairly good chance at the next test. And compared to the other teachers, Miura didn't assign much homework or projects, so final grades were basically weighed by tests. That could certainly work to their advantage.

"Hey, Tao," The addressed boy put a halt to his thoughts and looked at Horokeu. "Uh... thanks for... you know..." The blunette ran a hand through his azure hair as he awkwardly fumbled on his words.

"Don't mention it." Ren said with a shrug, and while Horokeu didn't say anymore, he emphasized his gratitude with a shy smile. That small gesture was enough to make Ren feel heat rush to his cheeks. And it was so unexpected he wasn't sure if he had successfully held it back. He can't remember the last time he's seen the Ainu smile like that and he froze as it almost reminded him of the Ainu he once knew.

"So," Horokeu started again, not seeming to notice Ren's subtle reaction. "Are you really doing all this for me... because I remind you of someone?"

"... Yes." Ren answered quietly as he felt he was about to clam up. There's no way Horokeu would understand the gravity of his question. How it shook Ren so hard he almost forgot to breathe.

"Was he a friend or something?"

"Yeah... a friend."

"So... what, do I look like him? Sound like him?"

"Yeah..." Ren averted his eyes uncomfortably from the oblivious blunette, trying to swallow the lump his questions caused in his throat. He knew he couldn't just keep giving one or two word answers. He looked at Horokeu again, trying not to cower to the curious onyx gaze.

"I guess... it's a little bit of both. I don't see him anymore though. We haven't talked in a while."

"How come?"

"We just... stopped keeping in touch." All Horokeu could do was nod as he finally realized he needed to stop there. He wasn't sure if it was the slight shift in the tone or the way those amber eyes fell downcast. He didn't know Ren well enough to actually know any of his signs so the fact that he noticed these hints really meant how obvious they were. Maybe that's why he couldn't bring himself to dig any deeper. Despite his curiosity urging him to.

"So... when are we doing this again?" Horokeu asked, deciding he had to be the one to change the subject since it looked like Ren didn't even know how.

"Right..." Ren closed his eyes like he had to pull himself back to the room. "Well, when are you seeing Silva?"

"He told me to go see him Tuesdays and Thursdays."

"Then come see me Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays."

"What!? But that means—"

"That means you're doing this every day after school!" Ren finished Horokeu with a snap. "That's how deep in shit you are." He added and glowered at the blunette who crossed his arms with narrowed stubborn eyes. Yet the Ainu didn't say anything because he knew Ren was right and his silence was his only means of retaliation. But his sour lips soon let out a tired sigh and his arms fell to his sides as he slowly leaned forward until his forehead landed on the table with a dull thud.

"I really am that fucked, aren't I?" His rhetorical question was followed by a miserable groan.

"... You're here because you're trying to do something about that." The change in Ren's tone compared to a few seconds ago made Horokeu lift his face again. And it wasn't just the tone that had been adjusted. The blunette sat up again, nodding slowly as he shifted his eyes to the side, suddenly unsure about how to look into the pair of honey-gold pools. Silence was about to settle between the two, if it weren't for the front door opening.

"...Whoa." Hao uttered as he stopped at the mouth of the door.

"Uh... Hey." Horokeu said with a wave, realizing that he was the odd man in the room.

"...Hey." Hao expressed his awareness of that with the way he eyed the blunette as he carefully closed the door behind him. He then looked at Ren, his eyes expectant for an explanation. And then it hit Ren.

"Hao, you're back." Ren stated when he realized what that meant and glanced at the time on his phone. "You should probably go. It's almost curfew." Horokeu nodded and gathered his things, and Ren walked him to the door, ignoring the disbelieving stare Hao sent the two. The Asakura was left dumbstruck when Ren stepped out to the hallway with Horokeu, closing the door behind him almost in a slam.

"Thanks again for today, Tao." Horokeu's voice came out in a relieved breath once they were out of Hao's scrutiny. He then hurried on his way and Ren watched him go down the hall until he made the turn for the stairs.

"Was I interrupting something?" Hao asked when Ren walked in, leaning against the wall by the door.

"No." Ren's voice was terse and he walked past Hao without even looking at him.

"That's it? You're not going to explain what was going on?"

"Nothing was going on!"

"Then why was he here!?"

"We were... studying." Ren pressed his teeth together so he won't raise his voice, but it came out in a snarl anyway.

"Studying?" And it made Hao scoff.

" _Studying_." Ren repeated as he started to put away his textbooks and notes.

"... Since when do you do study groups?" Hao muttered and Ren threw him a vicious glare.

"And since when do you keep tabs on what goes on in my social circle?"

"Since when do you have a social circle that includes Horokeu Usui?" Hao snickered cleverly, clearly enjoying how much he aggravated Ren. The way he struggled to even give a straight answer meant there is something definitely there if he kept digging. And that only made Hao's grin grow wider.

"Just drop it, Hao!" Ren demanded and regretted that he couldn't come up with something better. "Do I ever ask what you're doing every day?"

"If you want to know, just ask." Hao laughed with mocked innocence. Ren felt his muscles clench against the urge to lunge at the brunette. Hao just kept smiling, his eyes taunting the other as his silence dared him to give in to that urge. Ren didn't know which version of the boy was worse. At least with the other Hao he wouldn't even have to think twice if he wanted to kill him. After a few seconds, Hao rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, I thought you hated the guy." Ren wanted to say he didn't but he didn't know what to say after that. He doubts that this Hao can hear his thoughts like the other one, which is why it's unsettling how he can still make him feel so disadvantaged. How he can make him feel like he was far up against the wall in a corner.

"Ok, fine. I just came back to get something anyway." But apparently, Hao waited too long to be entertained any longer. Loss of interest took some of the zeal from his smile as he shrugged and moved over to his closet. Ren rolled his eyes when his roommate pulled out a few condoms from somewhere and shoved them in his pocket.

"I knew it was too early for you to be back." He commented as the brunette headed for the door again.

"Oh who's keeping tabs on who now?" Hao called back on his way out.

**To be continued…**


	12. Between You and Me

A breeze brushed up against Ren's cheek but he didn't bother to lift his head from his pillow after hearing the short squeak of the window being shut. After a few moments the shower was running, but sleep had already overcome him before he could really hear it. It was routine for Hao to return to their dorm after curfew, and Ren didn't care about what the hour was as long as the brunette didn't wake him. And Hao would never dream of disturbing Ren as long as his roommate left the window unlocked before going to bed. And on weekends like tonight was when he was gone the most. There had even been a few occasions he didn't return to their room until the morning.

There was an unspoken code between the two boys. If anyone asked, Hao always left after Ren fell asleep, and returned before he woke up. Ren assumed Hao was pulling strings somewhere because so far, no one has ever asked anyone anything. And Ren never asked where Hao went or what he did on his outings—he didn't care. He also didn't care enough to know any definite time frame of his returns. And Hao would be sure Ren didn't get involved with whatever he was doing, wherever he was doing it. But the brunette always managed to leave for school with Ren, despite how early that was. This week was no exception, as the two headed for school Monday morning.

At the end of the day Hao was gone again, his school bag taking his place in the dorm. And later, Ren was opening the door to let Horokeu in. As the blunette walked past him, the younger teen frowned. His amber eyes watched the taller boy's face. More specifically, the tip of a small red drop peeking from his nose.

"What happened to your nose?" Ren made Horokeu stop short before he could sit down.

"Shit, is it still bleeding?"

"I think," Ren started and grabbed Horokeu's wrist to stop him from using the back of his hand. "It's probably just what you missed." He pulled tissues from the box on the table and handed them to Horokeu, and observed the blunette's face for anymore bleeding as they were pressed against his nose.

"Is that why you were late today?" Ren asked as they finally sat down.

"Kinda. I ran into Grey earlier before I got here." Horokeu started to pull his notebook and textbook out of his bag.

"What'd he want?" The blue-haired teen noticed the cold edge on Ren's low voice that asked.

"He wanted to know why you helped me." He shrugged then paused, unsure if he should tell him the next part. "When I told him I don't know, he hit me."

"He hit you because you didn't know?" The gold in Ren's eyes seemed to flare with his voice and it almost made Horokeu flinch.

"He only hit me once. And he was alone, not ganging up on me with his friends like last time." Horokeu said this because he just wanted Ren to calm down but he realized he ended up sounding like he was trying to defend Grey. Then he thought that must be why Ren stared at him with such a skeptic glare. He wished the other boy knew how uncomfortable it made him.

"But you gotta admit we're not exactly known for being BFF's." Ren wanted to scream at Horokeu that he didn't care. But he did make a good point, and so instead he let out a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"...Then what?" He managed to ask without raising his voice, but still maintained the same glare.

"He left after telling me he's gonna find out what's going on." Horokeu's lips tugged into a small smirk. "He was gone pretty quick though. I think he was afraid you'd show up again after hitting me. Not that I blame him after what you put him through. So where'd you learn to fight like that?" He leaned forward with an eager gleam in his eyes.

"Every Tao is required to master various martial arts." Ren kept his response simple but there was a mild touch of boast in his tone. A part of him preferred that they didn't get sidetracked so they could get started, especially since Horokeu showed up late today. But the more dominating side of him was too busy feeling relieved from how well this was going. He remembers how he barely recognized Horokeu when he first met him here. He remembers how he wasn't sure of what to expect, or if he could really hope for anything. But now he feels like he can actually anticipate something. He can't deny that this whole situation was still beyond awkward for him. But at least now they're at a point they can get glimpses of each other with the walls being taken down.

"Everyone? Even the women?"

"Yes, even the women, which means my sister too."

"You have a sister?"

"Yes, one older sister. Her name is Jun and—" Ren stopped and forgot what he was even about to say as he put a hand to his head where a sharp pain struck.

"You ok?" Horokeu asked and Ren nodded as he tried not to cringe. The pain was followed by that odd but familiar sense of memories being poured into his head, and he easily understood that he had unlocked memories of his sister most likely when he mentioned her name. He also noticed that the pain wasn't nearly as bad as the past two he's already experienced, as it almost immediately died down to dull throbs.

"I'm fine..." Ren quickly let go of his head but closed his eyes to the lingering slight aches. "It's just a headache." He added and opened his eyes again, only to see Horokeu staring back at him with an unconvinced frown.

"You get these headaches a lot? I remember you had a pretty bad one last week in Silva's class."

"They're just headaches. I don't know what else to tell you." Ren faked a scoff in his effort to emphasize how much a migraine wasn't important enough to be a subject for discussion. Considering that this one really wasn't anything Ren couldn't handle, he wished it didn't hit him so suddenly or he probably would've been able to hide it and not startle Horokeu. It's bad enough he made such a scene last week in front of a whole class.

"How about you? Do you have any siblings?"

"...Yeah, a younger one." For a split second, Ren could see it on Horokeu's face that the Ainu didn't like the way he obviously shifted the topic. "Her name's Pilika." He answered Ren regardless. And Ren nodded, feeling strange for pretending he didn't already know.

"Are the two of you close?" However, this question was genuine with curiosity. The Pilika he knew had two distinct sides. On the one hand she was the sweet little sister constantly seen clinging to her big brother and entrusting him with an undying faith in his promise to protect her. Yet that same whiney, seemingly unreliable little sister was also one of the very few girls Anna had recognized to be worthy enough to call her rival. Their support for who they believed to be the rightful Shaman King was an enthusiasm that put both Yoh and Horokeu through absolute hell. Pilika was also the only girl Ren knew would follow Horokeu to the ends of the Earth because the siblings had a bond they didn't question. But all of that was because of the Shaman Fight. And after meeting Silva in a suit and short hair, and Faust with his living wife, he honestly didn't know what to expect.

"I guess so." Horokeu shrugged and pulled out his phone. He handed it to Ren when he pulled up a picture of him and his sister, both of them in school uniforms. Ren's never seen Pilika in a uniform but aside from that, she didn't look much different from how he remembered her. A part of him was hoping to be surprised by goth makeup and maybe some body piercings. When he handed the phone back, Horokeu chuckled as he glanced at the picture himself.

"It's weird; back when we were little she used to follow me around wherever I went. Sometimes it drove me crazy but it was kinda cute. But I guess it's because she's a teenager now, we hardly even talk on the phone. And she thinks she's the queen of the house when I come home for the holidays or the summer. But then when she needs help with her homework or wants a snack from the convenience store, it's 'Onii-chan! Onii-chaaan!'" Horokeu's crude imitation of his sister's high whiney voice made Ren laugh so hard he couldn't control how loud it came out. The sound made Horokeu pause and raise a brow. Ren's laughing died down when he sensed his stare.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just... I don't think I've ever heard you laugh before. Actually, I think this is the first time I've even seen you smile."

"...You've seen me smile."

"No, I've always seen you make that annoying-ass smug smirk. But I've never seen you make a real smile or laugh like that. I didn't think you knew how." Horokeu flashed one of his teasing grins and Ren could feel his cheeks threaten to flush.

"Whatever." The younger one looked away from the blunette with a flustered frown. Truth is, he surprised himself. Even before he woke up in this school last week, his nerves were strained by so much stress that it felt like ages since the last time he laughed like that. He couldn't believe how uplifting it was.

"So what about you? What's it like to have an older sister?" Horokeu's smile was still there, unbothered by Ren's frown, probably because of how he didn't really look that upset.

"Pretty normal, I guess." Ren shrugged and Horokeu rolled his eyes.

"Yeeaah, somehow I doubt that."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Horokeu raised a brow in response to Ren's question.

"No offense but she has to have _you_ for a brother. That can't be easy."

"It's easier than having _you_ for a brother. I feel sorry for what your sister has to put up with."

"Hey, _she_ doesn't have to put up with anything. You wanna feel sorry for anyone, you should feel sorry for me. I already told you, I'm always the victim."

"Oh shut up." Ren couldn't hold back the small grin. "Victim my ass, you just said you hardly even talk to your sister."

"Yeah, well, what about you? You talk to your sister much? Or only when you visit her in China?"

"Actually, she's currently residing in Tokyo. She helps run the Japanese branch of the family business."

"Yeah?" Horokeu nodded with slightly widened eyes. "So I guess that means you do get to see her."

"Not really." Ren shook his head. "We don't really see each other very often. Like I said, she's only here for work and like you, I have school. We're both kept pretty busy." Horokeu watched the way Ren's eyes began to cloud over and his smile slowly faded from his lips that spoke quietly. The younger teen shifted his gaze from the floor to the blunette and he attempted a smile, only managing to pull one corner of his lips to a smirk bordering cynicism and sarcasm. He didn't say anything else but Horokeu could almost hear what the other probably always kept telling himself; _it is what it is._

"Whose idea was it for her to work here?"

"Hers, I think. Why?" Ren sent Horokeu a confused look when the blunette smirked so knowingly.

"You said she's just here for work. But I bet she's here to look out for you." The confusion on Ren's face was replaced by something else entirely and it made Horokeu's smile broaden. Ren opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but shut it again when Horokeu put a hand on his head.

"Kinda the perks of being the oldest." The blunette chuckled as he roughed up the top of Ren's raven head and it was responded to with an annoyed growl. When he felt his hand lift off his head, Ren had meant to glare at Horokeu and tell him to not treat him like a child. But he was unexpectedly met with the kind of smile that gets his voice clogged in his throat. It wasn't the usual teasing or playful grins he knew the blunette for but one of those soft, gentle smiles he can barely remember ever being directed at him from the Ainu. It wasn't at all threatening and yet the warmth of it— a warmth he didn't quite recognize— made him feel vulnerable.

"From what I can see, you guys don't hate each other." He heard Horokeu say and if it weren't for that, Ren didn't know if he would've been able to pull himself back again.

"O-Of course we don't." Ren almost fumbled on his words as he awkwardly tried to smooth out his disheveled hair. He had to shift his eyes away from Horokeu or he thought he wouldn't be able to hold back the heat trying to show on his cheeks.

"So talk to her, give her a call. Or a text, whatever."

"I told you, we're busy. And _we_ need to get busy already! It's bad enough you got here late." Ren said and opened his textbook, needing something to help him regain his composure. Horokeu groaned in small protest, obviously oblivious to Ren's inner struggle, and picked up his pencil. But despite how reluctant he seemed, Ren witnessed the same blue-haired boy from last week. He focused on each problem and equation Ren walked him through, and that made it easier for Ren to be patient when they needed to slow down. At first, Ren would've thought he's never seen this side of Horokeu before. But he actually sensed a sort of familiarity to it.

"Ok, let's take a break." Ren suggested after some time, enough time to have forgotten his previous fluster.

"Sure, let me just finish this." Ren didn't say anything and just nodded. It didn't take him long to figure out where he recognized this sort of determination from Horokeu—because it was actually a side of him he knew very well. He remembers seeing the same side of the blunette when he trained with him during the Shaman Fight. In a way, it was a sort of stubbornness; He couldn't stop if there was ever a wall to overcome. Anything in his way was a reason to keep fighting, regardless of the odds. The boy he trained with and the boy in front of him now overlapped and it brought up a question Ren had to ask.

"What'd you mean when you said your friends didn't help you for the same reason you didn't fight back?" Horokeu's hand stopped even though he wasn't done solving the problem in front of him. He looked up from the paper, his lifted brows forming creases in his forehead.

"Are you serious?" When Ren nodded, the blue-haired Ainu promptly put his pencil down and drew away from his paper to lean back in his chair.

"You're seriously telling me you don't know why Grey gets away with a lot of his shit? You would too and it'd be for the exact same reason."

"I wouldn't even do half the stupid shit he pulls." Ren narrowed his eyes to what Horokeu was implying.

"I know you wouldn't. Personally, I think you're nothing like that douchebag. I'm just saying _if_ you did, you'd get away with it like he does. Take last week for example; has anyone come to you about what you did to Grey and his friends?"

"...No." Ren admitted after a short pause and Horokeu leaned forward to prop his elbows on the table.

"Exactly. No one's even brought it up, right? At least none of the school's staff. But if it was me who did that, I'd _at least_ be suspended and they'd probably make sure my parents knew about it." Horokeu shrugged with a bitter smile, confident that his scenario was closer to being a fact than a mere theory. Meanwhile, Ren was too embarrassed that he had to admit he never noticed how no one even came to him about his dispute with Grey. He was so preoccupied by Horokeu and everything else that he didn't even realize the obvious; the kind of injuries he gave Grey and his cronies should not go unnoticed, or they definitely should not be ignored. And yet, what Horokeu said was true; no one had come to him about it, not even to ask him any questions.

"Then again, I guess it's possible Grey just didn't give up your name." Horokeu continued thoughtfully and Ren sent him a puzzled look.

"Why wouldn't he?"

"Because he knows nothing will be done about it." Horokeu shrugged like he was stating the most obvious thing to know. "He also doesn't want to risk getting himself in trouble instead. Think about it; if he did bring up your name and you got called to the office, then that means you'll tell them _why_ you beat the crap out of them. What'll piss him off the most won't be that he gets in trouble, but that they probably won't do anything about you. So if he did keep quiet, it'd be so he doesn't risk all that."

"Doesn't that mean he can just say it was you instead, then?"

"He could, but I think he's avoiding to mess with me because he's afraid of how you might react." Horokeu laughed with the same cocky smirk he wore when he talked about getting punched by Grey earlier.

"So what happened to you last week and earlier today...basically, no one's going to do anything about it?"

"Just gotta make 'donations'," The blunette emphasized his sarcasm with his fingers imitating quotation marks and went on, "with the right amount of generosity like Grey's dad did. Plus, Grey's dad is supposed to be some big-time lawyer so that just gives this school and everyone else reason not to piss off his son." The blunette snorted with a roll of his eyes but Ren didn't even know how to express his disgust. Of course he knew there had to be a social hierarchy existing among the kids—this is a high school, after all. But he didn't think it was so deeply rooted that it extended out to the faculty, so far that its influence was disturbing. Or maybe how he felt did show on his face because Horokeu was sending him a pointed look.

"It's not just Grey, you know. It's anyone who's got parents that can buy them that kind of leniency. Someone scary enough to give them reason to avoid any risks." Ren knew what that meant. In his case that figure was his father, En Tao, the CEO of Tao Corporation. Even if there was anyone who didn't know Ren, he doubts there's anyone who didn't know his father.

"I used to think that's why I never heard anything about you." Horokeu started again and Ren listened curiously. "I always thought if you did anything your dad made sure to make it go away before it even got to being a rumor."

"My father wouldn't—"

"But he _can_ , right?" Horokeu cut Ren off and although Ren was about to say something in defense, he knew he couldn't deny what the blunette said. He also knew the older boy wasn't trying to offend him. He was simply making a point to a simple truth. Their family, or rather say, his father, did indeed have that kind of power. He wasn't proud of it, nor did he approve of it. But that didn't make it any less true. It wasn't any secret either, especially among people who could send their kids to schools like this one. So he simply nodded.

"Then that's reason enough for everyone to believe he will. Your family's got a reputation, which means you have a reputation." Ren didn't say anything but he understood what Horokeu meant; No one had to know the figure behind the profile for everyone to apply the stereotype, regardless of how crude and ridiculous it was.

"That's why I was kinda surprised about what happened last week." Horokeu continued with a laugh. "I thought Grey was totally bluffing, I didn't think he'd actually try to go head on with you. Kinda unthinkable for the rest of us, considering there's no way even Grey doesn't know about you or the family you come from."

"They probably did because he and his friends were high." Ren said this passively, like he was dismissing any importance from such an obvious fact. A fact that wasn't so obvious to Horokeu.

"How'd you know?"

"Well, I guess you were too busy being beaten by them to notice." Ren shrugged and ignored the stink eye. "Whatever they were taking had their pupils dilated to the size of quarters. Otherwise, I don't think they would've even ambushed you in broad daylight." Ren shook his head, snorting at how stupid Grey and his friends must be. He then noticed the way Horokeu watched him.

"What?"

"Nothing," Horokeu blinked like he was startled. "I was just thinking about...how I was really wrong about you." He spoke slowly like he was carefully processing his thoughts as he voiced them.

"And what were you wrong about?"

"That stuff about your dad and not hearing anything about you because of him. After last week and today, I get it; I was wrong. It wasn't because of your dad. You just don't do anything that you'd have to hide from anyone."

"Yeah, well, I bet you're the only one who gets it." There was a hint of cynicism in his words and Ren hoped he didn't sound too obvious with how disappointed he is that the blunette only sees that now.

"Maybe but who cares?" Horokeu said with a shrug. "Let them think whatever they want. At least you'd be able to prove them wrong. Most people would let themselves get sucked into that kind of privilege. But you don't. You're not like Grey or any of those guys. You're pretty rare." That last part definitely caught Ren off guard. And Ren tried to find an appropriate reaction to something that would have made him fluster had he not caught himself.

"...Rare?" The younger teen repeated, feigning confusion to mask how he thought it almost sounded like 'You're special' was said to him instead.

"Yeah, it's like you don't even care about it, like you don't let it define you." Horokeu nodded, and to Ren's relief, he sounded oblivious.

"You make everyone else who does seem so stupid. I mean, look at Grey; he's freaked out about a fight that happened last week." Horokeu went on but Ren was hearing something other than his words. And he was astonished by the sound; this might actually be the first time the blunette's laughed so hard. And unaware of how much that meant to Ren, Horokeu sat back in his chair, his shoulder still shaken by chuckles, and looked at the younger teen with a broad grin.

"You're not like everyone else, Ren. In my book, that means you're rare." Ren felt his face grow hot and his heart beat in short rapid flutters. This wasn't fair for him, for such words to come from such a smile. Ren didn't stand a chance. How was Ren supposed to not fall victim to that smile? To such a familiar face...To that face he missed so much.

**To be continued…**


	13. Daddy Issues

Ren stared at his loafers in disgust, carefully lifting one foot to observe the mud caked on the sole. He pinched at the leather to pull them off his feet, grimacing at the feel of soggy socks clinging to his skin. He could hear the distant footsteps of other students rushing inside the dormitory, and their complaints about how anyone could have seen the rain coming when the sky had been so clear just a few hours ago. Ren approached the window and wondered himself where these thick grey clouds have come from. And he wondered even more if they'd be gone by the time Horokeu finished his tutoring session with Silva.

His own train of thoughts caused a loathsome sigh. And to think, the blunette had no idea. He didn't know if he should feel saved by that or just more pathetic.

Ren moved over to his desk and opened his school bag. The blunette's absence seemed to make him realize just how uneventful his days were. The weather didn't make a difference; whether it'd rain or not, he'd still be here in his dorm straight after school, and the first thing he'd do is spread his notes and text books over his desk. Being with Horokeu seemed to make everything nothing but eventful, even before he started tutoring the Ainu. Now that he thought about it, he might even admit he was being reckless when he went up against Grey and his goons.

That last thought made Ren blink and his hand holding his pencil stopped.

It was still raining outside and from the sounds of it, it wasn't going to stop for a while. Yet, Ren pulled on a new pair of socks and grabbed an umbrella as he left his dorm.

The rain didn't make it to the next day, and the sky was still clear when Ren and Hao returned to their dorm. But not even thirty minutes passed when Hao was already heading for the door again. And just as he was about to grab the knob, it turned and pulled away from his hand.

"Hey, you're not going to believe what happened to Grey and—" The door swung open and Horokeu was practically shooting through the frames as he spoke in an excited mouthful. Hao's eyes widened to the unexpected intrusion but he managed to step back on time to avoid crashing with the blunette who also stopped as abruptly as he can the second he noticed the Asakura.

"Uh...Sorry?" Horokeu said through an uneasy smile, sensing a familiarity to the situation.

"It's alright... I was just leaving." The Asakura waved a hand as if to dismiss the whole awkward moment. And yet he eyed the blunette carefully as he walked past him towards the door, like he's trying to assert his territory despite Horokeu being an upperclassman. Perhaps he didn't say anything more because he could feel Ren's glare warning him not to. Horokeu didn't notice because he was watching the brunette. Once Hao closed the door behind him, he turned to Ren whose face had let go of its tightness before it could be caught.

"You probably should learn to knock."

"Yeah, I guess so." Horokeu chuckled, seeming to feel the tension leave the room with Hao. "Does he always leave whenever I'm coming over?"

"No, it's not you, he's always going off somewhere. I hardly ever see him outside of school."

"Where's he always going?"

"I don't know." Ren shrugged and cradled his chin in his palm. "What were you saying about Grey?"

"He got suspended!" Horokeu sat in the chair next to Ren, his onyx eyes lit up again with the initial excitement he came in with. "Or at least that's the rumor."

"What'd he do?" Ren's question barely held half the enthusiasm the blunette was running on.

"That's the thing, he wasn't actually doing anything. The principal and couple of teachers did a random locker check this morning. I didn't get a good look but I guess they found something in Grey's locker because they made him come with them instead of going to class. Not just Grey, they even got Chris and Sean. By lunch, there's already a rumor that they've been suspended. Did they check your grade?"

"No, nothing here... How did Grey react when they did the check?"

"He seemed irritated at first but wasn't really worked up about it. Like he had nothing to worry about." Ren nodded, not particularly surprised, but his eyes still narrowing slightly in annoyance.

"Probably because he thinks he has his father to take care of everything."

"Yeah, probably. That's why it's so weird they'd even check his locker out of nowhere like that."

"I doubt they'd conduct a locker check for no reason, they probably had grounds to do it—like maybe an anonymous tip." While there was a slight shift in Horokeu's expression, Ren's face remained neutral when he coolly made his last not-so-subtle comment.

"...Do I wanna know?" The blunette finally asked and made Ren roll his eyes.

"Relax, all I did was have a chat with the principal yesterday."

"And what exactly did you guys chat about?"

"I asked if he or any of the teachers were aware of Grey and his friends using narcotics on school property."

"And that was it? He didn't deny it?"

"Oh he denied it. But I could tell he did know about it when he tried to feed me some bullshit excuse to not do anything about it."

"So how'd you get him to change his mind?" Ren let a sneaky smirk play on his lips.

"I might've also mentioned how concerned my father would be if he found out this school was letting his son attend with junkies."

"And that was all it took?" Horokeu couldn't hold back his amused grin and Ren nodded.

"I'd say the old man probably let Grey slide up until now because he was afraid of what his big-time-lawyer father would do. But I can tell you my father can put together a _team_ of lawyers just as big time—or bigger. And I don't think neither of them want to know just how easily he can do it." There was a dark ring to Ren's chuckle, like he would have liked to see it happen just for kicks. A chill swept over Horokeu as he thought about how perfect the picture would be if the younger male topped it off with a loud evil cackle and maybe lightning in the background. And then he wondered what his father was like if this was the son.

"Your dad would really do that?"

"I doubt it." Despite Horokeu's question holding a bit of apprehension to it, Ren's response was as lighthearted as it was simple. It caused the blunette's jaws to drop, making Ren laugh as he went on. "Well, he _can_ but I doubt he actually would. You saw for yourself that I can handle Grey _and_ his friends just fine. My father always taught me to handle my problems on my own. The last thing he's going to approve is for me to use him like a shield to hide behind, especially from someone like Grey... But the school doesn't know that."

"So... you were totally bluffing." Choked laughter bubbled from Horokeu and Ren shrugged.

"It worked, didn't it?" Hororkeu laughed again at the casual ring of Ren's response, at how light it was without any apology to weigh it down.

"I swear, Tao, either I'm a bad influence or you've been holding back." The blunette's shoulders shook as he spoke through his giggles. Ren oddly found it more satisfying than annoying to see him so amused. Then at the same time, uneasy.

"Hor—I mean... Usui-san," Ren corrected himself and suppressed his cringe. The whole time during any of Horokeu's stays, he avoided addressing the blunette because he knew how it would roll on his tongue. He tried not to show how that tasted as the unaware blunette waited for him to go on.

"Can... Can you..." Ren sucked in a breath and his gaze shifted to the side because he didn't want to see how Horokeu would look at him after what he's about to say.

"Call me Ren." He finally managed to say but was still unable to get himself to look at the other.

"Ok, Ren." Horokeu sounded like he wanted to know why that was so hard for the younger one to say. He had no idea how it felt like ages since Ren heard that voice say his name or how he tried not to shiver to its familiarity.

"And you can go ahead and call me Horohoro." Ren finally looked at Horokeu again, unable to hold back the shock in his amber eyes. "Or Horo if that's too long." The blunette added with a raised brow when nothing came from the smaller teen.

"But... I thought you hated that." Ren said slowly and Horokeu knew he was referring to last week's incident.

"That was before we were cool. And I hated it when you called me that other thing. Buuut you did apologize already so... let's just say it's water under the bridge now."

"So...you really hated me because I called you 'BoroBoro'?"

"I didn't hate you." Horokeu retorted defensively and Ren looked at him with a very unamused frown.

"Ok, ok, maybe I did a little. It's just..." The blunette sighed and stopped, and Ren wasn't sure if it was because he didn't want to go on or if he didn't know how.

"Just... what?" Ren asked with almost as much hesitation as Horokeu. He didn't know if it was really a good idea to try to force anything out of him, especially when things were going so well. But some intuition was telling him this was something he shouldn't let slip by.

"... It wasn't so much what you called me." The Ainu finally began with a grimace and ran a hand through his azure locks. "But more like the timing that you said it."

"Timing?" Ren frowned and looked back at the incident, at what little bit his memory would allow, as it was quite some time back. Horokeu nodded, still seeming uneasy about the topic. But uncomfortable as he was, there was still a part of him that wanted to explain. Ren deserved to know.

"Do you remember we had a fight that day you called me that?"

"...Yes." Any other day, perhaps if it was the other blunette asking, Ren could hear himself instead say, _you mean the one you started but couldn't finish?_ But right now didn't seem like the right time to be so snide. "I remember because it was the only time we've ever really thrown fists at each other." This was true. Back then, it was obvious how he and the blunette felt about each other. From the way they couldn't even look at one another without glaring daggers or the way they avoided to exchange any words—because when they did, every word was always made of cold, sharp-edged stones. But as far as Ren can remember, it never went past that. Despite how much they seemed to loathe each other, it was as though neither wanted to admit the other was worth the trouble. So that incident was the first and so far, the last time it escalated to anything physical.

"Right," Horokeu seemed to remember it similarly and he attempted a laugh but it came out sounding empty and unnecessary. "Then you probably also remember that I was the one who threw the first punch... Do you remember why?" He asked with what looked like shame in the eyes gazing at Ren. The younger teen didn't say anything and just shook his head.

"...Neither do I." The blunette confessed in a voice lowered by the shame making him look away from his friend. "I can't remember...but I wouldn't be surprised if it was something really, really stupid and insignificant."

"But I must have said something to set you off." Horokeu look at Ren again.

"You don't get it. _Anything_ could've set me off that day because...that day, I was having the shittiest day. And then, I took it out on you by snapping and picking a fight just to get my ass kicked. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse..." Horokeu stopped and let out a strained breath.

"...I called you 'Boroboro'." Ren nodded, realizing now why that memory was one so important that he had to unlock it.

"Yeah, it was like the cherry on the sundae. This guy I barely talked to, the guy who I thought was the most annoying, stuck up, biggest fucking jerk I know, just summed me up... I mean, I don't think that about you now, you know that, right?" Horokeu paused and then his voice burned with guilt. "...I'm really sorry. I was the real jerk."

"…Water under the bridge, right?" Ren shrugged and opened the textbook in front of them. Horokeu nodded, seeming grateful for the younger teen to give him something else to focus on. Ren wished he could think of something better. He also ignored the snagging feeling that there was something the blunette wasn't telling him.

Horokeu's willingness to stray from the subject made it easier for him to focus on Ren's tutoring. The Tao was impressed by how well he followed his lesson. For one, he never thought of Horokeu for someone who would even take up calculus, much less get a decent grade even if he did. But Ren was seeing for himself how wrong his assumption was. The blunette did fumble on many of the problems but when Ren walked him through them, and even though it may take some time because he had to do it slowly, he'd manage to figure it out.

"I can't believe I'm actually getting it. I thought I sucked at this stuff." Horokeu's own astonishment was evident in his voice as he slid his paper to Ren to check.

"You'd suck a lot less if you'd check your work before turning it in." Ren commented as he glanced at the paper and handed it back to Horokeu, pointing at a problem. The blunette stared at it for a few seconds and then erased a small spot, then scribbled over it again. He passed it back to Ren who took it with an unimpressed frown; this was only one of the numerous careless mistakes that he has seen the older teen make. They were very minor so the blunette could easily spot and correct it as long as he was given the chance like Ren just did before running his red pen. It annoyed Ren because Miura wasn't known for being so kind to give that chance.

"Seriously though, you're really good at this tutoring thing. You could probably be a teacher."

"...I don't think so." Ren said after thinking about trying to make a living by _babysitting_ children dozens at a time for most of the day.

"Oh yeah, you have your family's business." At this, Ren did look up from the paper for a quick glance at the other boy next to him.

"Actually, there's no guarantee that I'm going to take over."

"You have an older brother?"

"No, I'm the only son but it could still go to my sister. Our father will decide who is most suitable for passing over the business and his choice won't be based simply on our sex or the order in which we were born." Ren himself felt strange for saying this. The information was as new to him as it was to Horokeu, because it was revealed to him the moment he unlocked his memories of his sister. Until then, like Horokeu, he had thought the plan had always been he would carry the family name after his father. Because that was the fact before he woke up in this school—back in the reality he came from. Now that was no longer the case. But oddly enough, he didn't mind.

"Isn't that a little unfair? Your sister kinda has a head start."'

"I guess it could be seen that way. But the way I see it, I just have the bar set a little high. I just have to surpass her."

"You make it sound easy." Horokeu laughed but Ren simply shrugged, shortly running his red pen over the paper and handing it back to the blunette again. The older boy observed the red corrections written over his answers in handwriting much neater and legible than his own.

"So, that kind of rivalry, it doesn't affect your relationship with your sister?" Horokeu looked up from his paper again.

"Not really. I think we're pretty close, actually. I mean, I only have one sister. But with life, it isn't just one option."

"And you're really ok with that?"

"Of course. I don't believe that the family business has to be the only way to go. I'm sure both me and my sister have what it takes to start our own business, anyway."

"So... it doesn't scare you that you might not have something set up for you?"

"No, there's nothing to be afraid of." Ren chuckled a little to Horokeu's question. "I'm only seventeen, I have a lot of time to make up my mind and find what I want to do."

"Yeah... I guess so..." Horokeu's onyx eyes lowered and Ren noticed the way his voice faltered. He also never overlooked the nature of the blunette's questions, how they sounded like they wanted Ren to find what they were veiling. The smaller teen cocked his head slightly to the side, trying to find in those eyes the questions he was supposed to ask.

"Horo..." He called on the name he hasn't said in what felt like ages. "What is it?" The younger one asked quietly like ushering a small animal not to get spooked away. He didn't think there would ever come a day he would have to speak this way to Horokeu. This past week and a half has been full of changes he could barely keep up with, but there was still a part of him that wasn't sure if he'd missed any lines he wasn't supposed to cross. It was frustrating, how he still didn't know how to interact with _this_ Horokeu. He didn't know how it was so easy with the other one, how there didn't seem to be any boundaries to worry about—or that's what he thought. Perhaps with this one, with this newfound friendship, Ren didn't want to discover invisible eggshells that may still be scattered on something he's only begun to discover—He didn't want to ruin this one too. And unaware of any of this, of Ren's underlying concern, Horokeu's shoulders clenched, almost like he was startled by his friend's question. He opened his mouth to attempt to avoid the question, to escape having to answer it, but closed it again. He realized there's no reason to feel threatened by those golden eyes.

"...It's no secret that I'm attending this school on a scholarship." The blunette began after a long pause. Ren simply nodded. "Well, it wasn't always like that. My dad put me in the program this year after we had a huge fight."

"Wait," Ren furrowed his brows, wondering if he understood correctly. "So your parents can actually afford the tuition? But have you go on a scholarship anyway? But that's..."

"Yeah, I know." Horokeu nodded, knowing what Ren wanted to say.

"Do they even know what that means here?" The blunette only shrugged.

"I don't know. I think they just want me to know how pissed they are."

"Pissed about what?!" Ren wished he could direct his question at the blunette's parents instead. Despite his fear for the invisible eggshells, he was able to ask his question because he could tell Horokeu wanted him to. Ren personally wanted to demand his parents' justification for basically sentencing their son to what was virtually a social suicide.

None of the kids in this school were naive enough to be unaware of their privileged status. And to some, this awareness stemmed from their elitist pride, which was basically like another layer of skin. To them, the ones who didn't wear it, the ones who weren't rightfully born with it, didn't deserve to be among the ones who did. And those who couldn't even afford entry past the golden gates? There were those who wanted it to be known that weeds don't belong among the roses in the royal garden. And then, like Grey and his cronies, there were those who were just bored in skin they've grown too comfortable in. Ren wondered if Horokeu's father realized the blunette was made into an easy target for both types.

"Unlike your family, mine already decided that I'm supposed to be... next in line." Horokeu scoffed bitterly at the irony as he started to answer Ren. "That's how it's always been for as long as I can remember. And for a while I was ok with that. But then my dad started to _really_ grill me about it around my second year in middle school. About how I can't just keep goofing around. I don't know what I'm even doing in this shit hole of a school. But I'm here because I'm supposed to be here. My grades weren't always this bad though. I mean, they weren't perfect, but I managed to keep them decent. I worked my ass off but apparently, that wasn't good enough." Ren could see how relieved the blunette was to finally find someone who was asking for his side of the story. He must have wanted to tell it for a long time, as he could see the relief begin to glaze over the obsidian eyes. The blunette chewed the inside of his cheek, willing his eyes not to let anything fall from them. He was grateful that Ren waited in silence without even the slightest reaction passing over his still features.

"So when my grades weren't so perfect..." Horokeu had to stop, his words seeming to clog and coming out in what sounded like a strained cough in his effort to control himself. He leaned back in his chair, frustration furrowing his brows upon realizing how he wasn't as composed as he figured himself to be.

"Well, let's just say dad wasn't happy." He rolled his eyes as that same frustration forced his lips to pull back into a cynical smile. "In fact, he didn't seem happy with anything. If it wasn't my grades, then it was _always_ something else. It's like what he wants in me as a son and his heir, isn't who I already am. At some point I started to wonder, why do I bother? What's the point? Why the fuck do I even keep trying if I'm never going to be good enough?" Ren didn't say anything, although he was quite familiar with what he was listening to. Kids in this school were enrolled generally for one of two reasons. A majority of them were like himself and Horokeu; only or first-born sons of a family whose names they were branded with was a cross weighing on their backs. He recognized Horokeu's struggle because it was something quite common among them. Ren can't say he's never felt like he could be buried under everything he had to carry on his shoulders as the Tao heir, and he certainly couldn't deny the loneliness that came with not being allowed to admit the secret doubts that sometimes peeked their faces inside him.

"And then the beginning of my third year, I met my friends and... they made it easier to not care." Horokeu continued, and Ren knew right away he was referring to those so-called friends Ren witnessed abandon the blunette the day of Grey's ambush. He could also easily guess that they fell into the other category of who were enrolled here—the black sheep. These kids were placed in this school because their families wanted them out of their hair since they didn't know what else to do anymore and have given up on them. They seemed carefree because that's exactly what they were—they didn't care about what they did or how they affected anyone around them so long as they can save their own skin. Someone like Horokeu can easily be pulled into their liberating circle without realizing how toxic it was.

"You do know that's pretty stupid of you." There wasn't any sympathy passing over Ren's face, or at least not enough for it to be notable. That's because he was saying the truth, which might explain why he said it in such a surprisingly flat tone. But he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel even an ounce of pity for the blunette for not being as lucky as Ren had been. At least when he finally decided to stand up against his father, he had his friends to back him up even when he tried to keep them out of it at first. But Horokeu found the wrong people to call his friends. What happened to Horokeu was commonly referred to as getting 'mixed up with the wrong crowd'.

"Yeah, I know." The blunette sighed, like he finally saw how obvious his mistake was. How he should have known better. "My dad called after he found out how much my grades have dropped. He was all over my case, going on and on about how I better start getting serious about my future and the position I'm in, like it wasn't already bad enough. And then, somewhere in the middle of it all, I lost it and just said 'maybe I don't want to take over after you.'" Ren's eyes slightly widened and Horokeu gave him a sort of an awkward embarrassed half-smile.

"It just came out. I didn't even realize what I said until it was too late. And then it was like all hell broke loose through the phone."

"But did you mean it?"

"... I want to say he didn't give me a chance to even think about it through all the yelling, but I think I was just too angry to take any of it back. And then about a week later, he calls to tell me he's not paying for my tuition. I doubt anyone could just change their tuition plan in the middle of the year all of a sudden so I'm guessing he pulled some strings… which proves his point." Horokeu bit his lip. "That's the morning I threw that punch at you. And then," The blunette let out a tiresome sigh. "I don't know how but word got out that I was on scholarship. That's when a lot of people—people like Grey—started calling me BoroBoro."

Ren didn't realize how much he underestimated the power of name-calling. He only used it once, and as childish and meaningless as it was to him, he coined it at the worst timing and sparked an ugly trend. It's no wonder the blunette resented him so much.

"...Sorry." Ren murmured as earnestly as he can but Horokeu simply shrugged with a forgiving grin. It only made Ren feel worse. It reminded him so much of the other Horokeu. And then he wondered why he couldn't say such simple words, even once, to that other blunette while it was so easy to keep saying it to this one. And he wanted to ask this blunette why he could forgive him. But he knew he'd only be told to just let it go.

"So this whole issue with the scholarship, it's really about your dispute with your family?"

"More like my dad. He thinks I'm bailing on the family. But I'm not. It's just... I felt like I didn't get a say in anything when it's supposed to be _my life_."

"So what do you want to tell him?"

"I don't know... I don't want to say I'm sorry and promise to do whatever he says. But I don't know what I want to do either. He's only going to say he's right, that I'm still just an immature kid who's still too clueless to know his way around the real world."

"Maybe he's right." Ren saw Horokeu's eyes flash with alarm when he said that. "You _are_ technically a kid, Horo."

"What, and you're not?" The blunette snapped and the sharpness of his tone made Ren roll his eyes.

"Look, I'm just saying—"

"What, you wanna say you're better than me!? Because you get better grades and can even tutor me while you're at it!?" Horokeu grit his teeth together like he could taste his own words. He then turned his face away from Ren and began to shove his books and notebooks into his bag.

"Horo—" Ren reached out a hand only to have it shoved away by the addressed male. The blunette looked up again to throw him a glare.

"Screw you, Ren!" He hissed and Ren watched him leave with a slam of the door. The Tao wasn't quite sure if he even wanted to go after him—letting him cool his head seemed like a better idea. Dealing with upset teenagers wasn't exactly at the top of his list of favorite things to do anyway. Besides, he didn't know if he could go after said upset teenager without telling him this is what he meant by immature kid. He could already feel a headache coming and Ren dropped back in his chair, closing his eyes while massaging his temples. He'd rather scratch out kid and replace it with brat. And at the same time, he could feel himself starting to forgive the blunette already. After all, Ren has had his fair share of unbecoming outbursts, more than he wished he remembered.

Ren leaned his head back on the chair and opened his eyelids to see the ceiling. Something on the table in his peripheral caught his waning attention, and his amber eyes shifted. It was Horokeu's paper they were working on earlier—Ren hoped it was just forgotten and not abandoned.

**To be continued…**


	14. So We’re Agreed

"Where is he?" Calm pairs of gold shifted upward from the book they were reading to look at the boy who stood in front of him. His voice attested that the question was more a demand.

"Where's who?" Ren countered bluntly nonetheless, raising a brow at Hao's scowled face.

"That study buddy of yours." The brunette narrowed his eyes but Ren simply let his own return to his book as he shrugged his shoulders.

"How should I know?" Hao snatched Ren's book from his hand, his fingers gripping it closed as he pulled it away from the Tao's reach. It was Ren's turn to narrow his eyes but the Asakura clutched the book in his hand tightly, eyeing him with a smug glare now that he has his attention. But that wasn't enough to provoke Ren to say anything else. None of it was any of Hao's business.

"Well, you know something about this!" The brunette hissed and Ren crossed his arms.

"About what?" The smaller one asked, growing wary of his roommate's obscurity.

"Grey's suspension!" Hao growled through grimaced teeth but Ren didn't say anything and just stared back at him.

"I know you have something to do with it!" The brunette continued and slammed the book on the table, making Ren's eye twitch as a small but sure sign of his irritation.

"How can—"

"Don't try to tell me you don't!" Hao snapped with a finger pointed inches away from Ren's nose. "I thought it was weird when I heard about what happened to Grey and his friends on the _same day_ you came to class with Usui-san who was also beat up, which quite frankly, I thought you were responsible for at first. But then you start having these _study sessions_ with him." Hao rolled his eyes like he still didn't believe that. "Did you think I'd brush it off as coincidence when he came running in here yesterday all excited to give _you_ news about Grey?"

"What is your point, Hao?"

"Clearly, you've taken an interest in this guy. Although last time I checked, you hated him." Hao paused and made a look like he wasn't sure if he was going to believe his next words. "Is he blackmailing you?"

"No, of course not." Although Ren made a smirk, it showed in his eyes that he was barely amused by the absurdity of the accusation. "Honestly, I didn't think you and Grey were such close friends."

"I'm not friends with that stupid sack of waste." Hao's voice held an edge like he was genuinely insulted by what Ren said, and it made the smaller boy look at him strangely.

"Then why do you care about what happens to him?" Hao sighed and his lips pressed into a tight frown. His prying had backfired.

"I don't... Let's just say he was my best customer." The brunette sounded reluctant but he could see that Ren didn't appreciate the inadequacy of his response. He sighs again.

"What they found in his locker... he bought them from me." For a short moment, Ren's expression was blank but realization dawned on his face in a matter of seconds and he couldn't hold back his risen voice.

"Are you saying I'm living with a drug dealer!?"

"Hey! Don't start lecturing me now when you kept turning a blind eye all this time! You never cared about what's going on around you as long as you weren't involved! At least not up until now because what!? Because you decided to make a pet out of what's probably just a crippled puppy to you!?" Ren's shoulders rose and fell in his effort to endure the emotions threatening to make him scream back. Hao sneered at him, clearly enjoying the way his face twisted with whatever his words were making the Tao feel in the pit of his guts. He waited, silently daring the other teen to retaliate. But Ren refused to self-destruct, and he remained silent to prove it. Eventually, Hao had to be the one to let it go and ended up grabbing his jacket while frowning bitterly.

"Honestly, I don't give a shit about whoever you take what kind of interest in." The brunette looked over his shoulder before opening the door. "Just keep me out of it, just like how I've always kept you out of my business. It's always worked before." Ren watched him go and then picked up his book from the table. Hao's interruption didn't make him forget his page or his spot, but he found himself unable to go back to concentrating on the words he left off at. He can admit that he was still a little shocked about the so-called business Hao had been running right under his nose, but he also surprised himself with how he didn't care as much as he probably should. He was more concerned about Horokeu.

Ren suspected that Horokeu was most likely currently being tutored by Silva—at least that's what he hoped. He can only assume that the blunette wasn't foolish enough to abandon Silva as well. Not that he wanted to assume he was actually abandoned, but he hasn't heard from the blunette since yesterday's ordeal. He didn't want to let that bother him since it had only been a day and although he did consider contacting the blunette himself, he couldn't get himself to act on the idea. After all, they've never previously had a routine to keep in touch anyway. What he had with this blunette is nothing like the one with the other Ainu—this is something that only begun last week.

Ren set his book back down on the table and groaned as he covered his eyes with the base of his palms. Whether it be this blunette or the other one, it didn't seem to matter, he felt like he was always making the wrong choices. Or rather, no matter what choice he made, he always seemed to end up with the same results; getting stuck. He didn't know how to explain this incapability that almost seemed inevitable. But it filled him with something so pathetic he couldn't even begin to describe it. The only thing that made him feel worse was the fact that while he felt the creeping suspicion that he had driven the blunette away permanently like the other one, he couldn't get himself to make a single call for him to come back. He wasn't sure if it's because he couldn't muster the courage or set aside the pride. Whatever it was, it dragged on until the next day. The Ainu wouldn't even so much as take a glance at Ren during the classes they shared.

So when Ren opened his door to the said Ainu after school, totally unannounced without a call or a text, he didn't know what to say. So he didn't say anything and concentrated on upholding his cool mask instead as he stepped aside to let him in. Horokeu's eyes slightly widened, the uncertainty in them explaining why he was hesitating. Ren let out an impatient sigh, then grabbed the other boy's wrist and yanked him in through the doorway so he can close the door.

"I didn't think you'd show up." Ren admitted, glad that he was able to keep his voice leveled, as he sat down at the table. Horokeu remained standing, his awkwardly downcast eyes shifting over the floor like he was a kid trying to adjust to a new environment. The look on his face was a mix of confusion and regret. Ren could guess that he was probably confused about why he let the blunette in. The question was, what was he regretting?

"Are you going to sit?" Horokeu looked up startled by Ren's question, but the younger teen simply motioned his hand towards the empty chair next to him. "Or are you here to tell me you don't want to be tutored anymore?"

"You mean you'd still do it? Even after..."

"By gones, Horo." Ren cut Horokeu off, finding the subject too petty to discuss. He gestured his hand again over the vacant chair and this time Horokeu hastily sat himself down as if afraid that the offer will be retracted. Ren tried not to laugh but a satisfied smirk sneaked its way on his lips when the blunette began to take his notes and books out from his bag. Horokeu noticed it and it showed that he relaxed to it. His hand unpacking his bag stopped.

"Thanks...and sorry about the other day." The blunette bit his lip as he scratched his head. "It's this sort of thing, isn't it? When my dad says I'm an immature kid?"

"Maybe, baka Horo." Ren almost gasped. His tone, despite how sharply sarcastic it was, didn't sound at all hostile. But he still knew he had let his old habit slip.

"But I'll give you credit for admitting you were wrong." Ren muttered what was supposed to be a substitute for an apology. His clumsy attempt at it made Horokeu chuckle, which made Ren frown more sheepishly. That just made the blunette's grin broaden, and the young Tao had to look away from him so as not to let his face flush. The subtle awkwardness drew them into silence, making Ren more conscious of the rapid fluttering in his chest. He reached for the textbook, the only thing he can see that can possibly distract him.

"You know we have a lot to cover since you bailed last time." Ren remarked as he flipped through the pages.

"I know." Horokeu sighed and swallowed any attempts to protest since he was well aware that he had no room to in this one. His willingness to admit his fault made Ren think about how it was more than what he can say about himself.

The two focused on where they left off the other day, and there wasn't any bitterness to interfere. But Ren wasn't kidding when he said there was a lot to cover. After all, Horokeu was being tutored because he was already falling behind. And after their unscheduled parting from last time, he was intent on filling that gap while they still can. While Horokeu obeyed Ren through his Sparta-like lesson with a pouting face, he made an effort not to complain about it. In return, Ren kept himself from pointing out how the blunette only had himself to blame whenever he made a frustrated grunt or sigh. Perhaps it's because he recognizes the effort past his pursed lips. He can see the intensity behind those seemingly sulky eyes, the exact same one that fueled the determination that impressed him every time he witnessed it. So after two hours, Ren decided a break was well deserved.

"We're not done yet, this is just a break."

"Don't remind me." Horokeu groaned at Ren's warning and raised his arms into a stretch. He then leaned in to cradle his chin in his palm, sending Ren a curious stare.

"So..." The blunette began and Ren could already hear the awkward hint in his voice. "Are you and Hao a thing?"

"... Excuse me?" Amber eyes widened and froze. Ren actually understood the meaning of the question. He was just so blind sited by it that it left him staring back at the blunette in dumbstruck silence.

"No..." It took Ren a few moments to recover enough to respond, practically drawling it out. "No, no! Gods no!" He repeated in harsh sharpness, unable to fully shake off the gooseflesh caused by such an absurd question.

"Ok, ok." Horokeu held up his hands for the smaller male to calm down. Ren shuddered and looked at the blunette again with clear confusion.

"Why would you ask me that?"

"Well," Horokeu started again in a tone tapped with the same awkwardness in his question. "I ran into Hao yesterday." He then paused and pressed his lips together like he suddenly had to sort out his words.

"Actually, I don't know if you can say I 'ran into him'. I was on my way to a class and it felt more like he was waiting for me in the hallway."

"What did he want?" Ren asked in a voice carefully kept calm but with enough edge to communicate his disdain.

"He just wanted to talk." Horokeu sounded like he expected such a response. "He wanted to know what we're doing and why we're hanging out so much. Basically it's the same as it was with Grey. Except unlike Grey, who was just pissed off about not getting his way, Hao was more... I guess you could say he seemed more concerned about you. Like, he even accused me of blackmailing you." Horokeu snorted as if that was a ridiculously impossible task. Ren wasn't so amused as he thought back to his own conversation with his roommate on the same day. When Horokeu noticed that Ren wasn't laughing with him, he cleared his throat.

"He didn't threaten me or anything. But you know, he made a point with...this look. It's weird, I don't know exactly how to put it, but it's like he was smiling but not actually smiling. Like he was sending a message through something else." Ren nodded, understanding quite well what the blunette meant as he fumbled to put his finger on it. Clearly, the two versions of the Asakura overlap in certain departments. Horokeu watched the other contemplate on everything he just explained, waiting for what he had to say. He swallowed hard when Ren began to massage his temples.

"Hey, if I'm causing any trouble between you guys by coming over—"

"That's nothing to worry about... I'll deal with Hao." Horokeu nodded, not quite sure if he wanted to know what Ren meant by that. He just didn't like the way those amber eyes gleamed as he said it.

"So you really don't see him much outside of school?" The Ainu said in an attempt to lighten the air. Ren blinked and when he looked at the older boy, Horokeu was sure he no longer saw the dark glow in those eyes. He laughed when Ren shook his head, apparently finding that hard to believe.

"How about the weekends when there's no school? You guys don't hang out?"

"No, he goes wherever he goes and does whatever he does." The dryness in Ren's tone made Horokeu raise a brow.

"Seriously? Well, what about you? What'd you do outside of school?"

"Outside of school..." Ren started, and Horokeu wondered why he seemed uncomfortable with such a simple question. "I'm tutoring you or doing my own homework." The young Tao quickly finished but the Ainu nodded slowly for him to go on, evidently expecting more.

"And sometimes I read... and I like to train at the gym." Ren muttered lowly in deep reluctance and then stopped. Horokeu remained in attentive silence as he waited for the other to finish his list. A list which made his stare change until he looked like he was trying to figure out a strange creature he's never seen before. When nothing came from the smaller teen long enough, he realized he was finished. Ren could tell he was trying not to cringe.

"Ok, no offense, but I asked what you do _outside_ of school. You really only leave to go to a gym?" A deep sigh escaped Ren to another wary question.

"Actually, I usually go to the school's gym." Horokeu's jaws dropped and Ren scowled at him as if to tell him this is why he didn't even want him to ask.

"Ok," Horokeu grimaced but was not able to resist his sparked curiosity. "But don't you and your friends like to go out every once in a while?" Ren didn't say anything and his averted golden gaze seemed regretful for even bothering to answer the blunette's first question. When Horokeu realized this question wasn't going to be answered, he blinked and his lips mouthed a silent 'oh...' Ren shrugged, not sure if he was glad or not that the Ainu finally caught on that his silence was his response. But will he catch on if he tried to explain to him that he wasn't really a teenager? That on the inside he was an adult who graduated his own high school years ago and somehow he was forced to start over at another one? It was difficult enough trying to adjust to an environment he thought he was finished with.

High school was not among Ren's favorite years to look back to. It wasn't the easiest time for him to be surrounded by kids his age who all seemed so carefree in their oblivion. None of them had to go through the Shaman Fight, or face a father who was haunted by their ancestors and willing to kill his son's only friends to keep him under his thumb, and not to mention none of them almost got themselves killed trying to stop a psychotic Shaman from destroying the non-Shaman human race. It's not that he was demanding any special recognition for his hardships but nothing said ignorance is bliss like those kids with their normal teenage problems. Back then, Ren had so much trouble relating to his peers that he abandoned the effort to even have a social life, and channeled all of his energy into his academics. And now he was doing it again, because it was all he knew.

"What I do on my free time is none of your damn business." Ren said in a voice that could convince anyone to back off. He didn't want to be so cutthroat but more than that, he really didn't want to explain this one. He made a point by reaching for the textbook to end the topic along with their break.

Horokeu put a hand over Ren's to stop it from picking up the book, not realizing that he also made the other's heart stumble. Ren's eyes widened slightly at the unexpected contact.

"Before we get started again," Horokeu said without moving his hand, oblivious to Ren's ability to protest being interfered by his breath catching at the back of his throat. "Lets make a deal to hang out this weekend."

"...What're you saying?"

"I'm saying we need to take a break every once in a while." The blunette laughed but Ren didn't laugh with him.

"And...what do you suppose we do?" Ren asked after a short hesitated pause. But his question was dragged, coming out slowly as if he still wasn't sure even after asking it. Regardless, Horokeu grinned ear to ear and his onyx eyes picked up a new gleam to go with it.

"So we're agreed?" Ren rolled his eyes with a snort, suddenly feeling himself ease. That grin was contagious, making his own lips go loose and he couldn't resist the tugging on their corners. And he didn't find it fair that the blunette stared at him with such anticipation in those eyes. How was he supposed to say no to that goofy face?

"Only if you finish what we have to get done. Today." Ren somehow managed what he hoped was a stern enough tone.

"Challenge accepted!" Horokeu exclaimed as he picked up his pencil with a raised brow. "That'll make it all the more rewarding." Ren shook his head, only responding with an amused snort. He wondered if the blunette really considered spending a day with him would actually count as a reward. If he did, then he wondered if he should consider it a reward too. After all, he did survive what felt like falling through several rabbit holes, and barely had anything to call a reward. The idea had him thinking, maybe it's about time.

Horokeu was fueled with enough motivation to finish what he left behind his last session, and even did today's load. With some breaks and a little goofing around (that Ren would allow) in between, he ended up staying until he made it back to his dorm barely before curfew. On his way out he made sure to remind Ren of their deal, refusing to close the door until the Tao said it out loud that they will meet up tomorrow. When Ren assured him that he will text him, the blunette was satisfied enough to beam at him before he had to dash down the hall to make it back to his dorm. Ren couldn't help but laugh as he closed the door, feeling like he was winning over the friendship of a puppy.

Ren returned to his table, getting started on his own assignments. He was going to need something to pass the time since he planned on staying up tonight.

Long after the night took over, a familiar squeak of the window closing ripped through the silence filling the dark room. The moonlight served as the only available light, but that wasn't a problem. His movement was swift as much as it was soundless. He's done this way too many times to bump into any furniture. But this may be the first time there's someone sitting in one of the chairs.

"Welcome back, Hao." Ren's nonchalant voice resonated in the darkness and the addressed brunette almost tripped on his own feet.

"Shit!" Hao cursed and finally noticed the golden cat-like eyes watching him. "Ren? What the fuck are you doing up?"

"I was waiting for you, obviously." Ren's response was almost immediately followed by a yawn as he turned on the standing lamp in the corner. Hao raised a brow, clearly perplexed by such an irregular gesture coming from his usually uninvolved roommate.

"In the dark? Since when were you such a drama queen?"

"I'm usually asleep by now so I figured you might avoid coming back inside if the lights were on." Ren sighed, hardly having the energy to bite at the last comment.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Hao rolled his eyes, not even surprised by the Tao's accurate assumption.

"So," Hao moved towards Ren until he had his arm against the wall behind the smaller teen to lean over him. "Couldn't sleep because you just had to see me? Missed me that bad, huh?" There was enough slither in his voice to go with his sly grin, and Ren narrowed his eyes to sharp gold slits in his effort not to gag.

"I just have something to tell you." Ren's voice remained flat, apparently not intending to be shaken by the other's cheap antics. He slipped out from under Hao who flipped himself to lean back on the wall with crossed arms, curiosity passing over his features.

"So there's a secret you have to tell me because you can't hold it in any longer? Don't worry, Ren, I've always known how you feel about me. I'm glad you can finally—"

"Hao!" The Asakura blinked and then his grin widened as he watched Ren grit his teeth. So it seems his antics weren't cheap enough, after all, as Ren's response came out louder than he probably would have ever intended. Ren told himself it was because of how irritated he already was from having to stay up so long just to get a hold of the brunette. He told himself to blame that for making his nerves like extra short live wires. But that wasn't enough to stop him from regretting that he gave the Asakura the satisfaction.

"Geez, Ren, I know you can't help it when you wanna scream my name but you'll wake the neighbors." Hao jeered but this time, Ren just sent him a glare through tired eyes fighting heavy lids.

"Look, I'm only going to tell you this once." Ren's voice quieted down again but it also picked up a much colder, harder edge. "If you have questions about me, if you have something to say about me, then you come to _me_!" The edge in his voice was growing sharper by each word. "Don't go grabbing people in hallways with stupid accusations like you know what you're talking about because clearly, you don't have a fucking clue." It seemed sharp enough to cut Hao's throat as no response came from his now closed lips, which were no longer upholding its previous cunning smirk. He watched Ren with steady, careful eyes. And then those eyes flinched, realization passing through them.

" _That's_ what this is about? That's what you're being pissy about?" There was a twitch in Ren's face like Hao's disbelief hit another nerve.

"You don't get to tell me to stay out of your business and then turn around to stick your nose into mine. Besides, it was you who said we should stay out of each other's way." Ren huffed a frustrated breath, then turned away and started for his bed. As annoying as it was, he didn't have the energy to put up with anymore. He just wanted to get this over with so he can finally get to sleep.

"Seriously? I was just looking out for you. And why don't you just go ahead and say it that this isn't about you or me? This is about _him_ , right?" But Hao's insistence made Ren look over his shoulder.

"I don't need you to look out for me." His voice was low but it was also acidic, like the hostility was burning holes to get through. "And next time you go behind my back, it's not going to just be a warning."

"...Noted." Hao muttered gruffly and Ren climbed into his bed without another word. The brunette let out a very exasperated sigh, shaking his head as he opened the door to the shower.

**To be continued…**


	15. What to Do What to Say

Ren glanced at the shifting bed covers but didn't say anything when Hao's head emerged from them. Hao blinked at him through squinted eyes curtained by his long hair, sluggishly taking in how the lights were kept off and his roommate standing by the door was changed into his clothes. He was too drowsy to care about what time it was, but he noticed the sunlight trying to leak in through the curtains it was silhouetting around. He was grateful that they were shut.

"Where're you going?"

"Go back to sleep, Hao." Ren responded absently as he finished whatever he was texting on his phone.

"You know, the fact that you're being so secretive already gives it away."

"Whatever." Ren dismissed Hao with a sigh, not even looking at him so he knows how irrelevant his comment was.

"Don't try to play dumb, Ren. You really suck at it." Hao returned it with a scoff, just as dismissive, and sunk back in his bed. "Don't worry, though. For your sake, I'll play along and pretend I don't know you're going to see him so you can go ahead and pretend you snuck out without waking me." Ren looked at Hao again but shut his lips. The brunette had closed his eyes, and Ren didn't know if he actually went back to sleep or not, but it seemed meaningless to try to argue back. He also felt a strange inkling that Hao was pouting. Even though he knew that's the last person he should ever suspect to pout, he felt like Hao chose his words deliberately, like he was giving Ren a hint that he was supposed to feel bad about what he's doing.

Or was he reading in too much into what was probably just a joke to brush off?

As if to answer that for him, Hao turned over to face his back at Ren, pulling his blanket tighter around himself. Ren sighed and finally headed out.

It didn't take long for Ren to realize he wasn't the only one who had plans to go out. There was already a small crowd when he neared the gate, and he spotted Horokeu idly waiting against the brick wall among the mingling teens who were all also out of their uniforms. His bored and expressionless face instantly lit up the second he caught sight of Ren. That look alone had Ren feeling his ears start to get hot and he willed it not to spread to his face. He didn't know how successful he was and it was a relief to see the bus pull up to distract Horokeu from noticing as they rushed to line up. Students weren't allowed to use any means of public transportation on school property, and the nearest train station was about twenty minutes away by car. So the school ran its own bus service on the weekends, the only transportation available to the students permitted on school premises. Its only stops were this school and the train station, nothing in between, defining it to be a safer alternative than any public transportation. Not to mention it was a perk for the privileged elites attending a school that can afford it.

"Is it always like this?" Ren looked around, not expecting the line to be so long when it was still the first bus that morning. But he might understand when he thought about the bus schedule he looked up. The timetable indicated how limited their opportunities were with how many hours there were between each bus. And that was just for a ride to the nearest train station. It was pretty obvious that it's the school's effort to discourage the kids from going out, but judging from how long the line was just for the first ride alone, it's clear how effective that effort was.

"Every weekend." Horokeu chuckled as he climbed the little steps. He held his student ID over the reader by the driver until it blinked green and a high-pitched bell sound indicated its approval—A system to keep track of the students who weren't going to be discouraged by the bus schedule was the school's counter measure. And Ren followed suit right behind Horokeu and followed the blunette to a pole they can hold on to as they stood since all the seats were already taken. In a matter of minutes the whole bus was packed and there was barely any elbowroom for anyone. From there they rode to the train station where they had to ride the trains for about two hours until they finally reached the center of the city.

But despite the grueling trip just to get there, Ren found himself overwhelmed with a sort of liberating sensation when they got off at Shibuya Station. Even though he thought he hated being crowded by tall buildings and so many people, it was a refreshing change in scenery, to say the very least. Just the thought that he wasn't at school gave it a whole different feeling entirely. It's no wonder everyone else was so willing to make the agonizing journey every chance they got. Despite their privileged upbringing, they were only allowed a taste of this freedom on the weekends.

"So what now?" Ren looked at Horokeu who just shrugged.

"What'd you wanna do?"

"I... don't know." Ren confessed and hated how honest that was. He scowled to hide it, to seem annoyed at Horokeu instead. "This was your idea. What were you planning?"

"Well," Horokeu began thoughtfully as he looked around. "I didn't really have a plan. Actually, I don't usually plan anything. Just go with the flow, you know?"

"No, I don't know." Ren huffed, now actually feeling himself annoyed at the blunette. A part of him wondered if this is what he should have expected from him. It certainly reminded him of the other Horokeu. There were too many to keep count on how many times they've argued over which way to go when they got lost during their journey to Patch Village, or what restaurant to eat at after they got there.

"Wanna go see what movie's playing?" Ren blinked to pull himself out of his memories. His amber eyes followed where the Horokeu he was with now pointed, which was the movie theater across the street. And now, Ren wasn't sure about what he was feeling. One second it was nostalgia, and now it's this strange unfamiliarity as he realized he never did go to any movie with Horokeu with just the two of them. The memories he had were the ones when they were just a bunch of kids pursuing the Great Spirit, which later ended up turning into a fight to save mankind. Anything remotely normal was when they were hanging out at Yoh's house, and even then they all had their desire to become Shaman King dwelling in their minds because after all, that's what brought them together in the first place. Had they ever had a chance to spend time simply as normal teenagers?

"Yeah, sounds good." Ren said in a fast nod to stop himself from brooding any further. But when they reached the building, Ren was unimpressed by the choices lined up. He knew there's no way he's watching any romance-comedy. He could never find any interest in action—he knew he shouldn't have high expectations when all action movie posters looked so similar to him. And he didn't care for horror—as a Shaman (and a damn good one), he already had first-hand experience with spirits so whatever he saw portrayed in movies and TV shows all just seemed—well, silly. The only title that seemed even slightly decent was the suspense movie. But he wondered how much he should expect when the trailer didn't leave enough of an impression for him to remember what it might have been about.

"What about this one?"

"...Are you serious?"

"I've heard good things. At least better than what I've heard about the rest of these." The blunette shrugged, seeming quite honest, and Ren raised a skeptical brow.

"Aren't we a little too old for animations?" Horokeu laughed at this, even though Ren obviously wasn't joking.

"I don't know, you can't underestimate animation movies these days."

"Horo, it's a town full of animals and they're police is a _rabbit_." Ren gestured his hand towards said rabbit character, which he judges is the main character considering how largely she is featured on the poster. "That's not enough hint that it's going to be stupid?"

"Don't be so quick to judge." The Ainu insisted with another laugh but rolled his eyes when he saw the skepticism remained. "Ok, ok, tell you what. How about I buy lunch if you end up not liking this?" Ren made an unamused frown, but also carefully eyed the blunette like he was weighing his advantages.

"What're you buying?"

"Whatever you wanna eat. Deal?"

"...Deal." Ren said after some thought, deciding it was fair enough since he doesn't have any suggestions on what else to watch anyway. Plus, he could guess that Horokeu was so persistent because he really wanted to see this. Despite how childish it seemed, Ren was willing to let him have his choice. This time.

Horokeu most certainly enjoyed the movie with all of his chuckles and small laughs that he managed to hold back from being too loud at every joke. Ren was never one to be so drawn into movies and always watched with an unchanging face no matter the scene. This movie was no exception. The only exception with this one was, he sometimes stole secret glances at the boy next to him. He was unaware of the glances the same boy stole between his bubbly laughs.

"So did you like it?" Horokeu asked as he stretched his arms when they left the theater.

"It was ok... for a kids' movie." Ren said coolly, and the blunette snorted.

"Whatever! I'll buy lunch anyway since I know that's why you won't admit how good it was."

"I'm not that desperate for a free meal but if you insist." Ren countered with his usual arrogant smirk.

"So what'd you wanna eat?"

"... What's good to eat around here?"

Ren ended up following Horokeu who only told him it's one of his favorite spots. They went up a hill and the Tao was relieved that they were moving away from the center of the main street where the mass was concentrated. But when they made a turn into an alley, he wondered how far they were supposed to go. When it got too obvious to ignore how unpopular this area was, Ren decided he needed to know exactly where the blunette was taking him.

"We're here." Horokeu stopped just as Ren had opened his mouth, which he closed as he looked over what they were standing in front of. He couldn't tell at first until he noticed the white wooden board with what was probably the name of the place and its hours painted in dark red, and next to it a chalkboard that served for a menu that didn't use any clever drawings or colors other than white. And judging by the list scribbled on, it seemed to be a burger joint. But that's all that stood to indicate its existence, and if it weren't for Horokeu being there to guide him, Ren would've walked right by. Especially since the establishment itself was just as simple and far from eye-catching without even the use of bright colors like the rest of what's lined up along the major shopping malls. In fact, it practically blended into its dark and dreary back-alley surroundings. The front door almost seemed hidden away as it sat at the bottom of little steps under its wooden roof, which was low enough to make someone tall enough to duck. While skeptical of why this was Horokeu's favorite spot, Ren followed the blunette down the little steps, which led to a small porch-like space in front of the door that had a small table and two benches at its sides. It was empty.

When the door opened, the two were greeted by the wafting warm aroma filling the room. Unlike the table outside, the L-shaped counter was lined up by customers wolfing down on burgers. The place was as small as it had seemed from outside as half the space was taken up by the kitchen behind the counter. There weren't even ten people sitting but the other side was already so cramped that Ren and Horokeu had to walk sideways to squeeze behind them to get to the only two seats available.

"We're lucky we didn't even have to line up." Horokeu said as he handed the laminated menu to Ren. Although the place did appear to be packed, Ren wasn't sure if that's really something to worry about, especially considering how conspicuously it stood.

"How'd you find this place?" Ren asked after they made their orders.

"Just found it by chance." Horokeu shrugged and took a sip from his soda that came with Ren's oolong tea. "I swear this place is so good you won't even care that it's not five-star. Even though you might not admit it like you won't admit you actually really liked the movie."

"Ok, first off, I already don't care about any stars as long as the food's good." Ren rolled his eyes at Horokeu's clever smirk. "And second, that movie wasn't _that_ good."

"So you're going to tell me it wasn't even funny?"

"I didn't say all that but I still think it's stupid that the rabbit made it to become a police."

"Yeah, well, they had to send out a positive message to the kiddies somehow."

"And you think teaming up a rabbit police with a con artist fox sends out that message?"

"Well, come on, if they were humans or even animals of the same species, there would've definitely been some scene that would've made it PG-13 or even R-rated."

"Seriously?" Ren's amber eyes went wide as he almost choked on his tea. "Horo, how deep in the gutter does your head have to be to see that in a kids' movie?"

"I bet you I'm not the only dirty mind who saw it. And honestly, you don't have to have a dirty mind to see it." Horokeu snickered but when he saw the way Ren stared at him like he was preaching blasphemy in a church, he raised a brow. "Come on, Ren, you're seriously telling me you didn't think they would've at least kissed somewhere in the moment they were pouring out their hearts or revealing the most vulnerable parts of their forest critter souls?"

"No, I didn't see that!"

"Fine! I dare you to look them up." Horokeu pointed at Ren's phone and the smaller teen looked like he couldn't believe what he was suggesting. "Seriously, go online and see for yourself how many people already have them getting down and dirty in a fanfic or fan art or comic or whatever."

"Ok, I am not looking that up because even if I do find anything, it's just down right ridiculous."

"I'm telling you, it's not that ridiculous because I know I'm not the only one."

"It's ridiculous because it's a rabbit and a fox. Neither would be attracted to the other, at least not like _that_."

"Ok, what about you? What're you attracted to like _that_?" Ren looked at Horokeu, the unexpected turn of the conversation making him blink. A part of him expected the blunette to burst out laughing and tell him he was just joking. He might even be hoping it considering he couldn't just go ahead and answer the question, not when that answer was said boy who asked. But the oblivious boy just waited with that damn smile of his, which also made it harder to think straight. And it didn't help that Ren wasn't exactly adept at navigating himself around these topics.

"Uh... What'd you mean?" Ren wanted to kick himself for sounding so moronic. Horokeu rolled his eyes but his smile was still there, still harmless and careless as ever. And he had an easy going laugh to go with it.

"I mean, say if you were the rabbit, who would be the fox?"

"What?" This time, Ren's mind did go blank and it showed in the stare he sent Horokeu.

"Ok, you're right, that was weird. I'll come clean." Horokeu cringed at how his question came out and the embarrassment made him sigh. "When you told me there's nothing between you and Hao, I guess it got me to really wonder."

"What's there to wonder?" Ren furrowed his brows, wondering why Hao was suddenly brought up.

"I don't know," The blue-haired boy began and shrugged like he wanted to shake off the uncomfortable air. A little late for that. "The guy's known for screwing anyone he wants and you know, since you guys basically live together and all."

"So you're saying, you think I'm a slut."

"What? No! No, that's not what I mean, I swear!" Horokeu pressed the base of his palms over his eyes and groaned. " _Please_ let me start over."

"Don't worry, I'm just messing with you." Ren chuckled with a teasing smirk. "So you were saying?" He added with a snort when Horokeu lowered his hands to send him a poutish glare.

"I was saying, there's no way Hao wasn't even interested first time he laid eyes on you but since you say there's nothing between you guys," Ren felt small tints of blush surface on his cheeks and wondered if the blunette realized he just basically said he thought Ren was hot. Then again, at this point Horokeu was fighting so hard with his awkwardness that he was avoiding eye contact as he continued, "I'm guessing it's because you were the one who wasn't interested. So were you not interested in Hao? Or were you not interested the way he was?" Ren felt his spine stiffen and he looked at Horokeu. He opened his mouth but had to close it again because it went bone dry and his amber eyes kept shifting away and back to the onyx pair that watched him. He swallowed hard on the lump that formed in his throat.

"Why would you ask me that?" Ren felt himself clenching to his own words. The blue-haired one just shrugged.

"Honestly, I don't think I'd bring up something like this with anyone else because of all the possible negative outcomes I don't even want to think about. But...I guess I'd like to think I don't have to worry about that with you." Horokeu noticed how Ren's throat bobbed again. "Look, for what it's worth, I don't care either way. I told you, I'm just curious." He sounded honest enough and Ren didn't have a reason to doubt him. Yet he couldn't deny that he did.

And then someone from behind the counter brought them their burgers.

Ren glanced at his plate and back at Horokeu. The blunette smiled at him and shrugged.

"Let's eat while they're hot." The blunette simply said and already grabbed his bacon double cheeseburger. Ren looked at his burger but couldn't bring himself to pick it up. He could see Horokeu continuously taking bite after bite from the corner of his eye—he wasn't hungry enough to eat like that. And he knew why. He was also aware of what Horokeu did—what he made him do. And Ren knows he could do it too. He could eat his burger and just let the whole moment pass like it never happened. He could cave in to his habit to dodge a question he didn't know how to answer. At least with this blunette, he would be forgiven. And then it'll be like there was never a mistake from the start. It'll be like he didn't make the same mistake.

"...It was both." Ren said, managing to keep his voice steady.

"What?" And yet it must have really shown how nervous he was because Horokeu put his burger down on his plate again.

"Your questions...about Hao. It was...it was a little bit of both, I guess." Ren let out a sigh and closed his eyes. By now he realizes that it wasn't Horokeu he doubted. Rather, his doubt was lying in his own ability to face a topic he didn't know how to handle. And he silently told himself not to cave. Because if Horokeu could trust him enough to be so honest, then he deserves better.

"First of all, I was never interested in Hao. There was one time he…made his advances…around the beginning of when we started living together as roommates. I made it _clear_ that it wasn't happening. He got the message and haven't tried anything since." Ren's brows furrowed as he looked back on that particular memory. When he woke up in the middle of the night to Hao who was on all fours on his bed looming over him. His sly serpentine smirk was unapologetic with entitlement as he whispered suggestion in cool shameless slither. Ren nearly broke his nose. It was odd to reminisce something that felt so foreign. It was stranger that this was Hao he's talking about. But the memory was undoubtedly there.

"Secondly, as for _the way_ he's interested," The same memory made Ren scowl with distaste. "He was only interested in adding my name to his list of conquests." He crossed his arms as he looked at Horokeu with his lips curled to a low growl. "I don't care how well he's known for _screwing_ anyone he wishes. I'm not one of those sluts who will throw themselves at him."

"Good thing you let the douche know." Horokeu snickered with an approving grin.

"Right?" Ren snorted and already felt his lips let go of his frown and pull into its own satisfied smirk. Suddenly an appetite made itself known in his guts and demanded to be fulfilled. Ren was happy to oblige as he turned to his plate and picked up his burger. The thing was so huge he barely fit it in his mouth even though he opened his jaw as far as he can. But when the Tao took his first bite, his golden eyes slightly widened to what he tasted, which was something that shouldn't even be compared to anything as mediocre as fast food.

But for a split moment Ren's chewing stopped and his jaws would have dropped if he didn't remember he still had to swallow when a second burger was brought to the seat next to him. The blunette licked his lips as he picked up his second burger and Ren could already tell by the look in his eyes that he was going to finish it as quickly and easily as the first one. Even if he had a head start, Ren wondered how in the world he finished so quickly, especially when it was larger than what he got. Ren was only halfway through with his. And apparently, he was sending one of those stares that can't go unnoticed even by someone who was so focused on his meal and the first bite he was about to make.

"What?" Horokeu paused and glanced at the boy next to him. "I'm hungry." He laughed as that was all he could allow to delay his massive bite, unable to wait for Ren's response. And that response was a loud burst of laughter that made Horokeu jolt upright mid-chew. And now it had to be his turn to send the wide-eyed stare.

"Sorry, it's just," Ren was able to say after he took a deep breath to calm himself down. "Remember that guy I told you about that you remind me of?" Horokeu nodded, noticing how the amber eyes looked back at him while holding a sort of brightness that didn't die down with the laughter.

"Yeah... Did I remind you of him again?"

"A little too much, actually. He'd down food like a garbage disposal too." Ren chuckled as nostalgia shaped his lips into a soft smile.

"Heh. That much, huh?" Horokeu tried to laugh but it came out in a half-hearted huff. And he wasn't sure why he wanted to change the subject. But curiosity gnawed at him.

"So you never told me why you guys stopped talking." Something flitted in Ren's eyes. Something that took away his smile.

"What's there to tell?" Ren averted his eyes from Horokeu.

"Well, it doesn't seem like you hate the guy. Or at least I hope you don't since you claim I resemble him so much." Horokeu attempted to bring back the lightness in the air between them with a laugh. It didn't return. "So what happened?"

"Nothing, just... life. Life happened."

"Okay..." Horokeu drawled, inwardly struggling to decide how he should proceed.

"I don't," Ren shut his mouth to a tight line when he realized he was almost yelling. "I don't want to talk about this." He finished in almost a whisper, just loud enough for Horokeu to hear it and low enough to hint how much he meant it.

"Ok, got it." Horokeu nodded, trying not to sound disappointed and then wondering why he would be. Then he wondered where the previous brightness had gone in the gold of those eyes.

**To be continued…**


	16. Coming Home

Even though Ren had forgotten about their deal, the blunette still paid for their meals. When they went out the door, there was a line long enough to make Ren's eyes go wide and he glanced at Horokeu who smirked at him knowingly.

"What'd I tell ya?"

Horokeu's go-with-the-flow stance didn't change even after they ate, and the two roamed aimlessly around the streets. They still had quite a while before they had to ride a train to make it for another bus. Usually, Ren would have no problem saying he'd rather just head home instead of wasting anymore time. But considering what going home meant in his current situation, the usual didn't apply. But thirty minutes after leaving the burger joint and searching for something to do, they were surprised by a harsh downpour. In a matter of minutes there were large puddles everywhere. Then a car sped by one of them and its tires threw water all over the two boys as they were about to cross the street to take shelter in a shopping mall.

"Wanna call it a day?" Horokeu pursed his lips at the giant drops of water they took cover from under the mall's roof.

"We'll end up waiting forever for the next bus." Ren insisted gruffly because he didn't miss the disappointment on the blunette's face when he made the suggestion. And he felt the same. But he also knew Horokeu had a point as he shivered when the air cooled by the rain prickled his skin. "Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"We can stay at my sister's place." When Ren realized he had been following around Horokeu this whole day, he had been wishing he could come up with something himself. And he thought his inexperience in weekend socializing equipped him with basically nothing for ideas of his own. He may have been wrong.

"Seriously? Your sister lives around here?"

"We'd probably get there sooner if we took a cab." Ren shrugged and the blunette grinned broadly to the idea. So it was settled. They picked up a taxi for a ten-minute ride to a housing district. There was one house that stood out in size compared to the other homes and it had a name plate that read 'Tao'. Ren was grateful he had the key with him.

"Your sister won't mind?" Horokeu asked as he walked in right behind Ren, his eyes wandering curiously. Ren himself didn't usually like the idea of borrowing her home without her consent but he hoped it was ok to make today an exception. They weren't planning to stay long anyway.

"She told me I could come over anytime when she gave me the key." Ren shrugged absently as he looked for the switch to the heater. It was easy to guess from how dark and still it was that no one was home, and something about this house being so big and empty made it feel like it was colder than it really was. He made a mental note to text her later so she won't think someone broke in when she came home.

"We can dry our shirts until it's time to go." Ren led Horokeu to the laundry room and pulled off his soaked shirt. He threw it in the dryer and held out his hand to take Horokeu's shirt but the blunette put a hand over his mouth to stifle his laugh. Ren raised a confused brow.

"What?" The blunette was still giggling as he pulled his shirt over his head. Ren's breath hitched as he watched abs and a tight chest come out from under the wet garment. A body somewhere between boy and man—Ren dug his nails into his palm to keep his hand from reaching out to touch his toned skin.

"Nothing." Horokeu held out his shirt with an oblivious grin. "It's just weird to see you doing laundry. I figured you'd have people hired to do it for you or something."

"That's back at home in China!" Ren snapped as he snatched Horokeu's shirt and threw it in with his own, then haughtily added, "Of course my sister can hire someone for housekeeping but she chooses not to."

"Where's your sister now?" Horokeu asked as he followed Ren to the living room.

"Probably working." Ren finally found the heater and also turned on the lights. He gestured his hand towards the sofa for Horokeu to sit, the blunette nodding in thanks.

"You got any beer?" Ren sent him a hard look.

"Horo, we're going back to school in a couple of hours."

"Well, I won't tell if you won't." The blunette chuckled with a sly smile but Ren wasn't laughing with him.

"That's not the point."

"Come on! It's not like they'll make us take a Breathalyzer when we get there."

"Again, not the point. I didn't bring us here to get drunk. I brought us here so we have a place to stay until we have to go back to _school_."

"Fine." Horokeu groaned and rolled his eyes back as he let his head fall back on the sofa like he's playing dead. Ren's throat bobbed as he watched his bare chest move with his breathing. He flinched when Horokeu shifted his head to look at him again.

"Do you at least have any soda?" Ren let out an exasperated sigh as he left the room. In a few moments he came back wearing a hoodie and tossed one of his larger ones at Horokeu—he can't stand the idea of having to feel this nervous for the next few hours. And after the Ainu put it on he tossed a can of soda at him. He ignored the strange look that was sent to him as he took a few long gulps from a glass of milk.

"So if your sister's always working, why're you always at school if you can have this sweet place to yourself?" Ren can understand Horokeu's question. He can expect it from any kid at their school. For the most part, aside from holidays and vacations, they only had these weekends to get out of the walls of the school. And because of the curfew, there are only a few hours on each of those two days. Breaking curfew meant banging on the locked gates and having to face the notified families. And attempting to spend even one night outside the gates meant having to face noise after the families _and_ police have been notified. But there was one loophole.

If a student has a family member living in Tokyo, then they can be granted special permission to stay with that relative for one night or longer so long as they can be back in school before curfew the night before their first class. That's if they have all the required paperwork, which includes a written statement from the relative they are staying with, along with a point of contact to confirm the statement. Of course, some of the students probably had enough money and power to know their way around the rules, and it's likely they could have an empty place to themselves too. It was a loophole anyone would take advantage of. So why didn't Ren take advantage of it like everyone else would?

"I'd only be coming to an empty home." Ren's voice was quiet as he thought about how cold this house felt just because no one was home. He knows that it's not just because of the rain or how drenched he was. But that doesn't mean he will allow himself to use his sister's home like a cheap motel or a frat house.

"And you're the only one I ever brought here."

"Really?" Horokeu's face perked and Ren nodded. "Not even Hao?"

"No, I already told you about Hao." Ren let out a loud sigh like he couldn't stress it enough. "I know I'm his roommate and I live with him and all,"

"Plus, he's the only guy you're seen with at school." Horokeu cut in.

"I get it." Ren rolled his eyes. "But that doesn't mean I'm with him 24/7. Why is that so hard to grasp?"

"Well, because he seemed like he was really looking out for you the other day." Ren quickly caught on that the blunette was referring to the day Hao approached him in the hallway. Because that's exactly what the Asakura said when Ren confronted him about it. He looked at Horokeu with pure astonishment.

"...Really?"

"Yeah, he seemed really pissed when he thought I was blackmailing you. And you know, no offense, but Hao doesn't seem like the kind of guy who looks out for anyone. I didn't think there's anyone that he'd care about enough."

_Hao?_ _ Caring _ _about someone?_

Ren furrowed his brows. It was an idea he couldn't fully foster either. But he had to admit; the Hao he knew was someone literally from a different world. And while the two figures seem to mostly share the same traits, he can't deny that he's had moments that made him unsure about what he thought he knew.

"I always assumed he was with friends when I didn't see him outside of school." Ren murmured in a voice that didn't hold enough certainty.

"Yeah well, you're the only one I've seen hanging out with him on a regular basis _at all_. School or not. So I don't know what friends you're talking about, but you're his only friend I know." Ren didn't know how to respond. And when his silence continued long enough, Horokeu cleared his throat.

"So speaking of Hao, that time you turned him down…the fact that he was a guy wasn't the problem?"

"No, the problem was that he was a douche. I thought we already established that?" Ren responded pointedly then shot him a glare "And why am I the only one answering questions?"

"What's your question?" Horokeu grinned as he also realized he's been the only one asking anything today. Ren sent him a side-eye glance.

"Well... what about you? Does it matter to you...if it's a guy...or not?" Ren felt his mouth go dry and he distracted himself by taking another sip from his milk. He tried to tell himself not to shrink to his own question, because he understood what Horokeu meant about all the negative outcomes that could come with asking. But then again, if the blunette can trust him enough to ask, then shouldn't he be able to trust him enough to ask back the same question? He hoped so.

"No, it wouldn't matter." The Ainu answered with such a casual tone that Ren took another sip to keep himself from grinning. "As long as I like the person." Ren could feel heat rushing to his face. He could feel himself tensing and he knew it won't take long before he's so nervous that he can't take it. His eyes darted around the room for something to change the subject. He grabbed the TV's remote.

"Wanna watch something on Netflix?"

"Netflix and chill?" Horokeu laughed and clicked the TV on. Ren rolled his eyes to hide how relieved he was. He was never especially fond of television but there wasn't much else to do and he needed a distraction to stop being so excited by his new information. And maybe his lack of fondness for television was the reason why he fell asleep, as so did Horokeu. When they woke up they barely had enough time to make it to the train for the last bus.

Ren was glad Horokeu fell asleep again on the train because he wasn't confident he'd make a decent conversation. There was too much to think about and too much to consider on his way back. He was thankful that the trip was long enough to give him time to sort it all out before he returned to his dorm. Especially since Hao was already sitting on his bed when he walked in.

"Had fun?" Hao sent Ren one swift acknowledging glance but returned his gaze back to his phone. Ren suppressed his urge to groan at his roommate's passive aggressive undertone as he sat on his own bed and leaned back on the wall to face him.

"I get it, I shouldn't have acted the way I did this morning."

"Why?" Hao scoffed, still not looking at Ren. "You were just looking out for him." _Insert sarcasm here_ , Ren could hear a voice instruct him because they both knew that Ren didn't really sound like he made an apology. Ren thought he got better at it but it seems he still needed to work on it.

"...I heard from Horo." Ren let out a quiet breath in another attempt. "He told me you really were just looking out for me."

"You needed _him_ to tell you?" Hao raised a brow as he looked at Ren again, his tone making it obvious enough that he was still in a bad enough mood to refer to a certain blunette without a name.

"Fine, I'm sorry!" And then there was silence. Ren grit his teeth as he waited.

"So," Hao finally put his phone down and looked directly at Ren. "You guys are on a first name basis now?" Ren never thought that grin would ever feel so uplifting. But when he processed what Hao said, the Tao felt his face burn. And that just made the grin widen.

"If you're really sorry, you'd fill me in on _everything_. Right from why you guys started studying together. That is, if that's what you're really doing."

"That _is_ what we're doing." Ren groaned as he didn't even want to think about what Hao was thinking behind that leer. "I'm... tutoring him." For a second he was afraid that would inspire the Asakura's inappropriate imagination further. But it was apparent that the brunette believed him in the stunned stare he sent Ren. And a part of Ren didn't blame him. After all, who would expect Ren to have the patience to tutor anyone?

"When you called him a crippled puppy..." Ren clenched his jaws when he recalled last night's conversation. "Does that mean you know about..."

"About him attending on a scholarship? Yeah, almost everyone knows." Hao finished for him with a candid snort and shrugged. "If that's why you're doing it, you might want to be careful." Ren's back straightened.

"What'd you mean?" Hao raised a brow and looked at Ren like he had to be joking. Ren's silence meant he wasn't and the Asakura shook his head with a sigh.

"You think no one notices a third year coming to the second year dormitory every week? And you think _no one_ notices Horokeu Usui coming to Ren Tao's dorm?"

"So?" Ren noticed Hao's face change. He was putting all jokes aside. Like he was the only one who understood that Ren's response was more naive than bold.

"So be careful before people start talking."

**To be continued…**


	17. Three’s A Crowd

"You want to _what_!?"

After spending a day with Horokeu and his conversation with Hao, Ren felt like he was getting too distracted from what was at hand. And yet at the same time, he couldn't deny that he still had no idea what his next move was going to be. He convinced himself to accept Horokeu's invitation by telling himself it was somewhat of a treat for surviving the hectic couple of weeks. But the bitter truth was, there was nothing he can do without Nozomi, and he didn't even know where or how to find the damn woman. As annoying as it was to admit it, he was stuck. That bitter truth struck him as quickly as the day after his outing with Horokeu, when he realized he was sitting in his dorm on a Sunday with nothing to do but homework. And it was all because he didn't have plans to see the blunette again and Hao had gone out like he usually does. It almost felt odd to find himself adapting to his bizarre environment, especially when he found himself thinking about what he will cover in his next tutor session with Horokeu on Monday. But something he hadn't anticipated waited for him that day after school, in the form of a request from Hao.

"I want to join you guys." The brunette leaned back against the wall behind him with crossed arms, and Ren just stared at him. Horokeu had already arrived, standing between the two and looking from one to the other in an uncomfortable stupor. Up until now, Hao hadn't said anything as he lounged around in the room, and since it's happened before, Ren didn't think anything of it as he assumed he would leave when the Ainu arrived. But when Horokeu does arrive, he then suddenly drops the bomb that he actually did not intend on leaving them alone. Ren grit his teeth, wanting to kick himself for walking right into this.

"You don't even take calculus." The Tao hissed, not quite hiding what he thought of Hao's tactics.

"So?" Hao shrugged at him anyway. "The two of you can do your usual thing while I work on my homework on my own." He nudged his chin towards his bed where he planned to work so Ren and Horokeu can use the coffee table that only had two chairs, as if that solves the argument. Ren opened his mouth to retort that wasn't even a concern.

"It's ok." But the two looked at Horokeu who finally spoke up. The blunette looked at Ren. "It wouldn't be fair to force him out of his own dorm. What's the harm?" And there it is. _This_ was why Hao waited until Horokeu arrived, why he waited until he was in the room with them before saying anything. And when Hao thanked the blunette, Ren wished he could wipe that cocky smile clear off his face with a fist.

"Fine." Ren breathed his reluctance and sat down at the table and Horokeu took his seat next to him. And as promised, Hao plopped down on his bed, spreading out his textbooks and notes.

It didn't take long for Ren to feel pestered by Hao's presence. He suspected that the brunette's moving pen was just him pretending to work on whatever homework he claims to have, because he could feel the Asakura watching them. Pretending or not, that much he was certain. Regardless, he wasn't going to let Hao's spying interfere with the work that was to be done. With tests nearing, Horokeu couldn't afford that. So Ren ignored Hao the best he could, since it didn't seem like he was doing anything more than just watching, although he didn't know how long that would last. It lasted for an hour.

"Wow, you guys really do just study." Both Ren and Horokeu looked up at Hao who now sat with his elbows propped on his crossed legs to rest his chin on his fists. He wasn't even holding his pen anymore. Ren wondered how long he had been sitting like that, observing them in the background that he melted into since he had chosen to switch his attention to Horokeu. He sent Hao a harsh glare.

"That's what I said. What did you expect?"

"I don't know." Hao shrugged, the disappointment evident in his bored eyes. "I guess something a little more interesting?"

"You thought calculus would be interesting?" Horokeu laughed before Ren could snap at Hao again.

"Well, I don't know shit about numbers anyway." Hao chuckled with him and Ren rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Horo, focus." The smaller one muttered for the blunette's attention, not noticing the smirk Hao was making.

"So, Usui-san," Hao grinned at the addressed teen and Ren narrowed his eyes sharply. He knew that suggestive grin. And he knew that tone that slithered with invitation. And Hao sent the smaller one a side-eye glance to silently tell him, 'yeah, I know you know'. And then he was back to Horokeu again.

"Are you seeing anyone?" The question made Ren's spine stiffen and he almost didn't catch himself from letting his face give away the alarm he was suddenly attacked with.

"Nope." The blunette answered in sheer oblivion. "Not seeing anyone."

"Really?" Hao feigned his shock and then went on. "By the way, I'm not a homophobe or anything so you don't have to lie."

"I'm not lying." Horokeu raised a suspicious brow at that last comment. "And I'm not homophobic either so you can feel free to share too."

"Yeah?" Hao snickered like he was being amused with a challenge he had no problem accepting. "Well, unless you're like Ren here, I'm sure you've heard about me."

"I guess." Horokeu shrugged, not seeming nearly as amused as Hao.

"So even though we can't really be open about it, you do know it's not _that_ uncommon for some of us in this school to be more than friends." This was true. Although it certainly didn't make up a majority, it really wasn't uncommon to find anyone in this school involved with each other. For some it was serious while for some it wasn't. Some were curious and some just enjoyed the taboo. There are even some that would claim they are only interested in girls but would settle for whatever outlet was available until they graduated. Whatever the reason, it was secretly acknowledged. But it's like Hao says, it was an unspoken truth as much as it was common knowledge. Because while it didn't make up the majority, just about everyone here came from a family that made up their high profile, which could be damaged by any such scandal. Hao was a rare case that didn't let that affect him.

"So?"

"So, are you more than friends with anyone?" A genuine question laced with such a cunning slither that Horokeu had to roll his eyes.

"Like I said, no. I'm not seeing anyone exclusively."

"Not _exclusively_?" Interest flitted in Hao's chestnut eyes. "So that means..."

"Yes, it means I have my occasional flings." Horokeu let out an exasperated sigh, unknowingly making Ren's stomach drop like a stone in water.

"So you like it when there are no strings attached." Hao grinned, not holding back all the suggestion dripping from his words. "So you're like me. Maybe we could work something out." Even though he didn't think it was possible, Ren felt his stomach drop further. Panic began to rise with his pulse, and he desperately hoped it didn't show as he slowly shifted his gaze to Horokeu. The blunette was grinning back at Hao.

"Not exclusive, huh? That's not what I heard." There was a twitch at one of the corners of Hao's mouth and his smile faltered. But he didn't say anything, possibly because he didn't know what Horokeu was talking about or he simply didn't know what to say. Either way, Horokeu took his silence as a sign that he can keep going.

"At least not lately. You're right that I hear about you. And rumor has it, you've been spending a lot of time with a certain new kid that recently arrived."

"...Your point?"

"I heard you don't like sharing." Horokeu leaned in to the table. "Sounds pretty exclusive to me." Hao wasn't smiling anymore. And Horokeu waited a few moments, the confidence visible on his smile, open to any retaliation. But Hao was silent again, and although he didn't allow anything readable pass over him, Horokeu didn't overlook the fact that he didn't deny anything.

"Or if you're friend's the one that isn't exclusive, let him know he's welcome to see me anytime." A dangerous glint flashed in Hao's eyes. Ren almost shuddered to it because he recognized it from the same face in another world when the brunette was an enemy. It was the look from another entity that sent a kind of tensing dreadful chill through himself and all of his friends because they were mortals. Ren wondered who Horokeu was talking about to provoke such rage that brought out such a strong resemblance when the Hao in this room was supposed to be just a normal human boy.

"Tell him there'll be _no strings attached_." But Horokeu didn't recognize that look like Ren did and only took Hao's ongoing silence as a sign of his defeat. So he turned away from the brunette and told Ren they should finish their session. It only lasted for another hour but for the entirety of that remaining time, Hao had shut up completely. But his silence was only tolerated until Horokeu left and Ren confronted him.

"What the hell was that!?"

"What?" Hao let out a tired sigh as he headed for the door.

"Don't fuck around now after what you just pulled! Answer me!" Ren yanked on Hao's shoulder before he could grab the door, making Hao click his tongue.

"At least now you know what he's all about." Hao muttered lowly, expressing how aggravated he was when he shook off Ren's hand from his shoulder. He apparently didn't have anything else to say since he didn't bother to look back as he reached for the door again. And Ren didn't bother to care enough to tell him that they were close to curfew. He knew it was probably pointless. So he watched the door close, wondering if the brunette was going to see that new kid Horokeu mentioned.

Hao didn't stick around for Horokeu's next session on Wednesday. While his absence relieved Ren, his mind remained preoccupied by the exchange from two days ago. He hated feeling like a classic victim of gossip, but he couldn't let go of what Hao said. What was even worse, Horokeu didn't just fail to deny it—he _confirmed_ it. He said it himself that he... he...

"Was it true?" Ren bit his lip even though he knew it was too late. He had just finished explaining a problem Horokeu had trouble with, and his thoughts had strayed when he gave the paper back to the blunette for him to try to solve again. His focus strayed along with his thoughts, far enough for him to blurt out a question festering in his brain. And he couldn't blame Horokeu for staring at him in silent confusion.

"Uh, Wh-what you said...about...Hao and that new kid." Ren wanted to slam his head on the table when that last part rushed out. Of course he was shocked to hear about Hao taking up such interest in anyone. He still didn't know what to think of it, and he certainly couldn't even imagine it. It's one thing to be known for sleeping around but what he heard from Horokeu was something else entirely—But Ren wasn't really concerned about that at all. At least not nearly as much what was mentioned about Horokeu.

"Like I said, it's just a rumor. Why?"

"It's just...I never knew." It was an honest answer, even though he honestly didn't care. But he didn't know how to ask what he really cared enough about.

"That's because you don't pay attention to any of the gossip." Horokeu laughed, being just as honest as he was unaware. "That's a good thing, by the way." Ren nodded, forcing his lips to smile while hoping it didn't come out weird. It must have been convincing enough as Horokeu smiled back and went back to solving the problem and the rest after it. For the remainder of the time, Ren pushed his concerns unrelated to their session to the very back of his head so he won't slip up again. It was all he could think of to keep himself focused on moving their session along. Otherwise, it didn't seem fair to promise Horokeu a passing grade. But when their session ended, and as he watched Horokeu approach the door, he found himself panicking.

What if he never finds the nerve to ever ask?

Ren suddenly remembered the last time he let himself watch chance go out the door. How he let the door close and how he never opened it himself. How he waited until it was too late. That panic had him grabbing Horokeu's arm, tight enough to make the blunette turn around in a startled whirl.

"What you said to Hao about..." Horokeu cocked his head to the side. There wasn't any pressure in his onyx eyes, just his patience for Ren to finish. Seeing that patience made Ren take in a quiet breath. "About...wanting to see his friend..." Still, Ren couldn't finish. But it was enough for Horokeu to understand.

"I just said that to mess with Hao." The Ainu chuckled and added, "I didn't mean it." But Ren had predicted that much. After all, it's not like Hao wasn't asking for it.

"But what about what Hao said?" Ren bowed his head a little, trying to muster the nerve to finish this time. "About...flings and no strings..." Ren trailed off to a low murmur anyway, feeling sick just asking this much. Horokeu's carefree smile faltered.

"Well, when you put it like _that_." The blunette began but seemed to drop the idea midway and sighed. "Look, most of us…It's not usually serious, you know?" There was an immediate urge to scream at him that he didn't know. Ren could feel it curdling in the pit of his guts along with wanting to hit him. But he couldn't do any of that because he had to withstand the sharp decline of his heart processing the fact that he didn't deny it—again.

Horokeu sees the face Ren is making and runs an uneasy hand through his blue hair.

"Ren, what'd you want me to say?" Ren furrowed his brows, wondering why Horokeu said it like Ren was reproaching him. Detesting the way he made it sound like it was a matter out of their hands.

"Nothing." Ren didn't mean for it to come out sounding so snippy and he averted his golden gaze away from Horokeu. "It's just...it's not like you."

"What'd you mean it's not _like_ me?" Horokeu's tone was harsh enough to make Ren look at him again. "What'd you know about me to know what's _like_ me? Especially when the fact is, you've only known me for a few weeks, Ren." The blunette didn't bother to tone down the icy coarseness as he left, barely controlling himself not to slam the door. Ren watched him leave, sick with self-loathe because he couldn't argue.

**To be continued…**


	18. The End of the Deal

The next day they didn't see each other since they didn't share any classes and they didn't exchange so much as a text message. And the day after that they didn't even look at each other during the classes they did share. But neither boys could let a dispute so small make them forget the bigger issue at hand; that they were two weeks away from tests that will determine whether Horokeu will get to remain in school or get expelled. The deal was Ren will help him pass one of those tests and Horokeu was at his dorm door on Friday after school because he of all people knew he needed it. There was a mutual understanding between them that didn't need to be vocalized as Ren let him in. After that, it was just another one of their tutor sessions, which secretly relieved them both.

But they only had four sessions to prepare during the remaining two weeks, and Ren was intent on making them count. He didn't leave any room for goofing around like he previously did, and didn't tolerate any of Horokeu's protests about how exhausted he was from everything that's being crammed into his head. But even Horokeu couldn't shake off the obvious tension by their fourth and final session on Friday. And when he was unexpectedly delivered the news that Ren will leave him on his own for the weekends, he couldn't hide his apprehension. But Ren insisted he was not only caught up to the class now but also that he's confident enough that he was capable without him. Horokeu only agreed to obey his advice when Ren also added that he himself needed to study too.

Despite how confident he claimed himself to be on Friday, Ren couldn't prevent the edgy anxiety on Monday. He felt it swelling inside him as he headed for first period and it pulled at his nerves as the test papers were distributed. He used everything in his will not to turn his head to check on Horokeu all the while the quiet room filled with the hushed scratching of pencils. And if he was this high-strung, he couldn't imagine how the blunette felt.

The tests were returned to them on Friday. Miura didn't make any specific comments about how the class did as a whole, and proceeded to begin his lesson before Ren could get a chance to ask Horokeu how he did. Ren never felt so restless for a class to end and when it did, he could barely hold back the long strenuous sigh.

"Usui-san," Miura eyed the addressed blunette through his thick spectacles. "Please remain, I would like to have a few words with you." Both Ren and Horokeu froze and Horokeu looked at the Tao with daunted eyes. The other students left while sending taunting jeers at the Ainu who remained standing in his bewilderment. Ren glowered at their fleeting tails and then looked at the clock. He knows Miura can't take long since they all had to go to their next classes but Ren's second period was quite a distance from here so he couldn't risk waiting.

"Is something the matter, Tao-san?" Miura said dully while scribbling something in front of him, not even bothering to notice Ren's glare. Apparently he was waiting for him to leave and wasn't going to begin whatever talk he wanted to have with Horokeu until they were alone. Ren's jaws locked tight.

"No, nothing's wrong." Ren said lowly, trying not to sound as annoyed as he felt. Miura still didn't look up and Ren assumed that meant he was dismissed, leaving him no choice but to reluctantly walk out of the room.

By lunch, Ren had gotten over his soreness and texted the blunette to meet him at the library after school. Although he was bothered by whatever chat Miura wanted to have with Horokeu, he gave it some actual rational thinking and realized it's probably better not to discuss something like test results during any class, especially in the blunette's case. And considering Hao's warning, he thought it'd be better to meet up somewhere other than their dorm. But just when Ren reached the library, Horokeu texted him saying he may be a few minutes late so they should meet at the Tao's dorm. Ren ended up waiting for over an hour.

"What the hell are a few minutes to you?" Ren didn't hold back his irritable tone and glare when he opened the door.

"Sorry, I lost track of time." Horokeu managed with a meek half-smile as he stepped in.

"Doing what?" Ren snapped as he closed the door. And then his nose caught a subtle whiff that made him eye the blunette sharply. "We're you smoking!?" He demanded almost so viciously that the accused teen jumped back.

"No, not me! It was just my friends." Ren's eyes narrowed even further.

"I know you're not talking about those creeps you used to hang out with." Horokeu just shrugged his shoulders. But then he saw what Ren thought of that.

"They just wanted to hang out a little now that the tests are out of the way." The blue-haired teen rushed his words in his scramble to find something to say. "I mean... They're not that bad." His voice lowered to a weak murmur because he knew that didn't make up for a justification. Not for Ren.

"I thought we agreed that they _are_ that bad." Ren hissed and then his harshness was met with a defiant glare.

"Well what'd you expect!" Horokeu blurted with a slight grimace. Ren felt a ripple of rage in his chest and he was about to release it with exactly how he felt about what Horokeu was telling him. But then his voice caught in his throat and his frown softened when he saw what was in those onyx eyes. And then he realized the blunette's words didn't have any aggression in them. They burned with something else. Ren let go of his fists and closed his amber eyes, taking a deep breath to keep himself from raising his voice.

"Did you forget what they did? Wasn't that enough?" Horokeu bit his lip and his brows narrowed. He hadn't forgotten.

"Have you heard about Grey and his goons?" Ren shook his head, his face clearly showing how confused he was that Grey is suddenly brought up. Horokeu gave him a wry smile.

"You really don't pay attention to any of the rumors. Anyway, word is, they're not coming back. All three of them; Grey, Sean, and Chris. There's talk that they went from being suspended to officially being kicked out, and looks like it's true. They're gone for good."

"Ok. So?" Horokeu sighed at Ren's demanding tone, unable to meet it and bowing his head while he answered.

"So... maybe now that Grey is gone, I don't have to worry about it happening again." The Ainu's voice burned with the embarrassment of saying that. And it made Ren feel another surge of rage course through him.

"What, so since creeps like Grey are gone you're going to let those creeps you called friends pretend what they did never happened? And you're going to play along as long as it doesn't happen again?" Horokeu still couldn't look up. There wasn't anything he could say to counter Ren because he knows how much truth is behind his cutthroat logic. Ren pressed together the back of his teeth. He hated seeing the blunette like this and he hated even more to have to hear him say these things. He couldn't understand what made him say it, why he couldn't see how wrong it all was.

"Are you trying to tell me you don't have anyone else?" The quiet strain in Ren's voice made Horokeu look at him again.

"It was bad enough when word got out that I was on a scholarship. The guys I used to call friends didn't want to have anything to do with me once they saw who my new friends were. And with the tests being over," The blunette spoke slowly. "You don't have a reason to see me, right?" Silence descended in the room and memory dawned on Ren. _That was the deal._

The young Tao tipped his head back and let out a howling laugh that earned him a perplexed wide-eyed stare from the other.

"That's it?" He said and crossed his arms with his trademark arrogant smirk. "So you can only see me when you have tests? You just need me for tutoring you?" His words seemed to penetrate Horokeu in a way that made his eyes flash with light.

"We can still hangout?" Ren rolled his eyes.

"You really are an idiot, Horohoro. Wasn't that Saturday we spent your idea?" With his smirk still there, he added with a voice calm and earnest. "Just... stop trying to stay friends with a bunch of guys that don't give a shit about you." Horokeu nodded in agreement, showing the brightest smile Ren's seen from him today. The once heavy air between them hardly burdened any weight on them now. And with that confirmed, the blunette looked at Ren with a teasing grin.

"So... you give a shit about me, huh?"

"Shut up." Ren retorted and gave him a slight shove. And now that they can finally move on, Ren asked the question that he's been itching to ask all day.

"So what'd Miura want to talk about?" Without answering his question that was long overdue, Horokeu grabbed his bag and pulled out a piece of paper. Ren immediately knew what it was before the blunette showed it to him—so it was about the test. Ren looked down at the score and his eyes widened.

"Shit, you actually did it." He snatched the paper from Horokeu with a gasp. He looked at the blunette again; golden eyes still wide and a small smile playing on his lips to show how relieved he was. He did it. He really did it. He doesn't have to go. Horokeu can stay. With the same relief, Horokeu smiled back, feeling sheepish from Ren's stare that told him how proud he was of the Ainu.

"See, I told you. Just leave it to me to save your ass."

"Oh, so I don't get any credit for all my hard work?" The Ainu snorted and swiped the paper from Ren's fingers. "Anyway, that's what Miura wanted to talk about. He wanted to congratulate me." Ren was unable to hold back how stunned he was. He raised a brow like he was waiting for the blunette to tell him he was joking. Horokeu shrugged.

"I know, I couldn't believe it either. But he sounded like he meant it, saying he was impressed with how well I showed my work. He even said he understands it wasn't easy to get where I am." Ren nodded slowly, trying to imagine that conversation. He couldn't even see the man use the word _understand_ like he was actually capable of any sympathy. Regardless, Horokeu's efforts were recognized in a form that was more than just a test and Ren could see what that meant to him in the way he was now smiling at the paper in his hand.

"It really wasn't easy... I think it might've been impossible without you, Ren." Horokeu looked at the smaller teen again and the kind of smile he directed at him made Ren almost shiver.

"What about Silva?" Ren said quickly in an inward panic. "How'd you do on his test?"

"Just as good." Horokeu chuckled, smiling knowingly like he could see Ren shying to his gratitude. The smaller teen just nodded, still trying to tell his heart to stop being so loud. There was a pause between them as Horokeu put his paper back in his bag.

"I should probably go." He said and began for the door, Ren following next to him. "First day we get our tests back and they're already piling us with homework _again_." The blunette stuck his tongue out in a gag and rolled his eyes back as he grabbed the door. Ren noticed him pause with it half open and quirked a brow when he pushed it back.

"Hey, uh," Horokeu didn't close it all the way like what he's about to say was supposed to be quick. But Ren could already hear the awkward hesitation in his voice. With his hand still grasping the knob, the taller one slightly turned his head to look at Ren, trying to attempt a casual grin.

"So there's going to be this party this weekend—tomorrow. A Halloween party." Ren couldn't find a response to that because he wasn't even sure if he should have a good or bad feeling about where this was going. Horokeu decided he should keep going so he can decide.

"It's actually a college party but we'd be able to get in because a few of the guys organizing it graduated from this school."

"And where is this party?"

"At some club they rent for the night."

"We're minors. Even if OB's of our school organize it, how will we get in?"

"Trust me, they have everything covered. We just have to show our student ID's and they'll let us in, no questions asked. And don't worry, they don't do that with other school ID's. Just our school's." Ren didn't want to believe that Horokeu really thought that's what he's worried about. For a second he considered maybe he should ask but swallowed that thought.

"How are you so sure nothing will go wrong?"

"Because I went last year. They actually do this every year, it's kinda a secret tradition." Ren rolled his eyes and wondered how much of a secret it really was, especially if they pull it off every year like the blunette claims.

"So I was just wondering if you were gonna go too." Horokeu ran an uneasy hand through his blue hair. Ren let out a strenuous sigh, clearly unamused by everything he just heard.

"No, I don't have plans to go. I mean, unlike you, this is the first time I've even heard about this _tradition_ but... I don't do parties." The flatness of his voice really brought out the honesty in his words and he further emphasized it with his finalizing shrug at the end.

"Ok, cool. I'll see you later, then." Disappointment flashed in Horokeu's eyes for a short instant but he turned away from Ren and opened the door that he had been holding for the duration of their short discussion. He took a step out but made a startled jump, and Ren raised a brow when he said a quick sorry before rushing off. And as he made his swift exit, someone made a graceful entrance. Ren glowered at Hao who quietly shut the door behind him. The brunette responded with a grin.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to hear everything." Hao jeered at him like Ren's glare was that amusing. "And wait to go shooting him down like that." Ren blinked and furrowed his brows.

"What're you talking about?"

"Uh, hello? He was obviously asking if you wanted to go with him." Hao looked at Ren with a smirk of pure amusement. "Come on, Ren, even you couldn't have been _that_ clueless."

But he was that clueless and hearing Hao tell him just how obvious the code was and realizing just how easily he let it fly right over his head made something swell in Ren's chest. Not caring about how unresponsive his roommate was, Hao went to his bed and fell back on it.

"And honestly," The brunette's voice began to sound lazy as he propped his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. "Even I would've expected you to say yes considering—" Hao stopped to the sound of the door closing. He opened one eye and peered to the side where Ren was once standing, and rolled his chestnut eyes.

Ren caught sight of Horokeu at the end of the empty corridor. But when the blunette made a turn for the stairs, he charged into a sprint, thankful that no one else was around to get in his way. He caught up in a matter of seconds, grabbing the other teen's wrist. His panicked grip startling the blunette so much that they both almost fell over. Horokeu caught the smaller boy and let him get steady on his feet before stepping back.

"Ren?" The confusion in Horokeu's obsidian eyes was as evident as the anxiety in the golden pair staring back at them. "What's wrong?" The blunette's voice pulled back the rational side of Ren's mind and without saying anything Ren looked back at the hall, confirming it was still empty. He then took quiet steps down the stairs to the landing, pulling along the Ainu by the arm to make him follow.

"That party you mentioned..." Ren began slowly and as his mouth went dry, he quickly realized how unprepared he was.

"Yeah, what about it?" There was a prickly hint to Horokeu's voice and it didn't help. And although it slightly annoyed Ren, he kept himself from snapping at it because he knew the blunette must have been just as nervous when he brought up the topic earlier. Instead, he focused on finding what to say next.

"Do I have to wear a costume?"

"Uh, what?" Horokeu raised a confused brow and Ren agreed that it seemed somewhat random. But it was the best he could come up with.

"You said it's a Halloween party. And people seem to make costumes a big deal." The smaller one added carefully as he picked up his words along the way.

"What, you want to go now? I thought you don't do parties?" There's that snippy tone again and Ren chewed on the inside of his lip.

"I don't like the parties I usually go to."

"And what kind of parties are those?"

"The ones that always make it all about keeping up a face and representing my father and his business." Ren could barely hold back the spite simmering in him. "I hate them but I attend them because I have to." He muttered lowly, feeling absolutely loathsome about how true his words were. Just hearing him sound like that made Horokeu pause. For the past few weeks he's witnessed Ren's hot temper. And he wondered who else knew that a softer, kinder side exists. But for the most part, Ren always seemed to walk above everyone else with such ease. His steps on the earth always seemed so cool, so calculating, like no threat existed in his wake. Nothing seemed to even make him flinch. For the first time Horokeu feels like he sees the other side of the Tao's arrogance—the burden Ren carries. But he knows that he's probably not really seeing it—this was just a glimpse. And now he regrets how snide he was just being.

"So you've never been to one of these parties I'm talking about?" Ren shook his head.

"All the ones I usually go to are all so... political." He grimaced at the disgusting taste of the word. "But I'm not doing costumes." Horokeu laughed at how quickly Ren added that, then nodded with that carefree smile that lifted some of the heaviness in the smaller teen's stomach.

"Don't worry, we can go without any costumes." He put a hand on top of Ren's head and ruffled his raven hair. Ren would've slapped it away if he weren't so relieved by what felt like correcting what could've been a huge mistake. Still, he eyed Horokeu in a way that made the bluenette's hand retreat quickly.

"This Saturday, then?" Ren nodded, and Horokeu beamed over his shoulder before going down the rest of the stairs. Ren had to remain at the landing to let the fluttering inside settle down. Last thing he wants to do is let Hao see him struggling to hold back his smile on his flushing face. It took a few minutes, but he finally managed to control his lips and put out the fire in his cheeks. When he walked in to his dorm, the Asakura was still lying on his bed. Ren wasn't sure if he was taking a nap or ending the day early—both were so unusual. Nonetheless, he let out the tiniest sigh of relief, as he otherwise soundlessly moved through the room.

"You're welcome." Came Hao's voice, making Ren jump right before reaching the shower room.

**To be continued…**


	19. Trick or Treat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really glad I can upload this chapter in time for Halloween! And honestly, this is where things start to finally get more interesting. But first, I want to mention a few things before getting this chapter started.  
> In the previous chapter, it’s mentioned that the Halloween party will be a college party. The setting of this story is also Japan, which means it’s a Japanese college party. I know that in the states, it’s very common to have parties at frat houses or sorority houses. Well, in case anyone didn’t know, Japanese universities/colleges don’t have fraternities or sororities. So it’s very common to have parties at night clubs. I just wanted to clear that up in case it was confusing/weird to anyone.
> 
> If there’s anything else you need cleared up, feel free to ask me!

**Chapter XIX: Trick or Treat**

The last running bus was a different experience from the first one from the morning. For one, it was definitely quieter. No one was even standing and some of the seats were still vacant. With the sun still being so high up, it was hard not to forget that there wasn't going to be another ride for the day after this one. It felt so easy to forget that after this ride, they technically only had an hour to spend until they had to take another train back to the station they were currently headed for to ride another bus—the last ride available to take them back to the place they tried to escape from each week. But Ren wondered how many of these kids were really going to take that last bus back. He turned to Horokeu who sat next to him, wondering which of his relatives lived out here. He's only ever met Pilika—well, the other Pilika, anyway.

When they got off the train, the sun wasn't even setting yet. Considering they weren't planning to take that last bus back, Ren hoped Horokeu had a better plan than to just go with the flow like last time.

"Wanna kill some time at the arcade?" His suggestion made Ren purse his lips. Horokeu sighed at him.

"You have anything better?" Ren pressed his lips to a fine line because they both knew he didn't. His sister's house crossed both of their minds, and he knows Horokeu purposely didn't mention it. He appreciated the consideration enough to agree with the Ainu's idea.

The arcade didn't betray Ren's expectations. All the noise and music from every machine clashed into a chaotic jumble of loud nonsense that made Ren want to walk right out. But when he looked at Horokeu, the blunette was looking around at everything without being bothered by all the annoying flashing lights and colors.

"You have any favorites?" Ren shook his head, wondering if the Ainu really believed he visited these places enough to have a favorite.

"I don't really do games."

"Yeah, I kinda guessed." The blunette chuckled like he found even the bluntness of Ren's simple response amusing.

Ren ended up playing whatever game the blunette recommended. Since there wasn't a genre to narrow down to, the selections ranged from car racing to rhythm battles on drums, to combating each other with brawly avatars or teaming up to shoot up zombies. While Ren had been wary at first, at some point his stubborn streak was showing vividly enough that he challenged Horokeu to another round each time the blunette beat him. Ren didn't even realize how far he was immersed until Horokeu stopped to pick up a call on his phone before they moved on to another game. The conversation didn't take more than a minute, over in just a few short exchanges. But Ren raised a brow when among those exchanges, he heard the blunette ask whoever calling where they should meet. When he put his phone back in his pocket, he nudged his chin towards the door for Ren to follow him outside.

Ren wasn't sure if he wanted Horokeu to know how he was feeling as he walked alongside the Ainu down the streets. He wasn't sure himself if he should be so bothered if the Ainu didn't think it was important enough to mention. After all, he never actually said that it was only going to be the two of them. Even when he invited Ren, he only asked if he was also going. For all Ren knew, the blunette had already invited others, not just this one they were about to meet up with. He could have invited a whole group before even asking Ren. And so what if he did, anyway? What did it matter? So what if he left out such a small detail? He probably shouldn't be so overly concerned by something so trivial...But didn't he think to maybe mention it to him!?

Ren shoved his hands into his pockets like he was shoving away his circling mind.

They reached just outside the train station where Horokeu walked up to a boy. He also had blue hair, although a slightly deeper hue than Horokeu, and looked like he was about the same age. Ren stood a few feet distance from them as the two greeted each other, not letting his annoyance or anything pass over his features. But he blinked when Horokeu pulled his hoodie over his head and handed it to the other blunette. It was only obvious that they were swapping when the Ainu accepted the other's hoodie and slipped it on as the other did the same. But then Ren furrowed his brows when he noticed the two swap something else, much more discreetly as he noticed the way they almost immediately slipped it in their pockets so Ren couldn't see what it actually was. But what perplexed him the most was how Horokeu quickly thanked him and turned around to walk back to Ren—without the other blunette, apparently. And Ren gazed past Horokeu to watch the other blunette also turn away from them to head into the train station. Ren's brows rose as he watched him go through the ticket readers, and melt into the crowd at the stairs for the train.

"You ok?" Ren looked at Horokeu again.

"He's not coming with us?"

"No..." Horokeu drawled and raised a puzzled brow. "We're you expecting him to come with us?"

"No, but..." Ren closed his lips before he would start to ramble and used two seconds to let his mind sort out what to say. "Who was that? And what was that you guys just did?" He asked the two most obvious questions.

"That was Trey." Horokeu answered the first one but before moving on to the next, he pulled out what he slipped in his pocket earlier. It was the school ID.

"He was giving me this." Horokeu said with a grin and Ren scrunched his nose.

"Why would he have your—" Ren trailed off and furrowed his brows. He took the ID from Horokeu and brought it closer to his face, confirming that he was right—this ID had Horokeu's picture but it was Trey's name. He narrowed his eyes at Horokeu who still grinned at him.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing's _going on_." Horokeu laughed at Ren's unhidden suspicion and took the ID back. "I'll explain but can we find a place to eat first?" The blunette pressed his hand against where a low grumble sounded from his stomach. Ren rolled his eyes, almost impressed with his timing.

"Fine," Ren breathed and Horokeu's face lit up. "Do you know a place we can stay until the party?" It was only 6 PM. They had a lot of time and Ren can't think of any places he won't mind spending the whole duration of the hours they had. There was still a part of him that wanted to suggest going to his sister's but he really didn't want to make a habit out of that.

"We can probably get some sleep at an internet cafe." Horokeu shrugged and Ren bit back his groan. Not what he would call ideal but he had a point.

"Fine." Ren said again and shook his head like he couldn't believe he was agreeing to it as he followed Horokeu to a building near the club the party was being held. The cafe itself was on the basement floor of the building. When they went in, Ren curiously let his eyes roam around what looked more like a big room full of cubicles, each one with a numbered door. Soft clicks of typing fingers and hushed chats behind some of the occupied walls made it seem like they were at a library but with a more eerie feel to it.

In the cubicle they were taken to, there was a small sofa just big enough for two people against the wall to the right, and in front of it was a low table with a computer, headphones, and what looked like a food menu. That was enough to make the square quite cramp, and Ren wondered how Horokeu expected to get any decent shuteye to charge up. But the blunette plopped down on the sofa and already grabbed the menu next to the computer's mouse. Ren rolled his eyes as he sat next to him.

"So what're you and Trey doing?" Ren asked when everything Horokeu ordered had arrived. Ren just got himself some sandwiches. The blunette popped a French fry in his mouth before pulling out the ID in question and then pointed at his picture.

"This is actually Trey's ID. My picture's covering his because there's a clear film over it, which can be peeled off when I'm done. And Trey has my ID to use for the bus while I borrow his. And then, tomorrow we meet up again and switch back before we head back to school." He took bites out of a hotdog.

"Why do you guys need to switch ID's?" Ren spoke with a voice almost down to a whisper as he shifted in his seat, knowing these cubicle walls weren't thick enough to keep him at ease. He threw a glare at Horokeu who idly finished his hotdog like his question didn't matter. The Tao pulled the plate of fried chicken away from the hand that reached for it next. The blunette opened his mouth in an attempt to protest but slightly shrunk back when the glare hardened with a raised expectant brow. He shut his mouth in a disdained frown.

"I need him to use my ID on the bus." He muttered with a sigh and went for the chicken again.

" _Why?_ " Ren pulled away the plate again, paying no mind to the low growl.

"Because I need it to look like I was back before curfew." Ren's lips went slightly agape to Horokeu's hissed response. The blunette snatched the plate of chicken and the younger teen didn't even stop him this time.

"Wait..." Ren began slowly after a few moments. Horokeu looked at him as he chewed on his chicken, waiting for him with a bored stare coming from his obsidian eyes. "So you don't have any relatives living out here?" Horokeu rolled his eyes as he moved on to the next piece of chicken. Ren had to wait for him as he kept a firm grip on the plate as if to keep the Tao from taking his food hostage again. It might've made Ren laugh if it weren't for what they were discussing.

"No, they're all living in Hokkaido." Horokeu finally answered after swallowing the last chicken. Ren cupped his palm over his forehead.

"Horo, if the school finds out—"

"They won't." Horokeu cut him off but Ren glowered at him.

"But _if_ they do—"

"They _won't_." The blunette snapped and Ren clenched his jaws as he could feel a shout rising in his chest to his throat. Perhaps Horokeu felt it too and he went on before Ren could open his mouth again.

"Look, I've done this before." Ren narrowed his eyes, unamused by how Horokeu seemed to expect him to approve that. Regardless, Horokeu went on to explain. "We use our own ID's to get here, and then switch so Trey uses my ID for the bus back on the same day. In the meantime, I use his ID to get in the party tonight. Then tomorrow, Trey uses my ID to get here again, and then we meet up and switch back. Then, we both use our own ID's to get back to school again. This way, on record, it looks like I returned to school both days I was out." Ren sent Horokeu a long look while he sorted out the plan in his head.

"What about the cameras on the bus?"

"Why do you think we swapped hoodies?" At this, Ren realized Trey not only had blue hair, but was also about the same height and weight as Horokeu. And he could predict they've both probably already figured out how to angle their heads to keep the camera from getting a clear look at their faces. Horokeu did say he's done this before.

"And tomorrow, we switch clothes again with our ID's." The boldness in his tone was annoyingly convincing. But Ren narrowed his brows to something else.

"That solves _your_ problem but what about Trey? If you go with that plan, it'll go on record that he was out all night." But Horokeu looked at Ren like he knew the Tao will figure it out before he said anything. And he did.

"He has a relative living out here." Ren said and Horokeu nodded with a clever smirk.

"So you can go ahead and trust me when I say I have this all figured out."

"You better." Ren muttered at him as the blunette leaned on his side to rest his head on the arm of the couch.

"Just relax, Ren. Get some sleep because we have all night ahead of us." Ren snorted but Horokeu already closed his eyes. Ren leaned back on the other arm, setting the alarm on his phone just in case before closing his eyes as well.

They woke up to the alarm on Ren's phone and when they left the cafe, it was like greeting the city that wore a different face. The sky had turned completely dark and it brought out the vivid neon and fluorescent lights on all the buildings surrounding them, setting off a sort of alluring feel for the streets. And everyone strutting along those streets seemed to wear that air. Ren wasn't sure if he could get so well accustomed but he didn't let himself shrink as he avoided any eye contact with anyone as he followed Horokeu. When they reached the club there was already a line.

"Are you sure they'll let us in?"

"Only if you stop looking like they're not supposed to." Horokeu sighed and Ren scowled at him and his cool composure. But when they reached the entrance, the guy behind the counter to check their ID's just glanced at it and gave it back to them. Ren then noticed how young he looked—and the little smirk he sent them as he handed them their drink tickets. That was enough for Ren to figure out he was probably one of the college kids Horokeu told him about that graduated from their school. The blunette did say they rented out the place for the night, and considering they came from their school, it's possible they paid a little extra for the club to overlook that they're not using proper security. Horokeu just nodded to him in thanks, and Ren followed him in.

The corridor was probably the size of an average hallway but it was hard to tell with all the people, and it didn't help that it was dark and only lit by a dim red light. Lockers were lined up on both walls and Horokeu was lucky enough to find a vacant one. He pulled off his (Trey's) hoodie and shoved it in, followed by Ren's jacket. Ren could faintly feel the bass from the floor beneath his feet, and scowled as they brushed against shoulders while making their way down the narrow space.

They first reached the bar lounge where the lighting had improved. But much to Ren's dismay, that was all that improved. Getting a decent view of the venue only meant being reminded that they were attending a college Halloween party. Not that he had expected any class and he knows that he said he wanted something different from the parties he's used to going to, but the generic taste of what he sees made him roll his eyes. While at first glance it seemed like there was a wide variety of costumes, a lot of them were just different versions of the same theme, and most of the girls dressed for attention rather than accuracy of what their revealing costumes were themed on. And the male group who did bother to wear a costume didn't seem to even put in half the effort as the female. And Ren didn't even want to think about how cheap the drinks being served were as he followed Horokeu to the bar.

"You don't want anything?" Horokeu asked as he sipped from his glass.

"Horo!" Before Ren could respond, a male voice was somehow heard over the music and suddenly a man, probably no older than twenty years old, appeared from behind them. He slung an arm over Horokeu's shoulders and the Ainu's face lit up to an instant grin.

"Glad you made it!" The older man said and jerked his arm tighter around Horokeu for a half-hug. "... Who's this?" He looked at Ren like he just noticed his presence, and Ren locked his jaws to keep himself from snapping at him. Horokeu pulled the Tao closer, smiling nervously as a subtle hint for him to stop scowling.

"Naoto-san, this is Ren. Ren, this is Naoto-san. He's one of the guys who put this party together. He went to our school too." Horokeu nudged at Ren with a wink. Ren rolled his eyes since he already figured out that much from the casual exchange between the blunette and this Naoto character.

"Cool, nice to meet you, Ren." Naoto held out a hand and Ren shook it, despite himself. Naoto looked at Horokeu again and grinned as he nodded towards the main dance floor where the bass vibration beneath their feet was being generated.

"Come on, it's been a while since we've all seen you." Horokeu nodded and they started towards the other room. But halfway there, the blunette turned around to see Ren remaining at his spot at the bar. He handed Naoto his drink as he asked him to wait and then went back to Ren.

"Hey, aren't you coming?"

"...Maybe later." The only thing that stopped Ren from rolling his eyes was the earnest concern evident in Horokeu's onyx eyes, which is also what made him add, "I just need a few drinks before I go out there."

"Hey, don't rush. Or don't drink more than you can handle." Horokeu's effort not to pressure him was because he knew Ren wasn't used to this sort of party or crowd. And even though Ren could only give him a half-smile, he knew the blunette meant it and he really did appreciate it. "I'll just tell Naoto-san—" Horokeu looked over his shoulder at Naoto who mouthed 'come on' as he already started for the other room again. Ren noticed Horokeu curse under his breath. He also knew what sort of position he was putting his friend in.

"Go ahead." He said, and Horokeu looked at him again, the concern now mixed with a little bit of anxiety. "I'll catch up." Ren shrugged, trying not to look too unimpressed. He wasn't exactly keen on condoning to peer pressure but even he knew the social principle at play right now. Horokeu's relationship with Naoto may seem casual but he's well aware of the fact that Naoto is really a sempai. It wasn't favorable to blow him off or even suggest challenging him. Even if it was at a stupid party.

"I'm just gonna go say hi to all of them. I'll be right back, I swear."

"Yeah, I get it. Just go already." Horokeu opened his mouth in an attempt to say something but Ren waved a dismissing hand to get him to go. The blunette sent him one last apologetic smile before he turned his back and Ren turned his head away to the bar.

"Horohoro!" One of Ren's eyes twitched to the loud voice—a female voice. He whipped his head around again and he crinkled his nose when a girl in a nurse costume came out from the edge of the crowd in the other room. And he watched the way she so naturally grabbed one of his arms and pressed it against her cleavage peeking from the v-neckline of her tight costume. Ren chewed the inside of his lip as he watched the blunette follow her into the other room, into the crowd in the dark that she came from. He didn't even look back again at Ren so all he could see was the amused grin on the girl's face. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the look on Horokeu's face when the girl opened her mouth for a laugh just when they disappeared.

Ren stared at the doorway for a while. _All of them_ , he remembered both Naoto and Horokeu say. All of them, like there were so many he knew. All of them like so many knew him. So many supposed friends. Friends like Naoto? Friends like that slutty nurse? Even she knew his name. How many of them were there?

Ren ran a hand through his raven hair. One of the bartenders approached him and the Tao slid his drink ticket over to him. He doesn't have anything better to do, and he doesn't think he can make it through the night sober anyway.

Enough time had passed for Ren to finish two drinks. He was careful enough not to order anything too strong, but he always knew himself to be a lightweight. The two drinks he had already put his nerves at enough ease that he was ready to go looking for a certain Ainu that left him hanging for long enough. Because between those two drinks, enough time had passed for several men _and_ women to attempt to approach him with whatever flirt they had come up with. Although a few of them were annoyingly persistent, most of them dropped the idea midway the second their eyes met. Someone had told him he can have that effect on people.

But that's not the point. The point is, two drinks or not, that's how much time had passed. For someone who promised to _be right back_ after just saying hi to his friends, Horokeu was taking too long. And Ren _hated_ waiting.

The next room was the main dance floor, and the music that didn't quite reach the corridor or the bar lounge was now blaring in the dark room. Ren could barely stand the toxic air that was a mix of sweat, alcohol, cigarettes and whatever else that was being smoked. All the dancing bodies produced enough heat to make it even worse, like it wasn't bad enough that it's impossible to weave through all the people without coming in contact with anyone.

"Baka Horo..." Ren muttered as he moved between people, wondering what had possessed him to agree to come here. He eventually reached the other side of the room where the DJ was. The music was loudest here and Ren could feel it with his whole body. While praying that it won't ruin his ears, he looked around for any signs of Horokeu, cursing his height for not being able to see over most of the people here. How was he supposed to find the blunette among all of this?

But he did find him. Among all the smoke trapped in the darkness, among the blaring music and all the costumed and non-costumed bodies dancing to it, Ren found Horokeu in a corner. He was leaned back against the wall with a woman pushed up against him. Their eyes closed, bodies pressed, lips locked in slow but deep movement that wasn't following the music.

Ren felt the walls of his throat close. It wasn't even the nurse girl from earlier. This one was wearing a cop costume, or Ren assumed that's what it was supposed to be since it had handcuffs hanging from her black latex shorts. She moved her lithe arms around Horokeu's neck and his arms uncoiled from around her slender waist to let his hands slide down to her cheeks covered by her shorts.

Ren pressed together the back of his teeth as he turned away from them. He didn't care about any of the protests or complaints he earned as he practically bulldozed his way through the crowd. He shoved them all out of the way, anything in his way, to get away.

To get some air.

He only realized how much trouble he was having to breathe when he reached the bar lounge again where he finally stopped to feel his shoulders rising and falling. No matter how many, how deep the breaths, he couldn't find enough room in his chest. He sucked in a breath anyway, for the sake of stopping what the stinging in his eyes threatened.

A hand grabbed Ren's shoulder. Ren wasn't sure if he should be scared to look or not.

"Hey...Uh, Ren, right? You having fun?" Naoto grinned, oblivious to how Ren's stomach hollowed from seeing his face. Of course it wouldn't be Horokeu. He didn't even see Ren. Why would he have come after him?

"You want a drink?" Ren didn't say anything and just nodded, following Naoto to the bar. He didn't decline the older man's offer to buy him a drink, and he didn't protest when that drink was a shot. He squeezed his eyes shut as the liquid burned its path down his throat. He endured it, only hoping that this version of himself can handle it. And he didn't decline Naoto's second offer to buy him another one. He couldn't find a reason to say no. Naoto just chuckled as he snaked an arm around Ren's shoulders.

There weren't any chairs in the bar lounge but there were tall tables to stand at scattered on the floor, and Naoto found an empty one in a corner, his arm never leaving Ren's shoulders. After those two shots, Ren didn't even bother to check what the man was giving him. They weren't shots anymore, that much he knew. He just accepted each glass that was handed to him, pouring down the contents like he didn't want to give himself a chance to sober up. Naoto seemed to like his willingness, or that's what Ren was assuming from the way he was smiling. He could also tell the man was saying something since those smiling lips were moving, but Ren could barely get himself to even care. He didn't seem to really mind anyway.

"Where's Horokeu, anyway?" The name alone was enough to penetrate the fog in Ren's head like a single beacon of light.

"Probably somewhere screwing any of these sluts." Gold eyes glared at the ice glimmering in his glass. It was an effort to say that with a leveled voice, especially with how much his head slushed around. But his words were still dripping so much with acid. Naoto just chuckled as the teen downed the last bit in his glass.

"Who cares about that—" His words were dragged out in a muttered slur, and it's like they were heavy enough to drag his body down too.

"Whoa, you ok?" Naoto asked as he managed to catch Ren whose knees buckled. Ren's only response was a hum that didn't sound quite as convincing as he may have intended. He closed his eyes to blink away the swaying inside his skull but his eyelids were so heavy it took him a few seconds to open them again. Still, his head continued to swim in a thick sea of intoxication.

"Hey," Naoto pulled Ren close by the shoulder until their sides were pressed. Ren didn't mind the support to stand. "You look like you could use a little rest." The proximity of his deep voice tickled Ren's ear. It made him nod once.

**To be continued…**


	20. Tricks and Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I somehow managed new chapters two days in a row! But please don’t expect this go happen very often. In fact, it’s damn near a miracle lol

He felt light and heavy at the same time. His head made him feel like he could walk on air, and yet it was like sludgy muck were clinging to his feet to hinder each step. Everything around him felt like a blur. All the faces, colors, even the music they were moving through, all a muddy smear. Deep, thick, murky mud.

It wasn't clear how he got to these stairs. The only thing remotely close to clarity was each of its steps because of how firm they were beneath their feet. The thick concrete walls around them grew higher and swallowed them into deeper shadows with each step down. When they reached the bottom Ren lifted his head, ever so slightly, and his half-lidded amber eyes can faintly make out a door in the dark. He could vaguely hear the man next to him say something like there were rooms down here for anyone who needs to lie down. Lying down did sound nice.

"Naoto-san!" _Yeah, that was his name_ , Ren remembered, smirking a little at how quickly he had forgotten. But his lopsided smile was gone as quickly as it appeared when he was pulled by the elbow away from Naoto. Suddenly losing his support made his head bob on his neck by the force, and bumped into the chest he was embraced into.

"Naoto-san, what're you doing?" He finally recognized the voice and looked up at the blunette. But the Ainu wasn't looking at him—his onyx eyes were narrowed at the man his question was directed at. Ren crinkle his nose in his attempt to shoot him a glare. Whatever he had consumed earlier fueled the rage that had been simmering in his guts like gasoline to fire.

"Where th- where the fuck were you?" But he fumbled on his own tongue, making his voice come out in a slippery slur. But even with that rage he was so sure he had felt roiling in his blood, Horokeu's warmth seeped through his skin and he could already feel himself give in to it, the mere scent of the blunette making him surrender to forgiveness. He closed his eyes to the utter comfort, not even realizing the apologetic frown the Ainu sent him in his swift glance. And then the blunette looked at Naoto again. The man just laughed at his disgruntled gaze.

"Relax, Horohoro." Naoto shrugged and reached out to take one of Ren's hands into his own. "Look at him." He added as he motioned his free hand at the state of the smaller male.

"Yeah, I see him." Horokeu inched away from him, making Ren utter a small sound of protest to him tightening his hold.

"So you can see he needs to lie down." Naoto didn't let go either.

"Not here."

"Come on, Horohoro, he needs to rest."

"Naoto-san," Horokeu's voice was barely maintaining a polite tone anymore. "That's not what this place is usually used for. Not _that kind_ of rest. You know this, we both do." Naoto's laid-back smile tugged into something more deviant and his eyes picked up a glint that made Horokeu's throat bob.

"Yeah, I know." He crooned, and the Ainu carefully eyed the thumb that began to stroke Ren's hand.

"Honestly, I didn't think you were that kind of guy." Sheer disappointment was laced in Horokeu's voice.

"Oh, come on! What'd you take me for?" Naoto sighed but still wouldn't let go of Ren. "You know I'm not that guy. I was gonna get him some water, let him sober up a little first."

"Sober up from this!?" Horokeu seethed and finally pried Ren's hand out of Naoto's fingers. The fact that Ren hadn't done it himself, or hadn't done anything about it for that matter, made a point.

"Stop worrying so much, will you?" Naoto clicked his tongue. He obviously wasn't wasted like Ren but he was drunk enough to have his sense of judgment curved so badly that he really believed there wasn't a problem. Horokeu backed another inch when Naoto reached out again, his heel bumping into the first step of the stairs behind him. He bit down on the repulsion racing through his veins.

"What the hell's going on here?" They didn't know when that door had opened and it's like that question was a balloon that popped in the little space they were crammed in. They froze over as if they each forgot what they were going to say and their silence was inevitably followed by the previous tension becoming something they couldn't quite decide on as they stared at who had suddenly appeared. Hao stared back at them, his eyes as unnerving as they were expectant. And then his attention shifted.

Someone else emerged from behind him, wearing one of those Ghostface masks that covered the whole head and the black robe to go with it, just like the one from the 90's movie. The whole figure was covered in a black draped mystery, making it impossible to know who it was, or even the gender. But judging from the petit form and the height, which was a few inches shorter than Hao, it could be assumed that it was a girl. Then again, the same features could be said about Ren. The only apparent fact was that Ghostface was with Hao, with the way the Asakura moved in front of him. If Horokeu didn't know better, it looked like he was protecting Ghostface.

"What's he doing here?" Hao's voice claimed authority as he cocked his chin towards Ren. His chestnut eyes shifted from Horokeu to Naoto, narrowing dangerously at their faces. His voice was quiet but that didn't make it any less blood chilling. "This better not be what it looks like."

"Mind your damn business." Naoto spat but his vivid hostility was all Hao needed. Naoto flinched at his icy glare.

"I would never—" Horokeu began but Hao waved a dismissive hand at him. The desperation in his eyes was too honest with his plea that he'd be a fool not to believe him. He slid his eyes back to Naoto, surveying him with a face set like stone.

"The hell do you think you're doing, Naoto? Do you even know who this is?" In the midst of the vicious tension tangling around them, Horokeu found it in himself to wonder how Hao knew Naoto. The man was supposed to have graduated when the blunette himself was a first year.

"Am I supposed to care?" Naoto didn't hold back the mockery in his scoff.

"Yes, _you_ should care." Hao jerked his chin towards the wasted boy. "Because that's Tao, Ren."

"...What?" Something changed in Naoto's eyes and it didn't go unnoticed.

"You heard me." Hao quirked a brow and slowly repeated, "Tao, Ren."

"You're bluffing." Naoto glowered but Hao smirked at how his voice faltered.

"You wish I were."

"I _know_ you are because why would Tao, Ren be at a place like this!?" Hao sighed, making an effort not to send a blameful glance at the blunette.

"So you know his name but not his face." Hao rolled his eyes. "I guess while you can have a little special treatment at a party like this," He inclined his head back at the door behind him. "You don't get invited to the kind of parties you can meet him." Naoto grit his teeth to his inability to counter Hao's ridicule. Hao watched his struggle with his lips tugged into a condescending smirk. The man could only take it for a brief moment.

"So if this is supposed to be Tao, Ren, you got anything to prove it?" He had finally regained a steady voice. But it was less a question and more a demand that made Hao roll his eyes again. The brunette glanced back at Ghostface who was still hiding behind him. He pulled a hand along behind him as he stalked across to where Horokeu stood. Ren was still leaning into his chest, secured by the blunette's arm. He was barely awake.

"What're you doing?" Hao didn't answer the blunette as he searched Ren's pockets and pulled something out.

"Right here." He said flatly and held up the student ID. Naoto snatched it from him and brought it close to his face. He flipped it over and over and over again, studying every detail, paying close attention to the name and picture. He especially picked at the edges to see if there was a film over it to reveal it was someone else's or a different card entirely. It showed in his eyes that the card shook him but he tried to hide it with a stiff shrug as he handed it back to Hao.

"So what? It could be fake." He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself. Hao slipped the ID back in Ren's pocket.

"Ok, fine. Don't believe me, then. But is it really worth the risk? I mean, what if I'm right? Do you really want to risk making an enemy out of a Tao?" Hao was standing right in front of Naoto now, facing him with an unwavering gaze. He leaned forward a little, his voice low but holding an edge. "Are you really _that_ stupid?"

Even in the dark, they could see how quickly color drained from the man's face and dread took over his eyes. His hands curled into fists tight enough to make his knuckles go white as if he was desperately clinging on to something. They shook in his quiet defeat when Hao sent him one hard look and then jerked his chin towards the stairs. Naoto heaved a long breath through his nose as his lips went into a fine line. He took brisk, nervous strides across to pace up the stairs, unable to meet any of their eyes, unable to stand the humiliation. Unable to stand his relief that he aborted what he had attempted.

Horokeu let out his own eased breath.

And then wind tore out of his lungs as his back slammed against the wall.

" _Your_ turn to explain." Hao seethed in quiet wrath with his hands grabbing fistfuls of Horokeu's shirt, shaking with whatever else he wanted to do with them. Horokeu coughed for air—and to stop thinking about what he was holding back. Hao's enraged eyes darted to the side when Ren began to slump without the blunette's support. Ghostface scrambled to grab him and managed to bring him to his feet, letting the Asakura focus his attention back to the blunette again. The Ainu gulped, feeling like those eyes were pinning him with poisoned needles.

"What the fuck were you thinking, getting him wasted like that!?"

"I-I...didn't!" Horokeu coughed again to Hao's harsh grip. "It was Naoto—"

"Well next time," Hao cut him off like a blade slicing his throat. "Next time you want to bring someone like him to a party like this, the least you can do is keep a fucking eye on him!" He loosened his grip just enough for Horokeu to breathe, but didn't let go as he sent another glance at Ren who was held up by an arm over Ghostface's shoulder. Horokeu watched the brunette and the way his brows furrowed. He looked like he was torn. Like he was weighing Ren on a balance against something else. After a few seconds he turned back to Horokeu and finally let go of him.

"He told me he has a sister living nearby." Hao's voice burned with reluctance. He wanted to get Ren out of here. _He_ wanted to be the one to get him out of here. Considering what happened, what almost happened, he didn't want to trust the blunette. But he was going to and Horokeu knew why. He knew what he was torn by. When he was looking at Ren, he was also looking at Ghostface. The other side on the balance that was being weighed. The one that weighed more heavily with his concern.

Horokeu didn't have the nerve to ask what happened behind that door.

"Check his phone. You might find—"

"I know where she lives." Horokeu cut him off and Hao sent him a venomous glare.

"Then get him out of here." The brunette snarled and grabbed Ren from Ghostface to shove him at Horokeu. "Now," he pushed the word through his teeth. Horokeu slung Ren's arm over his shoulder and carried him up the stairs, deciding against looking back to ask who Ghostface was. After all, that's not where his concern was weighed on.

By now the party had reached the point it was a colossal pain to sift through the people all riled up with alcohol and adrenaline and whatever other chemical in their system. Especially for someone already sobered up enough to need the fresh air from it all. Even more so if it's while hauling someone who is too drunk to get through it on his own. But Horokeu managed and once outside, he picked up the first taxi he found. But despite what he claimed to Hao, he ended up navigating the driver with only his vague memory to rely on since Ren was in no condition to explain the way, and the blunette didn't know the code to unlock his phone to search for the address. When he saw what he was paying, he took it for some cosmic sign that he was being punished for dragging Ren out to a hectic and potentially dangerous night. He couldn't be more thankful to find the house empty yet again as he dragged the smaller teen into his sister's home and carried him upstairs to lay him in a bed. He hoped it wasn't said sister's bed.

But even though Ren's sister wasn't home when they arrived, that didn't mean she wouldn't suddenly walk in while they crashed. So it was a strain on his nerves to take a trip downstairs again to fetch a bottle of water from the fridge in the kitchen, and then return upstairs. He jumped twice at the sound of cars passing by outside.

He couldn't quite walk in again and paused at the doorway. Ren seemed like the kind of light sleeper that a creeping mouse couldn't get by. And yet, he didn't even stir. That was enough to make Horokeu bite his lip. It was too late for any trains or hotels. And the sort of places still running at this hour would only allow him in with a companion—Besides, he doubts there's any place vacant by now, probably all full by lovers and one-night stands.

It took a few moments for Horokeu to walk in. He sat down at the edge of the bed and got a better look at Ren.

"Ren?" Horokeu tapped the passed out teen on the shoulder. Nothing. "Hey, Ren?" He tried again, a little louder now, and gave a few gentle shakes.

Ren uttered something incoherent and his eyes cracked open.

"Hey," Horokeu's voice wavered with relief. "You gotta drink some water." He sat Ren up and held out the bottle, already having opened it. Ren blinked at it twice, then took it only for a few short sips. Some of it spilled. A part of Horokeu wanted him to drink more but he didn't say anything when Ren handed it back to him. He looked like he could be blown away by the slightest sigh.

"I'm sorry, Ren." Horokeu whispered, his lungs going tight at the thought of how easily the worst could've happened if he had been even thirty seconds too late.

Ren didn't say anything. He probably wasn't even aware of what was going on around him. Horokeu couldn't hold back the cringe. Hao was right; What _was_ he thinking?

He didn't think he deserved to stay at such a nice house, but he didn't want to leave Ren alone. He shouldn't have to be the one to face his sister alone when she came home and it was time for an explanation. Horokeu got up from the bed to head for the couch downstairs.

"No."

He turned at the voice, and the tug. Ren was still sitting up, and his fingers were clutching on the end of his shirt. But before Horokeu could ask what's wrong, Ren gave a hard pull and the Ainu had to catch himself from falling forward, propping his arms against the edge of the bed. He managed not to fall on top of Ren but he ended up practically hovering over him. Between his supporting arms, Ren sat between the blunette and the edge of the mattress. His own slight arms were wrapped around the Ainu's neck, preventing both of them from moving.

"No." Ren whispered again and Horokeu could feel it against the crook of his neck where the Tao nestled his face. Horokeu could've sworn he just purred.

"R-Ren?" Horokeu stammered through his shudder. He put his hands to Ren's arms to uncoil them, but the younger teen tightened them. Something soft brushed up against Horokeu's neck. The blunette felt heat rush to his face because he knew it was Ren's lips and because they were slightly damp from his earlier drink. It wasn't even a kiss. He was just that close.

"Don't go." Ren sighed into the soft spot on Horokeu's neck, his breath warm against the tender skin, making the blunette shudder again.

"W-what?"

"Don't leave...again."

Horokeu blinked.

_Again?_

"I'm... sorry." Ren breathed and Horokeu didn't know why he sounded so strained. He wanted to know what the apology was for but the confusion had him too stumped to react.

"I know... I messed up." There's that pain stricken strain again only now it was dragged by drowsiness. The arms around his neck loosened and Horokeu slowly lowered them back to Ren's sides. The smaller male gripped the Ainu's sleeves when he felt him pull away, raising his gaze to his face. Horokeu remained knelt by the bed because he looked like he had more to say. Even though Ren looked like he was struggling to keep his amber eyes open, staring through murky intoxication and bleary consciousness. He was ready to pass out any second. But Horokeu didn't have the heart to pry his hands away to let him. Not when he had no idea where that desperation in those half-lidded eyes was coming from.

"I know... I know it's too late... for apologies." Horokeu felt himself clam up as his instincts set off an alarm within him. This wasn't just meaningless drunken banter. Clearly, this is where he had to draw the line. Because going any further would mean violating boundaries he can't allow himself to pretend he couldn't avoid. So he put a finger to Ren's damp lips before he could go on, and gave him a short shush to end it there. Ren gave him one slow blink and when the Ainu was sure he had stopped, he let go of his lips. He then put both hands on the small shoulders to slowly tilt his body until his head was lying on the pillow. Ren didn't particularly protest as he continued to watch Horokeu with that tired, solemn gaze.

"Ren, it's ok." Horokeu whispered and ruffled his raven hair. Even with all the alcohol confusing him, who could he be mistaking him for? Whoever Ren believed Horokeu was, it was probably pointless to try to correct him. There's a good chance he won't remember by morning anyway.

"No, it's not." Ren grabbed his hand when it tried to retreat. Horokeu's throat bobbed when those lips pressed against his knuckle, making him forget to pull away. Making his heart forget a beat.

"I know... it's too late because... you're getting married." Horokeu's eyes widened slightly. There's that inner instinct setting off the alarm again. And yet, this time he couldn't follow its orders so obediently. Because it was being drowned out by those golden pools pulling him in and setting ablaze a fire too loud to ignore.

"I know... but... but..." And those gold pools closed again. His lips went still, and it took a few moments for Horokeu to realize the fingers that were clutching his hand had gone limp. He was asleep.

Horokeu wriggled his hand out of Ren's hold and crawled backwards across the floor until his back found a wall. He pulled his knees close as he leaned back into a sitting position, and tilted his head back to draw in a long breath to steady his heart. He glanced at Ren to check if those golden eyes were still closed. He wondered who they thought they were seeing. Who could make Ren so desperate?

_You remind me of someone._

Something was snagging at Horokeu. He rose to his feet, deciding he will have to sleep it off.

**To be continued…**


	21. Rude Awakening

Ren didn't get to sleep off the brutality that struck him in the morning. He pressed a hand over an eye where the throbbing especially pulsed heavily. He had actually been lying in bed for a while, to wait for it to subside at least a little. A few minutes was enough to admit he knew it wasn't going to and now he was sluggishly carrying his leaden body down the stairs, accompanied by the clamoring within his skull. He stopped at the living room doorway. Horokeu stirred on the couch.

"Look who's up with a hangover." The blunette said through a stifled yawn as he sat up.

"When did we come to my sister's?" Horokeu's spine stiffened.

"...Last night." He managed to say casually enough for Ren to roll his eyes. He didn't have the will or energy to bite at that.

"You need anything?" Horokeu asked in an attempt to steer the subject. "I would've gotten you something but I don't know where your sister keeps the meds. And I didn't want to snoop around, you know?" Ren could only offer one slow nod to keep his head from assaulting him any further. But it still made him cringe.

"I just need some water." The Tao muttered and his feet shuffled across the floor to the kitchen. He returned with two water bottles, handing one to Horokeu as he plopped down next to him. He chugged down the bottle, not noticing the nervous stare that watched his throat bob with each swallow. Not realizing that he was reminding Horokeu how his full lips felt. The Ainu darted his eyes away when Ren finished his bottle and turned to him.

"Horo, I need you to tell me what happened." So much for steering the subject. "I can remember having drinks with that friend of yours but nothing after that." Ren's voice was calm, collected like he was merely stating a simple fact instead of a concern. He had a knack for sounding like he possessed such composed control. But his eyes couldn't uphold the same controlled calmness. They couldn't even hold their gaze on Horokeu.

"I don't even remember how many drinks I had." Ren closed his eyes and his brows furrowed to his confession. Horokeu wondered if he was rubbing at his temples due to another frustrated attempt to conjure up anything from last night, or because of the hangover.

"So did I do anything stupid or crazy or…" His eyes still closed, Ren let out a low exhale in his annoyance for not finding the right adjective. "Just tell me if I did… _anything_." For Ren, getting drunk enough to wipe out almost a whole night is like treading in uncharted waters. It wasn't hard for Horokeu to see how well he coped with that kind of uncertainty. And Horokeu knew how he could make it easier.

"And before you even _think_ about keeping anything from me because you suspect I can't handle it," Horokeu almost flinched at the way Ren sounded like he sniffed the blunette's intention.

"It's not knowing that I can't handle." Horokeu nodded while he chewed the inside of his cheek.

"You wanna know what's stupid, Ren?" Horokeu hoped he didn't seem like he hesitated for too long. "What's stupid is, you drank so much you could barely stand on your own." Ren grimaced at the pang of his self-contempt and it was an effort for Horokeu not to cringe. He didn't doubt Ren and how much he means in what he says. But he doubts he's making the confrontation with the capacity he thinks he has. Is he really considering all the possibilities of what he's asking for?

"But that's about it." The Ainu added and Ren looked at him with a sort of flickering anticipation in his golden eyes that made it impossible to take it back. "I got you out of there before anything crazy actually happened." Horokeu assured and tried not to wince to his half-lie. Prevented or not, he doubts Ren would ever consider possibilities like last night. And the blunette doubts his own ability to confront his reaction after explaining it was his fault it almost happened.

"Sorry for the trouble." Ren nodded after taking a short pause to take it in.

"It wasn't any trouble." They both smiled wearily.

"Then…thanks." It was simple but earnest. Almost unbearable for someone who didn't believe he deserved any of it. Especially when he heard it from someone he wasn't accustomed to hearing it from. Horokeu wondered if Ren looked so uneasy—bashful, maybe even—because perhaps he was unaccustomed to saying any of it. Or was he just that embarrassed that he let himself slip so far last night?

The two boys would have been wrapped into an awkward and delicate silence but it was torn by the front door's lock clicking open.

"Ren?" A woman abruptly stopped at the doorway between the corridor and the living room. Even with being taken totally off guard, her voice had a certain gentleness to it like it was instinct to come out like that just by seeing his face.

"I'm sorry for the short notice, Nee-san." Ren's voice rang with the same kind of affection but it was muddled with his guilt for the unannounced visit—and his current state.

"Well, yes, this is quite a short notice." His sister chuckled because it was more a pleasant surprise. She walked into the room and closed the door behind her, her easy-going grace making it look more elegant than simple. She watched Ren for a few more seconds, her eyes dancing with affection, then turned slightly to look at Horokeu.

"And who's this?"

"Nee-san, this is Horohoro, a friend from school. Horo, this is Jun, my sister." As the two reached out to shake hands, Jun grinned again with that pleasant sweetness in her laugh. Horokeu couldn't help but smile back like it was contagious.

"A surprise visit _and_ a friend? If I had known I would have cancelled my trip."

"Was your trip for work?" Ren asked and Jun's smile faltered.

"I'm afraid so." She sighed like she thought about lying but dropped the idea midway. Or the suit she was wearing may have been a dead giveaway anyway.

"Then you must be tired from the jet lag." Ren nodded like she just confirmed what he already knew.

"...You're still welcome to stay for breakfast." The fact that she didn't say she wasn't tired gave him enough reason to shake his head. Or perhaps it wouldn't have mattered.

"Thank you, Nee-san, but...you should rest." Ren looked at Horokeu to avoid having to see that smile leave her lips completely. "We need to head back anyway." His tone directed at his sister was soft but his eyes directed at Horokeu were sharp. He held the blunette's gaze, unwavering regardless of how disapproving it was. Under different circumstances, Horokeu may have insisted, maybe even pushed for him to accept Jun's invitation. That wasn't just because he knew the two siblings loved each other enough to welcome the rare opportunity where they both actually happen to have the time. Considering Ren's state last night, Horokeu wasn't sure if he wanted to take the Tao back to school in his current condition. He didn't seem to be doing too badly but that could very well just be a good front Ren was putting up to hide his hangover. He's probably better off resting a little while longer. But because of their circumstances today, Horokeu just gave one reluctant nod. Because he could guess Ren was more uncomfortable about being in his state in his sister's presence than at school where everyone would be afraid to question him anyway. It's because he loved his sister so much that he didn't want to disappoint her, or even worry her like he was worried about how tired she was from work. Besides, Ren wasn't changing his mind. Horokeu knew better than to doubt that.

"I guess next time, then." _Whenever that will be_ , they could almost hear what Jun was really thinking through her disappointed sigh. Ren nodded, his frown guilt ridden. He wasn't quite sure of it himself about why he was so withdrawn from his sister. He didn't know how to explain his incapability to accept the rare opportunity, even under such undesirable circumstances. Perhaps it's because, despite the emotions that he unlocked with his memories of her, there's still a part of him that's utterly aware of the fact that while this is Jun, she wasn't his sister. She wasn't the sibling he grew up with to know. So when he stood, he sent a quick glance at Horokeu for him to follow suite.

But right as he got on his feet, Ren stops and his body goes rigid.

"I'm going to the bathroom first." He said without looking at Horokeu nor Jun and didn't give them time to respond as he walked out of the room in brisk steps. The two watched him go, and they were left in somewhat of a perplexed silence. After a few seconds of watching the door, Jun was the first to speak up.

"How much do you want to bet he went to hurl his guts?" Horokeu's spine stiffened, and he dared to shift his slightly widened eyes to look at the woman. He didn't know what to make of that amused smile playing on her lips.

"Why do you think I never asked what the two of you are doing here?" She chuckled to prove how rhetorical her question was. Again with that seemingly harmless smile that Horokeu didn't know how to interpret. Unlike Ren's piercing amber pair, her eyes were deep lavender. He tried not to cower to her quiet, calculating survey of his bewilderment as she slowly moved across the room to sit herself down next to him on the sofa.

"It wasn't hard to tell, really. Just like how it wasn't hard for Ren to see how tired I am. His clothes, for one, the way it was so wrinkled made it way too obvious he slept in what he wore to wherever the two of you were. And don't worry, I won't ask where that was either. But I am skeptical if he even bothered to shower." Jun rolled her eyes as she propped her elbow on the backrest of the sofa and leaned her head on a hand. "I've never seen him look like such a mess. But what really gave it away," Jun quirked a brow at Horokeu.

"It was his face. I _know_ he doesn't look like that just because he's sleepy." Jun laughed and Horokeu tensed to the sound, wondering if she had also figured out how overwhelmed he was by how much she had dissected in mere minutes after walking into the room. "So, Horokeu, were you the one who took my dear little brother out last night for drinks?"

"...Yes," was all Horokeu could manage after a hard swallow as she eyed him in a way that made him think maybe she did figure that out too.

"Don't worry, you're not in trouble." Jun laughed again. "But you know it was his first time drinking, don't you?" Horokeu blinked, something else entirely dawning on his face.

"What?"

"He's never told you?"

"He told me he went to fancy parties for his dad and the company. Didn't they serve drinks there?"

"Yes, of course, but our father would barely let him have more than a sip of even the weakest alcohol. And by one sip I mean very, very little ones." Jun pinched her thumb and index finger together in front of her eye, like she was squeezing a berry.

"So...not only has he never gotten drunk," Horokeu began slowly and Jun shook her head.

"He's never even experienced being tipsy." The woman sighed with a shrug. "So in terms of drinking, he might as well have been a virgin. I guess that's my fault though."

"What'd you mean?"

"Well, back when Ren was too young to attend those parties and I was the one accompanying our father—" Jun rolled her eyes while biting at her bottom lip. "Well, let's just say I was Father's first lesson. I mean, I didn't get shit faced like Ren. I swear I was just tipsy. But nonetheless, Father learned from me. Do you have any siblings, Horohoro?"

"One younger sister."

"Ah, so you know what I'm talking about." Horokeu let out a small laugh as he nodded. Jun's smile broadened to finally see him ease to her presence. "So, Horohoro, I'm telling you this from one oldest sibling to another," Jun shifted to sit up and put a hand to the blunette's shoulder.

"Thank you for being a friend my brother could trust." Horokeu felt his chest tighten again to words he wasn't sure he deserved and he almost looked away from her gaze.

"You mean you don't think I'm a bad influence?" His lack of confidence showed in his half smile. Jun laughed but unlike her previous light chipper, she couldn't hide the reflective flash in her eyes.

"I know that sounds strange. But please understand... you're his _only_ friend I've ever met. And believe me, I know Ren isn't the easiest person to get to know." Jun sighed and although she kept smiling, it was weighed by the worry in her lavender eyes.

"He trusted you enough to bring you here. Enough to introduce you to me and say it himself that you're a friend. It's nice to know he has someone he can trust like that. So whatever influence you are on him... I trust you too."

"...Thank you." Horokeu managed to say quietly past the tightness growing inside. He didn't know what else he could say without feeling anymore dishonest.

The door opened and Ren was leaning against threshold. Horokeu realized Jun was right; he probably was hurling all this time.

"Nee-san, is it ok if we have Pailong drive us?" Ren looked at his sister, not noticing the apologetic glance Horokeu sent her. She simply shrugged, not a hint of reproach in her smile. They both knew her brother was too stubborn to listen to anyone who told him to rest a while longer.

"Of course." Jun stood and all three left the room with Horokeu the only one looking so puzzled.

"Who's Pailong?" The blunette asked as he followed the two siblings down the hall but stopped abruptly when they reached the front door.

"He's my sister's secretary." The words felt unfamiliar on Ren's tongue even as he said it, but it was more peculiar to hear the blunette say he didn't know who the man was. Horokeu stared at the said young man, not much older than Jun, standing before the front door. He stood stock still with his hands folded formally over his torso, clad in a crisp black suit that couldn't quite hide his massive muscles that made his shoulders like boulders. His unreadable face was set like stone, almost giving off the impression of a real statue if it weren't for his dark eyes shifting slightly their way. For his employer and her brother, he bowed deeply, his movement as smooth as the surface of his pristine suit. He inclined his head when he noticed Horokeu, and the blunette couldn't shake the unnerving sense that the unblinking eyes were carefully scaling him.

"Pailong," The man pulled his eyes away from Horokeu at the sound of Jun's voice. "Please take Ren and his friend to the train station."

"Yes, ma'am." He nodded once then stepped aside and opened the door for Ren and Horokeu. He did the same with the door of the back seat of the car he took them to, one of those black cars with the tinted windows. Horokeu wasn't keen on cars so all he could think about was how every visible surface was glossy and absolutely spotless like it's never been touched.

Right as Pailong started the car, Ren didn't say anything as he pushed a button by his side and a tinted partition rose. Once it was fully up, he was letting down his bulwark. His head fell back against the headrest and he heaved a long strenuous groan as he rubbed his fingers over his eyes.

"Shit, I almost forgot. We have to meet... that guy. What's his name? The one with your ID."

"You mean Trey? He should already be in town so I can just text him to meet us at the station again." Horokeu was already pulling out his phone as he watched the way Ren clamped his eyes shut like he was cursing the world. He stole a glance at the partition, confirming that it did in fact divide the two sides.

"So, that Pailong guy?" Horokeu began almost in a whisper just in case as he finished his text.

"What about him?" Ren still wouldn't open his eyes, his brows furrowed annoyingly to Horokeu's voice.

"You said he's your sister's secretary?"

"Secretary, assistant, whatever. Does it matter? He's with her all the time to do her bidding because that's his job. His family, the Li's, have a long history of serving the Tao clan. Pailong is more like family than an employee, and especially an old friend of Jun. They've known each other since they were children. When it was time for her to hire a secretary, she wouldn't trust anyone else. And neither would I."

"So he's really just a secretary? Not her bodyguard?" At this, Ren did open an eye to look at Horokeu.

"Well, yes, he is trained for that too." He raised a brow. "But do you really believe a Tao would need a bodyguard?" Horokeu then remembered the incident with Grey, and how easily Ren subdued him _and_ his two goons, barely breaking a sweat. And Ren told him every Tao was trained like him, even the women. He said even his sister who just a few minutes ago, Horokeu thought she was as delicate as a flower.

"No, I guess not." The Ainu gulped. And he thought Pailong was intimidating.

Ren could easily guess what was going through Horokeu's head with his short response, and the younger male rolled his eyes. The fact is, everything he just told him about Pailong was new to him too. Right when he came out of the bathroom after vomiting what little contents of his insides, he bumped into his sister's secretary and unlocked his memories of him. At first it was just so…strange to see him. Not just the suit. Unlike Manta, Ren has never seen Pailong in any of his movies. In fact, he never knew anything about Pailong before his family turned him into a Kyonshi. Seeing him alive and not a corpse, blood toning his skin, no stitches to hold his body together…

Ren shut his eyes, uttering another small groan.

This unlocking was no different from the past unlockings he already experienced, which meant he had a massive headache to make his hangover much, much worse. It was already starting to dull, but it didn't make his hangover any easier to deal with.

"You ok?" Horokeu asked with sheer concern lacing his voice.

"No." Yet, Ren couldn't hold back the low growl.

"Well, you shouldn't have had all those drinks." Horokeu snapped back, his patience also gone south with his rising frustration. "Especially if you don't even know what you can handle." He could feel the gold glare being fired at him. But he kept his own onyx sites on the partition ahead in case the driver should randomly lower it.

"I heard from your sister." He continued to speak with the same jagged edge. "You could've at least told me you've never had a damn lick of alcohol in your life." Horokeu's terse tone made Ren click his tongue.

"Tch! I've had drinks before."

"Yeah, what your dad _allowed_. I heard that from your sister too." Horokeu snorted, making Ren's chest swell with hostility. But his head swelled more with his hangover that wasn't letting him pick his battle. Horokeu stole a side-eye glance at the teen next to him when none of the comeback he expected was shot at him. He heaved an annoyed sigh when he saw what Ren was enduring with his clamped shut eyes and furrowed brows. He knows he should pick another moment, probably another day.

"Seriously," But he couldn't. "It's one thing if you're lightweight but if you've never had alcohol before, you can't just drink whatever that's given to you. I mean, shit, Ren, what if you were drugged!"

"I thought that guy was your friend." Ren breathed with how irritated he was with Horokeu's continuous pestering, his quirked brow expressing how strange he thought the blunette's last comment was.

"...He is." Hesitation made Horokeu's voice falter.

"What, so you have a friend that would drug me?" Horokeu pressed together the back of his teeth as he withstood the clenching in his stomach. The fact is, he didn't know. He had no way of knowing if alcohol was the only thing that was intoxicating Ren last night. He had no idea if Ren just had too many drinks, or if any of those drinks had anything extra mixed in them.

"You're lucky Naoto...san isn't that kind of guy." The Ainu forced out the name, slightly nauseated that he could bring himself to add _–san_ like he still respected the guy. He didn't know if Ren would pick up on such a trivial detail even if it did slip. But he knew he wouldn't be able to come up with any decent excuses if he does and asks why. "But what if he was, Ren!? Or what if I didn't know that he was!? What if—"

"Then next time, don't just ditch me like that!"

The car stopped and the door on Ren's side opened, instantly halting the two boys into silence.

"Thanks, Pailong." Ren said quietly in a flustered huff, climbing out of the car with his deeply frowned lips pressing into a fine line. He didn't even give a glance back at Horokeu who followed behind him. Pailong just gave a small bow without saying anything, no indication to ask what he had interrupted, like he was making it known that he didn't intend on playing peacemaker. He simply got back in the car and left behind the two boys in the echo of the roaring engine as if to tell them to resolve it on their own. Horokeu peered at Ren from the corner of his eye but the other apparently didn't intend on paying him with the same acknowledgement. Instead, all Ren did was jerk his chin outward like he didn't even want to bother with words, not even to tell him to look. Point being made, Horokeu let out a quiet sigh and looked in that direction. Trey was standing a few yards away at the train station's entrance.

"Hurry up." Horokeu kept his face neutral, not wanting it to show how cold Ren's voice had become. He wondered if he knew or if it was so natural that he didn't even realize it. Not wanting to hear it again, he shoved his hands in his pockets and approached Trey. And right there on the spot, they traded jackets and school ID's like they did yesterday. And on the train, Ren still refused to even set an eye on Horokeu and he definitely didn't intend on saying anything either. The two-hour train ride was agonizing without a single word being exchanged between the two. But as much as the Ainu wanted to be the one to clear the heavy-handed air between them, it was a Sunday morning. They weren't going to find any seats, not even one for Ren who undoubtedly needed it more between the two. So they could forget about discussing anything that required any level of privacy.

"... You're right." Horokeu said after less than three minutes on the bus that left the train station. While the ride from school still filled with kids heading out, no one was heading back so early like they were. Unlike the train, they had this bus to themselves. And the driver hardly counts since they're sitting in the far back.

"You're right, Ren." Horokeu said again a little louder this time. Even though Ren sat next to him with his eyes closed and head leaning against the cool window, he knew the other teen wasn't sleeping. He waited a few seconds, and amber eyes cracked open to look at him but that was the only response. That was enough. As long as he was listening, Horokeu was willing to accept that because even though privacy was all they had in this bus, it wasn't going to last forever. He had to make this chance count.

"I'm sorry." The blunette tried not to rush his words because he wanted it to be known that he meant it. "I shouldn't have left you alone with anyone, friend or not. I shouldn't have just left you like that." He turned his head slightly to look at Ren, trying not to let his voice quiver at the thought of what could have happened.

"I'm so sorry, Ren." Tired gold stared back. And then, a quiet sigh.

"Baka Horo." Ren muttered as he sluggishly sat up so he can look directly into those onyx eyes. He hated it so much when they were so full of regret and plea. They made it so easy to forgive.

"You really need to re-evaluate the people you want to call friends." His lips tugged into the arrogant smirk he was so good at.

"...Yeah," He was so good at it, Horokeu had to smile back. "I've been thinking that too."

**To be continued…**


	22. Get Used to It

"You didn't tell him I'm coming, did you?" Horokeu sighed as he walked alongside Ren, both boys gripping a plastic bag with what they just purchased from the deli, which sat in the corner of the massive eating hall. The menu narrowed to simple ready-made selections such as sandwiches, hot dogs, rice balls—nothing as lux as the fresh hot meals served from the cafeteria's kitchen, which just about everyone else lined up for with their trays. But food from the deli was the only ones they could leave with since the trays and any silverware were not allowed to leave the cafeteria. Besides, Ren preferred to eat in peace and that wasn't going to be possible if they stayed with the mass. Horokeu didn't care either way as long as he got to eat.

"So what if I didn't?" Ren responded flatly to Horokeu's expectant stare, although not returning it with so much as a glance as they neared the doorway. Horokeu opened his mouth but shut it again, only letting out a quiet sigh. He knew he'd be wasting his breath. But he suppressed a groan when they neared the threshold of the cafeteria doorway. Hao was leaned against a wall, waiting for the two as they approached—particularly watching the blue-haired boy.

Among the chaotic buzzing of their mingling peers, Horokeu picked up on voices that made his head turn ever so slightly to a group that was in the long line waiting for trays to be filled. He watched the way one was getting another in a headlock while the others looked on snickering. None of them noticed Horokeu. They carried on like the blunette didn't used to exist within their circle and had spent any previous lunch times with them, horse playing with them like they are now. The blunette watched them for two seconds, and then returned to face forward again. Ren noticed them too, but he carefully watched Horokeu to see if he can read anything from his face. But his face remained unmoving—uninterested. This was his first step to severing ties with the people he didn't want to call his friends anymore. Ren somehow knew that when he received Horokeu's text asking to have lunch with him.

"Crap!" Ren jumped at Horokeu who suddenly stopped just when they reached Hao at the open doorway. "Give me a sec, I forgot my dessert!" He whipped around and Ren rolled his eyes at how quickly he hurried back to the deli.

"Fine, I get it that he's joining us." Hao sighed, unsure if Ren was ignoring his glare of if he just didn't notice. "Is this just today or—"

"Get used to it." Ren said with cutthroat sharpness, his eyes still on Horokeu who surveyed the shelves. When he finally sent Hao a sidelong look, the brunette was scowling at him. But Ren merely flicked a brow at him. He didn't bother asking Hao first when Horokeu asked to join them because it didn't concern him in the slightest if the Asakura would have a problem with it or not. He wasn't going to _let_ Hao have a problem with it. The knowledge of that made Hao's lips curl to a low growl.

He shifted his face back to neutral when Horokeu came jogging back.

"Got the last one." The Ainu chimed with a triumphant grin as he held up a brownie. Not caring enough to give him a response, Hao turned around and started down the hall away from the cafeteria. Without looking back he let Ren and Horokeu follow him to where they were going to have their lunch. He brought them to a classroom.

"Isn't it locked?" Horokeu cocked his head curiously at Hao who stood between his friends and the door. And he was right; usually during lunchtime, all vacant classrooms were locked and students could only use them to have their lunch if a teacher was present to supervise them. So the students were only allowed to have their lunches either in the noisy cafeteria the three just came from, or outside on school property. But they've reached the time of year the mid-Autumn air was too chilling to be picnicking on the school roof.

The brunette didn't say anything and just fished out a key from his pocket, making the Ainu glance at Ren with slightly widened eyes. The smaller male just shook his head, silently telling him not to ask. Like the spare key to the roof, Ren didn't even want to ask the route Hao took to get his hands on the keys to this room as well. And although he did consider asking how many of these spare keys Hao possessed, he decided against that too. It was probably safer that way.

"Sit wherever you want." Hao breezed through the door and gestured his hand at all the empty desks like he had brought friends over to his own private home. He plopped down in a seat by the window and Ren took the one next to him. Horokeu took the other side next to Ren, hoping it wasn't too obvious that he was avoiding having to look Hao in the eyes. He could feel that dark gaze prowling on to him since Ren wasn't going to acknowledge his icy disdain.

"So, Ren, Usui-san," Not a hint of respect in the formal manner he addressed the upperclassman. "How was the party?" A subtle mockery, at best. Horokeu looked at him anyway like he didn't even notice. Hao's lips were pulled back to a smile that didn't reach his eyes. That chestnut gaze pressed on him with prickly cold ridicule for accepting Ren's oblivion. For carrying on like Ren didn't have a reason to condemn him instead of having lunch with him.

"What was it like seeing Ren so drunk that he comes back to school the next day hungover?"

"Will you shut up, Hao?" Ren hissed in vivid disapproval to Hao's calm hostility. The brunette shut his mouth with an unapologetic shrug. Being the roommate Ren had to return to that morning, it didn't take long for Hao to realize the Tao didn't even remember him being at the same party. And it didn't take long for him to figure out Horokeu didn't say much about everything else he didn't remember. That only left Hao to reproach him for how cowardly that made him.

"I just want to know how much fun you guys had. You've hardly told me anything since you came back yesterday." Hao propped his elbow on the desk to cradle his cheek in his palm. "At least tell me how it ended." Ren glowered at Hao's shameless grin that asked the question dripping with suggestion.

"It ended with us crashing at my sister's." Contrary to his face showing clear distaste, his voice came out blunt. If he lied now, Ren knew the brunette would be able to tell, and that'd just entertain him. He'd be giving him an opportunity to pry and watch Ren struggle harder. He turned away from Hao, his face changing to cool disinterest to show he wasn't going to give the Asakura the satisfaction. He unwrapped his rice ball and took a bite.

"Really?" Hao quirked a brow and leaned forward on his desk to look at Horokeu. "And here I thought you guys found a nice sleazy motel to spend the night." Horokeu's jaws locked but he pushed down his rising rage before it could touch his tongue. Like Ren, he told himself not to bite at the bait—no matter how much it bit at him. _So you actually made it._ He could almost hear through Hao's stare and tried not to shift under his scrutiny. So now he knows what he really expected from the blunette. Or maybe this was just payback for the only tutor session Hao joined. But that was weeks ago. Would he really be so petty?

Horokeu also started to unwrap his burger to distract himself and because he's begun to understand why Ren wasn't reacting. Hao shrugged and leaned back in his chair, deciding he might as well start to eat too.

"So did you get to meet Ren's sister?" Hao asked after swallowing his first bite from his sandwich. Horokeu just nodded, still chewing on his.

"It's probably stupid of me to ask considering it's Ren's sister but..." He paused and Ren shifted a careful eye at him. "Was she hot?"

"Well, yeah." Horokeu shrugged, not seeming to notice the way Ren's face twitched at how casually he answered.

"Was she like a female version of Ren?" It didn't go unnoticed by Hao and interest flitted in his eyes.

"I wouldn't say that. She is pretty, though."

"Ok but pretty like how?" Hao pushed as he watched Ren.

"I never would have brought you to my sister's place if you were going to be drooling all over her." Ren cut in, eyeing Hao with a warning glare.

"Ok first off, _I_ was the one who had to drag _your_ wasted ass over there, _remember?_ " Horokeu didn't hold back the biting edge of his sarcasm. "Oh wait! That's right, you can't remember because you were _that_ wasted! No wonder you're so confused." That sarcasm made Ren narrow his eyes to sharp gold slits but he could feel his face burn from the accuracy of it.

"And second, I was never drooling all over her." Horokeu rolled his eyes as he went on. "I was just giving an honest answer to a question."

"Really?" Ren drawled and crossed his arms. "And how were you going to _honestly_ answer that last question of his, then?"

"God-damnit, Ren! It's not like I said I want to date her."

"You sounded like it."

"I was just saying she's attractive."

"Is that how you translate what you said?" Ren scoffed in disbelief, making Horokeu growl lowly.

"I was just answering a stupid question." The blunette didn't even want to look at Hao to see how smug he looked.

"Oh, so it's ok as long as you were honest about it?"

"Would you rather I say I thought she's ugly?"

"So I guess it's alright if I said the same about _your_ sister. What if I said I wanted to date her?"

"I never said I wanted to date your sister!" Horokeu was shouting now. "And leave my sister out of this!"

"So we can't talk about your sister while you go on about checking out mine."

"I wasn't checking her out!"

At this point Hao wasn't even looking smug. He wasn't even listening although their open mouths were shooting out words like canons. He had tuned them out as he watched the two with unamused, half-lidded eyes that he could barely keep awake. The two boys were caught up in something that had no room for him, facing each other at such close range like mountain goats bumping horns. It was one thing to be left out. But to be forgotten like this?

"I'll leave you guys alone to figure this out." Hao sighed as he got on his feet, grabbing his school bag and lunch.

"Where're you going?" Horokeu watched him strode to the door, Ren also turning like he finally remembered the Asakura.

"I don't think that really matters at this point." Hao tossed something metallic that flashed in the air under the light. His roommate caught it in his palms. "See you later in class, Ren." He said over a shoulder and closed the door. The remaining two blinked at the door. Then they looked down at the key in Ren's opened hands. Then looked at each other—So the brunette didn't intend on returning. They blinked again. They both realized Hao's interruption had thrown them off.

More unexpected than Hao's exit was Ren's mouth that tugged into a smirk.

And then he turned away from Horokeu to lean over his desk, cupping a hand over his eyes as he let out a string of giggles. Horokeu couldn't get himself to laugh with him because of how it sounded. He didn't know how to describe something that sounded so sad. Like a lonely ripple in quiet water.

Ren's hand slid up just a little to go over his forehead, pushing up his dark bangs. Horokeu was almost startled by his amber eyes that were glazed over.

"Ren, if it upsets you that much, I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"What?" Ren lifted his head and looked at Horokeu.

"I said I'm sorry if what I said—"

"No, it's not that." Ren said quickly and looked away again, shaking his head. "I...I actually miss this." He whispered with that sad empty laugh again, like it was directed at himself. The bickering, the shouting, the disagreeing over the most forgettable topics. He couldn't believe how much he missed it.

"Remember how we used to always..." Ren looked at Horokeu again and then stopped when he saw his face. The blunette's silence already made him realize his confusion. The smile faded with the realization that dawned on him. Then the panic. His blinking eyes swam around and gave it away that he was raking through his head for a way out of what he started to say. The thrumming in his chest wasn't helping.

"Never mind." He finally breathed and managed to break away from Horokeu's gaze.

"Wait, what'd you—"

"I said, never mind." Ren pressed his lips together when he realized how shaken he sounded. And then he realized he didn't know what else to say to clear the heavy-handed air. His brows narrowed to the weight of the onyx eyes he couldn't meet.

"...Ok." Horokeu nodded, practically in a whisper after what felt like silence that lasted too long. Ren could feel his eyes urging him to return his gaze.

"We can talk about something else." The blunette said, taking Ren's hand and making him flinch. "You don't have to go." He added, and Ren finally looked at him—he had to look at him. He would've mistaken it for a plea. Was it really showing that much? Was he really _letting_ it show that badly? All he wanted to do was leave the room. But with Hao gone already, that'd leave Horokeu in total abandonment. An unfair payment the blunette shouldn't have to make for Ren's carelessness.

All Ren could do was nod, trying to keep the lingering anxiety at bay, trying to shove it out of his eyes.

He wasn't sure if he convinced Horokeu, but the blunette's fingers let go of him and curled into his palm as he retreated his hand. They picked up their food that they almost forgot about. The silence numbed their tongues from tasting anything. They ended up finishing without coming up with something else to talk about.

They didn't share any classes so they didn't see each other for the rest of the day. A few weeks ago they'd be circling around that awkwardness, barely mustering the excuse to speak to each other again. But that awkwardness didn't show up with them when they gathered at the empty classroom for lunch again the next day. There wasn't even a hint of it for Hao to sniff out. Eventually, Ren and Horokeu were bickering again about something else that was too frivolous for the brunette to try to care enough to keep up. But even with Horokeu's snippy sarcasm and Ren's haughty arrogance, the air was comfortable, because at least for Ren, it was familiar. It was so natural, Hao didn't leave this time because he figured out that he might as well get used to it since this is more than likely going to be routine. It went on repeat for the rest of the week.

By the second week, neither Ren nor Horokeu were even confirming if they will meet up for lunch; it had simply become an expectation. Just as Hao had suspected, the Ainu's presence had become default, and the brunette knew Ren was seeing him after school too. The Asakura learned to accept the new status quo, even letting go of his soreness towards Horokeu (not that Ren was giving him a choice anyway) because he was witnessing the change between the two and what kind of affect it had on Ren. But he didn't ask questions or even have his fun pestering Ren for the details like he used to. He was having enough fun just watching them. And he decided that for now, he'll just be an outside observer and see where this will all go—he wondered how oblivious Ren was to Horokeu's eyes that watched him with subtle attention.

_Hey what're u doing?_

Ren cocked his head at Horokeu's text, unsure of what to make of the random question coming out of the blue like this. Unlike most kids, they didn't have the freedom to go out to make the best out of a Friday night. After a few seconds, he sent a picture of his homework, notes, and textbooks spread out on his desk as a reply. Maybe the question was as innocent as it sounded. Seconds later, Horokeu responded.

_Nerd_

Ren rolled his eyes at the mocking emoji like it was a pebble thrown at him to provoke him into a challenge.

_I take it ur bored._

He replied this time and then added,

_Why don't u do ur h/w so u can avoid needing me to rescue u again?_

_Do u always have to bring that up?_

Ren's lips twisted into a smirk he couldn't hold back. He didn't know if going to that Halloween party had actually been a breakthrough for them, but something had undoubtedly changed between him and the blunette. And he knew Horokeu felt it too.

_What're u doing this weekend?_

Ren didn't need a mirror—he could feel his lips tug further at the Ainu's casual invitation. He's glad Hao was out again and not here to see it.

**To be continued…**


	23. Something Like Deja Vu

"Do you come here a lot?" Ren stopped and looked the place up and down. When it first came into view, he thought it was a gazebo but as they got closer he saw how large it was. And then he realized it had walls made of glass like the roof. He had only known they weren't going to the city because Horokeu had texted him to meet him outside with his homework. When he realized the blunette was leading him in the opposite direction of the library, his playfully secretive smile was the only thing keeping him from asking where he was being taken as he followed the Ainu outside.

They remained within the school property, and the considerable size of it kept them going for some time. It was a wonder that they didn't run into any other students throughout their trek. Then again, if anyone had actually chosen not to go out to the city, it's likely they were staying in the comfort of their heat-controlled dorms. The majority of the trees here were evergreen but the ones that were not were nearly barren. Leaves had dried so much that the very few that remained on their trees barely clung to their branches. Various shades of yellow and orange and red have faded and browned and crumpled beneath the boys' shoes. The air that was once a pleasant cool touch had now sharpened to make it known autumn was making way for winter. Regardless, Ren followed Horokeu.

"I used to but not lately." Horokeu opened the door and let Ren walk in first. The glass walls already gave it away that this was a greenhouse but the moment he was inside, Ren had to pause and his amber eyes slightly widened. It wasn't just the number and variety of plants surrounding them, or their different shades of green and specks of vivid colors. Even the smell of the soil was overwhelming. And Ren _tried_ to take it all in, he tried to comprehend it all. He slowly turned his head, unable to keep his eyes from roaming, all the way to the pots suspended from the ceiling with vines hanging out like snaky green chandeliers. He wondered how he never knew about this place.

"Nice, right?" Horokeu chuckled as he closed the door behind him and watched Ren appreciate the density crammed within these transparent walls. Ren could only nod, breaking out of his trance when Horokeu turned and continued further into the deep green dwelling. As he followed him again, he continued to try to digest everything they were surrounded by. In his awestruck effort, he realized that it only felt like they were walking in a forest because most of the pots and shelves and tables were hidden by massive leaves and vines and shrubs. If he paid enough attention he could catch glimpses of them. Plus there was the sound of their shoes against the hard flooring instead of soil. But that made it no less impressive. The botanic inhabitants seemed to be literally everywhere, taking any space available to them, making Ren realize he also had to be careful about where he stepped so as not to disturb them. The temperature also couldn't go unnoticed; unlike outside where winter was on its way, it was like early summer in here. Ren knew that in a matter of minutes he wouldn't be able to keep his coat on.

"Are we really allowed to be here?" Ren quirked a brow and looked the place around again, almost feeling like an intruder because they seemed to be the only ones there.

"Of course we are." Horokeu dismissed the concern with a snort. "Everyone's allowed to use this place, even students." He slowed to a stop and looked back over his shoulder at Ren as if to tell the younger male, 'we're here'. Ren stepped out from behind him and blinked at what was in front of them. Netting was tied high up on the wall and vines climbed it from the pots that were lined up at the base of it, creating a large, thick green curtain. Horokeu walked around it and Ren followed behind him as he slipped in the space between the clear walls and the green curtain. As the two sat on the floor, leaning back against the glass behind them, the smaller teen was impressed by how much cooler it was in the shades of the vines.

"What's this place used for anyway?" Horokeu shrugged at Ren's question.

"Some teachers like to grow stuff, I guess for a class or a personal hobby or something. Sometimes a few students will use it for a project."

"And you think we should do our homework here?" Ren blinked as the blunette dug his notebook out of his school bag, making him remember his own.

"Yep." Horokeu nodded with a grin, the honest nature of it almost making him look like an excited child that just shared his secret fort. "It's one of my favorite places because hardly anyone ever comes here, especially this time of year."

"Why? It's not like it's cold in here." Ren seemed to be making a point by pulling off his coat, which had become a nuisance by now.

"Yeah, but no one is willing to go out of their way to drag themselves out in the cold to come here when they can just stay in their nice cozy warm dorms." Horokeu chuckled cleverly as he began to pull off his own coat.

"Except you." Ren said with a coy smirk and added, "you're willing to drag me out in the cold to come all the way out here."

"Hey, at least here no one even knows where we are so we won't have to worry about anyone _talking_." Ren rolled his eyes in lieu of having to say he had a point.

"What? You won't even admit that I have a good idea?"

"For once." Ren simply said with a huff and pulled out his own notes. "So if this place is your favorite," He continued to muse absently as he shuffled through his papers, "why'd you stop coming?" Horokeu's hand stopped writing.

"I don't know." He sighed and leaned his head back on the wall. He gazed up at the leafy ceiling above him, squinting a little at the bits of light that peaked through. It took him a short moment before he started speaking again.

"I didn't always come here to do any homework. A lot of times it was just to get some shut-eye. And sometimes it was just... to get away, I guess." Ren didn't say anything, as those onyx eyes looked like they were staring into a tomb of old memories. Memories of a time before the Tao knew him.

"At first when I was put on scholarship, some rumor started that I was disowned and suddenly almost everyone didn't want anything to do with me." Horokeu scoffed bitterly. "And then I made my 'new' friends... Those guys you saw me with when I was ambushed by Grey and his goons." The blunette was unaware of the effort Ren made to keep his face from twitching as he continued, "I guess I thought they were real friends since they didn't seem to care about any rumors or my status like everyone else... And we both know how right I was about that." He rolled his eyes like he wanted to hide how his own sarcasm made him feel. "So anyway, the more I hung out with them, the less I was coming here."

"I'm surprised they didn't want to make this their secret hang out." Horokeu shook his head to Ren's comment.

"They never knew this place even existed. And I never told them about it because I guess I didn't want them to laugh at me. I mean, this sort of place kind of screams nerd." Horokeu made a weak chuckle, but his lips let go of his sad smile as he looked around again. "And the more I hung out with them...I guess there was also some part of me that didn't want them to ruin it."

"You were right not to bring them here. They would've trashed this place." Ren nodded as if to emphasize how easily he could picture it. Horokeu laughed a little like somehow it relieved him to know someone agreed. Like he finally made a right choice.

"And I knew I didn't have to worry about that with you." The blunette's voice picked up a different tone and he looked at Ren. "I knew you wouldn't even laugh." His lips formed a sort of smile that made Ren's heart stumble. The Tao didn't know if it was the gratitude in that smile or the certainty laced in his words but he froze. He felt like he was pierced by the unwavering trust in those obsidian eyes. For a split second he couldn't come up with an immediate response to it.

"H-How—" Ren let out a cough when he felt the shake in his voice that he finally managed to muster. "How did you find out about this place, anyway?" Luckily for him, Horokeu seemed unaware of how hard he struck him with his honesty. "I never even knew about it. Are you growing something?" The blunette tipped his head back to let out a howling fit of laughter.

"No way! I can't grow anything to save my life!" Something else struck inside of Ren. The Ainu laughed again, making it harder for the Chinese to ignore it. When the laughter subsided, Horokeu looked at the other and he cocked his head.

"Why do you look so surprised?" The word he was really thinking was 'disappointed' but something told him not to use it.

"It's just..." Ren's eyes shifted and then he shrugged. "What else would you be doing here?" Luckily, he came up with something that made sense so he wouldn't have to admit what really snagged at him. It made enough sense for Horokeu to buy it, and the blunette rubbed the back of his neck with an embarrassed grimace.

"I once wrote a _very_ poorly written paper and had to help clean this place up as punishment."

"How poorly written was it?" Ren's lips lifted one of its corners to a teasing smirk.

"Let's just say I had way too much faith in Wikipedia."

"...You idiot." Ren muttered with a roll of his eyes.

"Shut up." Horokeu countered and made a face at him, and Ren sent him a 'really?' look to criticize his childish comeback. "Hey, at least some good came out of it. I got to find out about this place." The blunette proudly gestured around himself at the greenhouse they were in and Ren rolled his eyes again.

"Well, I doubt anything good will come out of screwing up again." Ren pointed his pen at Horokeu's notebook. "So start getting something done." The bluenette shot his authoritarian friend a sharp glare but picked up his pencil again. Ren sent him an arrogant smirk like it was some sign of approval for keeping his poutish mouth from complaining.

After about two hours, Ren had only a book to read in the assigned pages. Because of how they've spread everything out, the said book was on Horokeu's side so Ren had to reach out and lean towards the blunette to get it. Horokeu didn't say anything as the other drew near but he shifted. Golden eyes moved for a swift glance because it looked like he had attempted to scoot for more space—space he didn't need. But Ren didn't mention anything as he grabbed the book and returned to where he sat. He then shifted so the glass wall was at his side to rest his head against while leaning back against his school bag that was up against a threshold, moving his feet between himself and the blunette and bending his knees to hold up his book. He silently took note of the way the blunette eased to the extended space... like he needed it.

Ren pretended not to notice Horokeu's recent demeanor, the slight undertone of it, even though it was clearly centered on the Tao. Horokeu probably didn't even realize it especially showed when they were alone. How he avoided getting too close—like he might forget to breathe at certain proximities. How his body stiffed to hold back his flinch when their skin brushed. How his eyes darted away to hide his stares and stolen glances. They were low tone implications but Ren still hasn't been able to figure out what they implied. He couldn't even figure out what the blunette was staring at. All Ren had figured out was how recent it was. He knew there's been a subtle change between him and Horokeu since the party. But something had also changed Horokeu...his _awareness_ towards Ren.

To get a feel for what this change was, Ren made small, tenuous tests; sweeping his fingertips over Horokeu's when they passed something, letting him think he didn't notice when his onyx gaze lingered so that its retreat was delayed when he surprised him with a returned glance, holding those eyes in a pause for a couple seconds before speaking... little invitations to lure a slip. But all Horokeu did was dodge them in clumsy casualness. Ren didn't know if that was good or bad. He didn't know what to make of this change in the Ainu.

"Horo, what is it?" Perhaps it was time to just ask. Ren turned to hold that obsidian gaze that he knew was lingering on him again. He held them with his piercing gold and didn't let it go. But he didn't intend for his voice to come out so sharp.

"You seem...distracted." Ren sighed, trying to round the edges. Horokeu took notice of the effort, understood that he wasn't angry—just confused. Understood that confusion had kindled his frustration to sharpen his tone. Horokeu's lips pressed in his hesitation. And then he exhaled and rubbed the back of his neck.

"My dad called the other day." That wasn't it. But Ren just slowly nodded anyway. It was an effort to keep anything from breaking the monotone of his face, to keep it neutral. The blunette says this phone call happened the other day but his recent 'distracted' behavior has been going on for weeks ever since the Halloween party.

"...How'd it go?" It wasn't the cause of his recent behavior, but the phone call did in fact happen. That much Ren could tell. He noticed the light flickering in Horokeu's obsidian eyes. And then the small smile hinting those lips.

"He said he's seen my grades," Horokeu's smile broadened to a grin he couldn't contain as he added, "and he said I did good." It probably was exactly what his father said. Words so simple and hardly adequate for the recognition the blunette deserved—He deserved better than that. And yet it still made him beam at Ren again with pride that couldn't be brought out by any teacher or test score. And Ren knew why. He knew what it's like to have a father who can give such small words so much meaning. He knew what they meant.

"So you guys are alright now?" Horokeu nodded.

"Yeah, he even said," Horokeu paused and Ren didn't miss how the brightness in his smile faded just a little. "He even said... it's ok if I don't want to take the family business after him." The obsidian gaze fell downcast.

"And what'd you say?" Ren wasn't sure if he should ask but he managed not to let his voice falter with his apprehension.

"I said...I said thanks." And yet, even if it was for a brief second, Ren knew that it was regret he saw cloud over those eyes.

"So what do you want to do?" Horokeu dreaded the question, that much could be seen from him when he looked up, like he was afraid of what he'd see on the face that asked. But he couldn't read anything from Ren except quiet patience. There wasn't any pressure there in his calm features to push him and not a hint of reproach to go with his question. Like he didn't care what Horokeu's next words were going to be because there was no right or wrong answer. It just had to be honest.

"It's not that I didn't want to take after my dad. I...I actually want to." Something like guilt—or perhaps unworthiness—made him struggle to say it out loud. "I think I always have."

"Then tell him that next time you talk to him." Ren's flat matter-of-fact tone made Horokeu's lips twist into a wry smile.

"After _everything_? All the hell I raised?" But Ren just shrugged his shoulders like he didn't want to waste his breath to answer something so simple. Horokeu shook his head with a scoff and fell back against the wall, setting his eyes on no particular leaf above him.

"All this time I was so pissed off because I felt like I wasn't given any choices. And then it finally hits me that there wasn't anything else I wanted to do anyway." Horokeu let out a breath like he had attempted to laugh at his confession. But the truth of it made him close his eyes like he was finally accepting it.

"So what?" Horokeu shot his eyes open and slightly turned his head to look at Ren. The smaller male sent back an unwavering gaze. "So what if you ended up going in a big circle? What's wrong with that?" Gold and onyx held each other in silence that was both heavy and weightless. Devoid of any doubt or expectations or judgment. Waiting and measuring.

"I think I just wanted to have a choice." Horokeu's quiet voice was the first drop to finally send a ripple in the space between them. His calm eyes didn't let go of Ren's amber pair as he added, "I wanted it to be _my_ choice and not some plan that was being set up for me."

"And now you can finally say it is your choice. Your plan you're setting up for yourself." Ren shrugged again with that dull, matter-of-fact tone again and made Horokeu snort. He leaned his head back to let out a loud exasperated sigh. And it was like he released something else with that deep breath, something that had been weighing on him and holding him down for reasons he didn't even know anymore. He let it go and gazed up at the ceiling again with eyes that looked lighter, more liberated now that he finally let it go.

"You know, he didn't even ask if I had a plan." He looked at Ren again, the crushing guilt no longer tapping his voice. "He said if there's really something else I want to do, something that got me to suddenly make these changes, then I can go ahead—he didn't even sound mad." He paused as he reflected on the conversation and then shook his head as he said, "but I don't think he meant it because he never asked what I had in mind."

"He probably didn't." Ren simply said. "At least now you can tell him what you do have in mind."

"Yeah." Horokeu breathed and nodded, narrowing his brows a little like he was trying to picture that conversation. Ren could see his onyx eyes were no longer clouded.

"Do you think this is weird?" He looked at Ren again, almost startling the younger one.

"What is?"

"I mean this." The blunette gestured a hand between himself and the smaller male. Ren quirked a brow like he found the question trivial.

"Do _you_ think it's weird?" The Tao countered the question flatly as if to say how trivial it was, not seeming to put much thought to the idea. Perhaps he didn't need to.

"I don't know. Kinda, I guess." Horokeu shrugged his shoulders and added, "We couldn't stand each other up until a few months ago." He then frowned at the unreadable face as if he didn't appreciate not having his question answered. Ren got the message and sighed instead of asking the point to answering it. And he rolled his eyes to hide how it made him feel. He didn't know if a case like his own even applies. The first time he woke up in this school was beyond weird already. And at this point, he didn't know how to define weird from normal anymore.

"I think it's weird how you acted like it's so hard to figure out what you wanted to do about your issues with your father."

"Hey, I wasn't acting. I really was confused." Horokeu sat up with a defensive glare. "Ever since I got his call a couple days ago."

"Well, you figured it out pretty quick," Ren scoffed, "for someone who was supposed to be so confused for that long." The bluenette blinked and his glare was gone, replaced by something else from what he thinks he saw behind that cocky smirk.

"I didn't expect myself to figure it out so fast." He confessed quietly as he leaned back again. "At least not all of a sudden like that. And then I talk to you about it and..." He rolled his eyes and let out a chuckle. "And you think _that's_ weird? It's weirder that you seem to make everything better—" His smile faltered and Horokeu fought his cringe when he realized what he said. He sent a shy glance at Ren and the dumbstruck amber stare that was returned to him was enough to make him avert his nervous gaze. But he couldn't think of anything to take it back so both boys had to withstand their burning cheeks. And as if they both agreed that it had become too awkward for words to fix it, they both chose not to exchange any and just went back to focusing on their homework like it was the only thing that will save them. But they eventually managed to let it pass.

The initial clumsiness had them skirmish for some time but they were able to get over it and back to scribbling on paper and reading assigned pages. The privacy of their silence and warm confinement of the glass walls had them cocooned in a space of cozy comfort and safety. It invited a peacefulness that eventually eased Ren to sleep in the middle of his reading, the book slipped out of his hands and forgotten on his lap. He didn't seem to have a reason to wake up.

And yet amber eyes did open, and they clashed with onyx.

Ren registered how close Horokeu's face was when it quickly backed up. What startled him was the way the blunette jolted and scrambled backwards in flustered panic, his back hitting a threshold like he didn't expect it to be there. His lips quivered like he wanted to say something—maybe fabricate an explanation or an excuse. But the red in his face just kept turning deeper like he was choking. Ren stared back at him and could only think about how shaken and frightened his eyes were. How he's seen them before.

And then, he was gone.

Horokeu scurried off in his desperation to get away from whatever had filled him with such horror. Even when Ren finally found his voice to call his name, it wasn't enough to even make him look back, much less stop. Ren just blinked when it sunk in that he was gone. Maybe he should have gone after him. But what he was thinking about was how close the Ainu's face was the second he woke up. And the way he ran like he was so scared of what will come next. Ren knew what had happened.

And then his fingertips were on his lips.

He could barely recall it. But he knew it's what woke him. He didn't know how to describe what he was feeling. Just something like deja vu.

**To be continued…**


	24. Being Found

Ren waited. He thought he should at least try calling Horokeu. The thought crossed his mind for a split second. But that stopped being an option the moment he found the phone lying in the now vacant spot the blunette was sitting. So he waited. Since it seemed like he left all of his things behind, he thought, surely he will come back for them. So he waited. But when curfew neared too close for him to wait any longer, he gathered his and Horokeu's things and left the glass greenhouse in a rush, confused as to why Horokeu never returned. And it only added to his agitation that he wouldn't be seeing the Ainu in any classes tomorrow because it would be a Sunday.

He didn't go to the third-year dorms because he didn't know which door would be Horokeu's. Plus, he was more concerned about how it would look for a second-year to be wandering in the third-year dorms to deliver forgotten personal belongings. Not to mention it'd be even worse that it would be Ren Tao making those deliveries for Horokeu Usui. And he really didn't feel like figuring out something convincing enough that it wouldn't leave any room for rumors or gossip. He doubts anyone would actually challenge him but he couldn't say the same for Horokeu. So he ended up taking it all back with him to his own dorm.

Even though he expected it, Ren was relieved that Hao wasn't back yet. He might ask about the extra school bag when he does return but the Tao would rather deal with that later. The shower helped to loosen his muscles but it didn't wash away the exhaustion—and it especially did nothing about the overwhelming sense of unfairness. It wasn't fair that he was being left hanging on such a vague thread. Like he didn't deserve an explanation.

But what was gnawing at him the most was that face. If anything was unfair, it was how he couldn't push it out no matter how hard he clamped his eyes shut. Like he was being punished again. It made him wonder why he didn't act faster. Why he didn't say anything. Why he didn't go run after him. Why he had to see that face again.

"Look who decided to sleep in for once." Ren cracked open his golden eyes and without lifting his head, glanced at his phone. He suppressed his miserable groan when the digital clock told him it was passed one in the afternoon, and didn't bother to sit up, hoping Hao would think he went back to sleep. He didn't even know when he actually fell asleep. Not that it really mattered because it didn't help. He felt drained like he hadn't slept at all.

"Are you hung over again?" His roommate sniggered and Ren considered throwing the bedside lamp at him.

"Shut up, Hao." He muttered instead and pulled the blanket tighter over his head. He could still feel his stare. He expected another obnoxious comment to provoke him but after a few moments, he heard the door open and shut. Ren sat up, and when he saw that Hao was gone, he let out a strained breath and fell back in his bed. Maybe he should be more grateful for how well 'this' Hao read people.

Ren couldn't remember a time he had allowed himself to lie in bed for so long. Maybe when he was so severely injured after a battle that this sort of rest was absolutely necessary. He might even accept it if he came down with a fever. At least then he can see the relevance in staying in bed while letting almost the whole day pass. But today wasn't like any of those days because it wasn't like he needed the time in bed to rejuvenate—He didn't even fall back to sleep since he woke. He just kept telling himself that he should wait until Horokeu showed up, that the blunette would surely figure out that he had his things since they didn't return to his dorm. And then he kept telling himself that if Horokeu was stupid enough to be so stubborn that he wouldn't show up, then he can just see him in class tomorrow. Ren kept telling himself that was the plan because he had no means to get a hold of the blunette anyway since he had his phone too.

But as he watched the sun dip and set the sky into a golden blaze, he was also getting out of bed. Because while he didn't have enough certainty to say about Horokeu, he was certain of something else; He can't keep trying to convince himself to wait for Horokeu because he wasn't waiting. He's just sulking. And if Ren kept denying that, then he can't keep calling Horokeu stupid for being stubborn. And admitting that to himself meant also admitting an inevitable conclusion: He didn't have it in himself to follow through with his supposed plan. He couldn't wait until tomorrow. He had to do something about this today. So he climbed out of bed and changed, and just in case grabbed his phone along with the Ainu's things.

Horokeu's student ID was among his belongings that were left with Ren, which at least meant the blunette couldn't have left school property. The Tao couldn't say he has plenty of leads, but it's a lot better than what he started off with. He remembers when several weeks ago the school building alone was enough to make him wary because of how he knew next to nothing about the blunette, much less where to look to find him. At least now he can make a few guesses.

_It's one of my favorite places because hardly anyone ever comes here._

Ren didn't know which was more relieving; to actually find him lying curled up under the same green leafy curtain they last saw each other, or seeing him look so peaceful as he slept. Even as he made his way down the glass territory, he wondered what the odds were that he would still find the blunette here. What the odds were that he would still retreat to a hiding place to hide from the person whom he's revealed the secret to. He knew that it probably made more sense to go look for the Ainu's dorm like anyone else would by now. But instead he returned to this evergreen dwelling that no one else would probably even consider. The glass walls almost made the orange-gold sun brazen. And yet it didn't seem to disturb him in the least, not even stirring under the brightness of the rays. It was like he was inviting the light to soak it up with the warmth he was exposed to.

Ren set the bag down and knelt over the older boy. He watched his sleeping face, how it was absolutely unaware of his presence. And then his eyes moved down to his lips. And he thought, maybe now. Maybe now he can understand. Maybe now he can see why the blunette did it. Why he couldn't resist the opportunity. Why he gave in to the temptation. Twice. And as the thought swam in his mind, it pulled his hand, extending his fingertips toward those lips. But they stopped before reaching them. His fingers curled into his palms, and Ren buried his burning face into his arms that he folded on his bent knees. He couldn't. He couldn't do it and the knowledge of that made him feel something he didn't know what to call. He lifted head to look at the blue-haired teen again. Still sleeping.

"Baka Horo." He murmured through pursed lips and moved to sit next to the other's feet, leaning back against the glass. He almost wished he could find it in himself to be angry at him for looking so oblivious, like he had no idea what he put Ren through, making him suffer through all that brooding. But Ren couldn't even find it in himself to be annoyed at that sleeping face. He couldn't even find it in himself to wake him up. All he felt was relieved— because it was so much better than that face from yesterday. So narrowed golden eyes just watched the sleeping boy and his chest's rising and falling. Perhaps it was the steady rhythm of his quiet, peaceful breathing. Or maybe it was the silence coupled with the cozy warmth inside the transparent walls. Or maybe it was simply because he didn't realize how tired he really was. Ren fell asleep too.

"R-Ren!?" The addressed male woke in a startled jolt. It took him a few seconds to recognize the voice and then remember where he was. And as he rubbed at the drowsiness in his amber eyes, he looked where the voice came from. He blinked his still-sleepy eyes at the boy backed up against the threshold, much like yesterday, although today he looked more confused than dreadful.

"Good, you're awake." He simply said and yawned like he didn't notice the way the other stared back at him.

"And don't try to run again." But he pointed a finger and his tone suddenly picked up a certain sharpness like he sniffed out the idea skittering in the older boy's head. Horokeu's throat bobbed like he swallowed it down.

"Wh-What're you doing here?" The blue-haired teen stammered and made the younger male roll his eyes.

"Looking for you, obviously." Ren's cat-like eyes shifted to look out the glass. "Damn, how long have we been sleeping?"

"How long were you here?" But Horokeu didn't seem like he could be bothered by how dark it was outside.

"I don't know." Ren shrugged his shoulders, not seeming particularly phased by how Horokeu just returned his question with another question. "Since sundown, I guess." The blunette's onyx eyes widened slightly and the smaller teen flicked one of his brows. "You can't seriously be _that_ surprised to see me."

"Well, I wasn't expecting you."

"Is that why you came back here? Because you didn't expect me to come back looking for you? What, did you think you scared me away? If I remember correctly, you're the one who ran off like a—"

"Alright!" Horokeu held up a hand with brows squeezing into an irritated frown. "I get it!" Ren's nose flared as he held back his own annoyance that rippled in his chest.

"Well, I don't." He muttered lowly and shifted his golden eyes away to the ground when the obsidian gaze softened to something like shock. "I don't get it," Ren added and managed to meet the other's gaze as he asked, "why'd you run, Horohoro?"

"...I don't know." The addressed boy sighed after a hesitated pause, now seeming to be the one having trouble maintaining that gaze. "I guess I just...panicked."

"So you ran." Ren's terse tone made Horokeu flinch. "You need to do something about that habit of yours."

"I know." The blunette groaned and ran a hand through his azure locks. "I'm sorry."

"What were you afraid of?" Ren tried not to sound too reproachful this time.

"I don't know." Horokeu shrugged and his lips twisted into a wry half-smile. "How mad you'd be? How you might react?" Ren wanted to retort that it was stupid of Horokeu to make any assumptions. But he didn't. Because he remembers last time, he reacted exactly the way the blunette had probably dreaded. Last time, he proved that Horokeu had every reason to be afraid.

"... _Are_ you mad?" The question came out like the bluenette wasn't sure if he really wanted to know. Ren heaved a breath and narrowed his eyes so as not to give away what that sad face really did to him.

"I'm mad that you ran off and just left me hanging like that. And I'm mad that I had to be the one to find you when it should've been the other way around. And if you're wondering about the kiss," Horokeu's spine tensed at the word but Ren went on like he didn't even notice the slight tint in his cheeks. "I'm not mad about that."

"Wait, you're not?" Horokeu blinked at Ren.

"I'm not saying it's actually ok to go around kissing people who are sleeping. Despite what the fairy tales say."

"I'm sorry, did you just compare yourself with fairy tale princesses?" A giggle sputtered out of Horokeu.

"Watch it, baka Horo." Ren hissed and the giggling ceased with his glare. "The point is, I was mad about everything else. But I didn't mind...that." But he stumbled on the word that suddenly slipped from him, like the meaning of it was finally sinking in.

"You...you didn't?" Horokeu blinked again, more focused on the meaning of everything Ren just said. Ren just shrugged at him, averting his nervous gaze like he was refusing to answer the older teen. That was answer enough.

"Um...wow." Horokeu breathed after a short pause and added, "And here I thought all of Hell will break loose."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I mean, you're the guy that turned down Hao."

"What does he have anything to do with this?" The edge in Ren's voice was enough to know how annoyed he was to hear who of all people was being brought into this conversation.

"He doesn't." Horokeu said quickly but continued to explain uneasily. "I'm just saying, he's _that_ guy."

"That guy?" Ren scrunched his nose and made Horokeu sigh at all the cluelessness showing in his eyes.

"You know, that guy that can have anyone he wants. I mean, except you. So it just makes me wonder, you know?"

"No, I don't know." Ren raised a brow, not caring that his stare was making Horokeu shift so awkwardly in his seat as he added, "enlighten me."

"You want me to spell it out for you? Ren, you turned down Hao Asakura. How am I supposed to think I stand a chance?"

"Unbelievable!" Ren huffed and looked at Horokeu with something like disgust in his eyes. "You honestly believe I'm that shallow?"

"No!" Horokeu could barely hold back the shame that icy gold stare made him feel. "But—" The blunette suddenly closed his lips, tightly sealing away whatever justification he had in mind. Ren opened his mouth but before he could say anything, the older teen grabbed his arm and pressed a hand over his mouth. Ren uttered a muffled sound but Horokeu put a finger over his own still-tightly closed lips. Ren's brows frowned in protest, silently demanding an explanation. But all he got from the other were onyx eyes shifting to look towards the blanket of vines they were behind. And then Ren heard it too. The firm sound of shoes on hard flooring. Closer. Closer.

**To be continued…**


	25. Almost

Horokeu looked at Ren again, giving him a single nod. Ren returned it with a slow nod, his wide eyes already enough to confirm he understood. His mouth still went bone dry as the blunette lowered his hand. They weren't sure if they successfully kept their breathing soundless with their hammering heartbeats getting in the way. But a light flashed and both boys clenched their teeth to keep their hearts from jumping out of their mouths. They dare not move as the light grew, and from between the leaves, they were able to make out a male figure. Judging from the uniform, it was school security holding a flashlight. And judging from his movements that were lazy with routine and boredom, he was most likely just making his usual rounds. He took a swift glance around the place, hardly making any real use of the flashlight, and turned away from the vines with a loud yawn. The unnoticed boys eased as his lazy footsteps drew further away until they heard the faint closing of the door.

"Shit!" Horokeu breathed and pressed his palms over his eyes. "That was way too close!"

"We need to leave." Ren huffed an irritated breath to stress how much he meant it and started to get on his feet.

"Wait." But a hand took his and pulled him back. Ren almost let his lips curl into a low growl when he was forced to sit back down. But he practically froze to what his eyes caught first.

"Before we go," Horokeu began, his hand still holding Ren's. The awkward waver in his voice sent something down Ren's spine. Or maybe it was his eyes, which the smaller one didn't know what to make of. Somewhat timid, somewhere tentative.

"What?" Ren somehow mustered his voice, which came out sounding just as unsettled.

"When you said...you don't mind," Horokeu finally started again, chewing at his lip a little. His eyes shifted, unable to hold the gaze. It took Ren a short moment to understand he was referring to their conversation from earlier. And it made his heart stumble a beat. Horokeu didn't even realize his fingers were still wrapped around Ren's hand, and Ren couldn't find his voice to tell him as his face got hot.

"Does that mean...I can do it again?" The blunette's throat bobbed and he managed to look at Ren again. Ren felt the heat in his face rise. All he could do was blink, still unable to find his voice. His silence made something pass through Horokeu's eyes and the Ainu looked down as his fingers around Ren's hand loosened.

"I take it that means no." As if refusing to let his hand make its retreat, this time it was Ren's fingers that gripped back.

"I-I never said that, baka Horo!" Panic made Ren's words come out in a loud rush. Outright stunned by it, Horokeu's eyes widened slightly. Ren felt a whole new blitz of heat course through his cheeks, to his ears. And he knew he couldn't hold back the color it brought out once he felt Horokeu grip his fingers again.

"So...is that a yes?" Horokeu's voice picked up a different tone that sounded something like hopeful. The Ainu drew closer to Ren, trying to peer into his honey gold eyes, not caring that the younger male turned his blush stained face away. Ren flinched when Horokeu's free hand cupped his hot cheek and gently made him face the blunette again. But he didn't say anything, as if waiting for the smaller one to respond, an almost teasing smile hinting his lips.

"D-Did I say no...baka Horo?" Ren repeated the crude insult like he wanted it to cancel out how quiet and shaken his voice came out. A soft chuckle sounded from Horokeu as he moved his free hand to the back of Ren's neck. Ren's eyes shuddered shut as the blunette pulled him in closer until their lips closed the gap between them. There was a soft sound as the Ainu drew away, only to capture Ren's mouth again in another angle. Ren's body clenched when those lips parted and he felt a tongue glide between his lips, requesting access. Ren carefully parted his lips and allowed the tongue to slip in, letting his own slide against it as their mouths moved. Slow and yet ravenous, it was enough to make Ren forget how close they were to getting caught just seconds ago, that they were still sitting in front of a clear glass wall. Sweet and tantalizing enough to make his mind buzz numb, to let go of logic. He just focused on those lips and that greedy wet tongue. The stirring ripple that swept over his skin. The throbbing heat dripping down his spine and pooling in his core.

Horokeu leaned in further and Ren let him lie him down on the floor, snaking his arms around the blunette's neck so their lips won't let go. So he can bring him down with him. But Horokeu's hands took Ren's and pried them off from the back of his neck. He pinned them on the floor at the sides of Ren's head as his mouth pulled away from Ren's, and lifted himself to loom over the smaller male. Ren watched him with lulled eyes, absently thinking about how the moonlight brought out the azure in his hair and the depth of his onyx eyes. And then he wasn't thinking about any of that anymore when he saw Horokeu's tongue peak out and slide over his lip, as if to get the last bit of the smaller one's taste that now glossed his lips. And his eyes held those gold pools as if asking for more. Begging for it. The utter intensity of that silent craving had Ren's body thrumming.

One hand interlaced fingers with Ren and the other let go to sweep under his shirt. Ren felt the hem being pushed up and exposing his torso as cool palms and fingers moved over it, nails grazing the muscles it traced. Onyx eyes following the trail like they wanted to learn them too. Ren couldn't tell if it was his own skin or the hand that got warmer the more it explored and learned the exact spots that made him shudder. His breath hitched with a startled twitch when a nail flicked at a nipple. A grin appeared across Horokeu's face, wickedly satisfied at what he had earned himself. And then it was gone when Ren yanked him down by the shirt with his free hand and recaptured his mouth. When he let go he had stolen the grin and turned it into his own arrogant smirk. The corners of Horokeu's mouth tugged and his eyes flared wildly with whatever intentions Ren had ignited. He leaned in and Ren waited for those lips, fully intent on finding out those intentions.

And then a high-pitched ringing ripped through the silence.

Both boys froze to the sound that made them close their lips that were barely an inch apart. Their faces began to burn with a different kind of heat, one that made Horokeu move off from Ren in an awkward, rigid motion while avoiding to look at him. He crossed his legs as he sat next to the smaller male, facing his back to him so he still won't have to look at him. Ren sat up, also unable to look at the other, and reached into his pocket where the loud ringing sounded. He peered at the lit up screen of his phone and cupped a palm over his face.

"We need to go." Peppered with how serious he was this time, Ren got on his feet while managing a leveled voice. Despite how his mind raced when he also confirmed the time his phone indicated. Horokeu didn't object this time, picking up his school bag as he also got up. But he flicked his brow at Ren who didn't even attempt to take the call or hang up, letting it continue to ring in his hand until it eventually stopped. A 'one missed call' notification appeared on the glowing screen but Ren slipped it back in his pocket without so much as another glance at it.

"You're not even going to call back?"

"It's just Hao..." Ren shrugged at Horokeu's genuine curiosity and added, "I'll see him when I get back anyway." The Tao somehow still managed an aloofness in his tone even though the truth was, he couldn't think of anything to say to Hao right at this moment. At least nothing good enough to keep his roommate from prying. He wasn't even sure if he could make a sentence without stumbling on each word. And now he was going to have to think up something in the minutes he had while they headed out and back to their dorms.

"Hey," Horokeu's voice made Ren whirl around. They had reached the forked path that would lead them to their respective dormitories, Ren about to go left while expecting Horokeu to go right. The blunette hadn't said anything the whole way, and neither had Ren, the latter assuming that was how they will end the night. Ren couldn't even bring himself to really look at Horokeu since they left the greenhouse. But now that Horokeu was asking for his attention, hesitant as it was, he realized that that wasn't how the Ainu wanted to end the night. Ren waited, silently taking in the hesitating blue-haired male and understanding that he must have finally mustered the nerve to say something before they put the day behind them.

"Thanks for my stuff...See you at school." From the way Horokeu dragged his hand through his azure hair, Ren could tell that's not what he meant to say. But he was unsure about how to respond. Unsure about what Horokeu was fumbling to say, where it was going. So he still waited, maintaining the patience in his gaze.

"...We still doing lunch?" Ren blinked at the hopeful ring of the blunette's question.

"...Yeah." He nodded after a short pause, and attempted some sort of casualness as he added, "yeah, lunch too. As usual."

"As usual." Horokeu also said, the words making him grin ear to ear. Like that was all he needed for some sort of reassurance. Ren wondered if that was relief that shone in his eyes. And if it was... he can understand. Because Ren can feel himself easing to something like comfort in knowing he wasn't the only one that wanted to believe whatever they had between them was worth keeping. Regardless of what it had changed into. So they said their goodbye's, holding on to that.

The minutes it took to get from the greenhouse to his dormitory was not enough time for Ren to figure out what he was going to say to Hao. He had hoped his roommate would be gone like he usually was on the weekends, but he chewed on his lip when he eyed the lit up window of his dorm. He probably should have figured out that much when he received the call from him. And since after curfew the building's doors were locked, and attempting to open it will trigger the alarm, Ren had to climb the tree Hao usually used when he returned from his routine outings. As Ren shifted on the large branch and jumped through the open window with calculated grace, he wondered if the school will ever figure out little faults in their system like this one. Hao watched him from his bed, absently thinking about how his entrance reminded him of a cat, his eyes bored and expectant. Ren returned the scrutiny with a cold glare of indifference.

"What was the call for, Hao?"

"Because you were gone when it was way past curfew." Hao countered in a hiss, getting off his bed and crossing the room in a slow, prowling movement as if to corner Ren. The Tao didn't falter, didn't let anything pass over his features under that sharp stare. He just returned it with his own unflinching stare and smirk that assumed the arrogance he was so good at.

"Says the guy who's _always_ coming back _exactly_ like this. Except much later." There was a small twitch in Hao's jaw in response to Ren's snippy sarcasm.

"Where were you? I was this close to report you missing."

"Didn't you say we were going to stay out of each other's business?"

"Last time you slept in like you did today, you were..." Hao let out a low growl in his frustrated effort to find the right words. "You looked like shit." His chestnut eyes narrowed at what he had to settle for. "So I came back to check on you only to find you gone." Guilt flitted in Ren's eyes for a short moment as he understood that was why his roommate was back so early, why he made the unusual phone call.

"Where were you?" Hao pushed again, but Ren waved a dismissive hand at him as he tried to walk around his roommate. He was stopped by a hand grabbing his elbow.

"For fuck's sake, Hao!" Ren seethed and tried to jerk his arm out of the clutch.

"What were you doing?" Ren stopped, the question clamoring loudly in his head.

"Nothing!" The smaller male said and resumed twisting his arm to struggle free, to hide the panic. But it was too late. And he inwardly cursed himself for remembering. For letting himself remember just because of a mere question. And he cursed himself for thinking about what might have happened if Hao hadn't made that call. And Ren knew it showed. He knew it showed because he couldn't stop the heat rising to his face. And Hao saw it.

"Wait." Hao cocked his head like he found something.

"Hao, let go of me." Ren jerked his arm again, as he could see the brunette's attention shifting, the growing fascination in those eyes.

" _Who_ were you with?" Hao tried out the question and he knew it was the right one to ask. The way Ren struggled harder in sheer desperation made the corners of his mouth perk. He suddenly opened his fingers to release Ren, the smaller teen almost falling on his rear end had he not grabbed the edge of the coffee table. Ren's lips curled to bare his teeth at him, but Hao just chuckled lowly. Ren knew fully well that Hao would just take anything he says and find some way to further feed his amusement. So the smaller teen turned away and treaded into the shower room, slamming the door behind him. Facing his back to the door, the back of his teeth bit down on the bitter taste of his inability to throw off Hao while the brunette makes him retreat to the only refuge available to him in this damn place they had to share. Ren unclenched his fists that turned his knuckles pale, and pressed his palms over his face that was still hot, still cursing himself. It was an effort to keep those curses from bursting out loud.

"And to think I was waiting here, worried sick about you." Hao's voice crooned through the door, and Ren withstood the primal urge to throw a fist at him through the wood.

"Leave the window unlocked." Hao added after a short pause. Ren listened to the familiar squeak of the said window being closed, never relieved to hear it like he is now. Even without having to deal with Hao, everything else that happened that day had already left Ren spent. He only barely had the will left to take a shower to unwind his tightened nerves, and that was all he needed to let go of consciousness the moment his body hit his bed.

**To be continued…**


	26. Part 1: What’s Next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ: So this chapter turned out to be so long that I decided to divide it into four parts to make it easier to read. And each part will be uploaded for four consecutive days. Meaning, I'll post part 1 today, part 2 tomorrow, etc. Just a heads up so I won't confuse anyone into thinking a miracle happened where I get four chapters done at once.  
> And also want to mention: It has been one whole year since I started this fic! Wow! Looks like I really put the 'slow' in slow burn! Which makes me all the more grateful for everyone who stuck by and kept reading. I think we can all say that 2020 has been a dumpster fire of a year. But all of your support has kept me going! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!

**Part 1: What's Next**

Ren didn't even know when Hao had returned but the brunette was back and ready to go by the time he awoke for school. He wondered when the brunette ever got any sleep or how he got any assignments done, but he didn't bother to say anything to his roommate as he went through his morning routine. Hao simply waited in silence, his smirk not in the least apologetic but also not intending to test him like he did last night. But Ren could feel that stare and he refused to acknowledge it, his small form simmering with warning.

By the time they were leaving homeroom, Ren had gotten over his soreness towards Hao. Or rather, he had forgotten about it because something else was occupying his mind on his way to first period. He had to pause at the doorway because it festered fiercely at just the sight of his blue hair. He had to pretend to be looking for seats that weren't taken yet, wondering if it's possible to be so eager to see someone and then dread it at the same time. He crossed the room wondering if he managed to keep a straight face.

Ren realized he should have put more thought into which seat to choose now that he sees how much of a mistake it was to sit next to Horokeu. Being so close to the blunette made him conscious of his presence like a calling that stroked his skin and reached in to make him feel the pull from the inside. Subtle and yet loud enough to feel the tug in his bones. Just knowing that he was right there, in arm's length, made him itch so badly he didn't know how to explain the irrational gravity of it. Having the Ainu in his peripheral made it that much harder not to look at him. Even when he could've sworn there had been moments those obsidian eyes were on him.

Each small, fleeting moment he felt the Ainu's eyes he had to fight harder—and each time failed to resist returning them with his own glances. And each time he took a swift gander, he'd confirm he didn't imagine it as he caught Horokeu dart his own onyx pair away to the front of the classroom or the notes laid before him. But he couldn't hide the faint tint in his cheeks. And as if they were contagious, Ren would feel the heat in his own face. And then the rest of him. It's not that Ren really wanted to ignore Horokeu. He just didn't know what would happen if he didn't. Because like Horokeu, none of the lesson was reaching him. Each time he had given in and chanced a glimpse, he was back at that garden in the glass walls. And he remembered the moonlight bouncing off of his azure locks. The scent of him. The texture of his hands and how they set him on fire.

Ren snapped his face away and looked down at his notes, even though he knew he had barely written anything. He bit his lip as his eyes kept jumping to and from his paper to the blackboard up front, trying to fill his head with the numbers so they can shove out the images. He tried to will it all out before they would make him ache. That just about summed up first period for Ren and he managed to get through it without losing his inner battle. Luckily for him, other classes that he didn't share with Horokeu went by like they would any other day.

Lunch was something else entirely. Ren sat next to Hao and the window, very intentionally so his roommate can sit between him and Horokeu. He wasn't making the same mistake he made this morning in first period. Especially since this was nothing like taking a class with the blue-haired teen. At least in a class there was a lesson he could try to focus on, try to busy himself with notes. Here in their usual empty room that Hao somehow had access to, all Ren had to distract himself with was food. But the young Tao couldn't recover his appetite since Horokeu showed up at the cafeteria, so it didn't even matter what he purchased at the deli. The taste barely reached him as he numbly chewed. And without anyone speaking, their soft chewing was the only sound existing in the room, making the whole situation all the more unbearable.

"I have to make a call." Hao stood with his phone. Ren's spine stiffened as he looked to his roommate with a sort of alarm in his eyes. He already knew Hao was aware of the tension between him and Horokeu, that he had remained silent anyway, in spite of that awareness. And as if to confirm it, the brunette took a subtle glance at Ren. But he dismissed the silent plea by facing him his back and walking towards the door, and Ren's lips tightened to a fine line. Saying anything to stop him, to tell him to stay, would mean admitting to whatever Hao may be suspecting. Ren didn't even know how he would deny it. What would he say it was instead?

He watched the Asakura go out and the door close.

Silence. Crushing silence.

Both boys kept facing forward like there was something to look at on the blank blackboard ahead of them. Even though the other's presence pressed on their skin like midsummer's hot humid air. Their bones shook to their hearts' kicking, making it harder to breathe. Making it harder to look at the source of it. Ren bit down on the straw of his milk carton, gnawing at it like the awareness that chewed at him. He knew this wasn't one-sided. He could see from the corner of his eyes the way Horokeu was shifting in his chair, further feeding his annoyance. This was going nowhere.

"So," Ren began and pretended he didn't notice Horokeu jump to the sound of his voice being directed at him—the first time today. "That night." He simply said, giving it an edge with his reluctance to bring it up. His lips twisted in his inability to properly finish the sentence. But what was he going to do? Act like it never happened? There was a hesitated pause before Horokeu responded with some apprehension.

"...What about it?"

"I don't know." Ren sighed in his honesty. "Do you want to keep avoiding the subject?"

"...What'd you want me to say?" Ren finally faced Horokeu, his golden glare so sharp Horokeu grimaced like he was singed by fire.

"Never mind," was all Ren muttered, his voice surprisingly leveled even as he almost looked like he had more to say. Horokeu was unable to find it in himself to ask what. Ren's jaws clenched to that incapable silence. He wasn't sure if that was guilt or something else in the onyx eyes that went slightly downcast. But it made something cold and unforgiving roil in the amber eyes that sized up the blunette with one long hard look. And then Ren slowly turned away from the blunette to let his eyes wander out the window. As if there was anything to see out there. Even if there was, he doubted he could see it. He could barely see passed his raging storm clouds. And he could hear the blunette lax to a small breath after breaking free from his scrutiny.

_What'd you want me to say?_

The question snagged at Ren and it wasn't just because he didn't know how to answer it. Last time he had to hear that from Horokeu, last time the blunette asked him that exact question—that was his response when Ren confronted him for the truth because he didn't want to believe what he heard at the only tutor session Hao joined. And now he did it again. Words failed him, his voice failed him to answer Horokeu so Ren just faced the window, staring out at nothing. He didn't even realize how long he had been sitting there like that until the bell rang to end lunch and Hao came waltzing back in. At the end of the day all three of them shared Silva's class and it was like first period except with Hao sitting between the other two like he did at lunch. The first time it's ever happened.

"Ok so am I supposed to not say anything about how weird you guys are being?" Ren gave Hao a sidelong look as they made their way down the hall to their class. He didn't respond because of all the other students within earshot distance. They had just come from lunch, which meant they had been with Horokeu until a few minutes ago. So he knew what the brunette was talking about. He and Horokeu had been...weird, as Hao put it...since Monday and it was now Thursday. The three may only share one class but they had lunch every day for the Asakura to see for himself what their status was. To give him reason to ask.

"I hope you don't think you guys are being subtle." Hao continued with a scoff, disregarding Ren's silence. "Because that's not subtle. Subtle is when you pretend to make a call while leaving two people alone to let them talk and sort out whatever they need to sort out." Hao let out a snort. "I see what good that did since you still need me to be the wall."

"Not now, Hao." Ren sighed, unable to find the energy to even deny he knew what Hao was talking about. He knew that would only give his roommate more ammunition but he didn't even care. He was already so drained he wasn't sure if he would last what's left of the week. Hao rolled his eyes, clearly unsatisfied by Ren's lack of effort to even put up a decent argument.

"What'd you guys do when I'm not around anyway?"

"Not. Now." Ren hissed the same warning again, his lacking enthusiasm enough to get Hao to shut up with a shrug. Also because they've reached their class. Neither boy said anything else as they took their seats.

Ren was unsure about how to name his mood as he slacked in his chair. He and Horokeu haven't brought up what happened at the greenhouse since Monday, so some part of him was relieved that Hao didn't really know what he was asking about. But the fact that Hao felt like he needed to intervene anyway, subtly as it was, still concerned him. And then for him to ask about it again today? It concerned him that he and Horokeu were still that obvious, especially since the initial awkwardness from Monday had subsided to what Ren thought was something less crippling; they were back to talking, at least. Then again, if Ren really thought about it, that was only because they still had Hao sit between them and do most of the talking, to keep any conversation started and going. Ren and Horokeu barely made any direct exchanges, and they still avoided even touching the greenhouse. They didn't even have their routine arguments that usually annoyed Hao—It's no wonder he was so curious. Their so-called conversations were totally superficial. The silence might as well still exist.

And it still existed by Friday. First period was still a raging war with himself for Ren; without Hao there to be a wall, Ren still couldn't look at Horokeu without that inner pull screaming for the blunette. He might even think it's getting worse—this morning he woke up writhing in his sheets, giving him something else to avoid thinking about. Perhaps he shouldn't have let it drag out this long.

_What'd you want me to say?_

Ren bit down on the rippling agitation as he thought about how well it went the last time he tried to do something. Why did he say that like he was making it Ren's choice? Didn't he have anything to say in all of this? Is he trying to say he didn't know what he wanted? Or that he just didn't care?

The questions just piled, none of them being answered. Just floating in all this virtual silence that the two have built around themselves. Ren wasn't sure if he wanted to keep pretending not to hear them echoing within himself. But he was more unsure about echoing them out loud. He didn't know if he wanted to find out what would happen.

"So, Usui-san, what're you doing this weekend?" Hao's voice sent Ren's train of thoughts into a crash and the Tao turned his head at the brunette. Horokeu's eyes slowly shifted to the teen that addressed him, a coy smile directed at the Ainu. After a short, uncertain pause, Horokeu quirked a brow.

"...Why?" The blunette drawled, and Hao chuckled at his unfiltered apprehension.

"I'm just wondering." Hao said coolly as he propped his chin on a fist, smirk still intact. "I know you and Ren always hang out but if you guys don't have anything planned this weekend, maybe you and me could—"

"No!" Heads snapped his way with wide eyes and Ren closed his lips tight into a fine line. "I-I mean," he faltered as his face went into a blaze, the flustered heat making it harder to keep his own words from clogging his throat.

"We already have plans." Calm words sliced through the choking air and Ren blinked at whom they came from. Hao also looked back at the boy sitting next to him.

"Really?" Hao mused in feigned shock as he turned back to Ren, who felt himself clam up again. But then he caught the gaze Horokeu was secretly sending him from next to Hao. The blunette sent him a quick wink, a corner of his mouth tugged slightly upward. Ren felt his heart settle down, and he recovered a steady voice when he replied,

"Yea, we have plans."

"Oh?" Hao raised a brow, seeming somewhat surprised—or impressed—by how quickly Ren regained his composure. He turned to Horokeu again who switched his face back to neutral, and once more looked at Ren who returned it with a look that dared the Asakura to question anything.

"Too bad." The brunette simply stated with a shrug and went back to finishing his lunch. And so did the other two boys he sat between. Ren eased a breath too quiet to be heard, ignoring the stare Hao was sending from the corner of his eye. _You're welcome_ , He could practically hear the brunette shrewdly whisper to him, and Ren chewed harder to drown it out. He couldn't believe how easily he walked into that and he wanted to slap his palm on his face. But Hao didn't sit between the two boys in Silva's class that day. And Ren received a text in the middle of the lesson.

_So this weekend for real?_

Ren carefully hid his phone as he read over the message, and sent a response before giving Silva a chance to catch him.

_Unless you want to call it off_

There was a small snort, and Ren moved his eyes to steal a glance at the blue-haired teen next to him. Gold met with onyx. Then gold shifted back to the phone's screen as another message was received.

_R u kidding?_

Ren put a hand over his mouth to hold back the laugh. And he could hear a quiet chuckle next to him.

"Mr. Usui, did I mention anything funny?" Came Silva's voice and Horokeu straightened in his chair.

"No, sir, nothing funny at all." The blunette rushed his words, shoving his phone back in his pocket. The giggles that bubbled from the rest of the class made Silva frown as he eyed the blunette for a short moment, then ordered the class to settle down. He then gave Horokeu a final warning that he will face detention if he catches him being distracted again. The blunette muttered that he understood, resisting his urge to scowl at Ren who was stifling a laugh next to him.

They were on the first bus the next morning, and it was like every other Saturday morning bus. All the other kids couldn't wait to make something out of their weekend. Laughter, excited chatter, and horseplay buzzed all around in the crammed space. But Horokeu and Ren hardly exchanged full sentences. Ren focused on the moving scene outside the window, focused on the steady rhythm of the bus' rolling tires to steady his heart. The train ride was no different. But when they exited the station Ren headed straight to the street and picked up a taxi, making Horokeu follow him.

"Where're we going?" Horokeu finally got the chance to ask when they climbed into the backseat and the doors on either side of them shut.

"To my sister's." Ren's response was flat enough to mean it wasn't up for debate. The smaller male then started to talk to the driver about their destination. And although it was the last place Horokeu would expect Ren to even suggest, he didn't bother to say anything else, not even to tell him he didn't mean to debate anything. He just watched everything outside the window as the car moved, this time to get a better memory of how to get where they're going. Just in case.


	27. Chapter 26 Part 2: Intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Looks like I’m starting the New Year with a bang...literally!

**Chapter XXVI Part 2: Intentions**

The house they entered was empty. Again.

Horokeu was about to ask if his friend's sister was always working on the weekends, and then remembered the time he asked if she ever takes a day off. Ren's answer was when she can, which he probably should have figured meant hardly ever. Then maybe he should have tried harder to get Ren to stay longer when they ran into her their last visit. If that was such a rare coincidence, maybe he should feel guilty, some sort of regret for his lack of effort. But he didn't. He didn't have room for that. Because her absence, the stillness of the empty house, the silence surrounding them, all meant something that pressed on him and it didn't leave room to think about anything else.

They were alone.

That was all it took. The silence only amplified his heartbeat and the stillness magnified its tremor. And as Ren turned around Horokeu could see him open his mouth like he was about to say something. Or maybe he was just reacting to the realization that the blunette had grabbed his wrist. It didn't matter. Horokeu pulled Ren in and covered that slightly agape mouth with his own. He leaned in for more, making Ren grip his forearms but he still had to step back so he won't fall over. The smaller male's knees wobbled to the unexpected kiss, the eagerness of it. But instead of giving in to return it, he pulled away, thrusting himself against the wall behind him. The dull thud made the blunette open his eyes and see that the gold pair staring at him were wide.

"S-Sorry!" Horokeu took a step back in a fluster, the realization of his one-sided act causing his face to go deep red instantly. "I-It's just, I thought... no one's home...and I thought..."

"It's ok," Ren held up a hand, looking away because he could feel heat blooming on his cheeks, too. "Don't worr—" He swallowed because he was about to sound like Horokeu did need to apologize when he already knew he didn't. "I thought we could..." He thought they could just talk. Sort out what they wanted to do. He thought this house would be perfect for what he thought they would discuss because it's the only place that could offer the absolute privacy it required. It was the only place they could be safe from any risks of running into anyone they knew, especially anyone from school. But he sees how those factors have confused Horokeu, how he had misinterpreted Ren's intentions.

Or had he?

Ren paused and looked at Horokeu who was now pacing the floor, too busy shaking his head to notice Ren's attention. And as Ren watched the Ainu, watched his bewildered face and how it was still bright with blush, he wondered. What had he intended? By bringing Horokeu here, what did he want to discuss? What did he want to say? What did he want to hear? What was he expecting by bringing him to a place they both knew they'd have to themselves?

What was he hoping for?

By the time he reached that question he was the one reaching out. He wondered why he was even asking any of those questions because the answer was right there. And he took the other male's face into his hands, making him stop all his pacing, making him face him, and pressed their lips. It was Horokeu's turn to be taken off guard by the all too spontaneous movement, and in his stunned reaction to it he pulled his face away. But Ren held that onyx gaze, narrowing his amber eyes as he drew his face close again until he nipped on the blunette's bottom lip, giving him a silent command in the form of a soft wet sound. A command the Ainu could only oblige, and they locked their lips again.

Ren's hands slid to the back of Horokeu's neck, and his arms pulled him in closer until their bodies pressed. His fingers slid into blue hair so their lips won't let go, almost making it hard for the bluenette to reach down to the other's knees. Ren hooked his legs around Horokeu's waist as the Ainu lifted him, and he moved to the stairs. Ren could feel Horokeu between his thighs, his firm torso rubbing against him as the blunette carried him up the stairs. The Ainu took each step carefully to ensure he didn't drop Ren, making Ren narrow his brows to how achingly slow and soft the friction was. The smaller one increased the movement of his lips and his tongue to urge him faster. Again, Horokeu could only oblige, could only return the fervor.

Neither boys were willingly letting go of the other's lips, not for the whole trip Horokeu carried Ren up the stairs, not while he walked through his open door to his room, and not even as he lowered the younger male at the edge of his bed. They reluctantly broke their kiss to pull off each other's shirts, which were only in the way now. The garments were tossed randomly without a single thought for where. And as they made their landing, Horokeu moved over Ren to capture his mouth again. Ren backed up on his bed, making the blunette move along with him as their lips rubbed against each other. Once they had come far enough on the mattress, Ren snaked his arms around Horokeu's neck again to pull him down on top of him as he fell back, shuddering to the feel of his bare skin pressed against his.

Amber eyes snapped open when hands grabbed Ren's wrists and pinned them down on the mattress. Horokeu's tongue slid out of Ren's mouth and the Ainu kissed along his jaw until he nestled his nose behind Ren's ear, and Ren closed his eyes to the warmth of his breath. And then gasped when the blunette's tongue flicked against that same ear and dragged down his neck, azure strands tickling its trail. An unintended moan shook out of Ren when he was surprised by teeth slightly gnawing at the delicate flesh. A deep, devilish chuckle sounded from Horokeu's throat and he let go of one of Ren's wrists. Ren felt his fingers trail down his arm to his shoulder, the nails graze over his collarbone. A pinch at his nipple made Ren buck his hip and he bit his lip to keep himself from letting anymore unintended sounds from slipping out. Another low chuckle rumbled out of Horokeu and Ren would've snapped at him. If it weren't for that mouth encircling his other nipple. Ren's body jolted twice as Horokeu's tongue pressed and his lips sucked, and his fingers played on the other side. He grabbed for Horokeu's shoulder to make him move but the blunette still had his other wrist and his attempt only encouraged the older male.

"... Horo...Horo..." Ren managed to muster between ragged breaths.

"What's wrong?" Horokeu teased as his mouth finally released Ren, one of its corners tugged upward crookedly. Ren glared down at him but his flushed cheeks hardly made him convincing. As if to prove it, Horokeu held that heated gaze as he moved his face to lay another kiss.

"Or maybe," the blunette drawled and kissed below the wet nipple.

"Maybe," he kissed again lower.

"You,"

Kiss.

"Need,"

Kiss

"Me,"

Kiss

"Somewhere,"

Kiss

"Else."

Kiss

Horokeu pressed a kiss on warmed skin between each word, making sure Ren heard each one. And Ren watched him, not even caring that both of his wrists were free as he moved lower. He just focused on how those lips felt, the sounds they were making. And when they stopped, he could only focus on the sound of this belt buckle and the hands that curled their fingers over the hem of his pants. He couldn't give one lucid thought to how willingly he raised his hips as they were tugged off.

He couldn't think at all when Horokeu took his length into a hand and dragged his tongue up the shaft then rolled it over the tip before wrapping his lips over it. The Ainu held Ren's overwhelmed stare with his obsidian gaze that dared him to watch him take it all in. But golden eyes clamped shut like he couldn't believe it was really happening, even though he could feel himself being taken deeper into the hot cavity. A deep moan uttered from Ren as he felt the walls close around him and he couldn't stop his back from arching as Horokeu moved his tongue against him. As Ren writhed against the wet muscle he reached down until he had the blue-haired head in his hands. Ren's hardness went in and out of Horokeu's mouth as the Ainu moved up and down with his hands, like he was obeying Ren's silent commands. His obedience earned him another strained moan.

A small sound of protest came from Ren when he felt Horokeu's mouth release him completely. He slowly blinked at the ceiling, as he remained on his back, too foggy in the mind to bother to look at Horokeu or to even ask him why he stopped. But moments later he let out an unprepared yelp when a wet sensation touched him. He couldn't look because of exactly where he felt it. Feeling the Ainu focus on that spot, the mere idea that he was touching him there, made Ren's face burn to his ears and he had to keep his eyes on the ceiling. He was caught off guard by the finger that started its way into his entrance, and his body clenched with a jolt. And as if taking that for some sign of distress, Horokeu's mouth took in his length again almost immediately. The blunette's finger went in slowly but Ren still squeezed his eyes shut to the slight discomfort, even though it wasn't as bad as he probably made Horokeu think it was. His brows narrowed as another finger was added and the digits moved. Centering his focus on how it felt in the Ainu's mouth did make it easier. The same movement of his mouth and tongue from earlier made him shudder.

Ren didn't realize how distracted he was until Horokeu's digits pressed against a certain spot. An electrical wave washed over his skin and the overwhelming sensation made him snap so far back his spine curved off the mattress. Horokeu's hand stopped and he let Ren slip out of his mouth as he looked up. He watched Ren's face as his fingers remained inside.

"Here?" He pressed that spot again and something like a whimper escapes from Ren. The younger male couldn't answer him after hearing himself make such a sound, and only gave firm nods through his shiver. His body jumped as Horokeu gave another push, this time harder, as if to say he wanted to hear him say it.

"Yes!" Ren breathed and the loud desperation of the sound made him bite his lip. He closed his eyes and turned away from Horokeu, not wanting to see the look on the face that was watching him. And then he felt it. Ren let out a faint grunt as a third finger slid inside. It didn't hurt; it was just the pressure that had him clenching his jaws. And the movement. He could feel the three digits moving—stretching him. And then he felt them slide out.

Ren propped himself up by his elbows as Horokeu backed up off the bed. The blunette pulled out a condom from his back pocket and held a corner of the small square package between his teeth as he undid his jeans. Golden heavy-lidded eyes surveyed his bare torso, tracing the lines etched by firm muscles and followed them down to the curve of his abdomen where the hem of his jeans hung low. Even as he itched for the Ainu, he noticed how his movements were nervous—anxious. Ren took his eyes to the other's face and wondered if it was because he was watching or because the blunette couldn't wait either.

Amber cat-like eyes blinked the same time jeans fell with a soft rustle. Ren couldn't stop them from dipping down. His stomach clinched at the sight of Horokeu's thick, proudly erected length, his heart racing in that instant. The temperature rose too quickly as he watched fingers position the condom over the tip and unroll it. Ren heard himself swallow and he hoped Horokeu didn't—It was an effort to keep himself from telling the blunette to hurry up. But the way Horokeu moved to the bed again, taking Ren's knees to push them back while he prowled over the smaller body, Ren knew he wasn't the only one who was done with waiting.

Horokeu looked into Ren's honey gold eyes as he moved over him. He pushed slowly, carefully, and Ren felt him gradually make his way in deeper. And then he was inside completely with one last push that made Ren suck in a sharp breath. Ren's eyes shuddered shut and he clutched the sheets as he was made aware of the blunette's size. A deeply pleasured moan made him lift his eyelids again and he was looking up at the blue-haired boy who loomed above and still stared down at him. But now his eyes stared back with a look that wasn't quite there before, a look honed from absolute unfiltered carnal desire. Ren was unsure if he could believe he was really making Horokeu look like that.

"You ok?" Ren could only nod to the whisper that held the same fever in his eyes. "Then, can I…?" Horokeu's brows narrowed and Ren was awestruck. He realized the blunette was holding the position to let the smaller male get used to the feel—and now he waited for permission. How much he wanted to take this further was obvious enough, Ren could literally see how much the craving made him ache to move inside him. And yet he fought the raw urge to wait on Ren's readiness. The knowledge of that made Ren ache too—Didn't he know he ached for him too? He reached up to Horokeu, his response in the kiss he pulled him into.

Their mouths muffled the sound Ren made when Horokeu pressed against that spot he found earlier with his fingers, and Ren's brows furrowed as he tightened with each slow push. Horokeu pulled out of the kiss and went upright as he spread Ren's legs wide for full access. And it was like he wasn't going to let Ren feel embarrassed about it as he thrust against that sweet spot again and again and again. All Ren could do was grab fistfuls of the sheets as he threw his head back to scream the Ainu's name.

Ren had squeezed his eyes shut so he didn't see Horokeu lean in until the blunette had covered his mouth again, like he wanted to swallow his screams. Hovering over him like that, pushing his legs so far back that his feet were in the air, there was a wet squelch with each of Horokeu's thrusts. The thrusts have slowed, but he slammed harder against the bundle of nerves and sent Ren's mind blown blank.

Horokeu let go of Ren's mouth again but this time the smaller male grabbed him so he couldn't pull away, even though their bodies were on fire. He wrapped his arms around the Ainu and his continuous thrusts made him dig his nails into his back that was slick with sweat. A loud moan mixed with pain and pleasure escaped out of Horokeu and he leaned in further to bury his face at the crook of Ren's neck. The blunette uttered Ren's name in a rasped breath and traced his tongue over the curves of his ear, the wet touch oddly pleasurable enough to make the younger one's spine shudder. Horokeu moaned the name again and bit at the tender flesh between his shoulder and neck. And that was it. Ren screamed Horokeu's name as he climaxed. And Horokeu gave one last hard thrust as he pushed Ren's name through his teeth and came as well.


	28. Chapter 26 Part 3: What’s-His-Face

**Chapter XXVI Part 3: What's-His-Face**

He woke up blinking at a wall, and for a second the silence had him thinking he had dreamt it all. Then it occurred to him that this wasn't his dorm. And then he felt the weight of the arm slung over his side, holding him close to the body it belonged to. Close enough for him to feel the bare chest against his bare back. The proximity of it was enough to immediately understand he didn't have to check what else was bare.

Ren carefully shifted his body and turned around to face Horokeu. The blunette didn't stir. His breathing remained undisturbed. Ren remembered the time he found him at the greenhouse last week. How he slept so soundly and unaware of Ren's awaiting eyes or anything else around him. How his sleeping face resembled something like a child. He was staring at the same face from then.

And yet, he also remembered what happened when he woke up that same day. How that face, those hands, that mouth was nothing like the innocence of any child. Just like what he had been doing with Ren before he was sleeping next to him now. How what he did sent Ren into such a daze that the Tao couldn't fully register being pulled into the blunette's arms. Sent him dazed until he couldn't care that they would fall asleep like that, so Ren could wake up to that slumbering child-like face again. Like he was trying to fool him. Or maybe he did have Ren fooled.

Because he knew what he was doing. It was in all of his little gestures. It was in the way he knew how to handle the situation in all of his actions, and in his attitude in carrying them. He knew what he was doing. Ren didn't expect him to be so…used to it.

He had also assumed Ren was a virgin. Ren wasn't sure if he expected that or not. He also wasn't sure if Horokeu had figured out that he wasn't.

Or maybe he was right for assuming it. Ren, for one, didn't have a reason to believe he would consider otherwise. In all of his memories that he's unlocked, Ren couldn't find any of him being with anyone else. But he remembers Hao's advances (and shooting it down) among them. Add to that, since he woke up in his dorm, he hasn't run into anything that even suggests he had that sort of past with anyone else. According to Horokeu and his own observations of the past few months, everyone else is too intimidated by the fact that he's a Tao to even consider approaching him like that. Of course he knew there was a chance there was still a memory he didn't unlock yet, if it did exist. But all things considered, Ren had enough reason to believe that it didn't exist. But that's just what he could say about this life that wasn't even originally his. On the other side, he didn't have to doubt anything he remembers because it was _his_ side, the side he did come from and fell (got pushed) out of before ending up here. His side that was his reason he knew Horokeu's assumption was wrong.

But despite his doubtless certainty, Ren couldn't even recall his name. Despite his faith in his memories that he knew were rightfully his, he can't even remember the last time he thought about him. But oddly enough, he remembers how they met.

Ren was lonely. In retrospect, that's what it got down to. It was one of those days he especially missed his Shaman friends and the connection he had with them. Spending every day being surrounded by his peers that he could barely relate to, making him ever more conscious of how he couldn't find that connection among any of them no matter how much he yearned for it, sent him too far on edge on some days. He met What's-his-face on one of those days. One of those days that had him regretting more than usual the particular day he rejected a certain Ainu whom he missed the most and was very, very far from getting over. Maybe that's why he approached him—it must have been a weekend because he was out in town.

It was Ren who had approached What's-his-face. He had no idea who he was when he saw him—he didn't even see his face. But he looked just like Horokeu from behind. Or at least that's what he thought at the time. He wasn't really so sure anymore. Now, all he could remember was his blue hair. But he must have resembled the Ainu enough for Ren to notice him among the crowd, to make the Tao rush up to him and grab his hand while being too choked on the name he wanted to call out. To this day Ren doesn't know how to explain that feeling—and the following devastating blow that struck him when the blue-haired head turned and he saw his face—to not see Horokeu's face.

Ren turned his body to face away from Horokeu again, not wanting to see him while he remembered What's-his-face. The memory made his brows narrow as it reminded him why he shoved it into the darkest corners of his mind. Too late now. The little bits were creeping out of the shadows they have been buried in for so long. He may not be able to recall a lot but he can still recall how What's-his-face stopped him from fleeing the scene. How his fingers gripped Ren's retreating hand and asked,

" _You ok?"_

Ren didn't know why he stayed. It wasn't like him to remain in that spot, in all that awkward embarrassment. It wasn't like him to just stand there instead of yanking out of his grip. Or maybe he did know why he didn't leave despite the heavy-handed air. It was something in that face that stared back at him. Ren felt like he saw the same disappointment. The loneliness that caused it was just so...familiar. Ren couldn't look away. And he felt like What's-his-face saw it in Ren too. Maybe they mirrored each other.

He was young. That was the next thing Ren noticed about him. Definitely not younger than Ren, but he doubted there was much of an age gap between them even if he were older. A college kid, at best. But even that felt like a stretch. Or who knows, maybe he just looked young. Ren never asked. And he didn't swat his hand away.

_"Yeah, sorry... I thought you were someone else."_ He said instead, after a pause that seemed too long, like he was giving in to his lingering incapability to just walk away. What's-his-face smiled in a way that looked like the same uneasy despair Ren was still feeling was roiling in his guts, too. He let go of Ren's hand anyway, maybe to ease the air, to let the awkwardness subside by letting Ren have the option to leave. But he also remained like the same strange instinct commanding Ren also gave him no other choice. He let out a sound too sad to be a laugh and said,

_"I thought you might be someone else too."_

Ren couldn't remember anything after that. Some internal alarm should have set him off in the other direction. But it didn't. Nothing was set off. Maybe his state of mind had messed up his sense of judgment that badly. It was messed up enough to grab a total stranger's hand, after all. Messed up enough to agree to go with him. He wasn't sure about which one of them actually came up with that idea or which one them it was that agreed to it. He couldn't even remember how the conversation led to that. He just somehow ended up at his place. And that's why Ren knew Horokeu was wrong about him. What's-his-face is the reason he knew why.

He wasn't experienced. Neither of them were. Ren didn't know if he was the first for What's-his-face like he was to Ren. He never asked. But his inexperience was obvious enough even for Ren, even after the first time. Maybe that should have been enough reason to call it off. But he didn't. Neither of them did. Even though the first time it just hurt for Ren. Maybe that didn't stop Ren because he expected it, even though he didn't know how much it'd hurt. But he didn't mind that. And after that first time, they had a pattern they followed.

They would always text first. First, a date and a time. Nothing else. It didn't matter from which one. The other just had to respond a yes or a no. That was it. It was all they needed to know because they didn't see each other for anything else. They never called.

It was always at his place. Actually, Ren didn't really know if it was his. But they never went to a hotel. Not even the cheap ones that didn't have surveillance cameras and only cared about being paid up front. Even if they knew they could walk in and out separately to avoid being seen together, still, they just couldn't risk running into anyone. So Ren would always meet him at his place. It was one of those high-end penthouses that anyone else probably would've asked how someone so young could afford to live in it alone. But Ren never asked. He just knew What's-his-face always had the place to himself whenever he went over, and that's all that mattered anyway.

They never asked questions. Ren knew next to nothing about him. How old he was. What he did for a living. If he even had a job. If that penthouse really was his. Where he came from. If he had any family. Ren never asked. He never asked whose face he was seeing whenever he was inside Ren with his eyes closed. No one asked whose face they were trying to see. Why they started. Why they kept it up. When they started to want to stop. Why they wanted to stop. Nothing. Not asking anything was part of their pattern, the rule they didn't have to go out of their way to confirm out loud. It was their 'Terms and Conditions' that they skipped over and went straight to 'Agree'. They knew next to nothing about each other because the less they knew, the better. Maybe that's why Ren had forgotten so much. Maybe it was for the better. Because they didn't need to know details. Not if they wanted to keep it simple. And for a while, it was simple. Because all they had to do was close their eyes.

If Ren closed his eyes, it was Horokeu who was on top of him, moving inside. If he never looked, it was Horokeu who was thrusting from the back. He could forget about What's-his-face, and all the reasons he grabbed his hand that day they met on the streets. As long as he closed his eyes. As long as he didn't look. And he knew What's-his-face closed his eyes too. Refused to look at Ren's face too.

They eventually got used to it. What's-his-face got better at it. But sometimes it still hurt more than it didn't. Sometimes Ren didn't climax. But none of that mattered. That wasn't why it stopped.

Ren didn't know why he kept going back to that penthouse. Why he would text back 'yes' or why he'd text a date and time then wait for a 'yes'. And he knew What's-his-face wondered too. They both knew how meaningless it was. And the more they saw each other the more they knew. The more they remembered why they agreed to their arrangement, the more they didn't know why they kept going. Because every time they were finished they'd lie on their sides, backs to each other with that little space of cold air between them. The cold that would always catch up to them, quicker than last time, even with the heater on. And yet they would always lie away from each other anyway. They pretended to sleep. They pretended they didn't notice the cold seeping into their bare forms, filling in every empty place so they can swell and remind them of the loneliness that made them and got them started. They pretended until What's-his-face got up to take a leak or whatever excuse he bothered to make up so he can leave the room to let Ren change back in his clothes. They pretended they didn't know it was so they can avoid looking at each other, so the faces they always pretended to see wasn't replaced. They pretended to be unaware of the emptiness that kept swelling as they pretended to not know they wouldn't be able to fill it.

They pretended not to notice they saw less and less of each other. The time between pretending to lie asleep and What's-his-face getting up became shorter. Ren was taking less time to get back in his clothes. The dates and times were replied with more no's than yes. And then there were less dates and times to reply to. And then it all just stopped. Like ice melting in a glass of water, Ren wasn't sure when it ended. He didn't even remember how long it lasted. Long enough to know for sure that it happened, that much he knew, at least.

But now he couldn't even remember his name. And it made him wonder if time can really break down all of those forgotten details like that, grind them down until the memory has become such little shreds that made it seem so irrelevant now. But he knew those details weren't irrelevant, at least they didn't feel like they were at the time. Because why would he have taken his hand? Why would he have followed him? Why would it have happened if they were irrelevant?

"Hey." A sleepy voice murmured and Ren was pulled out of his pile of shredded memories by the arm that belonged to the blunette who pressed his lips against the smaller male's shoulder. Ren closed his eyes to the tender touch like it was his only reminder of which side was reality. He savored the warmth that still clung to his skin. Because he realized, he wasn't even cold. He was completely naked and the heater wasn't even on, but he wasn't the least bit cold. And he didn't have to pretend with Horokeu.

What's-his-face didn't even have a condom ready on their first time. Ren had to mention it. And he never held Ren when they were done. He never kissed Ren anywhere. What's-his-face never made him want to stay. He never made him dread to leave. He never made Ren scream his name—whatever it was.

Ren wondered if he was What's-his-face to him too— He hoped so.


	29. Chapter 26 Part 4: Puppy or Wolf

**Chapter XXVI Part 4: Puppy or Wolf**

"Horo," Ren pushed the addressed male's arm out of the way as he moved his body to sit up. "Horohoro, get up." He shook the Ainu's shoulder to emphasize.

"Why?" The blunette whined and hugged a pillow to bury his face.

"Because we can't sleep here forever." Ren pressed with a firm edge to his tone that didn't even hint where his mind had been traveling to before returning to the present.

"Why noooot?" The pillow muffled Horokeu's lazy whine, making Ren sigh. The younger teen let go of his shoulder and swung his legs over the edge of his bed.

"I'm going to take a shower." Ren said over his shoulder, blatantly dismissing the older teen's rhetorical question. He locked his jaw in response to the slight discomfort in his lower half as he stood up from the bed. But other than that, he didn't let on anything as he strode across the floor to the shower room. He stopped at the doorway and looked back again, confirming that the other still didn't move. He resembled nothing less than a puppy the way he was curled up against the pillow. A very big puppy.

"If you're not up by the time I get out, I'm kicking you out of the bed." He considered himself generous for not doing so already. Not that he would kick a puppy, especially when he's all tuckered out like that. Ren rolled his eyes with a snort as he turned away, reminding himself that he needed to stop spoiling the said puppy. But when he stepped into the glass confinement he paused below the showerhead and blinked. He tried not to gag on his own train of thoughts as he grabbed the knob, not even wanting to know how he let it happen. He just hoped that it would wash away as hot water gushed out. He closed his eyes as it poured over his head and cascaded over his eyelids, trailing down his body.

Eyelids shot up to the sound of the glass door sliding open.

"Horo, what do you think you're doing!?" Ren whipped around and grabbed the wall as he almost slipped on the wet tiles. Horokeu just blinked at him like he was confused by the other's reaction.

"I thought you wanted me out of the bed." The blunette quirked a brow at Ren who grit his teeth.

"Is this necessary!?" The smaller hissed as he gestured at the Ainu who still just stood there, and added, "I just told you to get up!"

"Well, I'm up, aren't I?" Horokeu shrugged and his earnest tone made Ren put his shaking head in his palm.

"Can you at least have the decency to wait your turn?" He groaned wearily as the blunette's casual attitude drained him of the energy to yell at him anymore.

"Or we could both get done in one turn." Horokeu laughed anyway. "That'll save us some time, right?"

"Unbelievable!" Ren muttered under his breath and turned away from Horokeu, pinching the bridge of his nose as he stood below the hot shower.

"Speaking of which," Arms snaked around Ren's narrow waist before he could turn around and azure strands obstructed his peripheral as he felt Horokeu hover over his shoulder. "Why'd you rush me like that? I saw what time it is, we have hours until we have to go." A lazy voice came from an even lazier grin.

"Yeah, well," Ren's trained features remained neutral, almost bored, not wanting to let on that Horokeu spoke too closely to his ear. "I figured if I didn't wake you up now, I doubt you'd be able to wake up on time to make it back before curfew."

"I guess you make a good point." Maybe Ren did it too well because Horokeu's face remained there as he shrugged.

"So since you know how much time we still have, can you get out and wait until I'm done?" Horokeu's low chuckle rumbled in the hollows of Ren's ear. Ren hoped the shower drowned out his swallow.

"Come on, Ren. It's not like there's anything we haven't seen from each other already. Besides, when you said shower," the blunette's arms closed tighter around Ren. "Did you really think I was gonna pass that up?" His deep whisper sent something down Ren's spine and the younger teen closed his eyes to hold back the noise rising in his throat. He managed to keep it to a sigh. The hold around him loosened.

"Or it's ok if you really need me to back off." Horokeu took a step back and Ren noticed the cautious hesitation in his tone that added, "I get it if you're not ready yet." Right. Ren forgot Horokeu thought he was a virgin not too long ago. He mistook Ren's sigh for hesitation.

"Look, Horo." Ren sighed again, and crossed his arms. "Stop treating me like I'm so damn fragile you might break me." He tried to hold back his annoyance, tone it down to leave room for patience. Because he did appreciate the blunette's consideration. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to set the record straight. Still, it was a bold claim.

"Because you won't. I can handle a lot more than you probably think... I can certainly handle you." Ren felt his face flushing and he knew it wasn't just because of the steam filling the space they were confined in. He couldn't turn around to face the addressed male because he didn't know how to make the statement to his face. And he waited for some kind of response from the male behind him. He could barely stand the seconds that already passed.

Ren flinched when arms folded over his crossed own, and hands cupped over his, interlacing their fingers. Horokeu pressed his lips against the side of Ren's head, trailed down his jaw, to his neck. Ren's eyes narrowed as he let Horokeu pull his hands out to uncross his arms. He felt his wet body as it leaned in against his to make him lean forward too, distracting him from realizing what was happening. The smaller one's body bent forward until his hands were pinned against the marble wall in front of them. He was being positioned, Ren realized.

"Are you sure you won't regret that?" The voice made Ren go still as it rolled down his spine, the low whisper creating fog in his brain. Like it triggered a deep instinct that forced him to recognize the moment he was about to be devoured. The awareness made Ren turn his head.

Forget the puppy. Ren was staring at a wolf. A very hungry wolf grinning down on him with unfiltered desire to sink his thirsty fangs into him. Just knowing how that desperation, the rawness of his yearning was focused on him... that was enough to heat Ren's core, turn it molten all over again, melting his will to resist. Ren wasn't even sure if he was able to hide how much he wanted to accept that he was the prey as he said,

"I told you, I can handle you." Horokeu flashed another grin and then he dipped down to bite at the nape of Ren's neck, making the Tao shudder his eyes shut as he released a moan.

They got so lost in each other that they exited the shower room with skin deeply flushed and slightly pruned, clouds of steam tumbling out with them. It was an effort for Ren to not limp or even cringe as they made their way downstairs, neither boys bothering to wear anything other than their underwear to let their bodies cool down. Horokeu flopped back on the sofa and Ren went straight for the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and for a short moment he closed his eyes in bliss to the rush of processed cold air. He grabbed a bottle of water and chugged it down his raw throat. Horokeu certainly didn't turn down the heat. He wasn't quite sure if his screams were just reverberating off the shower room walls or if Horokeu really made him that much louder in there.

"Can I have some?" Horokeu poked his head in from the threshold. Ren finished his bottle so he tossed the blunette another one who took a few long sips. "Hey, let's order some pizza." Ren sent him a stern look.

"You do realize we're going back to school later, don't you?"

"Aw come on, we still have a lot of time. And I'm hungry!" There's that puppy again. Ren rolled his eyes.

"Fine, order something." The young Tao waved a dismissing hand at his whining friend who beamed ear to ear before disappearing again.

"Any toppings you wanna leave out?" The blunette's voice called from the living room.

"Just make sure there aren't any pineapples." Ren called back as he scanned the fridge again. He pursed his lips as he left the kitchen. No milk.

"Should be here in an hour." Horokeu said just as he got off his phone when Ren walked in.

"Fine." Ren nodded absently as he sat down on the sofa next to the Ainu.

"So, since we have a whole hour," the blunette pounced on top of Ren, straddling himself on his lap. "Wanna go another round?" There's that grinning wolf again.

"Again?" Ren eyed the taller one with careful sharpness. Horokeu leaned in to his ear.

"Please, Ren?" A sorry excuse for a beg because Ren could hear the grin that didn't falter. He tried not to shudder to the warm breath against his ear and the delicate flesh of his neck. But he couldn't hold back the defeated sigh.

"One. Hour." He growled through his teeth biting on his lip. Puppy or a wolf, it didn't matter which one it was. The problem was, he might be developing a habit for spoiling both.

**To be continued…**


	30. Chapter 27: Fever

If Saturday was about discovering their chemistry then Sunday was all about exploring the possibilities of their newfound territory. They woke up Sunday morning with their bodies still thrumming so hard that they were on the first bus again. They returned to the same house where they got their first taste, this time to experiment with more. The door's lock clicking into place was like flicking a switch. The sound that meant it was time to learn to play with the fire they couldn't snuff out.

And in the midst of their learning between hot breaths and wet friction, Horokeu didn't hide how much he wanted to learn about Ren. Fingers caressing like his tongue, nails grazing like his teeth. His hands wanted to memorize all the places they can touch like his mouth wanted to memorize his taste. He wanted to know all the ways that made it easier to bring out his moans, all the places that made him scream the Ainu's name louder—he wanted to know what made Ren more willing. Horokeu tested his boundaries and Ren let him. In the positions they tried out, Ren closed his eyes and let the rest of the world fall away into black irrelevance—letting Horokeu push further. Ren didn't have to admit that he liked it, not with the way he always tightened around the blunette with each thrust that blew his mind blank. But he secretly hoped Horokeu didn't know how much he liked it. Then again, his screams were probably confession enough.

Going out the door was like fighting raw instinct. Their skins coated in sweat and the scent of each other, their bodies peeled away in sheer reluctance as they ached for more. It was so much more punishing than Saturday because they left knowing they had to wait another week to come back. But they left the house anyway only because time demanded it and if it weren't for what it threatened, it felt like nothing else could make them leave.

Even as they quietly sat in the taxi to the station the fire still licked at the surface below their skin. They rode the train while feeling the pull of their blood reaching for the other like magnets. They were swaying in the bus among their peers with their underlying thirst screaming to be quenched. Even after they were back in their dorms by curfew and lying in their beds, they were still trying to get down from the high.

But they couldn't find their way down.

Waking up to a Monday morning couldn't be more harrowing and seeing each other in first period was worse. That internal pull Ren felt just sitting next to Horokeu was magnified to something closer to a cosmic caliber. Because now, he _knows_ what's below that school uniform. He could draw every inch of it in his head, trace every curved muscle and the lines it etched. His tongue could recall the salt of his sweat when it dragged over his hot skin. The pressure of his hands on his hip when he—

The muscle in Ren's jaw twitched as he bit his lip and focused on the metallic tang spreading in his mouth. The voice explaining what was being scratched on the blackboard up front was long lost from reaching him. Still, Ren looked up anyway, because his notes weren't enough. It wasn't enough to stop thinking about him or to keep his damn presence from rubbing against his skin. He won't deny he had his adolescent moments when he...wondered what it'd be like. How the blunette might touch him. How he would feel against him. He won't deny he let his imagination come up with any idea he can toy with. But he still had control. It never manifested into some fever he couldn't snap out of.

At least not before he ended up on this side and had another go at being a teenager. He wondered if it was really supposed to be this bad. He doesn't remember it being this bad. Then again, back then all he had was his imagination. It wasn't just fantasy anymore. Now it was real, it was really happening. Now he actually _knows_ what it's like. It was like finally finding the switch in a room that was once pitch dark. And now he didn't know how to turn it off.

The bell rang and Ren loosed a breath to the shrill sound resonating loudly in the classroom and through the halls. And despite his efforts for the whole time he sat in his chair, he chanced a glance at the seat next to him. His hand shoving his things in his school bag stopped when his amber eyes met the onyx pair. And he saw the same fever pulsing in them. Horokeu must have seen it in Ren too, since he also looked away with the same light blush tinting his cheeks. Neither boy said a word as they filed out of the classroom with their peers. But Ren felt his heart kick when the Ainu brushed his fingers against his hand.

It didn't matter that he got it to calm down by the end of his next class. Right before the bell rang for lunch, Hao sent Ren a text saying he'll meet him and Horokeu at their usual classroom. Ren had to wait for Horokeu alone, and he didn't let anything pass over his features to even hint how much his roommate made him seethe. He upheld his usual cool stance leaning back against the cafeteria's threshold with his arms crossed over his chest. But when the blunette appeared from the corner where he usually made his turn, his heart fluttered like an unsettled bird in its cage again.

"Where's Hao?" Horokeu approached Ren with an arched brow, oblivious to what was going on below the other's seemingly collected surface.

"He'll meet us later." Ren shrugged boredly as he can manage and nodded towards the deli.

As they left the cafeteria after purchasing their lunch, Ren stole a glimpse from the corner of his eye. Horokeu walked alongside him with the casual air he always wore around him. He didn't seem in the least distracted like Ren was. And the young Tao could no longer see what he saw—or thought he saw—in his onyx eyes earlier this morning. As they made their way down the empty hall, Ren chewed the inside of his cheek, telling himself he needs to get over last weekend too.

He was utterly unprepared when Horokeu pulled him into a room he thought they were going to pass by.

"What're you—" Ren couldn't finish because of Horokeu's lips against his own. The Ainu pushed him back against the door and shoved out the light coming in from the halls, until the door completely sealed it out with a soft click. Ren was so dumbstruck that he forgot to react any further even when Horokeu's face pulled away from his.

"I'm sorry." Horokeu's quiet words made Ren blink, finally waking him to full awareness.

"I'm sorry." But the blunette spoke again as he leaned into the crook of Ren's neck, like he was too embarrassed to show his face. "I don't mean to freak you out, I swear." The strain of his whisper made Ren hold back his demand for an explanation. Its pathetic murmur pulled a heavy sigh out of Ren as it made it even more difficult for him to come up with anything reproachful despite how risky their situation was. For a moment he didn't respond as his golden eyes swiftly scanned the room. There were shelves filled with books and binders, a copier machine, and a couple feet from them was a long desk lined with three fold-up chairs. This was probably the filing room, at least from what Ren could make out in the dark. The fact that none of the lights were on could've been enough evidence that the room was already empty before they came in. But confirming that he couldn't feel anyone else's presence finally gave him a real sense of relief. He closed his eyes and let out another breath. And then grabbed Horokeu's shoulders to make him look up again.

"Then what the hell are you doing?!" He hissed, this time not holding back the sharp edge. "In case you forgot, we're still in school!"

"I know!" Horokeu groaned dramatically as he threw his head back. He groaned at the ceiling again as he took one of Ren's hands and pulled him along as he stepped backwards. Ren rolled his eyes at the Ainu's dramatic display, an amused smirk playing on one of the corners of his lips. The blunette halted at the table behind him and sat on top of it, opening his legs to bring Ren in between his thighs. His arms encircled Ren's waist so he can lean in against the younger male's shoulder and began to kiss his neck. Ren's eyes shuddered shut as suggestion dripped down his spine.

"Horohoro." He warned, sighing the name like he was remembering how to breathe. He rallied his rationale and firmly gripped the addressed teen's shoulders and pulled away, although the older one responded with his arms keeping him in place at his waist. The Ainu bumped his forehead against Ren's but the Tao tightened his hold on his shoulders to stop him from going any further.

"What did I just say?" Ren warned again through his teeth with eyes narrowing to amber slits.

"Come on, Ren." Horokeu whined. "I need my fix."

"What is wrong with you?" Ren furrowed his brows, unable to hide how perplexed he was. "And why are you talking like an addict?"

"I blame you for getting me hooked on you." Ren frowned at the excuse Horokeu came up with, not finding it as clever as the grinning blunette who seemed very pleased with it.

"Oh, so it's my fault?" Ren responded bluntly, trying not to let the blush show.

"You asked what's wrong with me." Horokeu simply shrugged.

"Whatever." Ren rolled his eyes. "Just wait until the weekend, baka Horo."

"Promise?" Horokeu let the insult slide off as he began to nestle his face into the crook of Ren's neck.

"Only if you control yourself." Ren growled lowly, not allowing the previous fervor heat him up again. His hand grabbed Horokeu by the jaw and forced him to look in his eyes again so he knew he meant it as he added, "and maintain your grades."

"What?" Horokeu blinked, apparently not expecting his academics to be brought up suddenly. But Ren's scowl meant how serious he was.

"I'm not letting you use how we spend every weekend as an excuse for your grades slipping. So those are the conditions."

"Fine." Horokeu sighed heavily, and finally released Ren from his hold as he crossed his arms and turned away with a pouting frown. "So," But the blunette drawled and Ren quirked a brow at his sidelong look. Horokeu paused and then said, "every weekend, huh?"

"Shut up." Ren punched the other in the arm, and Horokeu rubbed at the spot as he laughed.

"Why don't you make me?" Horokeu's arms captured Ren again, his movement too quick to give the other a chance to get away. Ren pushed at his shoulders but the older teen wouldn't budge. He pulled Ren's face into another kiss. Ren's hands loosened their grip on his shoulder and slid down to his chest, fingers curling into shaking fists. But he couldn't strike the Ainu, and his brows narrowed as he felt his lids close heavily over his eyes. He didn't even realize he was kissing back until Horokeu pulled away.

"What did we just discuss?" Ren seethed with a flushed face, making Horokeu beam.

"Relax." Horokeu kissed Ren again, this time briefly to assure him that he was going to keep his promise. But his face remained inches away from Ren's as he whispered slyly, "I still need my fix." Ren sent him an unamused frown.

"Just something to get me through the week." Horokeu chuckled and captured Ren's lips again, taking advantage of it being slightly agape in his attempt to respond. Ren allowed it, closing his eyes again as the movement of their lips increased. He didn't realize the Ainu's hands were getting just as eager until he felt one try to slip into his shirt after somehow managing to undo a few of his buttons. Never mind how he did it without Ren even noticing it happen. Gold eyes shot open and Ren grabbed Horokeu's wrist, the blunette wincing at how hard he squeezed.

"Don't push your luck." Ren hissed and shoved the intruding hand back at the blunette. "You've had your fix for the day." He began to redo his buttons while baring his teeth at the blunette who rubbed at his sore wrist with a playful half-smile. And to avoid letting the Ainu hold him in the room any longer, Ren went for the door, giving the other no choice but to follow after him. Ren managed to straighten his appearance when they arrived at the classroom where Hao was already started on his lunch.

"What took so long?" Hao watched the two cross the room and take their seats, noticing that they didn't put him between them. That seemed to catch his attention more than the fact that his honest question was ignored. He shrugged it off and continued on his lunch, letting Ren feel genuinely relieved that he and Horokeu didn't even hint what took them so long.

**To be continued…**


	31. Chapter 28: Addicted

Needless to say, Monday was an irregular case. On Tuesday, all three of them were meeting up at the cafeteria and heading to their usual empty classroom together again. They were back to their usual routine. Or so they thought.

_Hao Asakura, please come to the faculty room._

_Hao Asakura, please come to the faculty room._

The announcement rang through the halls and every classroom, including the one the addressed student was sitting in, making Ren and Horokeu raise their eyes to the speaker it was sounding from. They peered at Hao who was also staring at the same speaker, and looking down at his lunch when it was finished. He didn't seem particularly stunned by it, not so much as startled by the fact that he was being summoned. He just sighed with a bored frown. His slightly furrowed brows were the only sign that remotely hinted his annoyance of having his lunch break interrupted.

"They better make it quick." He muttered with a click of his tongue as he stood up.

"What about your stuff?" Ren called out as his roommate headed for the door without his school bag, although he still held on to his sandwich.

"I'm not going to let them waste that much of my time." Hao said over his shoulder and then took another bite out of his sandwich, apparently planning to finish it on his way. He didn't wait for a response and the door closed. The remaining two watched him and waited in silence for a few awkward moments like they weren't sure if they should expect anything else.

"Ok," Horokeu was the one to break the silence as he looked at Ren with a quirked brow. "I know Hao's not exactly the goody-goody but I don't remember him being _that_ badass either. I've never seen anyone so cocky about being called to the office. Is he their regular or something?" The Ainu didn't hide how perplexed he was by the Asakura's attitude.

"I don't think so." Ren shrugged. "I don't even remember him ever being called to the office."

"You know why he was called?" Ren shook his head while the first thing that crossed it were his roommate's nightly outings. Although he thinks he can deny any direct involvement since he doesn't even know what Hao is always doing, he inwardly wondered if he should be worried about being considered an accessory. After all, he has all this time since they've become roommates been aware of him breaking curfew regularly, and even helped him in sneaking back every time by making sure the window was unlocked. He himself used the same all too familiar route through the window when he broke curfew for the first time not too long ago.

Then again, who's to say there's anything to prove any of that? Regardless of whether or not they know about Ren, wouldn't they also call for the roommate as witness if it was really about Hao breaking curfew? But since the brunette was the only one being called in, it seemed more likely that it was probably about something else entirely. Something totally unrelated to Ren.

Ren sipped on his carton of milk while allowing his worries get ebbed away by the logic of his thought process. He decided he didn't see much point in pondering over the topic any further, and put the mini carton down to return to his lunch. But before he could reach for his rice ball, a hand that wasn't his own swept past his face. As Ren blinked in the short instant he was processing what was happening, fingers cupped his cheek and turned his face. He was met with Horokeu's awaiting lips. And he froze for the split second the blunette held them there, until he heard the small sound of his lips pulling away.

"What the—" Golden eyes wide and face burning red, the smaller male couldn't even stammer a complete sentence as he backed away in a flustered rush. Startled by his panicked outburst, the older teen almost missed the hand he grabbed just as the other was about to fall back off his chair. But instead of simply letting him settle back in his seat, Horokeu gave a hard pull so the smaller one practically fell forward instead, landing in a sitting position on his lap. Ren scowled up at the face grinning down on him.

"Horo," The younger one seethed the name through his teeth as if he didn't already know that the heat in his face was still very present. "Let go of me." His hands gripped shoulders in his effort to break free but he was secured by the arms wrapped around him. The other's face moved closer to one of his ears.

"No." Horokeu drawled in a growled whisper and amber eyes narrowed to the deep sound. _Not fair, not fair. Not. Fair!_ Ren inwardly screamed as his brows drew close at the thought of what that did to him. He felt the heat spread from his face to his ears and crawl down his stiffed spine to his core. There was an audible sound as Ren swallowed the whimper rising in his throat.

"Horo." He managed to say the name again without letting his voice shake. The addressed teen moved away from his ear so he was staring into the golden pools of his eyes again.

"Why not?" Horokeu sighed like this repeated exchange was tiring him now.

"Because Hao could see us."

"Relax, he just left. He won't be back _that_ quick."

" _Someone_ might see us."

"Like _who_?" Horokeu countered Ren with such an easy cockiness in his grin that it made Ren bite down on his frustration. Because the blunette had a point, and he knew he did. They both knew how slim the chances were that someone would walk in on them. Still, that wasn't enough for Ren to give in, which he had been doing too much of lately.

"I thought we agreed to wait until this weekend after...yesterday." He mumbled the last part, like he didn't want to admit he himself almost fell off the wagon with the blunette that time.

"Yesterday was yesterday." Horokeu tightened his arms around Ren as he drew his face closer. "I need my daily dose of Ren."

"And now it needs to be _daily_?" Ren glared at Horokeu but with the Ainu's face so close to his, it was barely as intimidating as he may have anticipated it to be.

"Ok, every chance I can get, then." Horokeu rolled his eyes. "Is that realistic enough for you?"

"You really are starting to sound like an addict." Ren muttered, inwardly refusing to acknowledge how much easier it was getting to fall off again right at this moment, to fall for those eyes that wouldn't let go of his.

"Then you know how bad I need you."

"You mean your fix." Ren corrected him as he tried not to let his stumbling heart make his voice quiver. "And since when was it a good idea to let addicts have any dose of their addiction?"

"Wouldn't it be better than letting the withdrawal kick in?"

"And now it's _withdrawals_?" Ren's tone was enough to know what he thought of Horokeu's choice of words up until now.

"Yeah, just think what would happen if I don't make it to the weekend."

"And just what might happen?"

"Do we really want to wait to find out?" Ren didn't say anything to respond. He didn't know what to say. And Horokeu didn't say anything else, wearing that cunning smirk like he knew Ren didn't know. Like he knew how unfair it was. He knows how easy it would be to just go ahead and claim Ren's lips instead of waiting for his permission. But he doesn't. He just holds Ren's uncertain gaze and maintains the small distance between them, like to say he won't close it. Unless Ren tells him to. He was making it entirely Ren's choice to take it any further. All he had to do was say yes. Or close that distance himself. And it wasn't fair. Ren didn't know how to handle all this flirting and sexual tension. He didn't know what to do with being so openly desired. Not when it came from Horokeu. He doesn't even know this side of Horokeu.

And then Ren wondered, would he have gotten to know this side of him if he had made a different choice back then? Would he have learned what to do then? Would he have gotten to know how to handle it?

Is this what he had missed out on?

"Nothing stupid like yesterday." Ren muttered with pursed lips. His words sparked something alight in Horokeu's eyes. Like that moment a pet was finally rewarded after resisting the treat because he was commanded to wait instead.

"Don't worry." Horokeu chuckled as one of his hands moved to the back of Ren's neck. "I promise to be good."

_Liar_ , thought Ren as he caught a glimpse of the grinning wolf that pulled him in right before he closed his eyes. He felt the blunette's tongue slip in and his brows drew close as it moved in his mouth. He tried not to shiver to how it felt against his own exploring tongue. He tried to keep the heat from fogging up his head. But all he could do was move his mouth against his. All he could do was want more.

They pulled away panting and cheeks flushed by the heat building inside. One of Horokeu's hands moved from the back of Ren's neck to his jaw, and his thumb stroked Ren's bottom lip. It inched further, luring Ren's tongue to peek out between his teeth. Ren's tongue flicked at the digit's tip invitingly, and his lips closed around the index. And as they rubbed inside the warm cavity, Horokeu's other hand pressed against Ren's side, and Ren could feel through his shirt how damp his palms were getting. His fingers twitched like they wanted to get rid of every piece of garment that was between them. There was begging in his onyx gaze. But something reached Ren's ears between his heart's thudding.

Ren's cat-like eyes widened when he realized there were footsteps in the hallway. Measuring from how faint the sound was, it's just arrived on this floor from the stairs, at the end of the hall. Still some time before reaching this room. But only seconds. Ren shoved Horokeu's hand away from his face, wiping at his mouth when his thumb slipped out.

"Hao's back." He hissed at Horokeu and replaced the disappointment on the blunette's face with alarm.

When Hao opened the door, everything was just as it was when he left. And yet, he stopped at the doorway. He looked at Ren who was sitting in his chair, legs crossed, milk carton in hand. He shifted his attention to Horokeu who was idly messing with this phone. Nothing was amiss. Still, he had to ask,

"Something happen while I was gone?" It was an effort not to flinch to the question. Horokeu's obsidian gaze shifted from his phone to the brunette still standing in the doorway, feigning oblivion with a quirked brow.

"No." He simply said and returned to staring at his phone.

"Are you sure?" Hao watched him like he knew there was nothing that important showing on the smartphone screen. The question shook the blunette who pretended there was and he chewed on the inside of his cheek.

"What did they want at the office?" Ren's voice ripped through the subtle tension and Hao's attention shifted to him. The Tao was sending his roommate the kind of cold steady stare that said he didn't care to have his question answered. It was only meant to be a reminder that it was the brunette's idea that they agreed to stay out of each other's business. A warning of what would happen if Hao stepped any further out of his boundaries. It almost made Hao laugh if it weren't for how serious he could see his roommate was.

"Nothing much." He scoffed instead, shrugging off the ominous hint with a sort of an amused smirk. He finally stepped into the room and paced in his usual swagger to the desk he was sitting at earlier.

"You guys do know lunch is almost over, right?" He asked as he sat down and propped his chin in a hand. He curiously eyed the other two's lunch as if to emphasize how strange he thought it was that both of them still had more than half still remaining. The Asakura must have already finished his sandwich because he was empty handed.

"Yeah, we know." Horokeu snorted and took a hefty mouthful of his burger. Ren rolled his eyes as he noticed the hint of amusement passing over Hao's lips. He took a bite out of his rice ball instead of the slight mockery, allowing it since it only lasted for a short second before returning to his bored frown again. About ten minutes later the bell rang for class.

-X-X-X-PAGE-X-BREAK-X-X-X-

"So should I also start getting used to this too?" Ren jerked to a stop, his face making it evident that he didn't expect anyone to be there to say anything when he opened the door. Hao threw a smug smirk at him, seeming somewhat satisfied that his roommate was caught so off guard. Much like the time Ren ambushed him so successfully one night just to warn him to leave a certain Ainu alone. He was even sitting in the same chair at the coffee table like Ren had that time. But Ren's widened eyes narrowed sharply at the brunette who sat with arms crossed over his chest in mock authority.

"What?" Ren sighed as he closed the door. "You mean making you stay up so you can tell me good night?"

"I mean, you getting back late." Hao bit at Ren's deliberate evasion, and Ren heaved another loud sigh.

"Unlike you, I'm back well before curfew." He glanced at the window behind Hao where the sky was just starting to darken.

"Yeah, _this time_." Hao snorted as he stood up not caring to look back. They both knew how misleading the sky was this time of year. Hao of all people was especially aware of the transitioning season. Going out every night, he was well acquainted by the shortening daylight.

"There won't be another time." Ren spoke lowly, a fair warning that his patience was wearing thin.

"And how do I know that?" Hao snapped back regardless. Ren shot him a vicious glare, a vivid warning that he didn't appreciate his roommate's pestering. In fact, he was thoroughly annoyed at the double standard. He never challenged Hao for routinely ignoring the rules despite how that could jeopardize Ren as well. And yet, here he was reproaching Ren just because he was returning later than usual, even though it was well within school boundaries. Ren treaded towards him with gritted teeth, letting his bag drop with a thud.

"I never asked you to wait up for me." Ren seethed as he drew close to Hao with baring teeth.

"One of us needs to be here just in case." Hao spat with enough aggression to rival, making it clear that he wasn't backing down. "You know it's too risky if we're both be gone after curfew—"

"Yeah, I _do_ know." Ren cut him off and threw his hands up like he knew this discussion was going nowhere. "So don't wait up for me like a worried sick mother." He waved a dismissing hand as he turned away from his roommate and went for his closet. Hao watched him as pulled out his pajamas, his glare bitter like he also knew how pointless it was to try to keep it going. Ren didn't even pay him a single acknowledging glance, passive aggressively communicating how much he cared about what else Hao had to say as he headed to the shower room.

"Go wherever the hell you want," was all Ren muttered tiredly before slamming the door, not even giving his roommate a chance to respond. He was responded with the same amount of passive aggressiveness when he finished his shower and returned to an empty dorm. While for a split second he considered locking the window this time, he picked up his phone's blinking notification from the corner of his eye. Turning it on, he instantly felt the stress subsiding when he saw it was a text from Horokeu. It was enough to forget locking the window.

_So h/w at the greenhouse again tomorrow?_

**To be continued…**


End file.
